Is it better for a woman to change her last name at marriage?

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I think that this is ultimatley the choice of the couple (not just the woman) I am getting married and I wont be taking his name likewise I dont expect him to take mine - this leaves us with two choices 1. we create a new one 2. we keep seperate names

In all probablitlity we will create a new one!

I dont think its a big deal what the surname is to be honest why should you take his name its got nothing to do with anything some people have horrible surnames my h2b does its just not nice and it has horrible connotations so neither me nor any children will have it but we can create a new name to resemble OUR family - and OUR family doesnt include his parents so why should we have their name??

Also as a previous poster said you are joining your husband to create something NEW so why take his OLD name!!!

I will love my h2b the same regardless of his name but there isnt a chance in hell Im having his name!

Just my tuppence!
 
My husband’s last name is much nicer than mine. It goes really well with my first name. So, I’ve enjoyed using it. I know that it mattered to my husband. Not out of patriarchal whatever, but because it would have hurt his feelings if I’d kept my maiden name. He would have felt a little bit rejected. I like being the “Hopeful Family” - we’re all on the same team. If his last name had been something really awful and repellent, I don’t know what we would have done.

My name is “officially” both. After our wedding, we went by the social security office to change my last name. This was rather tricky, because I was moving to the UK in a few days and the girl behind the counter was pretty gleeful about not being able to mail it overseas. And, she insisted that it could only be mailed to a mail box that had my name written on it. I told her that my brother would put a piece of tape with that name on it, and she grudgingly agreed to let me do that. Anyway… the Social Security administration knows me by my married name.

But, I also had to go to the British consulate in Chicago the next day to get my visa. I have a passport in my maiden name. There was no time to get a new passport. So, my passport and visas are in my maiden name.

But, I use my husband’s name over here. My UK driver’s license, bank accounts, and pretty much everything else is in my married name.

I do think that some professional women have a good reason to keep their maiden names, at least in their professional lives. This is particularly true of women in academia, for whom their body of published work is very, very important.
 
ljprevo said:
Being a man here I guess I may get beat up over this, but here it goes. Why wouldn’t a woman not want her husband’s last name? What about biblically that a woman “leaves her family” and “joins her husband”?

Why would you want to be “different” from your husband and children? To be different, to hold onto what? To me it sounds selfish. Honestly I see it as a tad of a disgrace for a woman to not take her husband’s name. Are they or are they not joining together to create something new?

The man is suppose to be the “head of the houehold”. It has nothing to do with being a power trip, or at least it should not be. Wives are suppose to submit to their husbands, however that is not an open ticket to be “holier than thou”. Husbands are to love their wives as he loves the church and should make choices that are in the best interest of them not “him”.

Sorry when I see women that don’t fully take their husband last name they don’t seem to be fully joined to their husbands and are trying to stay separate.
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I agree with this totally! Also, I find it interesting that most of the replys on here are for people who are in favor of not changing to their husbands name, but the poll shows that most are in favor of it. hmmm interesting.
 
I’ve always been a very traditional, conservative person, but as we neared our wedding, I surprised myself by feeling conflicted over this too. I loved my last name - it was my name. I’m very close with my family, so even though it’s just a name, the idea of not having the same name as those people I love so much anymore felt very strange. At the same time, I wanted very much to join with my husband in every way, including his name. I wanted our whole family to have one name. :grouphug:

So, a bit of a compromise, but not what you think…in my mother’s family, the girls don’t have middle names. When they married, they took their maiden name initial as their middle name. My parents didn’t give me or my sisters middle names either, following the family tradition (but my brothers do have middle names). So, for example, my name is Belle10 M. (for maiden name) DH’sLastname. It’s a nice way to officially have my maiden name as part of my full name but also have my husband’s name. 👍

I think something important to remember too is this: we are not our names, just as we are not how much money we have or how many things we have. Yes, names help define us in a way, but for those concerned about “losing” something if they change their name at marriage, I’d urge you to view it instead as gaining something. I am still the person I was with my maiden name – a different name doesn’t change who I am – and in fact, I hope I’m a better person now. 😃
 
I took my husband’s name at marriage. We have four children and we are a family with one last name.

If I had kept my father’s name, I would have to acknowledge my identity through my children, ie “I’m Ms. Smith, mother to John Doe” or as a friend once described so aptly: “If I had known how complicated things would get with having two names, I would have changed it at marriage. Now I go around introducing myself as my kids’ mother, rather than wife of my husband”.
 
aurora77 said:
I feel that sharing the same name emphasize the one flesh nature of marriage. It makes us into one family unit, instead of the two implied by two last names. Whenever I see a woman with a hyphenated name or a married couple with different last names, I assume feminism. I know what I get when I assume :o but that’s the first thing that pops into my mind. I was proud to take DH’s last name and I’m proud to be addressed as Mrs. DH.
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My thoughts as well 🙂
 
ljprevo said:
Being a man here I guess I may get beat up over this, but here it goes. Why wouldn’t a woman not want her husband’s last name? What about biblically that a woman “leaves her family” and “joins her husband”?

