Is it ok to approach a girl after mass and how to do?

[Andre1000]

Please help. When I go to church under the week, I sometimes see women my age there. I would love to talk to them. I do not have many other options in my region to meet women. But I don’t want to upset anyone. Should I just forget about this? Is there a appropriate way how I could start a conversation?

 

[Catholic1954]

Start with a neutral question. Ask someone if they remember who wrote the Gospel for that day, because you would like to look it up and read more.

 

[Jake_Hansen]

Start with a neutral question. Ask someone if they remember who wrote the Gospel for that day, because you would like to look it up and read more.

I like it!

 

[captainrick]

How about “Hi! Do you come here often?”

 

[Frere]

Start with a neutral question. Ask someone if they remember who wrote the Gospel for that day, because you would like to look it up and read more.

Well, yes, cheerfulness in this kind of situations is always the best approach.

I think it is okay to approach them as long as it all feels natural. So as long as you are honest and transparent it should be okay. People don’t like to feel like they are being manipulated or pushed into situations.

 

[Lamentation]

Please help. When I go to church under the week, I sometimes see women my age there. I would love to talk to them. I do not have many other options in my region to meet women. But I don’t want to upset anyone. Should I just forget about this? Is there a appropriate way how I could start a conversation?

Well it obviously depends on where you are. Central Europe is rather vague, and I would take to mean Germany-Italy; both of which are as far apart inter-personally as one can get really.

 

[pensmama87]

I’m in the US, so I don’t know the customs where you are, but if I were a young lady I would feel very strange if you approached me and started a long conversation if you had never acknowledged me before. But I would feel a lot more comfortable if you were someone I had seen there often, enough that we might nod or smile or even say “hello.”

After a few “hello” encounters, that might be the time to say something like, “By the way, my name is Andre. What’s yours?” and let it go from there.

And even if you do have a conversation and it doesn’t really go anywhere, I would suggest that you still continue to say “hi.” Even if you don’t get a girlfriend, you still have a friendly face at church, and she might know someone to introduce you to.

 

[SecretGarden]

I think it would be alright but depending on the parish, it could be frowned upon. I know often in many evangelical churches and some Catholic parishes is that often after mass the young people get together for coffee or a meal after a mass for fellowship and time together. Provided you spoke with your priest ahead of time, perhaps you could organize something like that with some of the young people who attend mass. It would be a great way for the young people to get together and you could get to know many of the people there. That way, it won’t seem too forward that you are asking the girls out. It would enable you to get to know some the girls and create some community among the young people. If it works, it could become a weekly thing for anyone who was interested. You could also then add an extra activity during the week depending on your schedule.

 

[SuperLuigi]

Please help. When I go to church under the week, I sometimes see women my age there. I would love to talk to them. I do not have many other options in my region to meet women. But I don’t want to upset anyone. Should I just forget about this? Is there a appropriate way how I could start a conversation?

As a matter of principle, I don’t like talking to people after Mass in the Church itself where Christ is present. Frankly, I’m not sure what to make of the hustle and bustle that always follows.

However, after you leave the Church itself, if you want to talk to someone, don’t just go up to that person and introduce yourself right away. Talk about the weather or tell the woman she looks nice in that outfit—something like that.

 

[Anglewannabe]

Try to leave the church at the same time as her and just simply say ‘Have a nice day’ as if you would say that to anyone who happened to be there. Just act like you are being polite. After a few times when you see her just smile hello. If she doesn’t start to make sure she is leaving the church at the same time as you then… next

 

[Andre1000]

Start with a neutral question. Ask someone if they remember who wrote the Gospel for that day, because you would like to look it up and read more.

But how do I ask this question? In what situation? And when the question is answered then what next? Sorry but this is way too vague for me, I don’t understand what this means at all.

Well, yes, cheerfulness in this kind of situations is always the best approach.

I think it is okay to approach them as long as it all feels natural. So as long as you are honest and transparent it should be okay. People don’t like to feel like they are being manipulated or pushed into situations.

