Is it bad to keep a journal for processing thoughts?

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QuoVadis1

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I’ve been told before thoughts can be good or bad, and one advantage we have is that only God has the ability to see our thoughts; the Evil one doesn’t. My mom has a bad habit of going into my room and through my stuff without permission, and she came across my journal recently.
I’ve used my journal mainly for processing my thoughts after fights with her. Our relationship has been strained for a long time, and with her recent cancer diagnosis, I just feel it’s only been getting worse. I believe she has undiagnosed anxiety from a rough childhood, and she tends to have heightened emotions and reactions, that I feel very sensitive to. And so I write it all down, because so much of it hurts me and confuses me, and journaling helps me get a different perspective of it, and usually helps me move on from it. I have an affinity for writing, and whenever I’m in prayer (at home or at adoration) I always write down my thoughts to God.
She never told me she read through it until recently, when we were having a small disagreement, and every emotion she had built up from reading it suddenly reared their ugly heads. She said some truly horrible things to me, called me such cruel names, and I can only imagine the pain she’s been carrying around after reading through my journal.
I’ve said nothing mean in my journal, never wished ill of her or had other vengeful thoughts, but she told me it was pure evil, that putting our thoughts to paper allows the Evil one access to our inner thought process to use to his advantage, and that I needed to burn it. I have it out in my car right now, but I’m wondering if that there’s truth to her words.
 
Welcome to CAF!

There is nothing evil about keeping a journal as you have described yours. The process of writing down our thoughts often helps clarify our thoughts and feelings better than keeping it all in our mind. You certainly are not doing anything wrong, and you have plenty to feel emotional about. It is better to put your words in your journal than speak out sometimes.

However…you may need to keep an online journal or find a really good place for keeping your written journal. Your mother does not have a right to read your thoughts.
 
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I also keep a journal where I can be honest about my feelings and not have to worry about someone judging me. I’m sorry your mother went through your stuff, I had that happen to me too from family members. Personally, a way in which I now protect my privacy is that I write in my journal in a foreign language, even if someone finds it they will not be able to read it 😉
 
Julie_de_Sales said:
a way in which I now protect my privacy is that I write in my journal in a foreign language, even if someone finds it they will not be able to read it
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I do the same, and I also use an ink that is visible only in UV light. After I die, whoever is looking thru my journals and wondering about the blank spaces can go pound sand 😃

D
 
There’s nothing bad about journaling.
The mistake you made here was journaling in a notebook that the person you were journaling about might find and read.
My husband would have called that a “Pearl Harbor File” and the smart thing to do would be to either keep it someplace other than Mom’s house or not keep it at all till you move out.
Same goes for journaling about trouble with your spouse when you have one of those.
 
Irishmom2 said:
However…you may need to keep an online journal
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I don’t even recommend that unless the mom and her family never go on the computer ever.
Could tell you some stories about things that were randomly found. Internet is a big ol’ billboard even if you privacy-lock it. Maybe with some strong encryption on your personal device only…maybe. People guess passwords and do all sorts of stuff.
 
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Well yes, I meant in a way that it would be safe, but I am beginning to realize that doesn’t really exist, does it?
 
Your mom’s scared she’s going to die and that unhinges the bravest of us at least a little.

When we’re young (or at least when I was young), death was a distant impossibility. Now as the numbers on the birthday cake get closer and closer to human life expectancy, I realize that someday the show really will be over. Folks with perilous illnesses realize that even more.

Point being, she’s encountered a puzzle she can’t readily solve and make go away and she’s scared. So be gentle with her. You never know when her last days may be.

As to journaling, be careful. That’s the greatest and best advice.

They often end up being read. So just keep that in mind when you’re expanding it. I’d put it somewhere no reasonable human being would search - basement behind the nasty utility sink, stuffed inside the insulation. Something like that.

Best wishes for your situation.
 
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There is nothing wrong with journaling. Your mom is just unhinged and she has no right to violate your privacy like that. If you still live with your mom and can’t move out, I suggest putting the journal under lock and key.
 
That is the problem of very personal journals like that. And yet, we may not want to write as if someone else will read them someday, unless we actually do write with that intention.
 
If you write it down, you risk someone reading it. Never write down what you don’t want someone to read. I can tell you, after a sudden death when faced with clearing out someone “stuff” is not a time to have “Pearl Harbor” go off in your face.
 
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redbetta said:
Your mom is just unhinged and she has no right to violate your privacy like that. If you still live with your mom and can’t move out, I suggest putting the journal under lock and key.
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Depending on Mom’s personality, doing something like that might cause her to endlessly worry and hound the person about what they are keeping/ writing that has to be locked up and can’t even be shown to one’s mother.