Why would you want to be “different” from your husband and children? To be different, to hold onto what? To me it sounds selfish. Honestly I see it as a tad of a disgrace for a woman to not take her husband’s name. Are they or are they not joining together to create something new?

The man is suppose to be the “head of the houehold”. It has nothing to do with being a power trip, or at least it should not be. Wives are suppose to submit to their husbands, however that is not an open ticket to be “holier than thou”. Husbands are to love their wives as he loves the church and should make choices that are in the best interest of them not “him”.

Sorry when I see women that don’t fully take their husband last name they don’t seem to be fully joined to their husbands and are trying to stay separate.
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I get your point, but Genesis 2:24 actually says:

"That is why a man leaves his father and mother and clings to his wife, and the two of them become one body. "

😉
 
ljprevo said:
Being a man here I guess I may get beat up over this, but here it goes. Why wouldn’t a woman not want her husband’s last name? What about biblically that a woman “leaves her family” and “joins her husband”?

Why would you want to be “different” from your husband and children? To be different, to hold onto what? To me it sounds selfish. Honestly I see it as a tad of a disgrace for a woman to not take her husband’s name. Are they or are they not joining together to create something new?

The man is suppose to be the “head of the houehold”. It has nothing to do with being a power trip, or at least it should not be. Wives are suppose to submit to their husbands, however that is not an open ticket to be “holier than thou”. Husbands are to love their wives as he loves the church and should make choices that are in the best interest of them not “him”.

Sorry when I see women that don’t fully take their husband last name they don’t seem to be fully joined to their husbands and are trying to stay separate.
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Does this extend to women living in cultures where they cannot legally take their husband’s name?

I would have taken DH’s name if it had been allowed by church and state, but it was not.
 
I’m sure my stance will reiterate those already posted but here I go.

As a father and husband I have mixed feelings. My wife took my last name but her family’s name or history was not a concern to her. My mother took my fathers last name and I have his name but I wish I didn’t. I would prefer to honor my mothers side of the family as her family has a storied history.

As a father I have more girls then boys. I know that when and if they get married they will most likely take their husbands names. And I want them to. Why? Because in this day and age family unity is extremely important. If everyone has the same name, there is an affinity and inherent responsibility to be a close knit group. Therefore when my daughters take the last name of their husbands, then that may help them stay together as a family. If I have raised my daughters well, with love and respect, they will remember where they came from and hopefully pass that information on.

Now I do believe and support extenuating circumstances where keeping one’s maiden name may be important. In certain lines of professional work, reputations are gained and name recognition is paramount. Also age has something to do with it as well. Jane Doe, fresh out of college gets married and changes her name. No worries. Jane Doe, MD, PhD has been practicing for 30 years, is published in numerous professional journals, teaches at a prestigious institution, and lectures frequently. Jane Doe changes her name to Jane Smith and now no one knows who “Jane Smith” is. It becomes a battle to make everyone understand Jane Doe = Jane Smith. It’s much easier to keep the name at that point.

:twocents: take it for what you paid for it.
 
ljprevo said:
Being a man here I guess I may get beat up over this, but here it goes. Why wouldn’t a woman not want her husband’s last name? What about biblically that a woman “leaves her family” and “joins her husband”?

Why would you want to be “different” from your husband and children? To be different, to hold onto what? To me it sounds selfish. Honestly I see it as a tad of a disgrace for a woman to not take her husband’s name. Are they or are they not joining together to create something new?

The man is suppose to be the “head of the houehold”. It has nothing to do with being a power trip, or at least it should not be. Wives are suppose to submit to their husbands, however that is not an open ticket to be “holier than thou”. Husbands are to love their wives as he loves the church and should make choices that are in the best interest of them not “him”.

Sorry when I see women that don’t fully take their husband last name they don’t seem to be fully joined to their husbands and are trying to stay separate.
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Amen to that.
 
This is such a fascinating thread… I think so much of this is CULTURAL… not a “right vs wrong” issue at all!

I personally could never imagine NOT taking my husband’s last name! Culturally, for my family and my husband’s family, the wife ALWAYS takes the husband’s last name… just the way it is! 🤷

My grandmother moved her maiden name to her middle name and took her husband’s last name… so I thought that was a neat idea if you really love your maiden name!

But, on the same note… if you’re trying to honor your parents… they CHOOSE your first and middle name… last name was just GIVEN… so keeping your first and middle name was more of an “honor” to my parents choices, kwim?

