Is it different when they're your own?

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StratusRose

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I’m going to be honest. I find children really irritating and bothersome. Not all, but most. I see them in public places acting like complete monsters and the parents just either ignore them or say “Suzie, can you please stop doing that, honey?” This isnt to say that I am mean to children or anything, I find some really cute and funny.

My mom said that she had the same attitude as me before she had my brother and me. She said “It’s different when they’re your own.” **What is it about having your own kids that makes you change your attitude toward children in general? **I do want to have kids one of these days, but I don’t know if I have the patience for them.

(Once again, this isnt to say that I hate children, advocate abortion, etc. I guess I just dont remember what it was like to be a kid.)
 
There is a bond that cannot be torn between a mother and her child, IMHO. Also when she looks into your eyes and you see yourself in her, thats what changes and make her tolerable.😉
 
StratusRose said:
What is it about having your own kids that makes you change your attitude toward children in general?
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You learn to tune them out. You know eventually they will get tired and go to sleep. We have 3.
 
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Annunciata:
Love is blind…
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But is it deaf too?
 
I also struggle with patience in this area. I have 2 kids and love them a ton. They also can drive me nuts! I pray to the Holy Spirit for patience and guidance as a parent. I also try tobe cognizant of the fact that marriage (and family) is my vocation in life- this is my road to holiness. So I offer up my small “crosses” each day.

I also try to keep in mind what a great PRIVILEGE it is to cooperate with God’s plan for creation. If my wife and I are blessed with any more children it will be a supreme gift (that doesn’t mean it will be a struggle with diapers, crying,etc…) But at the end of the day- what a gift to be a parent!

You may want to read an article titled The Blessing of Children at the One More Soul website. Our culture has reduced children to burden status that we acquire on our terms. This article turns that notion upside down with God’s view of the child and family.

God bless!

ps- maybe you are called to single life or religious life. Don’t overlook this. 🙂
 
It is different when you become a parent. You realize that there is some value in being rocked out of your little rut by your children’s exhuberance and love of life–because they love YOU and they need YOU. You realize that you will either kill them or slit your own wrists if you expect them to be “perfect” all of the time. You realize you aren’t perfect, either. You realize that you aren’t as even remotely as patient or loving or kind or wise as you thought, that your Christ-life was pretty shallow.

Being a parent is a humbling experience. If it doesn’t teach you to cut the rest of the world some slack, I don’t know what will.
 
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StratusRose:
But is it deaf too?
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I meant that to cover both. I am now a grandmother and everything my grandchildren do is cute!
Just kidding…sometimes we get so used to their whining and moving around that we don’t even notice it…and to get back to the Love thing, that really could have a lot to do with it. Think about it…when you really love someone, i.e., friend, lover, child, you tend not to see anything wrong with them…only good things. Just my :twocents: Annunciata:)
 
Stratus Rose,

Not everyone sees things in the same way.

Some of us mom’s hearts skip a beat or two just watching someone else’s child fall off a bike!

Peace and all good,

Thomas2
 
yes- it is different. Children often ‘act up’ when in social situations-- in the quiet of your own home you live with your child-- when you go out into the world and the child is introduced to stressful or exciting situations they seem to react the way a college person with a few drinks in them might react. hahaha. I personally find it amusing when my 3 year old does some of this-- its a moment like 'omg, who IS this kid??‘LOL’ so keep in mind you are seeing the ‘special’ side of children that they reserve for social encounters 😃

Also- yeah becoming a parent means dieing to yourself, learning to be less selfish, looking for the good in your child and all situations-- it is supposed to force us to really grow up, to really gain an understanding of God’s ‘parental’ role. ANd if you are finding yourself pulling your hair out over your children- htink of how God must feel when watching us ‘fall’ and how He Loves us through all of it.
pax tibi
K
 
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StratusRose:
I find children really irritating and bothersome. Not all, but most. I see them in public places acting like complete monsters and the parents just either ignore them or say “Suzie, can you please stop doing that, honey?”
My husband says it’s like falling in love again! Can’t say why, but yes, it is different! As for seeing many misbehaved kids, well that’s probably the parent’s fault. Parents now are way too lenient in my opinion. Take notes, so that when you have kids you’ll remember to teach them to behave in public. It can be done!—KCT
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The misbehaving is usually the fault of the parents. (I have 2 of my own) My children know that there are times when they can relax their behavior and when they need to be quiet and respectful. They also know there will be consequences when they do misbehave. Those consequences occur no matter what was planned. If we were suppose to go to the amusement park after church and they don’t behave at church, no park. It is important to set rules, consequences, and then to strictly adhere to them.
 
