Is it appropriate for a woman in a long-distance relationship to travel to visit her boyfriend’s family?

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If a woman and a man are in a long-distance romantic relationship after meeting in person, when is it appropriate for the girl to travel to meet his family and friends?

I have posed this question to my Catholic family and they feel that it is always inappropriate for a woman to travel for a man, even if cohabitation will not be an issue. They cite scandal as the main reason, but then again, just about any kind of dating can be seen as scandalous nowadays.

Other questions that may change the circumstances are: How long should the relationship exist before the woman should visit the man? Does the man make himself less worthy of the woman if he allows her to travel to him? If the man has had multiple visits with the woman’s family throughout the course of a 2-year relationship, is it wrong for the woman to want to meet his family?

I understand that there are many risks involved in long-distance relationships, and that there are many ways they can go wrong, but there is also plenty of potential for them to work out. The same can be said of any romantic relationship.
 
I don’t think there is anything wrong with a woman traveling to see a man she’s dating. I’m confused as to what the issue could possibly be.
 
I don’t see any problems with it. As long as there is no significant risk of cohabitation, I would even consider it beneficial.
 
Yes, it’s fine.
When I was 18 my Catholic mother sent me on the bus to another city to visit my boyfriend at his family home where he lived with his parents and sister. I had my own room there and was expected to behave myself in a Catholic fashion.

If your family thinks it’s inappropriate, it could be a cultural preference or they might think it’s not good for you personally to do this in the particular circumstances of the relationship, but the Church doesn’t forbid it. The parents and family of the guy are supposed to be acting as chaperones of a sort, so it’s not like you are there just to live with the guy by yourselves; also, if you are contemplating marriage, you need to meet the guy’s family and if they live far away you may only be able to meet them by traveling to visit them.
 
LawyersGunsAndMoney said:
I’m confused as to what the issue could possibly be.
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The main issue, as my family sees it, is that in this particular case, the woman’s parents are unfamiliar with the man’s family. They are unsure about allowing her to spend a significant amount of time around his family because of this lack of familiarity.

In addition, her parents also insist that the man and his family put forth more effort to get to know them (her parents), effectively insisting on a one-sided relationship in which the man and his family does all the work of getting to know the woman’s family.

I understand that parents are more protective of daughters than they are of their sons, and that there is a level of uncertainty in this situation. I understand that children, no matter how old, should still take their parents’ (name removed by moderator)ut to heart and know that parents usually act in their children’s best interest.

For the most part, my family agrees with the parents of the woman. They feel that the man, in order to prove himself to the woman and her family, should do all the traveling and paying for the woman, and that if the woman were to travel just to see the man or meet his family, it would be inappropriate. I agree with them when it comes to paying for dates and even travel costs if the man can afford it, but I can’t see the act of traveling itself as something “inappropriate” that demeans the woman or makes her look less valuable in the eyes of others.

It’s an interesting, thought-provoking situation, and I am trying to understand it from the point of view of my family and the woman’s parents, although I disagree with it.
 
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Tis_Bearself said:
If your family thinks it’s inappropriate, it could be a cultural preference or they might think it’s not good for you personally to do this in the particular circumstances of the relationship
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I do think that the preferences of the woman’s parents are largely cultural in this case. For example, in dating today, financial situations play a large role and don’t vary that much between men and women, and it’s common for dating couples to alternate who pays for dates. I personally don’t see a problem with this, but I can understand how others, especially older generations, can see it as a violation of chivalry. I feel that this is one instance where it’s unrealistic to hang onto the traditions of decades past.

The same goes for long-distance relationships. They have changed very much over the last few decades. Granted, they are still very, very different than a traditional, local relationship. It is far more difficult for dating couples to see the nuances in each other’s behavior with regards to friends, family, or other situations, as well as how they behave around each other, since the in-person interaction is rare. With the advent of the internet, however, long-distance relationships have significantly changed. Texting is cheaper, and face-to-face interaction is possible without couples having to travel to see each other. Skype and FaceTime calls bring people into closer, much more genuine interactions. In-person interaction is a still a very necessary part, don’t get me wrong, but long-distance couples of today have the potential to be much closer than those of just a few decades ago.