Some moms have a real problem with observing the kids’ boundaries for various reasons. Maybe their own family had no boundaries (often happened if there were like 8 or 10 people in the family, nothing stayed private for long). Maybe they worry a lot or hear scare stories about the kinds of things kids are keeping hidden away…journals with unflattering stuff about Mom, birth control pills, pot, heroin etc. I learned pretty young not to bring anything into the house that I didn’t want Mom to somehow “accidentally” happen upon. I also moved out as soon as reasonably possible.
 
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I have personally wondered about the question of whether demons/Satan can now know our thoughts if we write them–allowing them to be seen. And people are correct that anything you put in writing runs the risk of being read by someone.

On the other hand, I am like you–I process through writing. I’ve kept a journal for–oh decades now!!! I figure I’ve saved myself thousands of dollars of therapy bills by doing so. It helps me work through things. And sometimes (often) it ends up being helpful to be able to go back and re-read some things for many reasons.

You are very generous regarding your mother. I don’t know how old you are, but she had no right to read your journal. And there’s an old saying: “Your opinion of me is none of my business.” She deliberately exposed herself to your thoughts in the wake of arguments and stress. I can’t say I feel any sympathy for her. It’s not a ‘bad habit’ she has but an active invasion of privacy. You are old enough to have a car. You’re old enough that you should have a reasonable expectation of some minimal privacy. She shouldn’t barge in on you in the shower and she shouldn’t read your journals. End of story.
 
A lot of saints have kept journals as part of their spiritual lives, or just for organization’s sake. But yeah, keep it safe.
 
Poet said:
I have personally wondered about the question of whether demons/Satan can now know our thoughts if we write them–allowing them to be seen.
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Demons or Satan likely know or can perceive or figure out your thoughts even if you don’t write them down. How else do they manage to tempt us with the very things that will make us succumb?

There is nothing magic about writing down words or drawing pictures that suddenly opens us to demonic influence, unless of course what you’re writing or drawing is some kind of attempt at casting an occult spell.
 
I’m going to write this down in parts because it says I go over 3200 words lol.
I’m so sorry for what you are experiencing here. I can’t imagine how much pain, hurt , and maybe flase sense of guilt you are experiencing.
Frist of all your mum going into your bedroom without you knowing and reading your journal. Is crossing your boundaires. I experience some thing smiliar writting my emotions down in a dairy my mum found it and hide it from me. Yes I felt, angry, sad, false sense of guilt as if I did some thing wrong but really I didnt. So I understand what that is like. No it is not pure evil putting your thoughts down on paper and it doesnt let the evil one access your thoughts. I understand that maybe you feel anxious now cause it’s like I did some thing wrong now! And this flase sense of guilt. But you haven’t done anything wrong. It’s perfectly normal to write your emotions down.
 
.I see a therapist right and they are psychologist over 20 years experience they even say its heathly to do this. Than let it fester in our minds. It helps us release those emotions and observe them in a bigger picture, than get caught up in the small detail… As well saying this is bad and this is bad and this is good from your mum. Is in psychology terms means splitting. Or black and white thinking. Everything is either all good or all bad. There is no grey or in between. She may struggle to see greyness. Must be hard for you because being brought up like that can be really hard and cause a lot of anxiety.
The cruel words your mum said to you. I’m very sorry you had to experience this. I too have as well my mum called me horrible names in the past until I set my boundary on that one. But when people do this they are projecting their emotional pain on the other individual person and not taking responsibility for there own emotions. Probably don’t even know how to Express their emotions at all. You don’t have to take on your mum’s emotional pain that is hers not yours.
But in saying if their is any turth in her words. I will say no, but as I was reading this I was concerned. Because what you may experience could be gaslighting. It’s when an individual gets in our heads and makes ourselves questions our vaules and belief system and we start to feel anxious and question what we are doing. I would encourage look that up. Because it’s not heathly to experience this it can drive ourselves crazy. I’m not a psychologist. But I have had years of experience in therapy. From the description you’ve said she has heighten emotions, said horrible things, the whole saying your books of your feelings is evil!
I did wondered if she may experience traits of borderline personality disorder or narcissism personaitly disorder. I would encourage when you can do see a therapist because it sounds to me very dsyfuntional realtionship with your mum.
I have dsyfuntional realtionship with my mum too. I understand the pain it carries not to have that loving, caring, emotional available mother. But you will find that in yourself you wont need your mother’s approval or her unmet emotional availability. Which I found in myself in Jesus Christ. I would encourage you do not burn it. I will say why because burning it will be dismissing your own emotions. And mark them as “bad”. Emotions are not good or bad. They are part of all us as human beings. Even Jesus Christ himself experience emotions too. It’s part of being a human being. I hope this helps you.
Know what you did, you didnt do anything wrong.
 
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