Is it an EF thing or a Catholic thing?

[skinny_pumpkin]

In my my desire to convert from Orthodoxy to Catholicism I have visited two parishes that have the EF Mass somewhat near me. Not one person has acknowledged my existence. Not one single hello. Nothing. I thought well maybe it was my first time.
I’ve been to one parish 4 times, nothing. I’m invisible. Today, I tried a different parish. There was some festival going on outside as I arrived. There were maybe 20 people there that attended the EF Mass. Nothing. I stumbled around for a few minutes after Mass but there was no invite for coffee, hello or anything.
Really, at least in Orthodox parishes, the priest or someone will invite you to coffee hour before they start ignoring you. Personally, I would normally just mill around and start up a conversation but I have never felt this kind of alienation except from the staff of the Waldorf Astoria in New York.

Is this normal? Is it an EF thing or a Catholic phenomena?

 

[Student09]

Welcome to the Church!!! :dancing:

I attended daily Mass at an OF parish for over a month before anyone spoke to me. Another parish, someone approached me after a couple of weeks of daily Mass. No one has ever introduced themselves to me after a Sunday Mass at any of the OF parishes I have been to. So, I would say it’s a Catholic thing.

If you have the courage to approach someone and say, “Hi, I’m new (etc)” you could try that. Otherwise, if you attend the same EF Mass for a few months, someone will probably talk to you eventually.

 

[damooster]

In my my desire to convert from Orthodoxy to Catholicism I have visited two parishes that have the EF Mass somewhat near me. Not one person has acknowledged my existence. Not one single hello. Nothing. I thought well maybe it was my first time.
I’ve been to one parish 4 times, nothing. I’m invisible. Today, I tried a different parish. There was some festival going on outside as I arrived. There were maybe 20 people there that attended the EF Mass. Nothing. I stumbled around for a few minutes after Mass but there was no invite for coffee, hello or anything.
Really, at least in Orthodox parishes, the priest or someone will invite you to coffee hour before they start ignoring you. Personally, I would normally just mill around and start up a conversation but I have never felt this kind of alienation except from the staff of the Waldorf Astoria in New York.

Is this normal? Is it an EF thing or a Catholic phenomena?

I think you’ll find that most people attend the EF Mass to worship, not to socialize. They get involved with other church activities for that. However, I’m surprised that no one approached you at the festival. When I started attending my current parish, there was a similar event going on outside. I saw other people standing by themselves so I introduced myself, and next thing you know, I’m being swarmed on all sides by welcomers. Now people go out of their way to welcome me and ask me how I’m doing. I know it’s kind of backwards (people should be greeting newcomers) but perhaps you could do the same?

 

[Momofmyangels]

I really don’t think it is either, but has more to do with location, some places are just more friendlier than others. My family recently attended a TLM in another state where we knew noone and after Mass, there were several families waiting for us outside to introduce themselves and welcome us to their church. We have also received this same welcome while attending an OF in another state while on vacation.

I cannot say the same for the state in which I currently live. We have attended several parishes where our experience was similar to yours, and these were OF Masses.

So, I think it has more to do with where you are, rather than say it is exclusive to EF or even Catholic Churches. (but I have only ever been to the Catholic Church so I don’t really know about that one.)

Keep in mind too, that people have just received Our Lord in Holy Communion and may just be keeping their minds and hearts focused on Him and not really ready to converse with anyone.

 

[skinny_pumpkin]

Welcome to the Church!!! :dancing:

I attended daily Mass at an OF parish for over a month before anyone spoke to me. Another parish, someone approached me after a couple of weeks of daily Mass. No one has ever introduced themselves to me after a Sunday Mass at any of the OF parishes I have been to. So, I would say it’s a Catholic thing.

If you have the courage to approach someone and say, “Hi, I’m new (etc)” you could try that. Otherwise, if you attend the same EF Mass for a few months, someone will probably talk to you eventually.

Wow. I am wondering if it is even logistically possible to convert. I approached the priest at one parish asking if I could speak to him sometime. He seemed dismayed and told me to contact him through the parish web site.

