Is it God's will for me to have no friends and focus on my family?

[Serap]

Since I came back to my faith, I have been wanting to make a girlfriend or two at my parish. It seems like nothing is “sticking”. I reached out to one girl and I got my wrist slapped

She seemed nice…good friends with my pastor; early 40’s; she seemed young minded like me; she’s single; anyway, it seemed like we were hitting it off and then she just got cold with me. When I went to the parish a few days ago, she was there with some women and was very aloof and luke warm with me when I approached them to chat.

The confusing part is only 2 weeks ago she told me that she thought I was a great woman and she could be good friends with me. I haven’t had many conversations with her; so I don’t think it was something I said, although I did open up a bit and I told her that I’m not close to my family b/c we were talking about our Christmas plans.

Another thing I did open up to her about was (when my pastor’s mother passed away a couple of weeks ago) I told her that I love my pastor as a spiritual brother and that he has helped me a lot. I also told her that she’s lucky to have a friend like him and that he’s a wonderful man and priest.

I can’t help now, but get the impression that on some level she thought that maybe I was invading her territory b/c I also have a good relationship with the pastor and he cares for me a lot also. Perhaps she got the impression that I was trying to befriend her to get closer to my pastor; which is completely absurd!!!

Women are strange creatures!!!

<<As some of you know, I’m happily married and have a beautiful baby girl, so I am entirely consumed with my vocation as a wife and mother.>>

So the other night, I was thinking about how this woman treated me and then my bible kind of fell open to Proverbs 26 and I felt compelled to read it…it talked about a fool. I couldn’t help but think that God was telling me that this woman is being a fool and to not engage her anymore.

Anyway…this also leads me to wonder…is it perhaps God’s will for me to not make any Catholic girlfriends so that I can keep my focus on my family and baby daughter? Would God’s will be for me to not have any outside distractions?

If this is His will, I will accept it, but I am not close to my family and sometimes, I feel really lonely. I would really like to have good friends who are strong in faith. My husband makes fun of me for having faith and he tells me that religious people are weak minded and are filling a void in their life. I always stand up for my beliefs, but sometimes I just feel really alone as a Catholic.

Could this also be some kind of a test from God?

Thanks for any feedback…

 

[BamaRider]

Could this also be some kind of a test from God?

Could be, but I doubt it. You can’t go by the actions of ONE lady sweetie.

I can’t help now, but get the impression that on some level she thought that maybe I was invading her territory b/c I also have a good relationship with the pastor and he cares for me a lot also. Perhaps she got the impression that I was trying to befriend her to get closer to my pastor; which is completely absurd!!!

I think you’re way off here. I ain’t never heard of a parishoner thinking they’re getting used by someone to get close to the pastor?? If someoen wants to me to help them in that matter, all they gotta do is ask, I’ll be glad to do it, and I think most Catholics feel this way.

But lemme ask this- Do you think there are “clics” in y’alls parish and you wanna get “in?”

Because guys are less “clickish” then females, I’ll defer to some of the ladies here with first hand experience with that on how to play it.

 

[kage_ar]

As Christians, we are meant to be part of a community. The Body of Christ is made up of many members and we are not called to amputate ourselves from that body.

There is no Scripture that says we are to be isolated in clumps of mom, dad and our kids.

The Scriptures and the Catechism speak about friendship. Heck, Jesus had a close group of friends, both men and women.

When it comes to the specific instance, your post comes off as a bit needy? Maybe you came off that way to the woman at your Parish.

Find a group at the Parish you can get involved in - volunteer for something, join a study group or prayer group, maybe a pro life group or CCW. Let friendships grow naturally, don’t try to force it, relax!

 

[LaLucia]

Hi, yes, it is hard to make friends with some people.It doesn’t matter what religion they are. We are all one of a kind personalities. We are not clones. I have a feeling that gal was just too sensitive to what you were saying to her and she took it the wrong way and misunderstood what you were saying to her.
She probably thought you were coming across too strong with her.
Just keep looking for a compatiable friend. Join a church group so people really get to know you and accept you. Don’t jump too fast to be close friends because you still don’t know them that well.

I do notice some church gals are very cool to get to new people better. That has happened to me. So what I do with their cool reception of me is just to act as cool as they are and just be myself. I don’t care what people think of me since they don’t support me financially.

I have been with my church for one year and I recently joined the choir. I just stay quiet and say hello to people and mind my own business. They have learned to accept me now. But I think it will take more time for me to get close to some of the ladies.
The men like me.lol. But I honor the fact that they are married men and I try not to get too close to them.

