Is it ok to receive Confirmation when....?

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MeOnly

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I have recently come across two scenarios in my family…

My non-practicing Catholic cousin is engaged to be married to an non-practicing Jewish man. They met with a priest and he told her she needs to get confirmed and go to pre-marriage courses and such.

My other non-practicing Catholic cousin wants her daughter to have a Quincenera Mass. The priest told her that before she does that she needs to get confirmed.

In both scenarios, it seems like they will just be getting confirmed to have a wedding and to have a party. Is this ok? I wouldn’t think that you are to be Confirmed for any other reason than being confirmed. Right? What is the best advice I can give them?

Thanks!
 
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MeOnly:
I have recently come across two scenarios in my family…

My non-practicing Catholic cousin is engaged to be married to an non-practicing Jewish man. They met with a priest and he told her she needs to get confirmed and go to pre-marriage courses and such.

My other non-practicing Catholic cousin wants her daughter to have a Quincenera Mass. The priest told her that before she does that she needs to get confirmed.

In both scenarios, it seems like they will just be getting confirmed to have a wedding and to have a party. Is this ok? I wouldn’t think that you are to be Confirmed for any other reason than being confirmed. Right? What is the best advice I can give them?

Thanks!
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MeOnly:

In the case of your cousin, the priest is exercising his prudential judgment - According to Canon Law, he could refuse to marry them. Instead, he’s using this occasion as an opprtunity to try to get her back into the Church and to maybe plant a seed in her fiancee.

Since Confirmation involves not only the Sacrament, but classes to prepare for the Sacrament, he’s probably hoping that something she hears in those classes will click and that she will go from a “Non-Practicing” Catholic to a “Practicing” Catholic.

Therefore, she should go and take her fiancee in with her - He should know what he’s getting into, because this priest will probably do as he should and insist that the children be raised in the Church (Baptized, First Communion, CCD or Catholic School and Regular Mass attendence w/ their parents).

In a case such as this, I might Insist that the fiancee sign a statement that the children will be raised as Catholics and that, if she doesn’t see to it, he will, before I would marry them.

The Quincenera is still a statement that the woman is grown and ready to marry and make her own decisions… How can she be ready to be married if she hasn’t received the Holy Spirit or accepted responsibility for herself before God?

In the not too distant past, children were almost all confirmed at age 12, so this wasn’t an issue. But as parents stopped bringing their children to Mass once they were confirmed, parishes started delaying that Sacrament until the children were adults and could make the decision to go to Mass themselves.

The classes will teach her more about the Faith than she’s probably getting at whatever Masses she’s attending right now, esp. if she’s not going very frequently. and, The Sacrament of Confirmation does confer the gift of the Holy Spirit and the potential for a whole lot of charisms which could make her useful to her parish or youth group.

I see no reason why the Sacrament of Confirmation should be seen as a stumbling block here either.

I hope this prooves helpful.

In Christ, Michael
 
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MeOnly:
I have recently come across two scenarios in my family…

My non-practicing Catholic cousin is engaged to be married to an non-practicing Jewish man. They met with a priest and he told her she needs to get confirmed and go to pre-marriage courses and such.

My other non-practicing Catholic cousin wants her daughter to have a Quincenera Mass. The priest told her that before she does that she needs to get confirmed.

In both scenarios, it seems like they will just be getting confirmed to have a wedding and to have a party. Is this ok? I wouldn’t think that you are to be Confirmed for any other reason than being confirmed. Right? What is the best advice I can give them?

Thanks!
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As a Catholic you don’t need to be confirmed in order to marry in the Church, but it’s certainly a wonderful idea. Keep in mind the priest does not “marry” the couple – he merely witnesses the marriage.

Same with the Quinceanera. Confirmation is not necessary, but just like the marriage, it’s a wonderful idea. Anything that brings a Catholic to getting confirmed is a wonderful idea.

Given that the Quinceanera is not a sacrament, I might tell the girl to begin attending Mass and start living the life of a Catholic or to find someplace else for her Quinceanera.
 
