Is it normal to feel anxious before getting married?

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Oursky2101

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Hi everyone. This is my first post here. Hope to hear from you guys. I have been in a romantic relationship for over 3 years. During this time, we was engaged and prepared for the wedding but then he had cold feet and rejected me. I was devastated and he decided that we should break up. At that time, he wasn’t sure that he could have a life with me even though he said he still loved me. I was trying to save our relationship and i prayed for God to help us if we were meant to be together. Until the end, we still broke up and i left out his house. After months, while i was healing, he tried to keep in touch with me and explained that he was pulled away because of his fear of marriage. This time, he really wants to marry me. It’s been nearly 6 months and he still says he’s made his decision already that he wants to spend his life with me. He asked me to forgive what he did to me but i have no idea why apart of me still doubt of what he said. I am scared of being hurted once more time from him. I still have feelings for him but it’s different than before because of what he did. We are discussing about wedding recently but I wonder all the time whether he is the one that God wants me to marry with or not because i feel confused right now.
How could I know what God is trying to tell me before the big decision?
 
God bless you! This is hard, but there are few bigger decisions you will make in this life. I called off a wedding and it was the best decision I ever made. You said you wonder all the time if he is the one God wants you to marry. That could be your answer right there. “The One” won’t fill you with uncertainty.

Some things to consider: how do you feel when you imagine having his children (not just children, but his children)? Are any of your anxieties financial? If you are both very young it may be important to isolate financial anxiety from vocational anxiety.
 
I am not worried about financial thing because both of us have stable jobs. I just worry about his feelings for me. He changed his mind one time and now he comes back and asks me to forgive. But there is nothing to guarantee that he won’t change again and I wonder about that. I still pray for God if it is what he wants me to do. Thanks for your response
 
Well he told me that he was alone for a very long time. And when we lived together, it was a new experience for both of us. He wasn’t sure that he could work everything out.
 
Blessings,
I’m sorry, you had this pain in your life. I may make you feel uncomfortable w saying this but your wrote,”I moved out of his house.” Living together doesn’t solve the problems that come w cohabitating w another person.Though, one does cross a few bridges. Your innocence in love is lost b/c of his earlier cold feet & rejection. Have you forgiven him?
Aren’t you going to Pre-Cana classes for your wedding. After acreal forgiveness, it would lie going on a matchmaking daye. (FUN). I’d definitely, spend 6 more months learning about each other. This is tricky=No sex. Getting the cart before the horse, gives moments of discomfort. SMILE!
Those 6 months will help you heal & establish trust, again.
Yes, even w a perfect engagement period, anxieties fly high near & on the wedding day. I, personally, felt centered on my day. We are Saints under construction. Mistakes happen.
Father God, help this Seeet child of Yours to move forward in forgiveness w this person. Is he her one(?) Time will tell. It’s a good time of awareness & personal growth. Thank You God for her opportunity to embrace this time in her life.
In Jesus name
Amen

A successful marriage requires falling in love many times, always with the same person. …
It is not a lack of love, but a lack of friendship that makes unhappy marriages
Happy is the man who finds a true friend, and far happier is he who finds that true friend in his wife.

Love is patient and kind; love does not envy or boast; it is not arrogant or rude. It does not insist on its own way; it is not irritable or resentful. it does not rejoice at wrongdoing, but rejoices with the truth. Love bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things.
Love never fails…
 
Any anxiety I felt before getting married wasn’t about who I was marrying, but rather about the ceremony and reception going well. I honestly had no doubt or concern about my husband himself. So I’d say it’s normal to feel anxious, but your anxiety stems from what your fiance did to you.

Your anxiety is very reasonable, given the situation. I think you need to get to the bottom of why he is scared to be married. It’s possible that he wasn’t ready then and is now- these things do happen. But I think it would be worth a few joint therapy sessions to figure out what he “was” afraid of and so that you can get someone else’s (name removed by moderator)ut about whether he truly is ready and wants to marry you.
 
I would say to just wait.

There is no rush. Don’t move back in with him. Perhaps he just misses having someone there with him, so he thinks he wants you back? He didn’t want marriage when you were together and he knew what living with another was like, but now that you are gone, he says he wants to get married. It just sounds a bit suspect and you have every right to feel anxious.

So wait. Wait until that time when you both feel comfortable with getting married. First it was him, now it’s you that doesn’t feel right. So wait.

I am afraid some of the innocence of the relationship has worn off. It has been tainted by his not wanting to get married when you did, and because you were living together at the time. And now it is hard for you to decide because of his hesitation.