I understand the reasons behind the attitudes about long-distance relationships that are shared by so many of older generations today, but I don’t believe that it’s poor judgment to become more open to those relationships. Just a few decades ago, it would have been a risky decision for a woman to visit a man and his family in an unknown city, especially since it was much harder for the parents of the woman to get to know the man’s family. I have a family member whose whole life was turned around by a long-distance-relationship-gone-wrong. My family is very prejudiced against long-distance dating as a result, especially the older members, and they don’t wish to consider that the world of long-distance dating has changed.

The woman’s parents in this specific situation have told her that she made a good choice in dating this man, and yet say that it would be inappropriate, poor judgment for her to visit him. I don’t agree with them or my family because I can’t see their reasoning, but I would like to at least understand their viewpoint.
 
Hey, no one is arguing with you here that it’s an incredibly old fashioned and anachronistic view, especially now that women go traveling around on their own all the time in Western society without a chaperone.

I really think you’re overthinking it a bit. There’s a time when you just have to cut to the chase and say “Mom and Dad are way out of step with normal society and the Church doesn’t forbid or even discourage this any more” and that’s the end of it.
 
It would be inadvisable to marry someone without having met/spent time with their family of origin and their friends. When you marry a person, you join a family.
 
Tis_Bearself said:
“Mom and Dad are way out of step with normal society and the Church doesn’t forbid or even discourage this any more”
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Yeah, I think that’s pretty much the conclusion I’ve reached with this situation. As a traditional, Latin Mass Catholic, opposition to any change or addition to Church teaching runs high in my family. There was a time when I felt the same way, but throughout history, the Church has had to make different moral judgments to go with the times, and I believe that it shouldn’t be any different now. I’m not asking for drastic changes to official teachings, restrictions, requirements, or dogma; but moral questions, including this one, need to be revisited as time passes and the world’s circumstances change.
 
JMMJ said:
How old is the female in this scenario?
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She is 20, while the man is 19. That’s another thing that complicates the situation, since the man definitely isn’t as mature as her. However, I’m still not sure if that factors into her visiting him.
 
OK. In the U.S. a 20 year old would usually make this decision on her own, unless she is still being supported by her parents. Then the parents can drive the boat, depending on how many strings they have attached to the support they are providing to their daughter.

Most people would see nothing wrong with the female traveling to the males home and visiting him and his family. Of course, for a practicing Catholic, separate sleeping arrangements would be advised and expected.
 
It’s appropriate for the woman to “visit” his family but she should avoid scandal and overnight at a hotel (unless his family lives in a palace or something).
 
Families in USA often have a guest bedroom. There is no scandal if the parents are home and the girl and guy are in separate bedrooms. I visited my spouse’s parents numerous times before we were married with this arrangement, and we weren’t sneaking around in the night either.
 
Sorry if I have missed something, but I am curious to know what the cultural background to this is. I am wondering, for example, whether the families concerned are from somewhere like the Philippines, Lebanon, Sri Lanka, or any number of countries in Africa. It would simply never have occurred to me that this could possibly be something that people would worry about. I am from the UK. I think most/all people commenting here are from the USA. If you are from Europe, the Americas, or Australasia, I’d be astonished if this is an issue for anybody involved. If you are from a completely different culture, however, I can appreciate that different sensitivities may pertain, and the advice received here may be of limited use to you.
 
I did mention in an early post that this was a possible cultural issue.

I know there are cultures in the USA where young unmarried women are monitored quite strictly.

It sounds however that this is more an issue of very traditional Catholics rather than a particular cultural or ethnic background.
 
I did see that! 🙂 However, as the OP didn’t really address your point I thought it was worth enquiring again. I had no idea that such traditional Catholicism would exist somewhere like the USA. The only Catholics I have met who would possibly be that conservative (and I think even this is a stretch) are Maronites whose culture is essentially Middle Eastern and probably not dissimilar to Muslims in the region. But then I suppose the USA is big enough and diverse enough that I can imagine that there are people who are a sort of Catholic version of the Amish. A friend of mine from Cleveland tells me that at the SSPX church everybody wears homemade clothes, which does sound a bit Amish!
 
no normal person would try and find scandal in this.

it’s honestly quite absurd to suggest that the girl never visit the guy’s parents of see what his family is like before marrying him
 
jzea1992 said:
What if they don’t really have any family?
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If they don’t have any family then this thread is moot because the whole reason the lady is wanting to travel is to meet the man’s family.

Yes, there are people who don’t have families, but usually that’s not the case.
 
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