I was involved with several children’s ministries at the church, mainly Children’s Choir and VBS. In two years, my children’s choir grew from 24 children to over 60 children. I am proud to say that several of the children who were in that choir under my direction have gone on to become involved in local theater work and are making careers of drama and music.
Anyway, a woman pastor accused me of “disturbing” the children that I worked with. She made other implications that were heinous. None could be proved and all could be refuted, as I never did any children’s ministry without having at least one other adult, usually more than one, present.
But the adults that attended my children’s ministries were not invited to our tribunal. And after we were kicked out, these adults (parents of the children) were told that “We had chosen to leave.”
A year after the woman pastor made these accusations against me, she was fired after she was caught in a lie. I believe that this woman had some psychological problems and was a pathological liar, and I was unfortunate enough to be caught up in her web.
But no one from the church ever called to say, “Hey, we just found out that the person who accused you is unreliable. Could we talk this over and maybe re-visit what happened back then?”
There were also major authority problems in that church. The “ladder of authority” was not clear, and I had constant problems figuring out who to ask whenever I needed to get approval for curricula, music, activities, expenditures, etc. (I spent mainly my own money on any curricula or materials for any of my children’s ministries, BTW.)
I tried constantly to get answers and find the right pastor, committee chair, elder, etc., but all too often, I was tossed from committee to pastor to another pastor. It was very frustrating, and all too often, I just had to make a decision without any clear “permission.” Every time, I was told that what I had decided was "fine.
In fact, just a few weeks before the tribunal and ousting, I had a letter from the Senior pastor thanking me for my work with the children.
My husband and I were accused of disregarding the authority in the church. Here are some examples of our “insubordination.” (Note–there will appear to be some timeline inconsistencies. Ignore them. I am listing these examples out of chronological order.)
(1) The church had bought heavily into Josh Harris’ new book
I Kissed Dating Good bye, with its “Courtship Model” of dating. Rules were put in place that girls couldn’t sit with their boyfriends during youth activities. My husband and I questioned this–we met with the youth pastor and told him that we wanted our daughters to sit with their boyfriends and learn to worship and serve God together. (BTW, one of our daughters went on to marry her boyfriend, seven years later when they were in their twenties.) My husband and I had dated through high school, and were involved in many church ministries while we were dating.
We never actually told our daughter and her boyfriend to disobey the “rule.”
(2) Our other daughter was on the Leadership Team of the youth group. She asked the Youth Pastor if they could have a Youth Bible Study instead of just socials. He told her that no one would come.
When she was a Senior, she finally got fed up with a youth ministry that she saw as strictly a “social group.” She told them off during a meeting, accusing them of only wanting to “have fun.” She said that if they ever get interested in serving God and learning to know Him, to call her. Then she walked out and never came back to that youth group. She continued to attend church with us (parents), but didn’t associate with the youth group.
BTW, both my older and my younger daughter were ASKED by the VBS committee to teach a class during the last VBS that we ever did at that church. No other teenagers were put in charge of teaching a class. They were ASKED to teach by the VBS director, and they did a good job with their class.
(3) Both of my daughters were competitive figure skaters, and were members of an elite synchronized skating team (World class) in Chicago. Their practices were held every weekend from 5:30 a.m. til 1:00 p.m on Saturdays and Sundays. This meant, of course, that they missed the morning worship services and Sunday school at our church. (Keep in mind that there is no “obligation” for evangelical Protestants to attend any church services.) But they were both faithful to continue attending youth activities, and it was obvious from their behavior, attitude, and knowledge, that they were receiving good religious instruction and Bible training from their parents.
Nothing was ever said to us about the missed church, but we suspect that this is one of the reasons that the tribunal accused us of disregarding church authority.
- My husband and I were concerned that our younger daughter, when she was a young teenager, didn’t have any friends in that church. She had friends when she was younger, but they had all left that church. So we went to one of the associate pastors and spoke with him about it.
This meeting with that pastor was used at the tribunal as an example of us of “criticizing the leadership” of the church."
(continued next post)