Just wait.
 
Thanks for responses. We both are mature to think about marriage and at that time we decided to live together after the engagement ceremony. Before that, he was nice and kind. But then when we were together, he seemed to be uncomfortable. I asked him so many times at that time why he delayed marriage. He just said he was trying to adapt a new life. He also said his parents were divorced since he was very young and ut affected him so much. Until now, even though he explained that he was pulled away because he was afraid of our future . I haven’t gotten the idea why he had to be freaked out like that. But yes I forgave him since i left . This was the day i saw him bawling his eyes’s out. He said he was so confused. He loved me but he let me go. It’s too complicated. Until now, it’s been 6 months since that day and he still talks to me and ask me to forgive. And he said this time he is sure that he cannot live without me. Right now, it’s about me. I talked to him about my feelings and he said it was normal after what he did to me. He is trying to make everything right. But I wonder what if He isn’t the one for me and God is trying to tell this to me by making me confused…
 
Give it another six months before you decide anything. Time will lift or confirm your doubts. You cannot decide anything if you are still confused and cannot see things clearly. Until then, I would avoid discussing marriage all the time. It is as if he has to earn your trust once again. And as you said, this is about you this time. You have to feel certain. And you don’t. Let it come when it does and don’t try to force yourself to feel something you don’t feel right now.
 
First, I’d drop “the One” nonsense. There is no “One.” There is you, and he, and your choice to marry each other. If you marry him, he’s the One, and you don’t second-guess yourself.

To your question: Anxiety can be normal. However, you must be able to trust your husband. If you and he cannot build trust together after the breakup, you ought not marry him. Do not marry someone you don’t respect, or don’t trust.
 
Oursky2101 said:
We both are mature to think about marriage and at that time we decided to live together after the engagement ceremony.
Click to expand...
Are you perhaps from a country other than the US? What sort of “engagement ceremony?” Are you both Catholic? It may help if we know abit more, because some of the advice would be cultural.

Spiritually, living together as man and wife in a sexual relationship before marriage is not what God wants from us.
 
Yes we are both catholic. We had engagement party with our family members before living together. We intended to get married after that
 
We are discussing abour wedding ceremony at church recently but i still feel anxious before the big decision. That’s why i am here. Thanks for your help. God bless you.
 
You mentioned that you have a stable income on your own – please look around for professional counselling to help you understand yourself better and most importantly, understand why some men fear commitment. If you move back in with him or marry him, you’ll be on a merry-go-round of come-here-go-away and before you know it, there will be children in the mix. Please do not marry this guy. Do not waste another day of your life in this confusion; say goodbye and learn to set up boundaries so that you do not fall back into thinking he’s better than nothing.

A man who truly loves you wants the best for you; he will want to protect your chastity, not use you and play mind games with you. This guy wants what’s best for HIM, not you.
 
Ppl change all the time, Sweetheart. You won’t be the same ppl in 5 yrs. Just make sure, your vision of family is his.
Belief in God
Going to church
Family interactions
Children
How to raise children.
Public or Christian school
When parents get ill, is it a nursing home or you both take care of them in your home.
Pets
Communicate-does he like to communicate…,
No divorce, if problems—=FIX IT w counseling.
Any perversions?? So sad to think that! Strange world.
Background check.
Fear is a protection but marriage is scary. In wedding days, the best man and Maid of honor help w cold feet
Bachelor & Bachelorette parties? I’d say NO!
How does he deal w anger? Or you?
If you like his answers & he stays, looks OK. All marriages go through things that hurt us. We forgive & fix it!
How were his parents in raising him? Any abuse?

Hope his answers are good!
Godis not the author of fear but of a sound mind.
 
I can only tell you that passed hurts, especially significant ones such as being rejected/abandoned do not go away. Your relationship will very likely never be the same again and you may never be able to trust him fully.

Not a great idea to get into a marriage that already has such a huge scar.
Please be sure that you know what are your non-negotiables in marriage and consider if he meets them. Again, some things never go away, can you live with them, for the next I don’t know how many decades?
 
This is what I concern recently. I wonder how long it takes to let everything happened go away. Even though he said sorry to me and promised that next time he would make it right, i still doubt it. He keeps trying to ease my mind before the big day. Before that i used to trust him 100% and he was nice and kind to me. But now there is something missed that i have no idea whether I can get it back or not. I keep praying everyday…Thanks for your response
 
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