I have been stalking these forums for quite some time; I’m not really into the whole discussion thing but do like to read what others have to say. This subject caught my attention so I thought I’d just jump in and share a few things.
I have worked in many day care centers in different states. They have all been licensed, quality care centers with great staffing and great activities for the kids. However, there was always one problem – Mom was not there. (Or Dad for that matter). It became very apparent to me very quickly that these kids needed their moms. Let me explain:
Babies for one didn’t get a whole lot of one-on-one time or cuddling. They spent a lot of time moving about from one plastic device to another – first a crib or pack and play, then a bouncey seat, then a highchair for feedings, a swing, etc. Then maybe 15 minutes on a playmat or a few more minutes in an activity corral where they could crawl and play with the toys. Formulas were mixed up quite a bit, breast milk was tossed occasionally because one worker or two deemed that it looked or smelled “funny” – I was to blame for this as well (until I had my own baby and began nursing and realized that sometimes, yes, the milk certainly can look green and still be just fine!) and those bf babies were given formulas, without parental notification.
Toddlers were routinely overstimulated – not on purpose of course, but that is what happens. They had so much constant stimuli and not enough quiet time anywhere. It was either television or songs or games or activities or books or recess outside – on and on for hours. With a nap of course, but still, you could tell those little ones were just so tired in the afternoon and many zoned out. We’d get toddlers that would crawl off to a corner and sit alone, or cry occasionally, or just look out the window with pitiful looks on their faces. We of course, as the workers, would try to occupy them in still another activity or game to “fix” the problem.
One thing that was consistent in all the centers I worked for was this: NO CUDDLING NO HOLDING toddlers. No one wanted lawsuits. You could hold them briefly if they had a “boo-boo” but cuddling time by itself was a big no. Little ones would walk up to us with their arms outstretched wanting – begging – to just be held, but we’d just sit them in front of another game or another movie.
It was a job. To all parents out there who think that daycares are no big deal, and that your kids love them, I would love for you to be a little mouse in the corner and see what really goes on inside one. Sure, your kids may be taken care of, but they are not truly loved. No one can love that child like you do – no one. I truly believe there is a reason why so many full time working moms feel guilty about using daycare. They should feel guilty – they should feel a pang of hurt knowing that their children are being raised and watched over by someone else 8 to 10 hours each day. Even if they can’t fix the problem by quitting their job, it is still healthy to feel the guilt in knowing that it should not be this way.
Sin or no sin aside, daycare is a defect. It is a defect in society that tells women and sometimes demands that women work outside the home and leave behind their number one priorities. It is a defect in vocation because one of the primary goals of marriage is raising children. One cannot do that if one is not there. The dignity of marriage and motherhood is not served by mothers paying someone else to raise their child.
I am not accusing anyone here – let me get that straight. I am only pointing out that the daycare system and the American work system is greatly flawed. Governments should be encouraging moms to stay at home to raise the next generation rather than penalizing families with taxes that only hurt families. I blame most of it on the government and our materialistic society that makes it nearly impossible for some to NOT work.
I no longer work in daycares. I now have my own family and I was thinking about this issue the other day when my toddler daughter, teething her molars, wanted nothing more than to be cuddled all day long by me. She was miserable and whiney, and she constantly wanted to be held or read to. It dawned on me that if she was in a daycare, she would have been very much left alone to her own pain and misery. I would not have been there and she would have had no one to just stop everything and hold her for as long as it took for her to feel a bit better. It broke my heart to think that.
My only hope is that moms who desire the daycare option out of want, not out of necessity, really stop and think about it. Think about the cost to your child. Read DAYCARE DECEPTION – great book that got even rave reviews from liberal feminists! I like what an earlier poster said about letting one flower die so another can grow. That pretty much sums it up!
Peace, all!
I think I’ll vanish now and go back to stalking……
If they can’t handle it, the parents are called.