Asking about the gospel is a fake question, so how can this be honest and transparent? Also what does honest and transparent mean? Actually, the most honest approach would be to say something like: I search a wife, because of that I want to get to know you.

Well it obviously depends on where you are. Central Europe is rather vague, and I would take to mean Germany-Italy; both of which are as far apart inter-personally as one can get really.

Germany

I’m in the US, so I don’t know the customs where you are, but if I were a young lady I would feel very strange if you approached me and started a long conversation if you had never acknowledged me before. But I would feel a lot more comfortable if you were someone I had seen there often, enough that we might nod or smile or even say “hello.”

After a few “hello” encounters, that might be the time to say something like, “By the way, my name is Andre. What’s yours?” and let it go from there.

And even if you do have a conversation and it doesn’t really go anywhere, I would suggest that you still continue to say “hi.” Even if you don’t get a girlfriend, you still have a friendly face at church, and she might know someone to introduce you to.

I don’t know. People get creeped out when someone says hello all the time but doesn’t start to talk. Because it is not custom to say hello to everyone you pass, especially if you are in a church and pass like 20 people per minute on the way in. I don’t want to do this for months.

I think it would be alright but depending on the parish, it could be frowned upon. I know often in many evangelical churches and some Catholic parishes is that often after mass the young people get together for coffee or a meal after a mass for fellowship and time together. Provided you spoke with your priest ahead of time, perhaps you could organize something like that with some of the young people who attend mass. It would be a great way for the young people to get together and you could get to know many of the people there. That way, it won’t seem too forward that you are asking the girls out. It would enable you to get to know some the girls and create some community among the young people. If it works, it could become a weekly thing for anyone who was interested. You could also then add an extra activity during the week depending on your schedule.

This is a big church in the center of a city. So not my parish. On a average parish you do not see a singe young person on weekdays at all.

Try to leave the church at the same time as her and just simply say ‘Have a nice day’ as if you would say that to anyone who happened to be there. Just act like you are being polite. After a few times when you see her just smile hello. If she doesn’t start to make sure she is leaving the church at the same time as you then… next

This is a bit difficult if 40 people rush out of church and she rushes too.

As a matter of principle, I don’t like talking to people after Mass in the Church itself where Christ is present. Frankly, I’m not sure what to make of the hustle and bustle that always follows.

However, after you leave the Church itself, if you want to talk to someone, don’t just go up to that person and introduce yourself right away. Talk about the weather or tell the woman she looks nice in that outfit—something like that.

People always rush out of church.

 

[Andre1000]

I think that I just should forget about diocesan girls and stick to FSSP/SSPX.

Because on an average parish the is not a single young person on weekdays and I don’t want to change the parish every week just to find a women. And the replies show me that it is too difficult. It is no surprise that I know no one who met his partner at church, except youth events but I am with my 25 years a bit too old for that, because they all like under 20 years old or so.

 

[pensmama87]

Oh, I thought there were one or two you saw regularly that you were considering talking to anyway. No, if there isn’t someone special already, I don’t suggest parish hopping just to hope you’ll meet a girl.

And I didn’t mean months of just saying “hi” (or extending other pleasantries). A few days would be fine. Long enough for you to recognize each other and already be polite when you begin talking.

 

[BHL_20]

Oh, I thought there were one or two you saw regularly that you were considering talking to anyway. No, if there isn’t someone special already, I don’t suggest parish hopping just to hope you’ll meet a girl.

Of course there is no one special if he hasn’t talked to any girl yet. Andre1000 is a Catholic man and outer beauty is not enough to make him fall in love with someone.

 

[BHL_20]

Asking about the gospel is a fake question, so how can this be honest and transparent? Also what does honest and transparent mean? Actually, the most honest approach would be to say something like: I search a wife, because of that I want to get to know you.

Do this and you shall be rewarded.

