Is it at all possible for a priest to marry us?

[twf]

It looks like that is my only option. It is more than 8 months though because I have to be confirmed first. The earliest we will be able to marry is fall 2021 I was told. I’m just devastated but thank you

This doesn’t make any sense…they’re saying you have to wait two years? Fall 2021 is two years from now… if you need to be confirmed first, why can’t you do the confirmation and marriage prep in parallel and schedule them both for later this year? That seems perfectly reasonable and I would suggest that to the pastor. Asking you to wait TWO years is pretty extreme.

 

[Floridagator1]

To my understanding my priest just told me I had to be confirmed before we start pre-cana. He said the bishop only approves the 8-month pre-cana and no retreats or abbreviated courses. He said it was non-negotiable.

 

[twf]

The FSSP will most likely have major qualms about marrying a couple who persist in grave sin.

She’s already said they haven’t had relations in 3 years… frankly, there seems to be a lot of harsh judgment against the OP on this thread.

 

[twf]

To my understanding my priest just told me I had to be confirmed before we start pre-cana. He said the bishop only approves the 8-month pre-cana and no retreats or abbreviated courses. He said it was non-negotiable.

But being confirmed BEFORE pre-Cana doesn’t make sense. You should be able to do prep for both confirmation and marriage in parallel. Talk to your pastor about that. 2 year wait is absurd.

 

[edward_george1]

I looked at the Diocesan website for Venice, FL, and it says six months of prep are required. I’m not sure why your priest is telling you it will be so long. And I’m not sure why he’s saying the bishop will be this rigid. I’ve never heard of that anywhere. In my Diocese, it’s not uncommon for convalidations of couples who’ve been together for many years to have almost no marriage prep. I would imagine that’s the case elsewhere too.

If I were you, I would call the Diocesan marriage prep coordinator and ask what the deal is. And if he tells you something different than what your parish priest is, you might call up higher in the chancery. Something doesn’t smell right about all of this.

-Fr ACEGC

 

[edward_george1]

A convalidation is a marriage. I was using that as an example, that we dispense with requirements in irregular situations quite often.

 

[Dlee]

yes we go regularly to the same parish for 3 years now.

On your way out of Mass, shake Father’s hand and tell him you need to set an appointment to discuss the problems you’re experiencing to arrange your marriage. Then, when you call the office, you can say “Father is expecting my call.”

 

[phil19034]

Well I just checked and there is indeed a FSSP church in Naples FL where the OP lives. At this point she could try to contact them as a last resort.

@Floridagator1 - if you are willing to become a Latin Mass goer, & have your wedding in Latin, you COULD call the local FSSP parish.

An FSSP Parish celebrates all 7 sacraments using the 1962 missal, so depending on how the diocese’s pre-cana program is run, the FSSP MIGHT have their own program & be exempt from taking part in the diocesan program because they use the 1962 Rites.

HOWEVER, if the FSSP priest can marry you faster, you will need to join his parish. Priests cannot marry someone outside their parish without permission. And you will not receive permission if you are simply trying to get around the rules.

He will also be a lot more through with your confirmation prep & pre cana - as it will all be one-on-one with the priest (FSSP priests teach Catechism Class themselves, they don’t use lay volunteers)

So if you want to check into it, attend the Latin Mass at the FSSP parish in Naples on Sunday & see if you like it. If you do, talk to the priest.

God bless

 

[Horton]

With all due respect, it appears assuming things has gotten you to this mess you’re in. Ask the priest if you can work on being confirmed while doing marriage prep.

 

[Usige]

Particular law in my diocese states that preparation should start 12 months before marriage. There are 6 parts we have to complete before we can proceed with a marriage and we can’t just skip them or cram them into a handful of sessions over a couple weekends. That being said, we can do marriage prep in a shorter time if both parties are extremely motivated. That tend to be the case with most diocese and most will work with you as long as you are not trying to dictate what you want. It need to be approached with the understanding that precana is not about jumping through hoops.

One thing I will mention is that if you use an argument that you need to be married as quickly as possible because of declining fertility it will likely fall on deaf ears. While children are a natural good of marriage, they are not a right of marriage. By that I mean that if it is considered that you would have to rush and potentially compromise due care in preparation in order to get married so you have a chance at children, the proper preparation has higher precedence than the clock running out for child bearing.

 

[twf]

You can’t “join” a parish. It’s based on geography. That said, I don’t know how the FSSP parish is set up in that diocese. In my archdiocese, the local FSSP parish is a personal parish and anyone with a “devotion” to the EF Mass may become a canonical member.
(Note also that there are OF parishes where the priest prepares couples and teaches catechism classes as well… it really depends on the size of the parish. FSSP priests don’t tend to have thousands of parishioners to deal with per priest).

 

[mythbuster1]

If you’re willing to make a pilgrimage to Rome, Pope Francis would surely be willing to perform this wedding on short notice. If that’s too extreme for you, call the bishop and speak with him directly about this matter.

 

[Floridagator1]

I agree the timelines I was told seem very odd and extreme. I’ve never heard of anything like this. My friends and family who have completed pre-cana told me it was about 2 months for them, but it depends on the diocese program I know.

