Is it hard to meet someone in today's society?

[Sarcelle]

As a never married 45 year old, I find blaming singleness on being Catholic rather … misguided (can’t come up with a better word)

Jesus told us it was NEVER easy to follow him and I don’t think he was only talking about current society. Every generation has had its problems

And IMO a Catholic getting married does NOT all of a sudden making practicing the religion easier. I am sure there are a lot of devout married Catholics that are fed up with being mocked for having more than 2 children. So many posts about people fed up with being told they are ‘wrong’ for being pregnant again.

Then there is the Catholic who unfortunately is divorced. Society telling them ‘but Catholics don’t divorce’. Then there is the little old lady who is mocked because the only time she leaves the house is to go to church. There is the business person who looses his/her job for insisting on moral business dealings.

The list goes on…

Jesus never said it would be easy

Yes. We all have our crosses to bear.

Getting married does not automatically ensure living happily ever after. That is for fairy tales not real life.

 

[chero23]

I remember reading about a priest, who through giving spiritual advisement and taking confession, came to the conclusion that most of his marriage age and minded parishioners hadn’t even been a relationship.

Here is a pretty good resource on the decline of marriage within the Church. blog.adw.org/tag/marriage/

This is truly becoming a crisis in the Church!

Not just in church but in society. How many people live together or get married just because? Thousands of cases. People don’t see the importance and value of a marriage, to them is just a thing. We do have to get our people better prepared though.

 

[Naskor]

Not just in church but in society. How many people live together or get married just because? Thousands of cases. People don’t see the importance and value of a marriage, to them is just a thing. We do have to get our people better prepared though.

Yes. One of the biggest faults in the Church’s marriage prep is that is saves it for those who are already engaged. Marriage prep needs to start when people are still single.

 

[fin]

I’m still on CM and have tried AMS. Didn’t like the service of AMS though. On top of that, met someone there whom I had to have blocked both there and on CM. AMS sent me an email if I want to renew my subscription, but there too expensive for the service, and there’s no forums. Just the sound of crickets happening there.

As with CM, I try to be active on the forums and all. I though it was only me, but other members are also saying that they rarely if any receive any messages. I gave my subscription another chance and extended it.

I haven’t tried Catholic Singles. How is it? I might consider joining if the service is okay.

Sigh.

There are plenty of people like you looking for someone special on sites like

• catholicsingles.com
• catholicmatch.com
• avemariasingles.com

You might also want to check out the annual National Catholic Singles Conference at nationalcatholicsingles.com. Some people report good luck there, and some don’t.

Good luck and God Bless

 

[Naskor]

I’m still on CM and have tried AMS. Didn’t like the service of AMS though. On top of that, met someone there whom I had to have blocked both there and on CM. AMS sent me an email if I want to renew my subscription, but there too expensive for the service, and there’s no forums. Just the sound of crickets happening there.

As with CM, I try to be active on the forums and all. I though it was only me, but other members are also saying that they rarely if any receive any messages. I gave my subscription another chance and extended it.

I haven’t tried Catholic Singles. How is it? I might consider joining if the service is okay.

Sigh.

Not receiving any messages is only something you tangentially have control of. If you don’t send any that is entirely your fault.

I’ve heard weird things about AMS like rejecting single moms can get you banned without a refund. And they they have a button that lets you tell someone “no” without giving them the Christian dignity of a written reply. Any of these weird things true?

 

[hwriggles4]

I am in my late twenties/early thirties and I find it hard to meet someone that shares the same faith and views as I do. My Catholic faith is part of my life I find it hard in today’s society to meet someone who shares the same beliefs as I do. I have had boyfriends in the past and sure I could meet someone if I wanted to but it would be the norm nowadays to sleep with them after a few dates and move in together after a year or so and I really don’t agree with that cause of my beliefs. Does that make me seem weird? or am I just trying to follow and to do what Jesus wants? I can’t help but feel if I’m meant to meet someone I will?

Therese11:

Thanks for bringing this up.

First, I do think it is harder to meet people these days, in part because people seem to be running their own different directions, and neighbors don’t talk to each other much anymore. When I was in my later twenties, the cell phone was around, but it hadn’t quite taken off, and today at the grocery store or the gym, (well, people listened to headphones when I was your age), too many people are on their phones that no one says hello to each other anymore. It also seems that people don’t have as many local friends anymore. Older people I know who were in their 20s thirty or forty years ago often made friends with those who lived in the same apartment building - don’t see as much of that today.

Second, Therese11, you are not weird. I’m a guy, and when I was in college the first time, a few ladies thought I was homosexual (I’m definitely not) because I wouldn’t have a sleepover after a party. I even had a few guys in the fraternity house laugh at me because I wouldn’t do that, but I didn’t care if they laughed or not. My brother also got some of these accusations too, particularly after he graduated from college.

