Is it ok that I'm feeling hurt by this?

[youngsterat16]

I have this real good friend that I’ve known for years. Today, we had a Parish festival and I knew she was going to be there. I don’t get to see her as often, but I’ve always considered us very close for we talk often and still hang out when possible.

I saw her with another guy and I just felt overwhelmed. Instead of saying hi, I ended up going home crying. I found out from another friend that goes to her school that it’s her boyfriend.

I’m not upset that she has a boyfriend, but I am just really hurt that she never told me. I am going to try talking to her later and congratulate her, etc, but I can’t help feeling a bit hurt.

It’s ok that I’m feeling this, right?

 

[LPS]

Yes, it’s ok - we are human and our feelings are real.

The question is always, “How will you handle these feelings?”

Make a plan (it sounds like you already have) to speak to her. Be open, listen to her reply, pray before you talk.

I will pray for you, I’m sorry you’re feeling so sad

 

[jcrichton]

I have this real good friend that I’ve known for years. Today, we had a Parish festival and I knew she was going to be there. I don’t get to see her as often, but I’ve always considered us very close for we talk often and still hang out when possible.

I saw her with another guy and I just felt overwhelmed. Instead of saying hi, I ended up going home crying. I found out from another friend that goes to her school that it’s her boyfriend.

I’m not upset that she has a boyfriend, but I am just really hurt that she never told me. I am going to try talking to her later and congratulate her, etc, but I can’t help feeling a bit hurt.

It’s ok that I’m feeling this, right?

Hi!

…guys are funny that way… we pretend not to care or have feelings… but we get emotional just as well…

There are two possible things happening here… 1) your friendship might have been a platonic thing but you may have had developed romantic feelings for her (I hope that you are a guy, correct?) and it sneaked up on you as you saw her with another guy, or 2) you really only have a platonic love for her but having to share her with someone that can potentially remove her from the “friend” status causes you pain…

In both cases it is called “jealousy.” Both are normal, to an extent; but we must master our feelings or be ruled by them.

First thing? Determine what it is that has made such feeling rise… is she the subject or your romantic interest or just a girl who you consider a friend?

Since you have to come to terms with yourself (in either situation) the best thing to do is give yourself a little time… do not rush to explain or excuse yourself; allow the natural flow of events to take place… yet, if your interest is the romantic way… don’t be a fool for love (wait around to see what happens) and don’t be a jackass (causing a rip between her and her guy).

If you don’t have one, get a hobby to distract you from thinking too much about this… and don’t pray that their relationship dissolves so that you may get a change at a tighter friendship or a romantic relationship with her.

Maran atha!

Angel

 

[youngsterat16]

Hi!

(I hope that you are a guy, correct?)

… not a guy

 

[youngsterat16]

It just kind of hurts when you already feel like you have no one to talk to about anything, and then the one person you typically talk to when something is bothering you is the one that didn’t tell you that she’s in a relationship.

I just have very few very close friends, and it just is difficult to talk about what’s going on with my life to anyone. It’s hard for me to warm up and trust people, and it just hurts when the people I trust most don’t let me know, is all.

I’m not trying to complain, I just don’t really have an outlet.

Thanks to anyone who reads this. Knowing someone has read it helps a little.

 

[LPS]

I understand feeling alone, and the struggle of feeling left out when one of the few people you feel close to, doesn’t include you.

I hope you can talk to her soon, and please know someone out here is praying for you.

 

[jcrichton]

It just kind of hurts when you already feel like you have no one to talk to about anything, and then the one person you typically talk to when something is bothering you is the one that didn’t tell you that she’s in a relationship.

I just have very few very close friends, and it just is difficult to talk about what’s going on with my life to anyone. It’s hard for me to warm up and trust people, and it just hurts when the people I trust most don’t let me know, is all.

I’m not trying to complain, I just don’t really have an outlet.

Thanks to anyone who reads this. Knowing someone has read it helps a little.

Hi!

…sorry for that… I took the “another guy” to mean that you were a guy.

I understand what you are going through; sadly, not everyone shares the same feelings… it could be that they are not sure of the relationship or how the relationship will affect the friendship… or even due to a sense of insecurity (if the person they are interested in will be judged inferior or not accepted…).

