Is it best to not say anything to people who offend you?

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I really hate drama, especially as I get older. There’s just too much important things to deal with in this life than meaningless drama. However, I have had a few drama-filled people in my life lately. I won’t go into too much detail about it, but since I have such a low tolerance for it lately, I rather not deal with it at all, even if it means not sticking up for myself. When do you all think it should be important to speak up and when is it best to just not say anything in order to not escalate the person starting drama? An example, is that old man who I wrote about in a previous thread of mine wrote me a nasty email, judging a lady who i became friends with from work. He wanted to take me to ‘supper’ this past Saturday evening, and since I didn’t want to go alone, I asked her to come with me. I find him to be creepy now, and a mean person as well. He was pretty mad that i invited her to come, even though I asked him and he was fine with it when I asked. He wrote ame a very rude and hateful email to me the next day. All I said back was, ‘good bye.’ I really wanted to say something back so bad and stick up for myself and my friend, but I hate drama so much that I decided it’s best not to engage with someone like that at all, because they could make matters worse. But, I’m wondering how any of you handle situations like this?
 
It sounds to me like there would be no point in ‘sticking up for yourself’ in this situation.
You have nothing to gain by arguing with him, and nothing to lose by just walking away.

Edit: There are times when you must stick up for yourself, but there is generally no need to argue with someone who just wants you to feel bad.
 
Is this the guy who is 80 years old and married? You thought that it was a good idea to go out to dinner with him? You were surprised that he wanted to get you alone, and surprised that he was “very rude and hateful” when he didn’t get what he wanted?
 
You wrote (clipped from the original post)

" An example, is that old man who I wrote about in a previous thread of mine wrote me a nasty email, judging a lady who i became friends with from work."

I would not go out to dinner with a man who writes nasty Emails to begin with.

That he ended up writing you a nasty Email is no surprise.

I think you just need to discern who you spend your time with and those with nastiness in their heart aren’t on my list.

JMO

Mary.
 
Learn to walk away. Your comments will not be appreciated by the offenders, and may in fact come back to bite you. Sometimes silence is the best defense.

With the old man, you now have a written record of his meanness that can be used in case he is vindictive (don’t erase it!) and you need to defend your honor!

Sun Tsu once said, “never interfere with an enemy who is digging his own grave” (or words to that effect). Feeiling the need to say something in response to everything that offends can be counterproductive to you.

Best wishes. vaya con Dios!
 
Return good for evil is the rule we live by. When insulted the natural inclination is to react. Twist that reaction from retaliation into charity.
For instance, if someone should say something hurtful, surreptitiously drop money on the floor. Then tell that person that they have dropped their bills and should pick them up.
 
Cupcake143 said:
I really hate drama, especially as I get older. There’s just too much important things to deal with in this life than meaningless drama. However, I have had a few drama-filled people in my life lately. I won’t go into too much detail about it, but since I have such a low tolerance for it lately, I rather not deal with it at all, even if it means not sticking up for myself. When do you all think it should be important to speak up and when is it best to just not say anything in order to not escalate the person starting drama? An example, is that old man who I wrote about in a previous thread of mine wrote me a nasty email, judging a lady who i became friends with from work. He wanted to take me to ‘supper’ this past Saturday evening, and since I didn’t want to go alone, I asked her to come with me. I find him to be creepy now, and a mean person as well. He was pretty mad that i invited her to come, even though I asked him and he was fine with it when I asked. He wrote ame a very rude and hateful email to me the next day. All I said back was, ‘good bye.’ I really wanted to say something back so bad and stick up for myself and my friend, but I hate drama so much that I decided it’s best not to engage with someone like that at all, because they could make matters worse. But, I’m wondering how any of you handle situations like this?
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Rather than working on “saying something” in drama filled situations, you need to work on not inviting drama and setting yourself up for it by being assertive and saying no when you mean no.

You created this situation by accepting an invitation from a person you didn’t want to go to eat with, someone you KNEW said terrible things to you, and you brought a person you KNEW he didn’t like and would say terrible things about.

What part of that did you believe would turn out well?

You seem to be creating a lot o the drama you profess to dislike.

Start saying no when you mean no and stop doing things you don’t want to do and interacting with people you don’t want to interact with.

These situations will not stop until you stop creating them.
 
1ke said:
Rather than working on “saying something” in drama filled situations, you need to work on not inviting drama and setting yourself up for it by being assertive and saying no when you mean no.

You created this situation by accepting an invitation from a person you didn’t want to go to eat with, someone you KNEW said terrible things to you, and you brought a person you KNEW he didn’t like and would say terrible things about.

What part of that did you believe would turn out well?

You seem to be creating a lot o the drama you profess to dislike.

Start saying no when you mean no and stop doing things you don’t want to do and interacting with people you don’t want to interact with.

These situations will not stop until you stop creating them.
Click to expand...
Thank you! You always give good advice, and I know I need to be more assertive when I don’t want to do something. I am going to force myself to do that from now on. BUT, just so it’s clear, since I didn’t word it properly, he sent me the nasty email about my friend AFTER the dinner. He didn’t know anything about her before, but he agreed to having me invite her. So, this mean email came after he met her. He also said some rude things to me as well, basically just bashing us both. I knew I had some sort of instincts, since I really didn’t feel comfortable about him. I need to trust my instincts and be more firm saying no, which I plan to do now. Thank you!
 
Cupcake143 said:
BUT, just so it’s clear, since I didn’t word it properly, he sent me the nasty email about my friend AFTER the dinner.
Click to expand...
You are correct, that was not clear in your OP.

I do hope you work on assertiveness. It will save you many headaches and heartaches.
 
If a person who is part of your family, your close friend, your spouse etc offends you, then it’s usually a good idea to discuss and communicate about what happened because the person will be in your life and you will be seeing them and dealing with them again.

When it’s a relative stranger who has behaved in a nasty, toxic way, save your energy and breath. A simple “goodbye” or a block on social media suffices. Then, pray for the offensive person, as we should always pray for our enemies, and try to forgive and forget and most of all AVOID them in the future.
 
Depends on the person, the nature of the offense, and the frequency and nature of future interaction.

Probably the best course, generally, is to interpret things charitably and not gift your time or energy to those who are obvious jerks or those who don’t share your basic values.
 
If you want to preserve a relationship, I don’t see any thing you can do beside tell someone that what they are doing is causing offence. If you don’t care either way, you can ignore the behavior or not say anything. If you want to make good and sure they never talk to you again, you can tell them in a less than gentle way.
 
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