What is it about having your own kids that makes you change your attitude toward children in general?
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What is it about becoming man that makes you change your attitude toward man in general? (Am I delving too deep?)
 
I was the baby of my family so I never experienced caring for younger children while growing up.
I had a few nightmare experiences babysitting neighbors’ children and vowed I would never have kids.
I’ve had six children.

Yes - it is different when they are your own.
Love is unexplainable.
 
…When you’ve got your own, you get to experience that one time or so a year when you’re out alone (i.e. with spouse but no children) and someone else’s kids are acting up…A smirk crosses your face while your spouse in seemingly telepathic symbiosis winks back at ya’.

Priceless.
 
I did alot of babysitting in my highschool years and I was always very nice to the kids I took care of but some of them I could not wait to get away from, I think that is just normal. Having my own children, yes, it is different when they are your own or even your sister’s or brother’s kids etc. I feel very close to my neices and nephews and I don’t feel irritated with them as I love them like they are my own, but I know that my kids can get pretty crazy acting sometimes in public places and I’m sure they seem very annoying to others but there is only so much I can do. I find that I have more tolerance and understanding for other peoples kids now because when their child is acting up in the grocery store, I just smile and look the other way because my kids do the same and its like a common bond among parents, you have to have kids I think to get it, you give that other parent the knowing look and smile or say “it gets better” 😃 I never understood it until I had kids and I know that people who don’t have kids just don’t get it and find it totally annoying but thats ok, it doesn’t mean your a bad person, just remember that there is only so much a parent can do in public with kids and we have to get things done as much as the other people so if the kids have to come with then they have to and they are going to be loud at times etc. but for me I have had to learn to ignore it or I would never leave the house. 🙂
 
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Anonymous:
What is it about becoming man that makes you change your attitude toward man in general? (Am I delving too deep?)
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I am going to try to clarify. Perhaps the fact that we see children in a different light after we have had our own can be paralleled to God becoming man. Maybe he sees us in a different light. Is this possible?

In my opinion, I became a much better teacher after I had children of my own. I guess I saw each student in a new light. Strange how that happened.
 
I guess I just dont remember what it was like to be a kid.
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tsk, tsk. Perhaps you NEED kids.

However, as someone else suggested - you may be making your judgement based on someone else’s poor parenting.

There are times when I observe kids totally ignoring their parents mandates - that still bugs me.

But kids, being good kids - I have enjoy 'em. Of course, at gatherings, I am often lured away from the adult chit-chat and actually find myself play ball with the children. I actually can’t figure why I’m the only one. I mean come on, playing ball vs. standing around and talking about the last ball game? No brainer.
 
Now that I have my own kids, yes it is different. I still find some kids bothersome and annoying (even my own kids sometimes). And I’m not all that comfortable with kids older than my oldest child. For me, much of the bother of being around difficult kids is if I don’t know how to handle them and then don’t feel like I’m in control of the situation. Having your own allows you to practice discipline from the beginning, so you can gradually become comfortable with the difficulties of kids. Because of this, I am much less bothered by kids under the age of 5 than I used to be, but still get a bit more uneasy when left with older ones. And of course, I know my own kids inside and out, so they’re much more likeable and easier to deal with. Now of course, some young kids are just badly behaved and that bothers me too. Since having kids, I have become more tolerant of kids who seem to have the same difficulties as mine do. But when I encounter kids who are more out of control than mine, I don’t like it. I don’t feel comfortable being an authority with them because I know their parents don’t agree with my standards or methods. It can be very stressful being around a kid who’s constantly misbehaving and who’s parents don’t curtail it.

But, yes, have your own. You’ll like your own kids - even if you hate all their friends 😉
 
I think one of the differences is that when you have your own kids (5 for us), you see them daily, you see the cute pictures they draw, you see them playing house and pretending to be “mom and dad”, you see them when they are at their worst, you see them cry, laugh, smile, and frown. :love: You know that when they are at their worst, it will eventually get better. It always does. But when you see someone else’s kids, and you don’t know that feeling described above, then you only see the bad, ornery, or obnoxious behavior there in front of you. Do you ever notice a child when they are sitting quietly while they, mom and dad pass by? :hmmm:
 
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