Is it OK for me to choose to be single for the rest of my life?

[TiggerS]

Ok, good to know. Like I said, that was just my understanding of what I’d read. So do you think the doctor from the USCCB is simply wrong in her answer in that article?

I looked around some more on the boards and found several posts from an apologist. To her knowledge, the Church has not come out with an official definition on the state of being single as an official vocation. Apparently there is a lot of disagreement on the issue. See forums.catholic-questions.org/showthread.php?t=101004 and forums.catholic-questions.org/showthread.php?t=288650&highlight=vocation

I am in no way trying to denigrate the single life. Like I said, I myself am single and some days I think I should stay that way. I’m still relatively young, and haven’t done enough discernment to make that call just yet. What I meant by vocation with a little v is the current work you are doing in life to get to sainthood, versus what the Church might officially call a vocation. And I apologize if that wasn’t clear and of course it’s not in any Papal documents; it’s just my way of keeping the two separate in my mind. So in other words, I feel my vocation right now is to be a parent to my child, but you won’t find “single parent” listed as a vocation on the webpage of a diocese. It can, however, as can any vocation or Vocation, help you get to sainthood!

My apologies if I upset you in any way TiggerS. It was not my intention.

No apologies necessary and no upset caused My obvious ‘touchiness’ was due to the fact that my single celibate state was chosen as a call from God and affirmed by sound spiritual direction (priest theologian teaching in our seminary then) and then further affirmed by our then Archbishop in his own handwriting on diocesan letterhead (communication still retained of course). Unless single celibate persons by vocation speak out, we just might go under a deluge almost of those who do not consider Baptism a call and vocation from God and are invited by Him to commit, journey and explore in this state in life and by call and vocation. Mine is now an over 30 year journey in this vocation. My apologies for my touchiness:thumbsup:

Refer to Papal Document. Obviously Rome considers those baptized who choose the single celibate state in life as their vocation is a legitimate vocation since it is grouped in with other forms of consecrated life. Originally, in The Church, it was lay people consecrating themselves to God in the celibate state, which caused The Church to create a special state in life “consecrated state”. Canon Law, though very slow to change can indeed change - perhaps it will in the future and include those who choose the single celibate state as a valid state under Canon Law with liturgical consecration. There certainly is today a much stronger movement amongst Catholics to choose the single celibate state as vocation - and conscious of a call to do so from The Lord. It can be a movement of The Holy Spirit amongst laity that causes The Church to consider, pray and then move.

vatican.va/holy_father/john_paul_ii/apost_exhortations/documents/hf_jp-ii_exh_25031996_vita-consecrata_en.html
POST-SYNODAL
APOSTOLIC EXHORTATION
***VITA CONSECRATA ***
OF THE HOLY FATHER
JOHN PAUL II
TO THE BISHOPS AND CLERGY
RELIGIOUS ORDERS AND CONGREGATIONS
SOCIETIES OF APOSTOLIC LIFE
SECULAR INSTITUTES
AND ALL THE FAITHFUL
**ON THE CONSECRATED LIFE AND ITS MISSION **
IN THE CHURCH AND IN THE WORLD

Thanksgiving for The Consecrated Life
…"We are all aware of the treasure which the gift of the consecrated life in the variety of its charisms and institutions represents for the ecclesial community. *Together let us thank God *for the Religious Orders and Institutes devoted to contemplation or the works of the apostolate, for Societies of Apostolic Life, for Secular Institutes and for other groups of consecrated persons, as well as for all those individuals who, in their inmost hearts, dedicate themselves to God by a special consecration.The Synod was a tangible sign of the universal extension of the consecrated life, present in the local Churches throughout the world.

 

[TiggerS]

If you refer to this thread: forums.catholic-questions.org/showthread.php?t=765134&highlight=single+state
You will find many more references by me from Church Documentation re the Single State in Life as one’s vocational journey and in response to a call from God. Apologies for getting you to ‘do some researching’ but I am about to begin work.