I have a super extroverted personality. I tried to be friends with one lady but she turned out to be rude and jealous of me for whatever her personal reasons are. So… I just say hello to her when I see her and that is it.

God will help you find a great friend if that is your wish. God will send you a great friend soon. Ask your Angels also to find you some new friends.

 

[Salonika]

Anyway…this also leads me to wonder…is it perhaps God’s will for me to not make any Catholic girlfriends so that I can keep my focus on my family and baby daughter? Would God’s will be for me to not have any outside distractions?

As other posters have said it often takes quite a long time to make real friends at Church or anywhere else. Also sometimes if we take things too quickly at first either or both people in a situation take a step back to review the situation.

We all need a range of relationships and the help and support of other people. Yes your husband and baby are, and should be, your main focus but not the only one. Also we never know where we might meet that good friend. You might meet that good Catholic friend somewhere other than Church.

As your husband is not supportive of your faith I think it is even more important for you to have a range of friends. Sadly, if we are told something too often we may come to wonder if it might not be just a little bit true.

 

[SeekerJen]

Because guys are less “clickish” then females, I’ll defer to some of the ladies here with first hand experience with that on how to play it.

NO kidding, Guy. I have a few female friends (one whom I met through parish choir), but I find it a lot easier to pal around with men. Being married I don’t tend to socialize with the men outside of church or work unless DH is there, but I find it easier even to make small talk with men. There tend to be fewer social minefields to navigate.

My advice to the OP is to find a specific parish group or ministry to join and get to know the people there who share your common interests. Even if you don’t find a lot of people to be social with outside of the parish, you will make a lot of acquaintances who will be friendly faces there. I’ve met so many terrific people through the choirs. I volunteered with the St. Vincent de Paul conference as well and met even more great people (SVDP people tend not to be cliquey in my experience- they welcome all who care for the poor and wish to help). Maybe a bible study or prayer group would be another ice breaker.

 

[Serap]

Thanks everyone. I wasn’t expecting so many responses!

I admit that I AM very needy at the moment. Given Christmas time and all, I often get a bit down and blue b/c of the dysfunction in my family. I do feel needy at the moment.

You guys are right…I must have come on too strong without realizing it. It has never been a problem for me in the past, but with this particular woman, I guess it didn’t make her feel comfortable. Perhaps she has had some bad experiences with women in the past and is concerned that I have ulterior motives or something.

This woman is still being kinda “friendly” with me, so there’s still a chance I guess that she’ll give me a call, but I’m not going to bet on it for a while. Perhaps when she hasn’t heard from me, she’ll wonder what’s up and give me a call. I’m definitely not going to call her again.

I will pray for a friend to come my way and hope that I make one. I want a close Catholic girlfriend in my life. I’m sure God would be happy to do that for me

Man, I could never admit this stuff to anyone I know…thank God for CAF and their anonymous posters

 

[Salonika]

Thanks everyone. I wasn’t expecting so many responses!

Thought you would as this section attracts people who are concerned with people and their relationships - how to make them, how to grow them and how to mend them.

I admit that I AM very needy at the moment. Given Christmas time and all, I often get a bit down and blue b/c of the dysfunction in my family. I do feel needy at the moment.

Suspect that you may also be vulnerable. It isn’t easy at Christmas with all the expectations including we’ll be spending time with our families and friends and all will be great.

Then if you don’t fit the model and want to make new friends around Christmas people are often too busy either to notice or put the time into it. Or they ask you to parties and either it’s difficult for some with a baby to attend or no-one thinks of introducing you to others.

Also if you are also new to the area where you are living that isn’t easy at Christmas.

You guys are right…I must have come on too strong without realizing it. It has never been a problem for me in the past, but with this particular woman, I guess it didn’t make her feel comfortable. Perhaps she has had some bad experiences with women in the past and is concerned that I have ulterior motives or something.

Maybe you did but keep in mind that relationships involve two or more people. By all means, as you are doing, take responsibility for anything you MAY have contributed to the relationship not getting going. But don’t take all of it - remember it takes two to tango.

I will pray for a friend to come my way and hope that I make one. I want a close Catholic girlfriend in my life. I’m sure God would be happy to do that for me

Hope this happens soon.

Man, I could never admit this stuff to anyone I know…thank God for CAF and their anonymous posters.

Yes, there’s a lot of wisdom here and lots of people ready to share it. And sometimes we learn from responses to threads that don’t directly affect us.