Is it allowable for a Catholic husband to be the sole provider for his wife?

[Walking_Home]

Same here - both of my parents worked full-time, but they put a lot of time and effort into raising us well, and were always there for all the good stuff - school plays, long summer vacations, school dropoffs and pickups (an advantage of working for themselves) and parent-teacher meetings. We got decent food, although most of it wasn’t fancy.

Most of all, they lived as good examples of faith and good character - and all of us children are good characters as a result.

I’ve seen plenty of stay at home parents who are less involved, less caring and whose children turn out worse. Merely sharing the same house with someone is not really much of a guarantee of anything. A child AFAICS doesn’t notice who washes it’s clothes or cooks it’s meals. It’s the other stuff - stuff that working parents can do equally well if they are determined to - that counts.

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Well said – LilyM.

 

[ConstantineTG]

It may be because that’s what they see all around them. And it may be, at least in part, that they are caught up in the “must have all the stuff!” mentality, and you generally can’t afford “all the stuff” without both spouses bringing in an income.

Or just the plain fact that even on modest living, its hard to get by these days. Its expensive, especially if you have a mortgage. It’s not all about negative materialism. I could probably get a bigger home for half the price further away from the city. But again where’s the “being a good dad” part there? If I work 8 hours a day and travel to and from work for 4 hours total. Also the cost of gas sort of negates the lower cost of the property. And if I take public transportation, probably longer commute, again less time with the kids.

 

[severus68]

I think this is an essential part that is often missed. My mother has lived a very fulfilling life, and I don’t feel bad for her in any way-but when she was at the age of going to college, she had three choices-nurse, secretary, or teacher. The other paths were not open to her-legally, yes, but culturally, no. Now things have worked out for her…but at the same time, there is still something sad about that.

And I look at the girls whom I am close friends with now, who are pursuing the paths of becoming lawyers, National Park rangers, academic historians, athletic trainers…and I wonder what it must have been like to be born in an earlier time and know that those jobs were only there for men. That to get married meant to surrender your own ambitions entirely.

I agree.

 

[severus68]

I do not see how you get “staying at home is best for a woman”

And?

I did not say either of you did. However, JPII did not say that women must stay at home either.

 

[severus68]

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Well said – LilyM.

Yes, agreed.

 

[Diana_Catherine]

]

I think this is an essential part that is often missed. My mother has lived a very fulfilling life, and I don’t feel bad for her in any way-but when she was at the age of going to college, she had three choices-nurse, secretary, or teacher. The other paths were not open to her-legally, yes, but culturally, no. Now things have worked out for her…but at the same time, there is still something sad about that

And I look at the girls whom I am close friends with now, who are pursuing the paths of becoming lawyers, National Park rangers, academic historians, athletic trainers…and I wonder what it must have been like to be born in an earlier time and know that those jobs were only there for men. That to get married meant to surrender your own ambitions entirely.

When two people marry, even before having kids both the man and woman begin to surrender their own ambitions. Our lives begin to focus on the other person straight away and the responsibility that comes with having children, well that certainly means they come first before careers. Once a child comes into the picture our ambitions begin to fade. It is time to think of what is best for the family and children. And sometime that means total surrender of ambitions.

Yeah, there are a lot of great careers out there that women can be today but it is very hard to juggle both. Like I said it can be done and some women do a great job but it is very hard to do two things at the same time.

Great little saying I heard recently: I am woman. I am invincible. I am tired.

 

[Diana_Catherine]

1. 
   
   In most cultures, most people have little choice in professions they pursue as adults. Usually people do what their parents do. There are advantages and disadvantages to having limited choices. While we are conditioned to think of choice as a completely positive thing, in fact, too many choices make people feel overwhelmed and stressed. It also leads to lower levels of satisfaction.
   
   Clear social expectations promote a sense of security among individuals and social stability. We should not judge other times and cultures by our culture’s values. They were probably at least as happy as we are.

1. 
   True, very true. They may have even been happier, not so many choices and not so much to distract them from spending time with each other.

 

[floresco]

I did not say either of you did. However, JPII did not say that women must stay at home either.

You seem to think that I am saying or implying that women must stay home. I do not understand how you have gotten this impression.

 

[severus68]

]

When two people marry, even before having kids both the man and woman begin to surrender their own ambitions. Our lives begin to focus on the other person straight away and the responsibility that comes with having children, well that certainly means they come first before careers. Once a child comes into the picture our ambitions begin to fade. It is time to think of what is best for the family and children. And sometime that means total surrender of ambitions.

Yeah, there are a lot of great careers out there that women can be today but it is very hard to juggle both. Like I said it can be done and some women do a great job but it is very hard to do two things at the same time.

Great little saying I heard recently: I am woman. I am invincible. I am tired.