 

[poustiniak]

So I’m in my early twenties, recent convert, with my conversion and baptism I felt drawn to live a life alone with God, I never have desired marriage although at times I get lonely, but I think more Catholic friends is what i need.
I’ve prayed a lot about my vocation, which has recently led me to take up studies to become a nurse - which is perfect for me because I want to spend my life helping and caring for others. I am now the only one of my friends who isn’t in a relationship or married.
I was at first drawn to religious life as a nun but my family aren’t supportive and it’s not convenient for my life - but it is more appealing than marriage to me.

So my question is, is it OK for me to choose to be single, or is it a sin? what if God wants me to get married? I don’t think he does but I’m not quite sure. My priest wants me to get married when I mentioned this to him (I made a previous post about this)
Any advice would be appreciated, thanks

According to St. Paul being single is the only way of life and I agree. I’ve being single for 23 years and I’m not a priest. As a man, the main problem with being single is that some women will just throw themselves at you when they realize that you are in that particular state of grace. With you being a woman you’ll find that other married women will resent and you’ll find it impossible to make real freinds. So prepare yourself for a life of traveling and not having a home.

As for your priest telling you to get married … forget about what he has to say… its not his vocation its yours. If you have a vocation go see the vocational director in your dioceses. Your priest has no say in the matter. God is calling you not your priest.

 

[poustiniak]

The more that I think about this the more it makes me realize why there is a real vocational crisis in our church. Namely that there is a problem when young people who have a heart felt vocation are met with the formalism and stupidity that our church is now famous for. We no longer have the priests after my own heart that Jeremiah prophesized. Our priests are mere shadows, and empty vessels. They side line the blood of Christ as an optional extra as if to say that all we have to do is eat the bread and ignore the wine. Its a tragedy.

 

[TiggerS]

There are indeed many trials and tribulations in the single celibate state as vocation. While I now have a residence (government authority), I went initially 6 years homeless. My consciousness to this point, is indeed of being only a pilgrim here on earth, passing through on a journey. It is an excellent point too that Vocations Directors in one’s diocese can be an excellent resource for spiritual direction re the single celibate state. I don’t know of any vocational director in a diocese who does not consider the single celibate state as a potential vocation in life – nor do I know of any vocations directors anywhere who do not consider it a vocational call in potential.
There is a difference between those in the single celibate state as they discern their future path – and those who have committed to the state as vocation and call from God. The only difference is that one is a journey of discerning, the other a journey of commitment to a call and vocation from God and to one’s Baptism, Jesus and His Gospel. The more a person is committed to the single celibate vocation as one’s life vocation and ready and willing to speak about it, the more it will really highlight the dignity and call of our baptism to those who are in the single celibate state and vocation (of baptism) as a temporary state, either too young to discern or still discerning. For too long ‘all that deep and meaningful holiness stuff’ (I have heard it described in this way) has been seen to be the domain of priests and religious!!! We do have a vocational call to holiness, Jesus and His Gospel, and as an important commitment and vital to the life of The Church – and his applies from the time we are baptised, while the consciousness will change and grow over time and our journey - and as The Holy Spirit may inspire and lead.
I think that as a life vocational call, the celibate state does need to be some sort of commitment in response to a felt invitation (and confirmed by sound spiritual direction).
Initially I was making vows yearly for the first few years on a renewed yearly basis only, since back then, over 30 years ago now, when I was considering the invitation it was almost unheard of and I was really feeling my way – though the single celibate state has always been a potential call in The Church from the very outset and was the very first life vocational path in potential. In the early Church lay people were choosing the single celibate state as their life’s path and vocation. Some years after renewing vows yearly, I began to consider making life private vows and commitment, but first sought sound spiritual direction.