Again, I think it’s so cultural and not very important… I work with several foreign nationals and every culture is unique! 🙂
 
Still under the influence of feminism of the '70/'80’s, I elected to be legally myname-hisname when I married. (I’ve since repented of the feminism).

Anyway, in the USA, having a hyphenated name can be VERY confusing – my Dr’s computer won’t even accept hyphens! The only times I was glad I’d hyphenated was when we spent about four years in Montreal, where I legally had to go by my birth certificate name. They let me do the hyphenation thing there rather than completely switch back to my maiden name. And, now that I’m taking care of my aged mother and am her personal agent, it removes lots of confusion when my hyphenation on my ID shows that I really am kin to her.

In general (in all but legal matters), tho, I choose to be Mrs. Hisname. I remember in Montreal a child (Miss Fathersname) got seriously injured on the playground. The mother could not be reached by telephone because she was AT THE SCHOOL volunteering in the library. It was over an hour before anyone put two and two together and got Ms. Hername down from the library to accompany the ambulance to the hospital.
 
I took my husband’s name as my new surname. I also changed my middle name to include my maiden name. So my full name is FirstName MiddleName1 MiddleName2 LastName. MiddleName1 is the middle name my mother gave me, MiddleName2 is my maiden name. I did this for many personal reasons, one of which was to keep an ethnic name.

Sociologically speaking, in American society, yes, it is “better” for a lady to completely change her surname when she marries (no hyphens). If I remember my studies correctly, there are 7 factors associated with marital commitment, and name change is most certainly one of them. This only applies to the United States; I have not studied Marriage and Family Sociology in any other country. 🙂

That doesn’t mean that changing your surname automatically guarantees you’ll be celebrating 50 years of wedded bliss, but it statistically increases your chances because it is one sign of commitment. Think of it this way: If Husband meets 6 out of 7 factors (remember, he doesn’t change his name), and Wife meets 7 out of 7 (due to the name change), then they have a slightly higher chance of celebrating 50 years of marriage than the couple where both individuals meet 6 out of 7.

Obviously, we can’t make any guarantees, but this is the kind of trend we see overall in the American population.
TemplarKnight said:
Because in this day and age family unity is extremely important. If everyone has the same name, there is an affinity and inherent responsibility to be a close knit group. Therefore when my daughters take the last name of their husbands, then that may help them stay together as a family.
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This is exactly what we see. Beautiful, TK, just beautiful!! 👍
 
Funny enough, I have duo citizenship US/Italy.

I live in US, so my name on all my docs is Mrs. Husband.

That’s what I use.

In Italy, women don’t change their names legally so for example in Italy I am Mary Gail 36 Maidenname, married to Mr. Husband.

When I meet Italian people in Italy, I am known as Signora Husband.

Confused? Me too.
 
Mary_Gail_36 said:
Funny enough, I have duo citizenship US/Italy.

I live in US, so my name on all my docs is Mrs. Husband.

That’s what I use.

In Italy, women don’t change their names legally so for example in Italy I am Mary Gail 36 Maidenname, married to Mr. Husband.

When I meet Italian people in Italy, I am known as Signora Husband.

Confused? Me too.
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Yeah, when I talk to my family in the states, informally, I’m Mrs. DH’slastname. But if they want to give me a check, it has to be Ms Maidenname. Our kids will have DH’s last name.

I would go by Mrs. Hislastname here in Belgium, and I did try it for awhile, but people think I’m his sister/cousin, and giving the impression of an improper incestuous relationship seems worse than giving the impression of feminism :rolleyes: 🤷
 
rayne89 said:
I was very happy to take my husband’s name… I like being The XXXXX Family. I was doodling my first name with my hubby’s last name in highschool.
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Me too! 👍 Except I wasn’t doodling until college. 😛

I kept my maidenname, but changed it to my middlename. So I am Mrs. Kevinsgirl Maidenname Husbandsname. Oh, and I looove my new lastname! 😃 😃 😃
 
And the two shall become one. I ask when reading the bible I do not see any last names, or have I missed them? Abraham, Issac, Jacob Moses etc. Our Blessed Mother, St. Joseph etc. Is it because we all come from the one seed? Forgive me if my question is stupid!

God Bless
 
I would love to take on my fiance’s last name. But in my line of work as an artist, I’ve already established myself under my maiden name, and it’s a bit like when people have a stage name. So it would be difficult to change that. So I probably won’t change it.
 
planter654 said:
And the two shall become one. I ask when reading the bible I do not see any last names, or have I missed them? Abraham, Issac, Jacob Moses etc. Our Blessed Mother, St. Joseph etc. Is it because we all come from the one seed? Forgive me if my question is stupid!

God Bless
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I think back in those days you were Abraham of (city you lived in) or Jacob son of (name). I’m sure somebody else will have a more informed response. :o
 
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