Is it necessary to send students on retreats?

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What is with the idea that we simply must send students on retreats? Was this a practice years ago or was it something that started in the 60’s? It just seems to me that we can’t possibly have a “complete” student program these days unless we require the parents to send these kids out of town for a few days. I personally hate when the regular schools do this for extra curricular groups as well. It really puts a burden on parents who don’t have a lot of money, or who really don’t want to send their kids in large groups overnight (or over several nights). When kids are exposed to so many bad influences these days is this really the great idea the program directors think it is? At home, I would be very choosey about letting my daughter stay overnight at other kid’s homes. Yet, we are supposed to send entire classes of kids with a few chaperones out of town in the interest of them having an “experience”? If it is just to make things “fun”, can’t they do something like a day trip? And the worst are the “fund raisers” to send the kids away. Don’t even get me started! What does everyone else think?
 
No. It is ok to say no also. Someone needs to put an end to it.
 
Interesting issue. I imagine you have a teenager. At least, I hope it is not an issue at younger ages. I was talking with our parish’s new youth leader about how our revitalized Catholic youth program is going. Unfortunately, our Catholic youth group is always being compared to the local “non-denominational” Christian (read: Protestant) youth group. As long as our Catholic youth group is Catholic, the kids compare it unfavorably to the Protestant youth group which is more “fun” and only very subtlely “religious”. If you are in an area where there are strong Protestant youth groups, perhaps the emphasis on retreats is part of that competition. That said, I also remember “retreats” as being a big thing in the 1970s when I was a teen. I think it is a very Catholic way of getting away from your everyday world in order to reflect, pray, and deepen one’s spiritual life.
 
Honestly i think your over reacting. when i was freshman in high school our band ( i was in the colorguard ) made it all the way to nationals in florida at disneyworld, it was GREAT! we had a great time and no body did anything bad, to be honest at that age kids NEED a break from their parents, like sleepovers and trips with friends or church groups or school groups, other wise how do we learn any independence and after a while parents get irritating and kids need a break from them just like parents occasionally need a break from their kids. the biggest trip i ever made was spring break in Monterrey Mexico with four friends of mine. we went down there and had a great time, we partied but we were of age to do so and we always stayed together and watched out for each other. it was my freshmen year of college so it really helped me to assert and feel my own independence, so when i got a scholarship to go to Cuernavaca as a foreign exchange student it was much easier for my mom to let me go, and the 4 and a half weeks i was there i only got to talk to my mom once, so that truly was my first long term stab at independence, and it felt great (minus the homesickness) you have let them grow up and make choices you cant shelter them forever and expect them to know how to handle tough choices when youre not there. sometimes we have to screw up to learn and you cant keep them babies forever, once they hit high school you really need to loosen the leash a little or else they’ll break it.
 
I can see that argument Ashley, but I find myself spending money left and right for my young children to have experiences. I find that they aren’t worth it. I feel the same way with it comes to these types of retreats. I did go to Quebec in 8th grade and Mock UN in high school.
 
Most schools now (or at least when i was in high school 5 years ago) have fund raisers to help the kids raise money to go, the year before our band trip we held car washes and bake sales and sold candy and wrapping paper, in the end my mom only gave me spending money i was able to pay for trips on my own, if your kids are old enough why not suggest them to get a job if they truly want to go, if not and you can only spend so much be extremely discerning and between you AND your kids decide which one they would get more out of and enjoy ( but you make the final decision obviously. as kids our motives are not always “correct”).
 