 

[TiggerS]

The more that I think about this the more it makes me realize why there is a real vocational crisis in our church. Namely that there is a problem when young people who have a heart felt vocation are met with the formalism and stupidity that our church is now famous for. We no longer have the priests after my own heart that Jeremiah prophesized. Our priests are mere shadows, and empty vessels. They side line the blood of Christ as an optional extra as if to say that all we have to do is eat the bread and ignore the wine. Its a tragedy.

Perhaps a little harsh I thought.
I know of some very committed priests and wonderful examples of priesthood in The Catholic Church. But sometimes it can take a non-committed person to come across a very committed person, for them to receive from The Holy Spirit ‘a wakeup call’ very loudly indeed. This is where the single celibate vocation can speak to every vocation, simply because we are not ‘heralded’ in The Church in any way whatsoever, we remain ‘in the backseats’ and humble, humbled, and yet take our baptism, Jesus and His Gospel very seriously indeed and as our quite passionate life commitment and orientation. The ‘trick’ (although no trick at all but a hidden work of The Holy Spirit) is not to expect results of any and all efforts, just to be content to work “Lord, grant success to the work of our hands”. Because one does not see results, does not mean that there are not any.

 

[_Gemma]

With you being a woman you’ll find that other married women will resent and you’ll find it impossible to make real freinds. So prepare yourself for a life of traveling and not having a home.

Can you explain this further? why will women resent me and not want to be my friend?

 

[_Gemma]

I have a question…
If my vocation is marriage, which seems impossible anyway because all the men in my Parish are either married or are priests so if I have a vocation in marriage am I supposed to just hope and trust God will find me a man out of nowhere? it’s a bit hard to believe but maybe someone can answer me on this one.

 

[TiggerS]

I have a question…
If my vocation is marriage, which seems impossible anyway because all the men in my Parish are either married or are priests so if I have a vocation in marriage am I supposed to just hope and trust God will find me a man out of nowhere? it’s a bit hard to believe but maybe someone can answer me on this one.

[27]He said to them: The things that are impossible with men, are possible with God. Luke Ch 18… - and seek spiritual direction. Hope and trust in God will never ever go astray, never. You don’t know who might shift into your area, or whom you might meet somewhere. But I think that you really do need spiritual direction, even if only to put the question to Father in Confession.

 

[TeresaMarie24]

No apologies necessary and no upset caused My obvious ‘touchiness’ was due to the fact that my single celibate state was chosen as a call from God and affirmed by sound spiritual direction (priest theologian teaching in our seminary then) and then further affirmed by our then Archbishop in his own handwriting on diocesan letterhead (communication still retained of course). Unless single celibate persons by vocation speak out, we just might go under a deluge almost of those who do not consider Baptism a call and vocation from God and are invited by Him to commit, journey and explore in this state in life and by call and vocation. Mine is now an over 30 year journey in this vocation. My apologies for my touchiness:thumbsup:

I’m glad we’re having this discussion; no need for you to apologize either. Really, I’m happy to hear all of this from you because as I said, I thought being single was more of a transitory state, even though I’ve often felt I should have never married (and since my marriage was annulled, I suppose technically I never did marry.) Regardless, it makes me happy to know that I could stay as I am without feeling guilty about it and not having to worry about finding a spouse. I’ve dated on and off for several years since my divorce, and well, it’s not looking good out there, at least not where I live. Having been in a bad marriage once, I have no desire to get married just for the sake of being married. My friends also note that I always seem happier when I quit dating; there might be something to that.:yup:

I have a priest that I often talk to about these things; I’ll start a conversation with him about it. Thanks for pushing me in the right direction!

 

[TeresaMarie24]

Can you explain this further? why will women resent me and not want to be my friend?

Perhaps he’s referring to the fact that married women are sometimes cautious about their spouses around single women? I’m just guessing. However, I disagree that you won’t be able to make real friendships with married women.

