Is it mean to tell someone they are terrible person if they are?

  • Thread starter Thread starter CRATUS
  • Start date Start date
Status
Not open for further replies.
take it from someone who seems to make a lot of mistakes and is constantly being told off for them.

saying something mean does not make them more motivated to change, it just doesn’t. and you said she is aware of he shortcomings, if that is the case, she is probably already beating herself up more than anyone else knows. it’s not quite the same if we’re talking about someone who is complete denial that they have a problem

you can offer suggestion, corrections for mistakes, without attacking the person’s character. I havenot experienced it much, but I stil believe it’s possible. name-calling, swearing, saying horrible things out of anger are simply not necessary
 
Mehh…i don’t tell the person if he or she is terrible…but i do call them out…

For example, if someone is saying a comment that is rather racist, I point it out. Usually they get defensive (a racist doesn’t admit he/she is a racist 99% of the time), and then I point out how their statement is offensive. If the person is not apologetic, I will then say that the person is being rather racist. And then leave. Imo sometimes the person needs to hear exactly what is it that makes them come across this way. Saying a person is racist straight up does not help because they just think you are another liberal sjw and won’t take you seriously.

Same with calling a person terrible. They will just brush if off because you are just ‘mean’. They won’t see the fault. You just point out the things that makes them come across that way. You can do bluntly, it depends on the person. I’m not a nice person with heaps of patience when it comes to friends like this (i had my fair share of toxic friends) so I tend to say it in a way that’s not sugarcoated. You can let the person know she is being terrible without actually calling her terrible.
 
We are called to love the sinner and hate the sin. In this sort of case I think that means instead of telling this person that they are terrible tell them when their behaviour hurts you. For example rather than saying “you are a terrible person for stealing” say “you really hurt me when you took money from my wallet”.

There is definitely a time and a place for criticizing others behaviour and you should try to use good judgment.
 
I guess. I should lay it off. She is apparently seeking anger management/therapy and is attending church.
 
angell1 said:
take it from someone who seems to make a lot of mistakes and is constantly being told off for them.

saying something mean does not make them more motivated to change, it just doesn’t. and you said she is aware of he shortcomings, if that is the case, she is probably already beating herself up more than anyone else knows. it’s not quite the same if we’re talking about someone who is complete denial that they have a problem

you can offer suggestion, corrections for mistakes, without attacking the person’s character. I havenot experienced it much, but I stil believe it’s possible. name-calling, swearing, saying horrible things out of anger are simply not necessary
Click to expand...
Sure she has taken a step in the right direction by getting anger management and getting help from church. When will her bad behavior end? How many times do I have to tell her something until she understands. I believe the more I point it out, she will finally change. It can ascerbate the situation.
 
CRATUS said:
  • take advantage of people’s kindness and patience
    -free-loader
    -rude
    -disobedient to their parents
    -jealous & envious
    -backbiting
    -racial prejudices
    -judgmental and critical
    -impatience
    -violent, explosive anger
    -moody
    -immature
    -insecure
    -impulsive
    -irrational
    -sexually corrupt
    -vain
    -very sensitive/touchy yet very callous at times
    -inconsistencies
    -grudgeful and unforgiving
    -self-pitying
    The only good thing I see in this person is that she regularly attends mass, seeks professional counseling and seems to accept criticism with gracefully even though I never see her change. She IS NOT SELF-RIGHTEOUS AT ALL. She seems VERY WELL-AWARE OF HER SHORTCOMINGS.
    Some people say these criticisms are too much for someone to handle even if it is true.
    Some people say I should ease off with my criticisms because she hears criticisms quite often. Why can’t she just change her behavior so NO ONE WOULD SAY ANYTHING? SIMPLE!!!
Click to expand...
First, it’s possible this person is 100% misunderstood. Can you honestly say with certainty that you understand her perspective and where she’s coming from? I have no idea about this specific situation, but in my experience life is a comedy of errors. However, if your perceptions and criticisms are more or less on target, what I would do is mirror her behavior back to her. Don’t actually express any negativity directly toward her, just become a monster yourself when you’re in her presence. The more monstrous your behavior the more saint-like you’ll be, provided you have the humility to never explain your behavior in any way. There is a good chance of actual communication occurring between the two of you in this way, and you won’t be directly expressing negative emotions, rather, you’ll be demonstrating them. You’ll suffer bad feelings yourself, but in so doing you’ll be showing her real kindness.
 
PelagiathePenit said:
Sure she has taken a step in the right direction by getting anger management and getting help from church. When will her bad behavior end? How many times do I have to tell her something until she understands. I believe the more I point it out, she will finally change. It can ascerbate the situation.
Click to expand...
“exacerbate”.

So you are Cratus, then?
 
PelagiathePenit said:
Sure she has taken a step in the right direction by getting anger management and getting help from church. When will her bad behavior end? How many times do I have to tell her something until she understands. I believe the more I point it out, she will finally change. It can ascerbate the situation.
Click to expand...
Are you her parent that you need to keep trying to change her behavior? How is it any of your business?

So, I too am confused. Do you know the person CRATUS is talking about? Because your answer implies that you do. Actually, you and CRATUS must know each other since you both know this person. :rolleyes:
 
I have no idea about the situation with the OP, but if they are reading, I will say this - and this will be harsh, but I think it needs saying:

You aren’t being a good person when you constantly point out her faults. You aren’t being a good person when you override her feelings to knock her down further. You aren’t being aware that what you do is probably contributing to how your ‘friend’ feels - you say you constantly point out her mistakes and then say “all she can see is her own problems”, but how is she supposed to see anything else? How is she supposed to change when whatever she does, you put her down because you believe it is best?