But families suffer with these fundraisers, parents have to organize them and they get in the way of being with your family on the weekends, including shuttleling your kids around. What if as a family, your teen doesn’t have their own car?
 
that i can understand i didnt have my own car until was 18 but i managed by getting rides from friends and occasionally my parents took me. some fundraisers are great for the families i always help at my little sisters cheerleading car washes not just because ive known all the girls since they were 10 but because my whole family does it even my fiance and its great for the school to have families involved. i sympathize with your situation i truly do, but you should never feel guilty about not being able to do something, they may pout and whine now but when they get to be my age they’ll understand and realize just how easy they had it with mom. besides no one ever died from being told no. i was believe that overindulgence is a nasty form of child abuse, make them figure rides out if your unavailable, and make them raise the money. you dont have to give them everything sometimes it makes strong adults when kids learn to do things on their own, and then they truly have a sense of pride about it. im paying for my own college and yes its taking me longer to graduate but you know what its mine, i earned it and provided for it myself, so its one of the things i am most proud of in my life. and self pride and achievement are two great feelings!
 
and studies have shown that kids whos parents are involved with PTSO and other school organizations make better grades and are less likely to be “troublemakers” for themselves and others. i’ll look for my family life text book from my child development course and see if i can find the whole quote, sorry for the brief summary.
 
That’s great if your from an affluent suburb I guess. But some families need their children home to help out or children need to work to save for college. From what I remember in highschool, the students who had parents involved just never got punished.

I live in the city, but grew up in the suburbs. At least where I live there is a focus on the school system, fundraisers, sports, and retreats of the sort. What at first sounds like just doing the best for their children, becomes underlyingly racist and discriminatory for low income people. Whether it be from increasing property taxes or little to no zoning for apartments all because they want a better school system.
 
well i cant say that i understand that, i by no means come from an affluent family, my parents are just now getting to the point of financial comfort and we’re all grown but the baby, and i ve mostly always lived in small towns. to an extent i agree however things will never change if parents dont get involved and stand up and say something.
 
depends on what kind of retreat it is. Some of them are a complete waste of time, like the “juniors retreat” I was forced to participate in during high school. We all had to stay til 9 pm after school, thus missing dinner with our families and for some of us, after school jobs (they made no exceptions for girls who had to work). The theme of the retreat was “non-violence” which was about as irrelevant as you could get for an all girls high school. Very little God-talk, no talk about conversion, repentence, etc, and no talk about chastity, which more than half of the girls in my class REALLY needed to hear! We often were split up into small groups of just students to “reflect” but ended up just gossiping about the usual stuff. Oh, and the retreat was held in the school library, so it wasn’t a retreat from anything in the true sense of the word.

Some retreats are better though - not watered down, not pointless, and can be really great for a teenager. Ideally a retreat should be single-sex to cut down on problems, and should be very Christ-focused. There should be confession and Mass during it. Try to find out what you can about the retreat ahead of time.
 
I think it’s a good idea for EVERYONE (teens, parents, couple, singles, etc.) to go on at least a small retreat every year or so. I was always forced to do this during high school (hated the idea, but by the end of the weekend was so glad I’d gone-truly a time to hear God’s voice) and very able to do this throughout college, even taking a part in helping to lead a couple (much to my own amazement being a shy type)… but I find it more difficult now with all my responsibilities…of course that probably makes the time, energy and hard earned money I’d put toward the retreat all the more valuable of a gift in God’s eyes…

I never have a chance to spend a whole weekend focused on God without a retreat, and it’s always been worth it to me!

God bless!
 
I am not exactly sure what kind of retreat you are complaining about. It is agreed by everyone I know or have taken a class from or who hs written youth ministry materials I use that a retreat is an essential part of preparation for confirmation. Most Catholic high schools also have a retreat for juniors or seniors that focuses on life decision making. If there is a church affiliated retreat center nearby that is great, but if it is a sleepover or lock-in it can be at the parish hall, or campus or any nearby space that is available free or nominal rent. There would be more work for parents in that meals would have to be catered, but would cut down on expense.

Every parish I have been involved with has scholarships to cover those who can’t afford the expense. We usually charge an amount to cover food and ask donations for the musicians and speakers. Our attitude in this diocese is pretty much you should freely give what you have freely received so catechists, DRES, YMs help each other out, or combine forces for their confirmation retreats. There is very little available down here for overnight retreats, and what there is is booked years in advance and going rate is $70-150 for a weekend, way too much for high school.

So far I have not done overnights because of lack of parental help and supervision, but if we do an overnight the campus nearby has suitable space availble for free, since they are all public school students.
 
