Is it God's work to debate religion with friends?

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I am a Catholic Christian and I love my faith dearly but something has been troubling me. I know that we are called to evangelize in a caring and open way and I am well versed in apologetics so I often jump at opportunities to share my faith with non-catholic friends. I do not feel that I am overly pushy or aggressive, but I have found that in a couple cases, it seems like the conversation suddenly takes a turn and they close down and get defensive. After this, it seems like they begin to question their own faith more and more, but refuse to look for answers elsewhere (this has happened a couple times). It worries me that these conversations seem to have hurt their faith without providing a perspective for hope and growth.

Again, I do not feel as though I am attacking them. I always try to be open and in most cases it is them asking me questions and me answering. I always try to avoid saying that they are wrong, and I approach it from a perspective of understanding. I know that God asks us to evangelize, but I am worried that I am hurting more than I am helping.

What do you think? Are we called to have discourse with friends and family, or should we let sleeping dogs lie?
 
I do a little of both. I try to give them reasons for the stance and I try to never say that their interpretation is wrong or bad. Ultimately I just want them to see it from different angles so that’s my goal. I usually start by saying “we believe ____ because of _____”. But sometimes they then ask “so what about this?” and I rebut them etc.
 
Well, to be an Evangelist means one was awarded for carrying a message. One must carry the message to the person first, then one might be given the Evangelist award. You might be holding on too tightly to the message and not letting go of the message once it is carried to the person. One plants the seed, another waters and God does the growing. Maybe you are watering where a seed wasn’t planted.
 
Isn’t it so hard to do?
I have tried it a couple times. Usually it doesn’t go well though. Like they just ignore you.
I tell my taoist friend about St Padre Pio and he says, it’s just the man instead of God. Obviously this is wrong if you listen to the man himself but ah what can you do.
It’s sad, but as Scripture says, the prophet is believed not in his own hometown.
 
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Wouldn’t athiests or agnostics be a better starting place than people who at least have a faith in something?
 
The atheist would just get uncomfortable the whole time.

And Taoists are kinda agnostic/atheist already, depends though
 
I know what you mean. My policy is more that i’ll call athiests out on their bs, but I’m not in their face trying to convert them. I’m just not going to let it pass when they say stupid things like “religion is responsible for most the wars” etc.
 
I find that Atheists and Agnostics are the hardest to talk to because they don’t want to hear what you have to say. Non-catholic Christians are more receptive at first, but maybe they close down against the message harder if they do.
 
Since I’ve been on the receiving end of such debates and discussions (the latter is with people with whom I share beliefs) it’s not fun to debate unless that is what I came there to do. On CAF, I fully expect to debate; at work or at lunch with friends, not so much. If they keep going there I will probably start to resent it and will avoid people or situations.

I don’t mind a balanced conversation in those situations, and I know I’m doing something right if people are comfortable asking questions that are genuinely to clarify or satisfy a curiosity rather than bait to initiate a debate.

My suggestion: debate people who want to debate and treat them with the kindness that you would your friends. To your friends, be the best friend you can be, ask them about their faith and hope they are open to sharing. And be ready to share that hope that is within you when they ask.
 
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Really hard to comment without knowing the discussions in much greater detail. Unless you are well read or trained, it’s probably hard to debate some topics with people questioning their faith.

Instead of discussion perhaps focus on faith building activities? Maybe go to services together, etc.
 
I will probably have a longer response to this topic later, but very quickly I just wanted to say that the thing that probably works best is to ask a few basic questions about people’s existing beliefs, and ask them why they believe those things. Very often, people will not have very good answers, which may give you a good opportunity to talk about your own beliefs and why you believe in them.

The other thing I’d say is that you don’t have to get somebody 100% of the way to matching the Catholic Church’s teachings. Sometimes your job as an evangelist is simply to loosen the jar a little, and somebody else later on may get it all the way off.
 
Hello.

Some random thoughts:

I know that we are God’s tools and that we should evangelize, but God does the converting… at least I think this is how it works…place your non-Catholic friends in God’s hands.

I think the main request is to love our neighbor, not evangelize, not that I’m saying we shouldn’t evangelize.

God is in charge, my challenge is to be open to asking and following what His will is for me. This is so difficult and I fail continually.

Please pray for me.
 
Zerg1 said:
I am a Catholic Christian and I love my faith dearly but something has been troubling me. I know that we are called to evangelize in a caring and open way and I am well versed in apologetics so I often jump at opportunities to share my faith with non-catholic friends. I do not feel that I am overly pushy or aggressive, but I have found that in a couple cases, it seems like the conversation suddenly takes a turn and they close down and get defensive. After this, it seems like they begin to question their own faith more and more, but refuse to look for answers elsewhere (this has happened a couple times). It worries me that these conversations seem to have hurt their faith without providing a perspective for hope and growth.

Again, I do not feel as though I am attacking them. I always try to be open and in most cases it is them asking me questions and me answering. I always try to avoid saying that they are wrong, and I approach it from a perspective of understanding. I know that God asks us to evangelize, but I am worried that I am hurting more than I am helping.

What do you think? Are we called to have discourse with friends and family, or should we let sleeping dogs lie?
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A favorite saying of mine is by Bishop Fulton Sheen. He once said,“sometimes the only way God can enter a heart is to break it.”

