Let me see if I can devote a little more time into making this a little clearer. I posted the CCC earlier and it was a huge chunk. It is pretty much all relevant. But I wish to just go to a couple of CCC paragraphs to illustrate the point.
2374 Couples who discover that they are sterile suffer greatly. “What will you give me,” asks Abraham of God, "for I continue childless?"164 And Rachel cries to her husband Jacob, "Give me children, or I shall die!"165
Here we see that couples desire children in marriage, that it is part of our human nature and that it is powerful. The OPs thinking is disrespectful to marriage because of this. To specifically want suffering, not for the sake of spirituality, or for union with Christ, but to disfigure something God designed with the intent to “suffer” this is disordered.
2376 Techniques that entail the dissociation of husband and wife, by the intrusion of a person other than the couple (donation of sperm or ovum, surrogate uterus), are gravely immoral. These techniques (heterologous artificial insemination and fertilization) infringe the child’s right to be born of a father and mother known to him and bound to each other by marriage. They betray the spouses’ "right to become a father and a mother only through each other."167
Too often and even on these boards it is quite evident that people go to immoral extremes selfishly to HAVE children. The desire is so great that they use illicit means and try to manipulate God’s rules to their advantage, outside the spirit of the Church. There are posters on CAF who will defend to the death their decision to immorally have a child.
No different here.
2378 A child is not something owed to one, but is a gift. The “supreme gift of marriage” is a human person. A child may not be considered a piece of property, an idea to which an alleged “right to a child” would lead. In this area, only the child possesses genuine rights: the right “to be the fruit of the specific act of the conjugal love of his parents,” and "the right to be respected as a person from the moment of his conception."170
2379 The Gospel shows that physical sterility is not an absolute evil. Spouses who still suffer from infertility after exhausting legitimate medical procedures should unite themselves with the Lord’s Cross, the source of all spiritual fecundity. They can give expression to their generosity by adopting abandoned children or performing demanding services for others.
Look at the wording here! “supreme gift” The OP is saying I want marriage, but the “Supreme gift” of marriage and of God I wish to reject. On purpose.
Then look at the wording when talking about sterility. The suffering involved, the care in which the Church addresses this. Yet the OP wants to use it as a benefit to what they think their lives should be in this vocation! Look also at the “Gospel shows physical sterility is not an absolute evil.” But how does the Gospel show this? Though people who really want to fulfill the purpose of marriage and have children. Not those who run from children and do not desire them. Honestly this attitude of "I don’t want children, but I want all the selfish benefits of what I deem I deserve in life is an affront not just to each of us that are married, but also to those who cannot conceive.
Honestly many many many people I have known have had the idea that they do not want children. But then they change their minds (or get pregnant) IN the OPs scenario, the person never changes their mind but rather takes it to a mutilating extreme. Much like those who get sterilized through more rapid means. Also, note the OPs ignorance of what marriage really is. Two people becoming one. Now the OP has all these wants and desires and plans their life, but what of the potential mate? Such selfishness will surely bear itself out in marriage even in old age. The mate if one exists already must also agree to this “potential decades long engagement.” and have the same motivation as the OP. Or perhaps the OP finds someone later, that someone will have a lifetime of baggage, as will the OP, complete with divorces, deaths, and perhaps grand kids and kids.
What a mess, and how can this Be HOLY. That is what we are really dealing with here. IF you do not have the vocation to be married and be a family, then you don’t have it. Period. But you do not get to pick and choose which parts of that vocation you get to have based on your selfish desires. That is contrary to everything a Christian is! We should be generous, giving and self sacrificing. You know, like a parent.
But this is EXACTLY what our culture of family “planning” though manipulative means has brought us. And it extends to hostility to children, selfishness, the breakdown of marraige with divorces and homosexual marriage. Whenever someone asks how two gay people getting married harms my marriage, I will think of this thread, and how far we have fallen.
PS by OP I mean a hypothetical person in the original post. The original poster has not identified himself as the object of the discussion. We are speaking in theological hypotheticals.
And we see in the CCC and in theology of marriage and in 2000 years of teaching on marraige that the while in principle a that point CAN be true. The motivation and orientation that the OP has needs to be considered and can alter the original question of “is it ok” Setting one’s will contrary to God is never ok.