Traditional Ang:
In a case such as this, I might Insist that the fiancee sign a statement that the children will be raised as Catholics and that, if she doesn’t see to it, he will, before I would marry them.

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the non-Catholic party does not have to sign and agree to raise the children Catholic, it is the Catholic party who has to make that assurance. the non-Catholic party does have to understand the obligations under which his Catholic spouse must adhere to, including each and every marriage act being open to life and raising the children Catholic.

Certainly the non-Catholic partner may attend the confirmation class with the fiance, but it cannot be made a requirement.

As far as quincenera, it depends on the age of confirmation for youth in that diocese. Here it is 16 so the young lady would have already celebrated. Our only requirement is that she be attending CCD for 2 years before her 15th celebration, and we cover the topics relevant in 8th grade - baptism and the Christian life, sexual morality, and decision making.

The theology of confirmation does not support making it a reward for sticking it out in CCD for so many years, and more bishops are recognizing the scandal of delaying confirmation to the point that many and even most adults coming for marriage have not been confirmed.
 
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asquared:
the non-Catholic party does not have to sign and agree to raise the children Catholic, it is the Catholic party who has to make that assurance. the non-Catholic party does have to understand the obligations under which his Catholic spouse must adhere to, including each and every marriage act being open to life and raising the children Catholic.

Certainly the non-Catholic partner may attend the confirmation class with the fiance, but it cannot be made a requirement.

As far as quincenera, it depends on the age of confirmation for youth in that diocese. Here it is 16 so the young lady would have already celebrated. Our only requirement is that she be attending CCD for 2 years before her 15th celebration, and we cover the topics relevant in 8th grade - baptism and the Christian life, sexual morality, and decision making.

The theology of confirmation does not support making it a reward for sticking it out in CCD for so many years, and more bishops are recognizing the scandal of delaying confirmation to the point that many and even most adults coming for marriage have not been confirmed.
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Asquared:

As I said, Confirmation used to done almost “lock-step” netween 12 and 13 years of age. Then, sometime in the 1960’s, families stopped going to Mass after the kids got confirmed. Parishes and dioceses started delaying Confirmation in response to that scandal which deprived the Children and their families of the Sacraments of the Church, by depriving them (at least in the case of children) of access to the Church.

Regarding the assurance about raising the kids in faith and maintaining the faith in the home, I was only saying what I would be tempted to do. I know that the Church places the onus on the Catholic partner, but, in this case, the Catholic partner isn’t attending Mass herself. How can she be expected to raise the kids in the Faith if she’s left the Faith herself?

Usually priests will solemnize the marraiges of Catholics to non-Catholics when the Catholics are active members of their congregations. That way, they know that the Faith matters to at least one of the partners in the marriage.

In this instance, that’s not the case, so the priest is trying to find a charitable way to work around it. I think that informing the non-Catholic of the requirement and asking if he or she would be willing to take over if the Catholic fails in his or her responsibility is a perfectly reasonable request in this type of situation. The priest could simply refuse to solemnize their vows.

I know that many of the Hispanic cultures emphasize the Quinencinera. I recently saw one myself for a member of St. Mary’s. In her case, almost all the parishioners knew her and the father and had worried that she might not make the day (she has a cancer in remission). She and her family are all very active in the parish, and she had been confirmed a few months before.

Except for her illness, that was an ideal situation.

I don’t know if the one described here is anything like that, and I suspect it’s not, since the priest is insisting on SOMETHING as a prelude.

I don’t like to use things as a reward for doing the Sacraments, but thanks to various currents in today’s world that have effected the Church, it seems that we forced to do just that.

I agree that I’d like to see a record of regular attendence at the Sacraments before a Quinecinera.

In Christ, Michael
 
My cousin is a non-practicing catholic and she doesn’t plan on raising the kids Catholic but Jewish. I’m guessing it didn’t come up when she met with the priest. I was shocked when she told me that it wasn’t even mentioned. I’m hoping that in the confirmation and pre-marriage courses she will learn something.
 
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AltarMan:
As a Catholic you don’t need to be confirmed in order to marry in the Church, but it’s certainly a wonderful idea. Keep in mind the priest does not “marry” the couple – he merely witnesses the marriage.