Seriously, I do not want to inconvenience or trouble anyone with silly inquiries about conversion to the Church, or make people feel uncomfortable with my presence.

 

[skinny_pumpkin]

I think you’ll find that most people attend the EF Mass to worship, not to socialize. They get involved with other church activities for that. However, I’m surprised that no one approached you at the festival. When I started attending my current parish, there was a similar event going on outside. I saw other people standing by themselves so I introduced myself, and next thing you know, I’m being swarmed on all sides by welcomers. Now people go out of their way to welcome me and ask me how I’m doing. I know it’s kind of backwards (people should be greeting newcomers) but perhaps you could do the same?

I go for worship. People do socialize following. I guess it’s just me.

 

[Student09]

Wow. I am wondering if it is even logistically possible to convert. I approached the priest at one parish asking if I could speak to him sometime. He seemed dismayed and told me to contact him through the parish web site.

Seriously, I do not want to inconvenience or trouble anyone with silly inquiries about conversion to the Church, or make people feel uncomfortable with my presence.

It should not be inconvenient and it is certainly not silly! I had some difficulty finding an RCIA program, and for a while I was thinking, “It shouldn’t be this hard to convert - don’t they want me to convert?” but the result was that after some frustration, I ended up at a very good parish. If you find you are having trouble getting someone to listen to you, you just have to be persistent. BTW, since you are Orthodox, you shouldn’t have to go to RCIA.

This is a matter of God’s will and the eternal salvation of our souls. Do you think God is going to be impressed if you stand before Him at the judgment and say, “Well, Lord, I didn’t convert because it seemed like I was inconveniencing people”? If anyone gives you a hard time about converting, they will have their own judgment to face.

On another note, our priests are extremely overworked. So unless you have evidence that the priest’s reaction to you was personal and not just the result of feeling overwhelmed, don’t read so much into it.

 

[Student09]

Another thought - potential converts are fair game for being spiritually attacked. This can happen either through making people ignore you (though I’m not saying that’s necessarily what’s happening, it is a real possibility) or other external obstacles, or manipulating your feelings of insecurity and the fear that you are unwanted, being inconvenient, etc. Even more important not to listen to such thoughts.

 

[Joe_Kelley]

. . . . If you find you are having trouble getting someone to listen to you, you just have to be persistent. BTW, since you are Orthodox, you shouldn’t have to go to RCIA. . . . .

True, but the RCIA director may be in the best position to get you into the system. I only had one case. Got him an appointment with the pastor, and he quickly resolved the matter.

 

[Advocatus_Fidei]

Depends on the parish I know both EF and OF parishes where everyone is invited to the parish hall for tea or coffee after Mass.

I know small rural parishes where a new person would be instantly recognised and talked to and I know big parishes where there are so many new faces at mass everyday that you are just one among many.

I also know many places that have the EF of the mass the priest has driven a considerable distance just to get there and needs to set of to drive back to his main parish, so basicly there are all kinds of reasons for your experience its nothing to do with the Catholic Chruch or the form of Mass.

There is nothing to stop you from been the one who says hello and introducing yourself., if you want a conversation then start one, just not in the church please, the church is for praying.

 

[The_Reginator]

First a comment and then a question.

The EF Parish I attend (as often as possible) has a very large sign over the entrance to the church: “SILENCE.”
There is minimal talking in the presence of our Lord as we are awed by His being there with us and we concentrate on God, almost to the exclusion of each other (but not fanatically so).
Some of your experience may come from this attitude. Other parishes are more ‘party churches’ (like my local one, to a degree).

Question re RCIA:
Is RCIA even available at a parish that celebrates the EF exclusively?

 

[skinny_pumpkin]

I also know many places that have the EF of the mass the priest has driven a considerable distance just to get there and needs to set of to drive back to his main parish, so basicly there are all kinds of reasons for your experience its nothing to do with the Catholic Chruch or the form of Mass.

All of the reasons you listed do not apply in these situations. That is why it is so startling.

There is nothing to stop you from been the one who says hello and introducing yourself., if you want a conversation then start one, just not in the church please, the church is for praying.

True. I am familiar with “stand offish” parishes, commuting priests, xenophobia, etc. I am Orthodox, not evangelical. I have just rarely felt anything like this.