Case in point, when I met my daughter’s future godparents, I met her godfather at the pool. He was there with one of his four children, and our kids started swimming together, so we started chatting. Now, I noticed that ring on his finger right away, so the conversation was never meant to be flirty or anything of the sort. We hit it off though, and he said I’d probably get along with his wife, too. So the next day I met her, and since then we have all become great friends. I consider the two of them to be two of my best friends in fact.

It wasn’t until later that his wife told me when her husband came home that day saying he’d met someone (and was pretty sure they’d end up being godparents again!), she was worried I was hitting on him! She met me with the intention of making me understand that I wasn’t going to get her man! We all have a good laugh about this now. So you can be close friends with married women, just depends on the situation I think.

 

[TiggerS]

I’m glad we’re having this discussion; no need for you to apologize either. Really, I’m happy to hear all of this from you because as I said, I thought being single was more of a transitory state, even though I’ve often felt I should have never married (and since my marriage was annulled, I suppose technically I never did marry.) Regardless, it makes me happy to know that I could stay as I am without feeling guilty about it and not having to worry about finding a spouse. I’ve dated on and off for several years since my divorce, and well, it’s not looking good out there, at least not where I live. Having been in a bad marriage once, I have no desire to get married just for the sake of being married. My friends also note that I always seem happier when I quit dating; there might be something to that.:yup:

I have a priest that I often talk to about these things; I’ll start a conversation with him about it. Thanks for pushing me in the right direction!

No problems whatsoever! I am quite ‘touchy’ when the single celibate state as a vocation in life is called into question or doubted. My problem!

No one should have a feeling of “have to” follow any vocation whatsoever. They are only ever invitations from God. We are all called without exception whatsoever to Baptism(“go ye into the whole world and preach The Gospel TO EVERY creature…”… and through Baptism to holiness, Unity with Jesus and His Gospel…how we plan to travel there, or our lifestyle, is our own free will decision and choice - or in other words, an invitation from God, Divine Providence. Nothing in this life - nothing - comes about outside of Divine Providence. “Abandonment to Divine Providence” is a good read, online here : ccel.org/ccel/decaussade/abandonment

Notice too that nowhere in Scripture or in any Papal Documents does it state that we must follow either religious life, priesthood or marriage alone. Baptism is our primary and initial vocation to holiness, Unity with Jesus and His Gospel - how we decide to get there is our own decision and choice in free will.

Ideally, a vocation will be a real attraction to the life with something of a ‘suspicion’ (initially probably - at first anyway) that one is being called into that vocation by The Lord. Ideally again, one then seeks spiritual direction to affirm or otherwise.

 

[TiggerS]

If one has been gifted by God (Divine Providence) with all that is necessary for the religious life and/or priesthood, then I think there is something of an obligation out of humility and respect for God’s Gifts to at least seriously consider in some way if God could be calling one to one of these vocations. If one has any doubts, questions etc…spiritual direction - or the Vocations Director in one’s diocese.

 

[mcrts]

It is not a sin for you to remain single. There are many saints who were single, such as St. Catherine of Sienna, St. Rose of Lima, St. Gemma Galgani, e.t.c. They were all beautiful ladies who were pressured into arranged marriage or courtship (in St. Gemma’s case), but refused because they maintained that their only Spouse is Christ. If the single life is for you, perhaps you can consider joining a Third Order, such as the Carmelites, Franciscans or Dominicans.

I’ll pray for you, and I hope you’ll pray for me as well to figure out my vocation!

 

[Monica4316]

So I’m in my early twenties, recent convert, with my conversion and baptism I felt drawn to live a life alone with God, I never have desired marriage although at times I get lonely, but I think more Catholic friends is what i need.
I’ve prayed a lot about my vocation, which has recently led me to take up studies to become a nurse - which is perfect for me because I want to spend my life helping and caring for others. I am now the only one of my friends who isn’t in a relationship or married.
I was at first drawn to religious life as a nun but my family aren’t supportive and it’s not convenient for my life - but it is more appealing than marriage to me.