Well then, both husband and wife should give up their ambitions. Perhaps they can start a car wash busness from home or perhaps grow and sell organic vegetables.

 

[severus68]

You seem to think that I am saying or implying that women must stay home. I do not understand how you have gotten this impression.

My apologies then. So to be clear, you have no issues with married women pursuing their own careers?

 

[Lujack]

Well then, both husband and wife should give up their ambitions. Perhaps they can start a car wash busness from home or perhaps grow and sell organic vegetables.

I don’t know if I agree with this, entirely. I think that both should make an effort to determine what are the best sacrifices to be made. For example, my father stopped coaching basketball when I was born; too much time commitment.

In another case, a parent (male or female) who is a teacher and loves teaching in a Catholic school might have to move on to the higher paying public school jobs to support the family better.

A wife might have more potential in her career than a husband has in his. this was the case with close friends of the family; the husband was good at his job as a salesman, but the wife was successfully climbing a corporate ladder. It was the husband who stepped back his career to play Mr. Mom, while the wife continued along hers.

This worked on two levels-becoming more successful as a salesman meant he would have to work longer hours and travel more; becoming more successful in the corporate world gave her more flexibility in hours and more time to spend at home.

 

[floresco]

My apologies then. So to be clear, you have no issues with married women pursuing their own careers?

I don’t think it is intrinsically wrong. I can imagine circumstances under which I would have issues with it.

 

[ConstantineTG]

In the past, women can work without being too far away from home. It’s not as if women didn’t work back then. Today work means going to an office that is often an hour or so from home. Back then work means going to the nearby river to wash clothes, feeding the livestock around the home, etc. And if women sell stuff in the market back then, they can bring the kids, no problem. Not what you have today. Not everyday is bring your kids to work day.

 

[severus68]

I don’t know if I agree with this, entirely. I think that both should make an effort to determine what are the best sacrifices to be made. For example, my father stopped coaching basketball when I was born; too much time commitment.

In another case, a parent (male or female) who is a teacher and loves teaching in a Catholic school might have to move on to the higher paying public school jobs to support the family better.

A wife might have more potential in her career than a husband has in his. this was the case with close friends of the family; the husband was good at his job as a salesman, but the wife was successfully climbing a corporate ladder. It was the husband who stepped back his career to play Mr. Mom, while the wife continued along hers.

This worked on two levels-becoming more successful as a salesman meant he would have to work longer hours and travel more; becoming more successful in the corporate world gave her more flexibility in hours and more time to spend at home.

I was just making the point that if parents ( which meant in this case, the mother of course) should give up their ambitions, then why not the father too.

I agree with you. Both should work together to come up with the best for each other and the children. Women are sometimes maligned for being ambitious and or wanting a career.

 

[Diana_Catherine]

Well then, both husband and wife should give up their ambitions. Perhaps they can start a car wash busness from home or perhaps grow and sell organic vegetables.

hahaha Maybe, whatever it takes to raise a godly family.

“Yes” you are right, wow, it isn’t just women who make sacrifices for their families. Men make sacrifices everyday, also. I know in my family my husband, father and brothers have all given up many ambitions they had or have for the good of their family. It is a two way street. Both my brothers sacrificed big ambitions and took jobs they needed to support their family. That’s what family is all about. That’s what Christianity is all about. When you take on the responsibility of a family there are no guarantees you will be able to pursue that career.

 

[TheRealJuliane]

I don’t know if I agree with this, entirely. **I think that both should make an effort to determine what are the best sacrifices to be made. For example, my father stopped coaching basketball when I was born; too much time commitment.
**
In another case, a parent (male or female) who is a teacher and loves teaching in a Catholic school might have to move on to the higher paying public school jobs to support the family better.

A wife might have more potential in her career than a husband has in his. this was the case with close friends of the family; the husband was good at his job as a salesman, but the wife was successfully climbing a corporate ladder. It was the husband who stepped back his career to play Mr. Mom, while the wife continued along hers.

This worked on two levels-becoming more successful as a salesman meant he would have to work longer hours and travel more; becoming more successful in the corporate world gave her more flexibility in hours and more time to spend at home.

My husband could support our family well enough to allow me to stay home and take care of our sons and the house. I found that my vocation was motherhood. I only wish I had found that out sooner, but…

I really had and continue to have very little ambition for the business world. I am not very competitive, I do not enjoy corporate politics, and I am not a good team player in the business world. So I do not miss being employed outside the home. Not at all.

I do think I probably sacrificed a wee bit too much of my own life as the kids grew up. But it was the only way I knew how to parent - to be there for them when they needed me, dropping whatever else I was doing in order to take care of them when they were sick, had sports games, needed homework help, needed to talk, etc. I guess I never had enough of that boundless energy that some women seem to have - or maybe they just run themselves ragged. Whatever - I couldn’t work more than 1 “job” at a time. Mom is a big enough job description to keep me both busy and satisfied.