Maybe it is just the parishes in my local, but I am really limited in my choice if I do not want to drive very very long distances.

Yes, Churches are for praying. I just don’t belong to it.

 

[skinny_pumpkin]

First a comment and then a question.

The EF Parish I attend (as often as possible) has a very large sign over the entrance to the church: “SILENCE.”
There is minimal talking in the presence of our Lord as we are awed by His being there with us and we concentrate on God, almost to the exclusion of each other (but not fanatically so).
Some of your experience may come from this attitude. Other parishes are more ‘party churches’ (like my local one, to a degree).

Question re RCIA:
Is RCIA even available at a parish that celebrates the EF exclusively?

These parishes offer both rites. I understand very well what you are saying about the purpose of worship. I mean, Matins and the Divine Liturgy can be 2 hours of standing and praying. I am not protestant (no offense intended) . It is a pretty serious affair.

 

[The_Reginator]

These parishes offer both rites. I understand very well what you are saying about the purpose of worship. I mean, Matins and the Divine Liturgy can be 2 hours of standing and praying. I am not protestant (no offense intended) . It is a pretty serious affair.

No offence taken.
I was merely relating my personal experience and attitude. Unfortunately most Catholics I see at both parishes I assist at are holier than I am. (Hard to believe, eh?)

 

[skinny_pumpkin]

No offence taken.
I was merely relating my personal experience and attitude. Unfortunately most Catholics I see at both parishes I assist at are holier than I am. (Hard to believe, eh?)

Tell me about it.  I am a liturgical snob, so I am there ;) .    I'll just take communion for a year or so (technically, it is ok), and maybe  someone will inquire if I'm ligit.   God will decide either way.

Thanks everyone for your insights.

 

[rben20]

Well the EF is Catholic so its important that you don’t separate them! But I know what you’re getting at It really just depends on the Church you go to. I attended a University parish for four years and it was very vibrant. I now attend a family/older crowd kind of parish and there is less socializing more personal space given. Every parish has its own character, but I would suggest if you feel it is too “cold” you can always try another parish’s atmosphere…just don’t get carried away with that being such a factor as the most important reason to be at a parish is to worship God. I would certainly place an emphasis on who offered the TLM as it is my preference for Sunday worship over the people there, but that’s just me

In my my desire to convert from Orthodoxy to Catholicism?

Would you mind telling us what has caused you the desire to convert? Besides the Holy Spirit working in you of course

 

[snowbee]

Tell me about it. I am a liturgical snob, so I am there . I’ll just take communion for a year or so (technically, it is ok), and maybe someone will inquire if I’m ligit. God will decide either way.
Thanks everyone for your insights.

Hold on a sec I’m confused here. How is it technically ok for you to receive Communion if you are not a Baptized Catholic who has received validly the Sacrament of First Holy Communion?
From your posts you identify yourself as Orthodox, which is NOT Catholic. A Catholic can be orthodox, but not Orthodox.
If I’m mistaken correct me. But I INSIST that you refrain from receiving Communion until you have become a Catholic.

 

[snowbee]

And to address the other issue of socializing. You just have to stick around after mass and introduce yourself. You have to take the initiative either to introduce yourself or go to other functions by the ministries within the parish.
But certainly violating the Most Holy Sacrament is no way to rub elbows with Traditional minded people mind you.

 

[IronHammer]

Is RCIA even available at a parish that celebrates the EF exclusively?

At the risk of going off-topic, I am keenly interested in what, exactly, was the process of becoming Catholic before 1969. Do you have any links or references regarding this?

 

[The_Reginator]

At the risk of going off-topic, I am keenly interested in what, exactly, was the process of becoming Catholic before 1969. Do you have any links or references regarding this?

Just a quick answer for now.
I converted in 1998 at an FSSP parish.
There was no RCIA. There wasn’t even an RCIA at my local parish that has celebrated the OF since its inception.
At the time, in BOTH parishes, anyone wanting to enter the Church did so by talking to the parish priest.
I had a very orthodox Catholic priest give me instruction before my conversion.

I’m guessing that this was the way it was done before 1969.