Since it is clear that you miss your friend you could make it a point to let her know… but relationships do change the chemistry even between bffs–so don’t be surprised if there are changes coming… yet, if you talk to your friend and tell her how important her friendship is to you, she may realize that she needs to give you a little more time.

Here’s what I can offer:

• get a journal going (I know it is one sided–but you would be putting your thoughts on paper… this means that you would be releasing it from your mind and viewing from without; could offer a different perspective)
• how close are you with your mom? You don’t have to give full disclosure… just share some things as a means to bounce ideas off from her.
• poetry, painting, music, craft–these can give you an outlet to your emotions… they can help by relieving some of the anxiety and hurt
• get a mentor from school/parish an older lady (possibly one that is alone/lonely so you could both help one another)
• a religious mentor (is there a monastery near your home)

…and there’s always the site–post as frequent as you need!

God Bless!
:flowers::flowers::flowers:

Maran atha!

Angel

 

[abinjoy]

I have this real good friend that I’ve known for years. Today, we had a Parish festival and I knew she was going to be there. I don’t get to see her as often, but I’ve always considered us very close for we talk often and still hang out when possible.

I saw her with another guy and I just felt overwhelmed. Instead of saying hi, I ended up going home crying. I found out from another friend that goes to her school that it’s her boyfriend.

I’m not upset that she has a boyfriend, but I am just really hurt that she never told me. I am going to try talking to her later and congratulate her, etc, but I can’t help feeling a bit hurt.

It’s ok that I’m feeling this, right?

Being avoided/forgotten by those whom we love much is painful. I understand how you may have felt it. It is ok to feel a bit hurt.

 

[Dorothy]

I have this real good friend that I’ve known for years. Today, we had a Parish festival and I knew she was going to be there. I don’t get to see her as often, but I’ve always considered us very close for we talk often and still hang out when possible.

I saw her with another guy and I just felt overwhelmed. Instead of saying hi, I ended up going home crying. I found out from another friend that goes to her school that it’s her boyfriend.

I’m not upset that she has a boyfriend, but I am just really hurt that she never told me. I am going to try talking to her later and congratulate her, etc, but I can’t help feeling a bit hurt.

It’s ok that I’m feeling this, right?

Our hurt feelings can be helped when we continue to look at Jesus as our Best Friend.

Peace,

Dorothy

 

[oldgraymare2]

I have this real good friend that I’ve known for years. Today, we had a Parish festival and I knew she was going to be there. I don’t get to see her as often, but I’ve always considered us very close for we talk often and still hang out when possible.

I saw her with another guy and I just felt overwhelmed. Instead of saying hi, I ended up going home crying. I found out from another friend that goes to her school that it’s her boyfriend.

I’m not upset that she has a boyfriend, but I am just really hurt that she never told me. I am going to try talking to her later and congratulate her, etc, but I can’t help feeling a bit hurt.

It’s ok that I’m feeling this, right?

Yes, it’s natural to feel this way.

I think it’s just something that we all probably experience at some point in time, while growing up.

I even experienced knowing someone during high school who would stop hanging out with me any time that she would have a boyfriend. It was only when something wouldn’t work out with that relationship, that she suddenly found that she had time to hang out with me. That was a very painful experience for me.

When I started to go out with guys, I made sure that I didn’t treat my friends like that. I made time for all of my relationships.

 

[Spritus1]

Hi Youngster

Yes it’s perfectly fine and understandable to feel hurt that your friend didn’t tell you of this development in her life. It hurts to be excluded by friends.

There may be a good reason why your friend didn’t tell you. Maybe it was a new relationship and your friend was unsure of whether it would go anywhere so decided not to announce it to anyone until things were a bit clearer. Who knows? Maybe she intended to tell you but didn’t have an opportunity.

My advice is meet your friend for a drink, coffee or whatever and just casually mention her new friend and take it from there. Tell her you felt a bit left out by not being told but listen to her response. There may be a good reason. Give her the benefit of the doubt and move on.

However if this happens again, that is, in future she repeats the behaviour of excluding you regarding important news or events in her life, then you may want to reconsider how much you want to invest in this friendship going forward. Look to make new friends. Volunteer at your parish perhaps?

It’s all part of learning how to navigate through life. It can be tricky and rough at times but it’s how we grow and develop as people.

Pray. Pray and pray. The Rosary is perfect. And for peace and holiness, try Eucharistic Adoration.

God bless you.