Is it morally wrong to marry a women 20 years older?

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It isn’t morally wrong, Biblically wrong, or wrong in Christian tradition. In fact, age gap marriages were extremely common prior to the 1900s. We even had two presidents of the US who married while in office and they were not run out of town on a rail. 🙂 One was 54 and his wife was in her 20s and another was 49 and his wife was around 21. Look at all the famous age gap romances from “Jane Eyre” to Humphrey Bogart and Lauren Bacall. I am a gal who has always preferred much older men and I say enjoy your preference. You do have some issues to consider and discuss such as children and later years when she will have more health issues than you do. However, don’t let public opinion or the fear of God’s disappointment affect you. God doesn’t care and modern people aren’t worth it. After all, these are often the same people who accept gay marriage and abortion.
Isn’t it amazing that the same people who turn up their noses(literally) at large age differences, aren’t as emotionally effected by abortion, divorce, living together, sex before marriage, pornography, teen sex etc. Apparently, so long as the people are close in age…

They have some very strange ideas of sexual/social morality.
 
Isn’t it amazing that the same people who turn up their noses(literally) at large age differences, aren’t as emotionally effected by abortion, divorce, living together, sex before marriage, pornography, teen sex etc. Apparently, so long as the people are close in age…

They have some very strange ideas of sexual/social morality.
You’re right. Mother Theresa of Calcutta called abortion the “greatest destroyer of peace in the world.” About 7 years ago one of our Catholic newspapers reported that here in Canada there were roughly 2,000 abortions per week taking place. At that time , the worldwide estimate was between 40 and 60 million…per year ! And many don’t realize the extent of the impact that pornography’s permeation of society has on individual souls.

@kalt (sorry someone’s attributing my quote to you now…but I can’t read all the posts for them) I’m willing to give one more attempt at answering your question -

But you haven’t answered the question. Why would you be more worried if the OP were the older person?
… If you could bear in mind two things:
  • I didn’t study, I didn’t know there was going to be an exam.
  • No one informed me of the unexpected visit by the “syntax police” 😉
When someone genuinely asks me, “Is it a sin”, I interpret it as : “I’m worried, I’m concerned ( about something), or something’s bothering me.” This is the case w/ Sublime Prince who asked “am I in sin” to marry an older woman.

To me the question sounds like, “I’m worried/concerned it might be a sin to marry this older woman.” So the reply, “I would be more worried if…”, actually implies an unwritten “Dont worry” rendering my response to Sublime Prince: “Don’t worry, I would be more worried if…” That was the gist of the response - that Sublime Prince (who was worrying) shouldn’t worry…and I expected it to end there. As I attempted to point out to you previously, I was speaking figuratively, trying to make the point that he shouldn’t worry.

But to accomodate your request for further explanation, there could be some cause for concern over a 20 year age differential between say a 50 year old man and a 30 year old woman. If you type “statistics on men and younger women” and/or something similar to this into your search engine, you’ll come up with a myriad of sites that will supply as many answers as you wish to read. Here’s an excerpt from one such site
The May-December story:
While no statistics are readily available, older man-younger woman couples have long existed and may be becoming more prevalent and more socially acceptable. In certain Hollywood and corporate circles, especially among financially successful men, the practice is so common that these younger women, usually second wives, have been given the disparaging nickname of “trophy wives.”

That’s one area where there could be cause for concern.

Considering the aforementioned age differential of 20 years, the expression “age doesn’t matter” would seem to apply. However if the man is 30 and the girl is 20 years younger, obviously there’s a major problem. There are those who would maintain that as long as the man is whatever age and the girl is 18 or over (or 21 or over), there isn’t any problem. Unfortunately this doesn’t always hold true. At the ages of 18,19,20 there are still some big “girls” in women’s bodies, and no lack of men waiting to take advantage of them (I believe the mothers of some daughters that age would back me up on this one).

That’s my concern (@kalt). It doesn’t affect Sublime Prince’s situation in any way but I hope I was able to make it a bit clearer for you.
 
Ok. Got it now. 🙂

I understand the concern over much older men taking advantage of much younger women, especially when they’re very young.

30 is probably old enough, though, unless she’s mentally handicapped.
You’re right. Mother Theresa of Calcutta called abortion the “greatest destroyer of peace in the world.” About 7 years ago one of our Catholic newspapers reported that here in Canada there were roughly 2,000 abortions per week taking place. At that time , the worldwide estimate was between 40 and 60 million…per year ! And many don’t realize the extent of the impact that pornography’s permeation of society has on individual souls.

@kalt (sorry someone’s attributing my quote to you now…but I can’t read all the posts for them) I’m willing to give one more attempt at answering your question -

But you haven’t answered the question. Why would you be more worried if the OP were the older person?
… If you could bear in mind two things:
  • I didn’t study, I didn’t know there was going to be an exam.
  • No one informed me of the unexpected visit by the “syntax police” 😉
When someone genuinely asks me, “Is it a sin”, I interpret it as : “I’m worried, I’m concerned ( about something), or something’s bothering me.” This is the case w/ Sublime Prince who asked “am I in sin” to marry an older woman.

To me the question sounds like, “I’m worried/concerned it might be a sin to marry this older woman.” So the reply, “I would be more worried if…”, actually implies an unwritten “Dont worry” rendering my response to Sublime Prince: “Don’t worry, I would be more worried if…” That was the gist of the response - that Sublime Prince (who was worrying) shouldn’t worry…and I expected it to end there. As I attempted to point out to you previously, I was speaking figuratively, trying to make the point that he shouldn’t worry.