Same with the Quinceanera. Confirmation is not necessary, but just like the marriage, it’s a wonderful idea. Anything that brings a Catholic to getting confirmed is a wonderful idea.

Given that the Quinceanera is not a sacrament, I might tell the girl to begin attending Mass and start living the life of a Catholic or to find someplace else for her Quinceanera.
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A Bishop can make it a requirement in his diocese for a Catholic who is marrying a non-Baptized person before he will grant a dispensation. Canon Law makes any attempted Marriage to a non-Baptized person invalid without the Bishops dispensation. Before he will grant it he must be assured that the Catholic will continue practicing the faith and Baptize and raise all children in the Catholic faith.
 
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MeOnly:
My cousin is a non-practicing catholic and she doesn’t plan on raising the kids Catholic but Jewish. I’m guessing it didn’t come up when she met with the priest. I was shocked when she told me that it wasn’t even mentioned. I’m hoping that in the confirmation and pre-marriage courses she will learn something.
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It will or at least should.
 
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MeOnly:
My cousin is a non-practicing catholic and she doesn’t plan on raising the kids Catholic but Jewish. I’m guessing it didn’t come up when she met with the priest. I was shocked when she told me that it wasn’t even mentioned. I’m hoping that in the confirmation and pre-marriage courses she will learn something.
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MeOnly:

I thought you said that he’s not an observant Jew and that he doesn’t practice any form or religious Judaism. In that case, why the insistance that the children be brought up “Jewish”? Esp since, in Judaism, Children get their religion from their MOTHER? (I was brought back to the Church by an Orthodox Rabbi) For the Children to be Jews, your cousin will have to convert to Judaism in a Synagogue ceremony BEFORE the children are born, or the children will have to convert on their own, unless their father is planning to pretend.

Do you have any reason to believe that your cousin is so disatisfied with Catholicism that she might consider converting to Judaism? Do you think she might do it to make her future husband happy?

If you don’t believe me, ask an Orthodox or a Conservative Rabbi - Make sure you tell him that your cousin is Catholic and not Jewish!

It’s a standard Canonical requirement that the Catholic marrying a non-Catholic commit to raising the children as Catholics. I’m appalled but not surprised the Priest would not pound this point home (unless he’s planning to do this later).

If your cousin is important to you, you might try to find a charitable way to bring that up, as well as the bit about the requirement for the Jewish religion. If you’ve spoken to a Rabbi, you’ll be able to say, "“I was was concerned abut this, so I spoke with Rabbi so and so who said…”

At the same time, you might want to mention that it’s normal for Catholics whose marriages to non-Catholics are solemnized to be required to commit to raising their children as Catholics.

I think that you have your work cut out for you.

In Christ, Michael
 
it is an article of canon law that no one can be forced to receive the sacraments, including your recalcitrant teenagers, so that would be problematic. If a person is not practicing their faith it is unlikely that Confirmation would be received in a state of grace, so that would be sacrilege. In any case if the person is not practicing the faith they should not be seeking marriage in the Church unless their preparation includes repentence, conversion and return to the faith.

As far as quincenara, its purpose is renewal of the baptismal vows and preparation means reflection on the meaning of those vows. This is also part of confirmation preparation, so in dioceses where Confirmation is normally conferred before age 15 it makes sense to require confirmation if the girl is requesting a church ceremony (as opposed to merely a party).

If she has rejected confirmation when it was offered, then she has rejected her baptism, so a quincenera ceremony in church makes no sense at all.
 
He doesn’t pratice his Jewish religion now but if kids come then thats what they plan to do. My cousin is ok with the Catholic church but doesn’t know alot. She in the state of mind that “we are all worshipping God so it doesn’t bother me if my kids are Jewish”. She met with a Monsignor that is friends with her fiance’s parents. I’m just wondering why raising her kids Catholic didn’t come up in the meeting when he knows they are of different religios. She wanted to have a priest and a rabbi marry them. I am getting her books on Catholic teachings of marriage and stuff for her engagement party next week.
 
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