Is it inhospitable if I do this?

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Hellisreal

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I have quit smoking again. Actually, I quit and then slipped up twice in the last year (total of 4 cigs - 2 each time) :o

I have never smoked in front of my child, not that that makes it much better that I did it and in so doing exposed my child to secondhand smoke.:crying:
I am really a bad sinner. So,

Anyway, I dont want to be an annoying ex smoker like some I encountered while trying to quit.

So, speed up to now. I am planning to have a small backyard grill out and there will be the smoking issue to wonder about since its outdoors, and I feel uncomfortable telling the few smokers that will be invited that I would prefer they did not smoke since I am still on the edge with battling this thing, so I just dont know how to approach this.

I hope this post is in the right place, if not I apologize to the mods.

Am I being uncharitable to my guests if I say anything? Its my problem after all, not theirs and I feel so weird about it no matter how I look at this.

Any advice is appreciated.

Should I just wait to have a party until I have this thing conquered fully?
I am not sure I do have it conquered yet. I slipped up twice already.
 
I suppose you could use it as a test of your will. Maybe ask the smokers to not get so close to the grill - safety you know.

You could mention to all smokers in casual conversation that you are trying to quit and how hard it is for you. I would hope they would catch a clue and stop smoking in front of you - true friends would.

Won’t there be others who would be grateful if some of the guests didn’t smoke? the older folks, the kids, etc. Let your guests know that you are trying to protect your kids (and you) or others with allergies, etc. It’s polite and true.

good luck with the grilling
 
My friend, I was once a 3 pack a day man, 100 millimeter Pall Mallls.
I quit when they went from 25 Cents a pack to 33 Cents. My total income was about $1300 a year so you can see how things were. No one even thought cancer oe second hand smoke back then.

I relapsed briefly in the late 60"s but my daughter refuswed to kiss a man that smoked. Ergo!

After that I happened upon the saying,“My house my rules.” It was particularly helpful with teen age kids and extended to my yard, my rules. Its also like drinking to excess at parties. When guests consistently did so I stopped serving serving liquor. Limited beer and wine were available. Funny thing the parties got to be more fun for everyone and I can’t recall a single person who refused an invite. Of course the food was always fabulous, like home made pizza and speghetti etc.

I would say,“Your house, your rules.” and don’t be bashful about having quit. Every smoker out there knows the risk unless they are deaf, dumb, and blind so you need not explain that.👍
 
I would agree with the previous post that it is your house, your rules.

However, it they are going to “have to” smoke, could they do it somewhere else or would that bother you? Say for example if they did it in the front of the house.

Are the smokers your friends? You husbands? How would they react if you asked them to not smoke?
 
Good for you for quitting! :clapping:

I second the “my house my rules” post. If you would prefer people not to smoke around you and your guests, just let them know. Maybe they could go to a side or front yard if they want to smoke while there?
 
Mirror_Mirror said:
I would agree with the previous post that it is your house, your rules.

However, it they are going to “have to” smoke, could they do it somewhere else or would that bother you? Say for example if they did it in the front of the house.

Are the smokers your friends? You husbands? How would they react if you asked them to not smoke?
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I did think about asking the smokers to go to a designated area.👍

The thing is, they are “older” meaning older than me—:o 😉

And, were born with a cig in the mouth almost. I feel bad asking someone old enough to be my dad to move to a designated area.

Its basically older uncles on his side of the family. And, they have a hard time even getting up off the chair if you know what I mean.

I guess I could just ignore it and Pray I dont fall into this sin again.

I could ask my husband to talk to them but I am sorta thinking if I have the problem, I ought to handle it and not pass it off to him.
 
I don’t see anything at all wrong with asking them not to smoke while they are there. If they know you are fighting the addiction, then they should be more than happy to not light up around you.
 
I would suggest having smokers just stay farther away in the yard. Being outdoors, plus with the grill smoke, the smell would not be too noticeable if the smokers were not close to you.
 
If they are your friends they should be understanding and supportive of you. Asking them to refrain from smoking near you, during this period of time isn’t being inhospitabile. Smoking is one of the hardest habits to break, I have a up and down battle with it myself.
 
Hellisreal said:
The thing is, they are “older” meaning older than me—:o 😉
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Older, schmolder – they aren’t hosting it 🙂 It isn’t inhospitable to ask them to refrain, and if they have a grain of etiquette they’ll assent or respectfully decline the invitation. Think of it this way, would you set up a spittoon next to the grill? 😉 (and for the record, I’m a smoker too – not looking to quit, but good luck!)

It may be possible to compromise, as others have mentioned – perhaps a smoking table set fairly distant from the grill and your table? Or why not go all out and offer them cigars (at a distance)? They might appreciate that quite a lot 🙂
 
Thanks everyone who helped me with this one!🙂

I feel a lot better now. And my husband called me and asked me why I sounded “down” so I told him about all this.

He said: Why are you worried about Uncle x and Uncle Y? I am telling you, if they have the energy to sit all night in the local watering holes playing poker with their drinking buddies, they can take it. If you tell them they cant smoke they will bring their “chaw” ? Chewing tobacco I guess it is. Mirdath was close enough witht the spittoon suggestion, and if confronted with a choice, smoke is preferable to me. At a distance. He thinks either way is fine- tell them no chaw and no cigs or whatever- dont worry, however I decide is fine with him.

So- I am setting up a table for them farther away and next to it a beer cooler and the music will be at their control too. If they want to play card games, fine too.

That way I dont feel bad, they have fun but they are far away from the rest of us and I will get a Pinata for the kids to play with on the opposite end- Moms and rest in the middle.

Problem solved.

Now, lets hope they can make it to the bathroom from the farthest part of the backyard to the house.

I cant afford a porta potty service.

I can do this. 👍
 
Designate a smoking area with a few chairs and a can for ashes and butts. No smoking in my house and my family knows that. The smokers help themselves to the front porch and the comfy chairs there. Let them know that the smoking receptacle is in that location, and honestly, I don’t think anyone would mind taking a cigarette break there as long as it isn’t in an unpleasant place.

Congratulation on kicking the habit!

Kelly
 
kell0618 said:
Designate a smoking area with a few chairs and a can for ashes and butts. No smoking in my house and my family knows that. The smokers help themselves to the front porch and the comfy chairs there. Let them know that the smoking receptacle is in that location, and honestly, I don’t think anyone would mind taking a cigarette break there as long as it isn’t in an unpleasant place.

Congratulation on kicking the habit!

Kelly
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Thanks

I think the 2 guys would like to chain smoke the whole time. They even smoke while they are eating.
 
Congrats on quitting. I’ve been trying to quit smoking for years and even quit for ten years once but went back to it. For the past 3 years, since my cancer came back I’ve been trying really hard to quit again. So far, it’s been 3 months since I quit.
I wish you the greastest success.
Johannah
 
johannahw said:
Congrats on quitting. I’ve been trying to quit smoking for years and even quit for ten years once but went back to it. For the past 3 years, since my cancer came back I’ve been trying really hard to quit again. So far, it’s been 3 months since I quit.
I wish you the greastest success.
Johannah
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Oh, Johannah, I did not know you had a cancer. I am deeply sorry to hear that.

Lord Have Mercy,
Christ Have Mercy,

I will set aside time for prayer for this intention.

I am not convinced I have kicked this habit, but thank you for the kind words.
 
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