You say that you are neither judgmental or “pushy” about your faith when asked questions. If your answer is knowledgeable and charitable yet at the same time correct and proper as to what the RCC teaches and we believe, then the reaction of another is theirs, not your responsibility. To fail to tell the truth so as not to hurt another’s feeling might be just as bad as lying to allow another to feel good.
And the feelings of another might just be a form of “breaking their heart” so that God can then enter.
In such situations, be charitable, truthful, and considerate, but do speak the truth
Shalom
 
I think it would be highly unusual if your friends didn’t close down and get defensive. Anger often goes with any change in course. A lot of people practice protectionism of their old ways. Anything Catholic is likely to stir up something in their lives.

For instance, if they are co-habitating, the thought that it could be a sin will cause a big shake-up in their relationship, for which they may be unprepared. Or if you talk to a sick person about the next life, death etc., they may get scared they will go to hell. This will not feel comfortable, so they will close down with you. It doesn’t mean your words weren’t useful.

I wish I had more of your courage. I suppose you have to decide how much risk to your friendships you can handle.
 
I avoid it at all costs. I think it is a great way to lose friends and there are better ways to evangelize. I try to do it by example. My best friend from Catholic high school has fallen away from the Church and he is always trying to bait me into discussions about the Church. I just say, “Look, I am not going to convince you and you are not going to convince me. I am a happy practicing Catholic. So you let me be that and I will let you be whatever you want to be. Let’s talk about something else.” That just puzzles the daylights out of him. He sees that I am immune to his BS. He’s heard the word, so he doesn’t need to hear it from me. He just needs to acknowledge it.

I had a co-worker who was an ultra-fundamentalist born again Christian. When he found out I was a Catholic, he really laid into me, putting down the Pope, etc. I almost decked him and if I had I would have gotten fired. I should have reported him to HR, but he was a contractor with a skill in demand. He would have had another gig before the week was out and our project needed him. I just started avoiding him.
 
Honestly, it’s a little of both having the discussion and allowing others to live their faith. I have many, many friends who are Anglican and theologically run the gamut from liberal Protestant to conservative Evangelical to Anglo-Catholic and even one who is, as they say, bordering on Anglo-Papal. Discussions can be frustrating and sometimes both parties can respond uncharitably (which I’ve been guilty of in person and online, unfortunately).

With Anglicans, at least the more traditional ones, there’s a lot to agree on and a lot of what I call affectionate, nuanced disagreement. It’s harder for me personally when talking with self-professed non-denominational Christians, whose faith makes zero sense to me, but whose love for Jesus as they know Him is profoundly beautiful. But Christ labors for the salvation of all.

It’s God’s work to proclaim Catholic Truth and to engage in real ecumenism heart-to-heart. But if we can’t show the love of Christ and Our Lady, we should just be quiet. Or type less. Or both.

And always emphasize what we as Christians of all varieties have in common.

Just my humble opinion. I could be wrong.
 
We are called by Christ to evangelize but that doesn’t mean we have to beat someone over the head with our position, but it sounds like you are following 1 Peter 3:15 when they get defensive “Always be prepared to make a defense to any one who calls you to account for the hope that is in you, yet do it with gentleness and reverence;”

It’s very difficult talking with family and friends if they don’t believe what you believe. I am in my early 50’s and my father is in his 70’s. We had a very interesting conversation on Thursday about faith from a Catholic vs. Protestant view point. Some things, I just had to bite my tongue on for now.

As long as you are doing it lovingly and standing firm in your faith, don’t be discouraged. You are likely planting seeds that will make a difference over time.

Here’s an example: I’m 51 and spent hundreds of hours ( no joke - literally ) in 2017 on my Catholic journey. I could have likely bypassed RCIA but I’m entering the Church this Easter. Looking back on it, the original seed was planted 20 +/- years ago by Mother Angelica, but I never gave Catholicism much thought one way or the other. Then in mid to late 2016, it began to slowly grow with EWTN.

If your friends or family are open to it, I recommend you encourage them to download the EWTN app and listen to AUDIO ON DEMAND specifically focusing on CALLED TO COMMUNION with Dr. David Anders. That could open up the door even more.

Take it from a former Pentecostal / Baptist about to be in full communion with the Catholic Church that planting seeds can and does work.
 
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Good idea. One problem is that most people are so bad at evangelizing they could do more harm than good.
 
I think we should have these conversations with friends BUT focus on the similarities rather than difference (for most part). I consistently have conversations about God with my evangelical friends and it makes me even more excited to serve in my ministry. They’re not very open to what I have to share about Catholicism but I brush it aside - - we all love Jesus, we all try to serve, we all believe in God and his goodness and at the end of the day that’s what matters.
 
I go back and forth on this one. I am back to let sleeping dogs lie. Debating religion as far as I am concerned is just such a hornet’s nest, especially with friends, family. I have decided to not do it unless absolutely necessary - where you believe a situation requires a defense of your faith, a witness to be more specific. I will say sadly - I see such ugliness here from some Protestants - hardcore Evangelical background. There is such blackness of heart there you can only pray for such lost souls, weak ones, to so unthinkingly unfeelingly embrace that mentality I mean - and call it Christian. Not much left for the devil to do. But enough of that.
 
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