 

[pensmama87]

Of course there is no one special if he hasn’t talked to any girl yet. Andre1000 is a Catholic man and outer beauty is not enough to make him fall in love with someone.

:doh2:

“Noticed an attractive young lady” =/= “fell in love.”

I was assuming the former, that he at least had someone in mind to work up the nerve to talk to, that he’d seen more than once.

Do this and you shall be rewarded.

I hope you’re being sarcastic. The “I’m looking for a wife so I figured I’d say ‘hey,’” is going to make a sane woman run even if she is marriage-minded. You don’t start there with a stranger. You start with acquaintanceship, then friendship, then dating. If mutual attraction is evident, you can move a little quicker to the dating part. But the relationship isn’t a failure if it stays at the acquaintanceship level - she might have sisters or friends, after all.

 

[petitor]

1. But how do I ask this question? In what situation? And when the question is answered then what next? Sorry but this is way too vague for me, I don’t understand what this means at all.
2. Asking about the gospel is a fake question, so how can this be honest and transparent? Also what does honest and transparent mean? Actually, the most honest approach would be to say something like: I search a wife, because of that I want to get to know you.

Hi Andre1000,

I hope you don’t mind, I numbered your questions to make my reply more clear. I’m from Canada vice Germany, so social norms may be a bit different, but hopefully what I say is still relevant.

1. In terms of how you ask the question, it doesn’t have to be the example provided specifically, but should be something you are actually curious about and that you would want to discuss (which is the answer to the what next part of your question). If asking who the author of the gospel was feels fake to you, then the girl you are talking to will probably pick up on that and the conversation will likely be awkward and stilted. I agree with SuperLuigi that you probably don’t want to add to any hustle and bustle in the church itself (especially if she is praying or taking some time to reflect on the service) so immediately outside is probably best. You don’t need to make it complicated, simply saying something like, “Hi, I’ve seen you here a couple times, but I don’t believe we’ve met, my name is Andre1000.” Or, “I haven’t seen you before, I’m Andre1000,” and letting conversation flow from there (or just exchange names, and then next time you can greet her by name and ask what she thought of the homily or whatever other non-fake question you can think of).
2. Perhaps Germans are much more direct than Canadians, but telling someone that you want to speak to them because you are looking for a wife just isn’t done here. I would feel very uncomfortable if someone said that to introduce themselves (as I would if someone did anything else that violated social norms). If you are making an effort to talk to her in the first place, she will probably pick up on the fact that you are interested. You can then look at her body language how actively she engages in conversation to see if your interest is reciprocated. After 2 or 3 conversations, maybe you could ask if she wanted to grab a coffee to discuss further or get to know each other better.

Do you mind if I ask how involved you are in your parish? Volunteer activities are often a good way to meet other people where the conversation is more natural. Also, if the older women know you and know you are single and are looking, they often love to play matchmaker and can be quite helpful in introducing you to ladies they think might be a good fit.

 

[on_the_hill]

Please help. When I go to church under the week, I sometimes see women my age there. I would love to talk to them. I do not have many other options in my region to meet women. But I don’t want to upset anyone. Should I just forget about this? Is there a appropriate way how I could start a conversation?

Wel…that’s how my father-n-law met my mother-in-law…

 

[GraceUnderFire]

As a traditional woman, I can assure you that we are waitibg/hoping devout young men will respectfully approach us after mass. A simple “hello, my name is…” is enough to get things started. Then engage her in conversation. It might overwhelm her if you asked her out the first time but you can say “do you usually come to this mass? Hopefully I’ll see you again!” so there’s no doubt you want to see her again. After speaking a few times, you might ask her for a very casual outing after mass ie going for coffee. This is just my humble opinion and what I would appreciate.

 

[Anglewannabe]

This is a bit difficult if 40 people rush out of church and she rushes too.
.

Use it to your advantage. Try to accidentally bump her in the crowd, then say ‘I am sorry’ while tapping her gently on the shoulder, step back and say ‘after you’