However…I’m about to be downsized…



Now what?

 

[Lujack]

My husband could support our family well enough to allow me to stay home and take care of our sons and the house. I found that my vocation was motherhood. I only wish I had found that out sooner, but…

I really had and continue to have very little ambition for the business world. I am not very competitive, I do not enjoy corporate politics, and I am not a good team player in the business world. So I do not miss being employed outside the home. Not at all.

I do think I probably sacrificed a wee bit too much of my own life as the kids grew up. But it was the only way I knew how to parent - to be there for them when they needed me, dropping whatever else I was doing in order to take care of them when they were sick, had sports games, needed homework help, needed to talk, etc. I guess I never had enough of that boundless energy that some women seem to have - or maybe they just run themselves ragged. Whatever - I couldn’t work more than 1 “job” at a time. Mom is a big enough job description to keep me both busy and satisfied.

However…I’m about to be downsized…



Now what?

I assume that you mean you’ll be “empty nesting”…I hope you’ll accept an e-hug!

 

[severus68]

hahaha Maybe, whatever it takes to raise a godly family.

“Yes” you are right, wow, it isn’t just women who make sacrifices for their families. Men make sacrifices everyday, also. I know in my family my husband, father and brothers have all given up many ambitions they had or have for the good of their family. It is a two way street. Both my brothers sacrificed big ambitions and took jobs they needed to support their family. That’s what family is all about. That’s what Christianity is all about. When you take on the responsibility of a family there are no guarantees you will be able to pursue that career.

I agree. If you want a family, you have to put your children first they depend on you and are your responsibilty.

 

[Diana_Catherine]

My husband could support our family well enough to allow me to stay home and take care of our sons and the house. I found that my vocation was motherhood. I only wish I had found that out sooner, but…

I really had and continue to have very little ambition for the business world. I am not very competitive, I do not enjoy corporate politics, and I am not a good team player in the business world. So I do not miss being employed outside the home. Not at all.

I do think I probably sacrificed a wee bit too much of my own life as the kids grew up. But it was the only way I knew how to parent - to be there for them when they needed me, dropping whatever else I was doing in order to take care of them when they were sick, had sports games, needed homework help, needed to talk, etc. I guess I never had enough of that boundless energy that some women seem to have - or maybe they just run themselves ragged. Whatever - I couldn’t work more than 1 “job” at a time. Mom is a big enough job description to keep me both busy and satisfied.

It sounds like you have a very blessed family and whether you have seen signs of appreciation yet, I am sure you will. I only hope I can do as well.
That sounds awesome.

*Her children rise up and praise her; her husband, too, extols her…Proverbs 31:27

Give her a reward of her labors, and let her works praise her at the city gates. Proverbs 31:31*

 

[plefe]

Hi everyone,
I was wondering about something that I’m a little confused about.

It seems like every guy I talk to ( friends and aquaintances ), when asked, says that he wouldn’t want to take a woman for a wife unless she has a job to contribute to the income, regardless of whether they have children or not.
But then again, so far I’ve only been able to ask other Catholic men. At this point I have not gotten views from other types of guys ( other religions and/or no religion ).

So I was wondering, is there a rule/protocol being Catholic that the guy has to have the wife working in order for him to be a good Catholic husband? Or, is it allowable for a good Catholic husband to be the full provider for his wife?

And similarly, is there a rule that for a woman to be a Catholic wife she has to have a job in which she is bringing in income? Or, is it allowable that a woman can fully be provided for by her husband and at the same time still be a good Catholic wife?

Thanks

forums.catholic-questions.org/showthread.php?t=658738

I’m sorry, but what? Those of us who are fortunate enough to have married our best friend who is true and faithful to both their husband and the Catholic Church has no boundaries on that unconditional love whith which our Holy Father in Heaven has shown to us. If it is afforded to us, a spouse may take on the caring of the children and home as it considered by some their true calling. But in the same sense, to my knowledge there is nothing in Catholicism that prevents a wife from working outside the home, provided that their first role of providing for the children and their home be provided for. Being brought up in a Catholic Family, traditional roles of husband and wife (those also taught through the Church) were adhered to. My Mother provided for us children and the home by staying at home, and our Father went to work and provided for the sustainence of the Family unit. In my own Family unit, trying to be the male role model that I should as a good Catholic Family man and Father, though there are many trial and tribulations, I am called to guide my Family spiritually as well as financially. My children are old enough now that my wife, who was a nurse before we met some 20 years ago, is able to continue on in that endeavor as well as provide for the care of our home and nurturing of the Family.