So my question is, is it OK for me to choose to be single, or is it a sin? what if God wants me to get married? I don’t think he does but I’m not quite sure. My priest wants me to get married when I mentioned this to him (I made a previous post about this)
Any advice would be appreciated, thanks

Hi Gemma, I’m also in my 20s, also a convert, and I’m also discerning my vocation.

I think that it’s important to seek God’s will first and to do what He wants. His will for you is what would bring you to holiness in the best way that’s where you’ll fit best. I would examine your reasons for not looking more into religious life, like why you said it wouldn’t be convenient. I can’t tell you what your vocation is of course, and I don’t know the details of what your priest is thinking, maybe you can clarify with him about different vocations and his thoughts on it.

My understanding is this - possible vocations for us are - marriage, religious life, or consecrated life in the world. This last one is what you’re referring to I think when you say “single”. You’re not really “single” though - you give yourself to God, usually through private vows, as a Consecrated Virgin, or Consecrated single such as belonging to a secular institute, etc. There are different options for this. It’s not a “default” vocation or something people do if they can’t get married, of course. It needs to be discerned as well. Usually the person does something for the Church as well. If they’re a consecrated virgin, then there’s a spirituality of being a bride of Christ.

There are Saints and people who lived holy lives who lived in the world and were unmarried. Some examples are St Catherine of Siena and St Rose of Lima, who were Dominican Tertiaries and lived in the world, and were dedicated to prayer and good works. There are also people like Gabrielle Bossis (who wrote the book “He and I” with her revelations from Jesus), she was unmarried and didn’t feel lead to religious life either, and she rejected marriage offers because she just wanted to belong to God only. Maybe this vocation is something to ask for more information about. Maybe you can clarify with your priest what he means? Also does your diocese have a vocations director? I talked to my vocations director in my diocese and he had great advice.

It’s important to look at motive… what are the motives for you wanting to remain unmarried and serving God in the world (or religious life).

God bless

 

[Monica4316]

I have a question…
If my vocation is marriage, which seems impossible anyway because all the men in my Parish are either married or are priests so if I have a vocation in marriage am I supposed to just hope and trust God will find me a man out of nowhere? it’s a bit hard to believe but maybe someone can answer me on this one.

If someone is called to marriage, I do believe that God can make it possible. The question is more: what are you called to don’t think of what is possible or impossible unless there’s a real impediment (like how some orders have conditions on who they accept). Try to look at your motives, get spiritual direction, and see what desires God places in your heart and discern if they’re from Him. It also helps to discern actively, by talking to people, like in your case maybe talking to a consecrated person in the world, about their vocation and much prayer.

God bless!

 

[_Gemma]

Since starting this thread I’ve been praying a lot, attending daily Mass when I can and am planning on attending adoration tomorrow, and while deserning I think being single was my choice, not God’s, I’m understanding now the beauty a God-centred Catholic marriage can be.
So I am now thinking that I am called to marriage! Though I’m not to sure so this is something I guess I will have to pray more over and be open to.

Thank you to everyone who has posted and prayed, I will pray for anyone else deserning a vocation if they post and request it

 

[TeresaMarie24]

Since starting this thread I’ve been praying a lot, attending daily Mass when I can and am planning on attending adoration tomorrow, and while deserning I think being single was my choice, not God’s, I’m understanding now the beauty a God-centred Catholic marriage can be.
So I am now thinking that I am called to marriage! Though I’m not to sure so this is something I guess I will have to pray more over and be open to.

Thank you to everyone who has posted and prayed, I will pray for anyone else deserning a vocation if they post and request it

I’m glad you’re continuing to seek God’s will! My spiritual director gave me some great advice the other day - he said pray as Jesus did in the garden. He asked for what he wanted (“let this cup pass from me”), but at the end asked that God’s will be done (“nevertheless, not as I will, but as you will”).

Pray for me and my vocation, please, and I will pray for you! God bless!!