You clearly think you are better than her. Your contempt and scorn for her is visible in every single post, and I feel sorry for her because you think it’s acceptable to speak about her in this way. You seem to think that you are superior to her, and it almost comes across that you consider yourself to be doing her a favour by correcting her.

What you are doing, OP, is browbeating. What you are doing has nothing to do with fraternal correction, it has nothing to do with you truly wanting to help her. You are pushing her down and making her feel worse. You do not seem to like her at all, and with that in mind, I advise you to end this ‘friendship’, for the benefit of you both.

Lou
 
Life is too short–kwim?

Deal with the behaviors when they adversely affect you. Deal with the behaviors individually as they happen. It is not very nice to call someone names, it is the behaviors you don’t like…

If they are a chore to be around, well then don’t be around them much or focus on improving your life so you can look at this person through a neutral lens, so they don’t affect you or make it your problem.
 
How is harshness wrong? I don’t believe in biting my tongue when I see error. If people behaved better there would be no need for harshness.
 
Definition of harsh. 1 : having a coarse uneven surface that is rough or unpleasant to the touch. 2 a : causing a disagreeable or painful sensory reaction : irritating b : physically discomforting : painful.

So it’s your assertion that being unpleasant is not wrong
Inflicting pain is not wrong
Being irritating is not wrong

All of these are sins against peace and charity and not Gospel values.

Who is this person you hate so much?

Is it Peligia or CRATUS? Or both?

You don’t need to answer, but I will say that you are showing a very bitter and unhappy side in your posting. In this there is no room for repentance or forgiveness.

Perhaps it’s time to put away the socks and get back into Mass, Adoration, and learning about the Gospel message.

You asked, or someone asked :rolleyes: if it was “mean.”
Yes.
Yes it is.
A person when confronted with harshness only makes excuses, digs in their heels and pronounces you wrong.

So the circle continues.
 
PelagiathePenit said:
How is harshness wrong? I don’t believe in biting my tongue when I see error. If people behaved better there would be no need for harshness.
Click to expand...
Yes, I see. When you are ‘harsh’, it is because the errors of other people forced you to react that way

I don’t believe in harshness for harshness’ sake, but you still have not addressed what several people have questioned you about --are you Cratus, or are you Pelagia, or are you both? You are responding to the post made by Cratus as if you posted it yourself, but you are Pelagia.

IOW, you are pretty darn quick and harsh to address the errors of some person (errors that we ‘know’ only through your ‘perception’ of them in her), but you are slow and timid when it comes to addressing your own, methinks. . .
 
PelagiathePenit said:
How is harshness wrong? I don’t believe in biting my tongue when I see error. If people behaved better there would be no need for harshness.
Click to expand...
And yet…

You have been annoyed when people correct you or tell you you are wrong. Or, dare I say, have been harsh with you. :rolleyes:

So you, Pelagia, and CRATUS, the OP, both think it is okay to correct people, including family, about things that in your opinion, are wrong with them. Browbeating is okay. Judging them is okay.

Maybe CRATUS and Pelagia should just worry about making themselves behave better and leave other people alone.
 
Irishmom2 said:
So you, Pelagia, and CRATUS, the OP, both think it is okay to correct people, including family, about things that in your opinion, are wrong with them. Browbeating is okay. Judging them is okay.
Click to expand...
It is acceptable to correct and judge others, provided that there is no hypocrisy or malice behind our judgments, and that the judgments themselves remain reasonable.

catholic.com/magazine/articles/judge-not by JimBlackburn 🍕
 
Faxero said:
It is acceptable to correct and judge others, provided that there is no hypocrisy or malice behind our judgments, and that the judgments themselves remain reasonable.

catholic.com/magazine/articles/judge-not by JimBlackburn 🍕
Click to expand...
We are going to have to agree to disagree.

And sometimes what you said is not a one size fits all. This thread is about a specific poster. You should read some of their history sometimes before making generalizations.
 
Irishmom2 said:
We are going to have to agree to disagree.

And sometimes what you said is not a one size fits all. This thread is about a specific poster. You should read some of their history sometimes before making generalizations.
Click to expand...
Snippets from 'Judge Not? | Catholic Answers Magazine.

It is not possible to follow Jesus’ instructions without being “judgmental” of another’s behavior. Contrary to what many would prefer to believe, the Bible exhorts us to rightly judge the behavior of others.

“For what have I to do with judging outsiders? Is it not those inside the church whom you are to judge? God judges those outside. Drive out the wicked person from among you” (1 Cor. 5:12-13).

“Do you not know that the saints * will judge the world? And if the world is to be judged by you, are you incompetent to try trivial cases? Do you not know that we are to judge angels? How much more, matters pertaining to this life!…Shun immorality” (1 Cor. 6:2-18).

“You shall do no injustice in judgment; you shall not be partial to the poor or defer to the great, but in righteousness shall you judge your neighbor” (Lev. 19:15).*

Read more at catholic.com/magazine/articles/judge-not by Jim Blackburn.
 
Status
Not open for further replies.
Back
Top