Third, I don’t know if you live in a large city or not. If you do, look for some of the Young Adult Group events or things like Theology on Tap. These events often attract a good group of Catholics in their 20s and 30s (Fox News did a story recently about a parish in New York City that attracts Young Adults for a 7 pm Sunday night Mass, and some of them have a social or a dinner afterward) who are interested in their faith (there may be a few “poachers”, but most ladies are able to figure out who the “poachers” are). Both men and women come, and it’s a good place to make friends, and it can be a good place to meet a potential spouse. One of the Young Adult Groups in Philadelphia meets once a month on a Sunday night for a 5:30 p.m. Mass and dinner. Some of these groups do socials, community service, etc.

Fourth, I’m sure you have friends from your college days and from work. Many people meet through friends. Terese11, I’m sure some of your circle of female friends from college know some good single men. Arrange to have a games night, a movie outing, a museum trip, a trip to a festival, or even a dinner party with a group of your friends, and make it a co-ed group. It’s much less awkward for a group outing. That’s part of how my brother met my sister-in-law.

Fifth, online dating can be OK, just be careful. I will say online dating is quite a bit more “normal” today than it was 15 years ago. I have several friends that met through Ave Maria Singles or Catholic Match, and their marriages have lasted.

Last, good luck Therese11! Hope this is productive.

 

[hwriggles4]

I’ve heard weird things about AMS like rejecting single moms can get you banned without a refund. And they they have a button that lets you tell someone “no” without giving them the Christian dignity of a written reply. Any of these weird things true?

Naskor:

I recall AMS having a “not interested” button that is well written with a cordial reply that someone is not interested in corresponding with that person. Basically, it’s something like, “Thank you for your interest, but I don’t believe I am the right person for you. I will keep you in my prayers that you will find a special someone. Blessings in your search.”

Naskor, as far as rejecting single mothers, I don’t know where you heard that will get you banned. That is not true, unless the man who wrote a reply to the single mother was rude in his response. I know of some nice single mothers who met their spouses on AMS, and one thing I do like about the site is the emphasis on the previously married taking the time to go through the annulment process, and being truthful on one’s “single status”. There was also a time there was emphasis that those who are dissenters on things such as Humanae Vitae will probably not find as much success on AMS.

Naskor, I don’t know how many people have been banned from Catholic online dating sites, but I recall AMS advertising that it would be done in “extreme circumstances”, and scammers are removed from AMS (that I know of) frequently.

You are welcome to try AMS and see what you think, but I don’t want to hijack this thread. I did have some other posts about AMS, so I’m ending this discussion here. Thanks for your time.

 

[ShadowBoxer]

I am in my late twenties/early thirties and I find it hard to meet someone that shares the same faith and views as I do. My Catholic faith is part of my life I find it hard in today’s society to meet someone who shares the same beliefs as I do. I have had boyfriends in the past and sure I could meet someone if I wanted to but it would be the norm nowadays to sleep with them after a few dates and move in together after a year or so and I really don’t agree with that cause of my beliefs. Does that make me seem weird? or am I just trying to follow and to do what Jesus wants? I can’t help but feel if I’m meant to meet someone I will?

If adhering to Catholic morality makes you weird, then maybe ‘weird’ is a good thing. Chero23 is right about not compromising your beliefs to attract a mate. I know that most of the guys that I interact with cannot comprehend the fact that I have never had sex. And I’m sure that my unwillingness to have sex before marriage would turn a lot of girls off. I don’t hate or blame them for not understanding. They believe how they have been taught. With regards to finding a potential spouse that shares your values/faith, you are not the only one having difficulty. Believe me! The good news for you is that you seem to be attracting men, so that is a good start. I’m sure you go to church on a weekly basis so with that in mind I have a few suggestions.

-Dress modest, but not frumpy. Men, even Catholic men, tend to be attracted visually at first.

-Make yourself more available after mass. There are probably a least a few guys in church that have noticed you, especially if you dress nice. Why not give them a chance to come up and say ‘Hi?’

-If your parish organizes any events for singles, go to a few. It might turn out to be a bust, but it’s worth a try.

-If a guy does introduce himself at mass, be willing to give him a shot. There are a few people on CAF that have expressed the opinion that it is wrong to ask a girl out after mass. That was how my parents met so I’ll admit to being a little biased. It just seems to me that if a guy is looking for a one night stand there are better places to look than in church.

 

[Maximilan_Kolbe]

*I am in my late twenties/early thirties *

I am in my late thirties/early forties. Which we know means I am in my early 40s

40 even, actually.

I had a fair amount of success with CatholicMatch. Anything that helps you see where people stand in key issues built into their profile before even contacting them is great. Plus, I did enjoy the forums. It is a numbers game, and the men tend to outnumber the women in online dating for some reason. So, men need to be persistent, funny in a way that stands out from the usual crowd (my opinion only), and present a decent, recent photo.

Funny side note - my wife had an bordeline obssessive ex-boyfriend who joined the site just to contact her and pretended to be someone different. He emailed her as “Steve.”. She could tell right away who it was, and in his second email, he accidentally forgot his fake name and signed off with his real name - “Take care, Greg”. Whoops! Some weird dudes on the internet at times…

In fact, I googled us and found our success story. Apparently, my camera was a bit outdated in 2007… Sheesh. catholicmatch.com/about/pray-hope-dont-waver

Good luck Helen!