Thanks for your replys so far. I actually do not have a teenager yet, but I do have children who will someday be teenagers. The type of retreats I am talking about are the ones where the kids are sent out of town,on the theory that this will somehow build and strengthen their faith, when all it really seems to be is an excuse to go someplace far away from home. I recall the “retreats” we had as teens. The one we were supposed to go on the year I was confirmed was cancelled because the facility they had been sending the kids to every year was shut down due to the teens having drugs and sex. I am sure this is an extreme case, but these are the sorts of things I hear all to often. The same parish had a retreat for the adults when the big “Renew” movement was going on, but that was held in the gym/school, as no self respecting adult I know would sell candybars, wrapping paper, or magazine subscriptions to pay for a trip. If we can’t afford it, we don’t go. So why do the kids have a different standard? Yes, it would be nice if we could all go on a vacation every year to reflect and rebuild our spirits, but most can’t afford that. And the main goal of these trips seems to be to get away from the parents. Which I have to disagree Ashly, kids do not NEED a break from their parents. Their parents are responsible for them (or should be) and frankly, these days the kids are gone from the house for school, sports, clubs, friends. It seems like we should have a trip home to see what that is like for a change! 😃 If you have raised them right, kids should respect and love their parents, not be in a big hurry to “escape”. And yes, if I have raised them right I shoud be able to trust them and their judgement away from home. However, I think it should be my right as their parent to determine when and where “away” is, not the school or the religious ed program. Why should we send kids on trips to other states when they are perfectly good facilities closer to hand that would cost less? I agree that we seem to be trying to compete with the protestant youth groups. Those groups in general seem to me more concerned with making the kids feel good than teaching them religion. And when we have to rearrange our religious ed schedule because it conflicts with Track the priorities seem just a little out of whack.
 
Which I have to disagree Ashly, kids do not NEED a break from their parents. Their parents are responsible for them (or should be) and frankly, these days the kids are gone from the house for school, sports, clubs, friends.
Eventually the youth will leave the parents though. It is perfectly normal and healthy for the youth to want to leave the nest, so to speak. In fact, as a young adult myself, I have seen problems with college freshman going mad with relationship problems due to the fact that thier parents have been over-protective in thier later high school years. They go from very little liberty and very little away time from parents (high school) to complete liberty and a life away from parents (college). There absolutely MUST be a transition period - or problems will occur. (some quite serious)
Why should we send kids on trips to other states when they are perfectly good facilities closer to hand that would cost less? I agree that we seem to be trying to compete with the protestant youth groups. Those groups in general seem to me more concerned with making the kids feel good than teaching them religion. And when we have to rearrange our religious ed schedule because it conflicts with Track the priorities seem just a little out of whack
I think you really have to ask yourself - What does good youth ministry look like? What do you want your youth ministry program to accomplish? Which is more important: your child knows the ten commandments and the beatitutdes (etc) or that your child loves God with all his(or her) heart mind and soul? Of course, you would agree that the second is most important. (And also of course, I would argue that we can do BOTH)

Retreats are an excellent way of facilitating the growth of that fundamental relationship between your child and God. I’ve had many moving experiances on a retreat.
 
I went on a lot of retreats as a kid and teen in my Presbyterian youth. Very mixed feelings about them. There were some genuinely spiritual moments where with the guidance of an adult I came to think seriously about my faith and learned something.

However, my most vivid memories are of getting into mischief in our “free time” when we were supposed to be writing in our journals or whatever and in reality we were in our dorm rooms playing truth or dare with the boys and you can imagine where that went. The lack of parental supervision and the boy-girl problems were big enough that I would champion girl- and boy-only retreats once my girls are old enough for them. I can imagine though the pouting that would go on at my prudish suggestions. 🙂

If the purpose of the retreat is genuinely spiritual, such as for an older teen, beginning to discern their adult vocation, then the planning should be serious and the sexes separated other than maybe for a special event at the end of the retreat.

If the purpose is more community-building and it is supposed to be more like a summer camp experience then please advertise it as such and don’t guilt-trip the parents who don’t want it or can’t afford it into sending their kids.