I was told by our church admin that they require 6months of documented attendance before pre-cana. Then when I called the other church, they said I would have to be a member for 1 year before we can start pre-cana. I think that is why they are giving me this 1+ years timeline to get married… (Nevermind that we have been attending this church for 3 years though.)

I asked about the 6-month pre-cana thing or pre-cana retreats that are available on the diocese website, but I was told those are not eligible in our parish, and they are only for parishes who haven’t transitioned to the new protocol yet.

My priest told me everything is in the hands of our bishop who does not make exceptions to the selected pre-cana course. He said everything is absolutely non-negotiable and asked if he could help me with anything else.

This is just my speculation, but I believe my diocese is much more extreme than normal because of the unfortunate destination wedding area we live in.

I want to make something very clear to some people who have commented, that I think I did not make clear before…
I am not trying to get out of pre-cana.
I think pre-cana is a great thing and I was looking forward to it. I was very misinformed about the process, and for many reasons which I greatly regret, I didn’t begin the process until now and I didn’t know it took so long. Even though the timeline I was given is very extreme, I didn’t have a problem with it until I recently found out about my fertility problem. My fertility issue is the reason I would now like to be married sooner rather than over a year from now.

I believe that an 8-month pre-cana program is not necessary for me and I would like the opportunity to do an abbreviated version. (Not to mention my church told me I would also need 6months of documented attendance before starting). But I have only been told repeatedly that it is impossible. For this I am so very devastated and disappointed in my own parish and diocese. Again I am mad mostly at myself because as I’ve repeated so many times I know it’s our own fault for putting things on hold when we moved. There’s no good resolution to this. I’m just devastated.

 

[Floridagator1]

I would love to attend Latin Mass anyway regardless. But after talking to my home priest I don’t think this would work for my marriage sacrament. He told me it is up to the Bishop regardless of any priest, and there are not exceptions. Thank you all for the info

 

[Vico]

This may be 100% wrong, but is it possible that a FSSP (Latin Mass) parish would possibly be able to work with you on a shorter time frame? Fewer diocesan hoops to jump through – maybe you could actually talk to a priest?
Or am I crazy…

If not the proper pastor, then delegation is needed for the officiating priest. Latin Canon Law (CIC)

Can. 1108 §1. Only those marriages are valid which are contracted before the local ordinary, pastor, or a priest or deacon delegated by either of them, who assist, and before two witnesses according to the rules expressed in the following canons and without prejudice to the exceptions mentioned in cann. 144, 1112, §1, 1116, and 1127, §§1-2.

 

[phil19034]

You can’t “join” a parish. It’s based on geography. That said, I don’t know how the FSSP parish is set up in that diocese. In my archdiocese, the local FSSP parish is a personal parish and anyone with a “devotion” to the EF Mass may become a canonical member.

Yes. That’s what I was referring to… personal parishes. I made an assumption that this FSSP mission is a quasi-parish.

 

[TheLittleLady]

Ding ding ding. That was part of what I expected. the “6 months of documented attendance”.

I work for a parish in a resort town. Every week I talk to at least one person who desires a one time sacrament (baptism, marriage, confirmation) and they tell me they have been attending for a very long time. Thing is, we have no record of them, they have never bothered to call the parish and get put in the database, colloquially known as “registration”.

At the same time, they have never joined any group, volunteered for anything, dropped a check in the offering, attended a class. Believe me, we will go far to try to establish that they have been somehow part of the parish. We will ask about them, search for their name in the “visitor’s checks” listing, we have searched old sacramental records and old paper registration to see if their family was ever a member.

There are some things in the Canon, for instance, that with Baptism there must be a well founded hope the child will be brought up Catholic, and it is hard on Pastors when they nor the parish knows the parents even a little bit.

When I talk to people, they are often in the same head space you are, “this will never happen”, catastrophizing, and extremely anxious.

My advice, start today. Get in the database first time the office is open. Sent up electronic donations or throw in a check for whatever you can afford, even $2 per week. Show up at something other than Sunday Mass, Lent is coming up, Stations of the Cross and Soup Suppers happen in just about every parish, go eat and then stay to help clean up - this will give you time to meet some of the core people in the parish.

Simply shake the priest’s hand after Mass, introduce yourself each time and after a few weeks he will remember you.

Make the parish actually part of your life.

When you begin to connect with fellowship, you will feel less anxious, it will help you spiritually and get you in a better headspace. Keep telling yourself, God wants me to receive the Sacraments, God wants me married in the Church, Jesus will walk this path with us!

If you lived here, I’d invite you to come play board/video games with the adult’s game group this afternoon.

 

[phil19034]

If you lived here, I’d invite you to come play board/video games with the adult’s game group this afternoon.

video games? What video games does your parish have? I didn’t know there was a “Christian and Moors” video game!

 

[TheLittleLady]

It is “bring your own”. Last time there were two different game systems set up, one had 4 players playing something, another was one on one. There was a lot of noise (I’m not a video gamer!!)

 

[Patri]

I actually found the idea of marriage in The Vatican quite interesting when our tour guide mentioned it as we visited The Basilica. To the OP, I really would not consider a court marriage, especially being a person of faith. I’d want all the blessings from a sacramental marriage and leave my fertility with God. I do hope you find an alternative. I’m now wondering after reading this thread how people that met and married in 6 months did it.