 

[Maximilan_Kolbe]

Wrong OP, sorry. I meant good luck Therese (a beautiful name, btw ).

 

[chero23]

Yes. One of the biggest faults in the Church’s marriage prep is that is saves it for those who are already engaged. Marriage prep needs to start when people are still single.

Not only do we have to prepare ourselves in regards to marriage but with life in general. If you don’t have life discipline it will be impossible to go into the marriage disciplined.

 

[kelvinf]

I am in my late twenties/early thirties and I find it hard to meet someone that shares the same faith and views as I do. My Catholic faith is part of my life I find it hard in today’s society to meet someone who shares the same beliefs as I do. I have had boyfriends in the past and sure I could meet someone if I wanted to but it would be the norm nowadays to sleep with them after a few dates and move in together after a year or so and I really don’t agree with that cause of my beliefs. Does that make me seem weird? or am I just trying to follow and to do what Jesus wants? I can’t help but feel if I’m meant to meet someone I will?

(Emphasis mine)

Of course it’s hard. In fact, I would argue it’s more or less impossible to find someone who shares your same faith and views.

How true.

Don’t compromise your values, just keep your eyes open so you don’t miss when the right one trips into your life! Good Luck.

(Emphasis mine)

Typical CAF response. I would say that should depend on what those values are. I have come across a lot of singles here more or less looking for Mr. or Mrs. Flawless.
And when someone posts here about a flaw they see in their boyfriend or girlfriend, the first response from most people is: RUN, he/she is not good for you.

We sometimes make our own barriers.

 

[chero23]

(Emphasis mine)

Of course it’s hard. In fact, I would argue it’s more or less impossible to find someone who shares your same faith and views.

(Emphasis mine)

Typical CAF response. I would say that should depend on what those values are. I have come across a lot of singles here more or less looking for Mr. or Mrs. Flawless.
And when someone posts here about a flaw they see in their boyfriend or girlfriend, the first response from most people is: RUN, he/she is not good for you.

We sometimes make our own barriers.

But sometimes you have to put up that barrier. If you meet a girl and she tells you I do drugs and you haven’t done drugs and that doesn’t go with your ethics why stick around. Your not going to change them, they need to do it on their own.

 

[Bataar]

It’s definitely hard. I’ve all but given up. Given up seems too strong of a choice of words. Having zero expectations is better. Sure, maybe someday, a single, Catholic woman will be driving down my street and suddenly have a flat tire in front of the driveway. When she goes to change the tire, she’ll realize her lug wrench is missing making it impossible to change herself. Her next course of action is to call a friend/family member but she’ll realize she forgot to charge her phone the night before and the battery is completely dead. With no other options but to seek local help and due to the coincidental timing of a stray, very mangy looking dog walking near a neighbor’s driveway, she’d be forced to walk up my driveway to ask for help. If this scenario plays out, I could meet someone so there’s no point in giving up.

 

[kelvinf]

But sometimes you have to put up that barrier. If you meet a girl and she tells you I do drugs and you haven’t done drugs and that doesn’t go with your ethics why stick around. Your not going to change them, they need to do it on their own.

If she isn’t willing to change, then likely not the right person. But there are people out there struggling with all sorts of issues. Maybe we could help someone change or maybe someone could help us change!?

Maybe it’s someone struggling with the faith, or a person who doesn’t yet know Jesus!? Could we bring the God News to someone?

I see a problem focussing on finding someone whose faith and views are like ours. In so doing, one might forgo other opportunities.

 

[kelvinf]

It’s definitely hard. I’ve all but given up. Given up seems too strong of a choice of words. Having zero expectations is better. Sure, maybe someday, a single, Catholic woman will be driving down my street and suddenly have a flat tire in front of the driveway. When she goes to change the tire, she’ll realize her lug wrench is missing making it impossible to change herself. Her next course of action is to call a friend/family member but she’ll realize she forgot to charge her phone the night before and the battery is completely dead. With no other options but to seek local help and due to the coincidental timing of a stray, very mangy looking dog walking near a neighbor’s driveway, she’d be forced to walk up my driveway to ask for help. If this scenario plays out, I could meet someone so there’s no point in giving up.

LOL

 

[chero23]

If she isn’t willing to change, then likely not the right person. But there are people out there struggling with all sorts of issues. Maybe we could help someone change or maybe someone could help us change!?

Maybe it’s someone struggling with the faith, or a person who doesn’t yet know Jesus!? Could we bring the God News to someone?

I see a problem focussing on finding someone whose faith and views are like ours. In so doing, one might forgo other opportunities.

But they have to show the initiative, plus show some progress.

I can’t tell the girl,oh yeah as soon as I get paid on Friday, I drink til Sunday night. Then tell her, I want you to help me change. And I keep doing it.

I’m sorry, but I don’t have the patience for that, that’s my belief.