There are also “mission trips” which I also went on. These are pretty much the same as retreats with all the boy-girl stuff going on but (in my experience) with more long hours spent in a stuffy van and a few hours of distasteful chores “helping” people you don’t know, have no connection to and will never see again. Sorry, the cynicism synapse snapped there!

On the mission trip I went on we: cleared trash and debris from a denominational historic cemetery, did housework at a historic home (of the denomination’s founder), sorted donated clothes for a charity, served dinner to homeless, toured museums, the denomination’s headquarters, visited a theme park, slept on church floors everywhere and gossipped a lot. My brother however actually went and helped frame houses for the poor in Tijuana which he says is one of the best experiences of his life.

It is all a mixed bag. The best way to keep your child focussed on the spiritual aspect of a retreat is to have you or your spouse attend as a chaperone. If the youth group leaders won’t allow you to attend—forget it! Your child should be able to get plenty of “alone time” even with you there. Too much navel gazing with peers is not good for the soul.

LeeAnn
 
sounds like we are discussing a lot of things here. one is retreats with a spiritual basis as part of confirmation preparation or Christian youth group/Sunday School for teens, either one day or overnight, at the Church or nearby, run by reliable people chosen because they will present teaching, activities, reflection, prayer experiences to reinforce the child’s faith etc. with supervision by teachers and/or parents.

Then there are longer trips in other towns, states, countries, that involve transportation by charter bus, plane etc. for whatever purpose - church related, band, sports, school, academic competition, scouts, whatever. Value, safety, supervision etc. depend on the reason, the sponsoring organization, etc, and here it is definitely up to the parents to make sure they know what is going on and if possible be a part of it as a chaperone. An example would be STeubenville summer conferences, World Youth Day, Philmont Scout Ranch, band competitions etc.

Then there are mission trips and work camps, specifically to promote awareness of social justice issues, training in evangelization and discipleship, which can be extremely valuable spiritually, but also depend on the adults and organizations in charge. Appalachian or Mexico outreach, trip to poor urban neighorhood etc. to repair homes, build homes, teach migrant children, whatever.

Frankly the liability issues involved in transporting a large group of kids any distance is enough to keep me from even considering it. The last two are very expensive, and will involve fundraising, and this is an area where youth ministers notoriously fail in accountability both on the financial end and in assuring adequate supervision. GROUP magazine for YMs has extremely valuable advice for such excursions, and has a directory every year of missions, work camps etc. It is not Catholic based but non-denominational. Its articles cover everything good and bad Catholic YM programs encounter, but sometimes are very casual on the abuse potential.

Bottom line, parents get involved and stay involved and don’t trust your kids to strangers.
 
I just want to quickly comment about a running concern through many of the posts here about lack of supervision on retreats…It’s HARD to get parents to volunteer for this necessary job. My roommate in college was our youth director, and retreats were a lot of work–sometimes because she wouldn’t get any sleep because she wanted to be sure that everyone was staying out of trouble and there weren’t any parents who wanted to help her with this…more hands make lighter work…and less concerns…

So, I guess the moral of the story is…if you’re worried about supervision, get involved yourself!!! As a concerned parent, you’re the best person for the job anyway.
 
Retreats. I am a youth group leader and I found that retreats benefit confirmation students. I found that the retreats bring them closer to God, like they never thought before. The retreats we have focus on the eucharist, rosary (yr.1) and divine mercy (yr2). We have talk on sin, forgiveness and the eucharist. There is more to it then what I have explained. We have an adecquate amount of chaperones. There is usually about 25-30 chaperones at hand. There are mostly young adult between that ages of 21-33. We do have jr members that are part of the youth group. As far as the money, We never turn away anybody that cannot pay.

Bad influences… I’m not sure if you are talking about other teens or the youth leaders. Our team watches the teens like hawks. Yes, there were several occasions that a teen decieded that without parents they can mis behave, but unfortunately to their dismay they were reprimanded and parents were notified as soon as we get back.

I truly wish you’d reconsider retreat, because I know if it is planned with God’s Grace and with a dedicated youth leaders it can be a success.
 
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