But to accomodate your request for further explanation, there could be some cause for concern over a 20 year age differential between say a 50 year old man and a 30 year old woman. If you type “statistics on men and younger women” and/or something similar to this into your search engine, you’ll come up with a myriad of sites that will supply as many answers as you wish to read. Here’s an excerpt from one such site
The May-December story:
While no statistics are readily available, older man-younger woman couples have long existed and may be becoming more prevalent and more socially acceptable. In certain Hollywood and corporate circles, especially among financially successful men, the practice is so common that these younger women, usually second wives, have been given the disparaging nickname of “trophy wives.”

That’s one area where there could be cause for concern.

Considering the aforementioned age differential of 20 years, the expression “age doesn’t matter” would seem to apply. However if the man is 30 and the girl is 20 years younger, obviously there’s a major problem. There are those who would maintain that as long as the man is whatever age and the girl is 18 or over (or 21 or over), there isn’t any problem. Unfortunately this doesn’t always hold true. At the ages of 18,19,20 there are still some big “girls” in women’s bodies, and no lack of men waiting to take advantage of them (I believe the mothers of some daughters that age would back me up on this one).

That’s my concern (@kalt). It doesn’t affect Sublime Prince’s situation in any way but I hope I was able to make it a bit clearer for you.
 
I would not say ‘go for it’ like the person above, but rather be careful.

It certainly isn’t a moral sin, you both are adults and have matured completely.

I’m sure you have done plenty of thinking already, all I can say is pray and perhaps see a priest to discuss your thoughts, feelings and they can give you better advice.

God Bless
 
I don’t think it is wrong, provided you have the emotional maturity, financial resources, and willingness to maintain a stable marital relationship, and you can marry in good conscience. If she is a Catholic there might be some issues you need to discuss. A practicing Catholic needs to have their marriage done before a priest for it to be valid in the eyes of the church, and there are other pastoral issues to consider as well.
 
OP, my only new comment is on this:
I qualify for hearing aids but refuse to use them
.

If you and Karen get married, please do consider using the hearing aid. If you’ve lost one of your senses and it can be simulated, for the safety of your household, please use it.

I agree with others. If you are intent on living out the vocation of marriage as defined by the church, be happy, be blessed. May you help each other to deeper holiness.
 
Isn’t it amazing that the same people who turn up their noses(literally) at large age differences, aren’t as emotionally effected by abortion, divorce, living together, sex before marriage, pornography, teen sex etc. Apparently, so long as the people are close in age…

They have some very strange ideas of sexual/social morality.
EXACTLY! This particular issue is only a problem when it’s made a problem. Life is too dang short to be letting haters dictate your life and trying to lead you away from your blessings. Misery always did & still does love company. God bless everyone everywhere!!!👍:tiphat:
 
Yours is an unusual situation. I mean, what are the chances you’d meet another woman you are so compatible with? What are the chances you’d fall in love if you did meet another one?

There is absolutely nothing in Church teaching that forbids a marriage with a 20 year age difference. Just be aware that at her age she likely will not be able to have children, and that she will get old much sooner than you.
 
I like the reference made about Fr. Corapi - that a marriage’s main purpose is to get each other to Heaven!

I agree it is not a “sin” to marry anyone who is so different in age from you, any more than it is a “sin” to marry a person who is not the same color, or from the same town, or in the same economic level, etc…You just have to be marrying for the right reason: That you feel this person is your other half and that this is the person God made for you to be with so that you can help each other go to Heaven.

My mom and dad were 14 years apart (Dad older) and thet married when Mom was only 21. The marriage was great and lasted for over 40 years until Dad’s death.

Some posters here mentioned children. It is wrong to place an impediment to children such as use birth control, but nowhere does it say in the Catholic Church that you MUST have children in a marriage. But as you are only 30 years old, you need to examine very fully how you would feel about never having children. (Adoption would be very difficult considering age and health issues).

Some posters have also mentioned health - the implication being that she would have health issues before you due to her age. Well, there are certainly NO guarantees at ANY age that you or your spouse will be healthy for any certain number of years. I am only 56 and have a lot more health issues than my husband (who is 55). Being 56 is not “old” and my point is my health began to fail about 5 years ago ---- we NEVER expected when we got married that I would have such bad heath issues in the future. But even knowing would not have kept us from marrying. Is that how you feel?

To me, it sounds like a nice match. But everyone needs to have pre-marital counseling sessions to find out if they are ready to deal with the challenges marriage will bring. Are your ways of dealing with money and paying bills the same? How will you deal with money difficulties? Who will do the housework? Will you both work outside the home? Where will you live? What do you like to do for recreation? Are you both “outgoing” or introvertive? What do you each like to do in your spare time for recreation?

At the ages of 30 and 50, you both may have set-ways of living that will need to change to accomodate a marriage partner and living with each other. Those need to be fully explored and discussed before you can know if marriage is what will be good for the two of you.
 
It sounds like you share things in common and similar difficulties so she may make a good partner for you as long as you also have shared interests and shared beliefs. Listen to your mum though but she can’t choose a partner for you. You are both adults although I would not choose a man more than 15 years older than me.
 
If you have found your true love…then do something about it! ❤️ At 30 years old your mother should not be picking your dates for you. :hmmm: My parents didn’t like my sister’s choice for a husband…but they have been married now for 25 years and what a husband he turned out to be…outstanding!

I don’t think today the difference between 30 & 50 is so much of a big deal. Anyway, that’s my :twocents:.
 
Yay, another age thread! You marry someone YOU like, and not your mother. As soon as you marry her, she takes precedence over your mother and under God. Gen 2:24, you know who you like, not anyone else.

For logical reasons here is another thread link that lists some responsibilities of marriage, that is what is important. Those should be things you should be concerned about over an age difference.

forums.catholic-questions.org/showthread.php?t=332025

:blessyou:
 
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