Is it Ok to refuse the idea of marrying

[Lady_Bug]

a non-Catholic if you are Catholic, or interested in being Catholic? I am aware that there are people here who are strict against mixed marriages, or interdenominational marriages when a Catholic is involved. I am almost a 28-year-old woman feeling abject loneliness, and I know that I must start figuring out a way to meet people, but I have severe anxiety with meeting new people simply because I am shy and also probably have anxiety disorder in and of itself.

I became a Christian early last year in May or so. I did not realize the differences between different branch of Christianity until recently. For a long time I had been convinced that Catholicism was not Christianity and was not biblical simply because a friend that was with me during my conversion process told me these things. In a nutshell, I started studying Catholicism in greater detail after I had begun to get interested in Orthodoxy first, which led me to where I am in my studying process.

I am starting to see the completeness in Catholicism and its seven sacraments, etc. I have not officially declared myself a Catholic at heart but that is only because I am “obsessed” (in a good way) with studying everything I can about the rudiments of Catholicism so I can feel smarter Given that though, it’s getting to the point where I don’t feel that I can accept the idea of marriage to a non-Catholic. I am not necessarily one of the people who think it is better to marry a devout Protestant than a nominal Catholic; it would feel unwise for me to pursue either. Because a devout non-Catholic spouse, by virtue of his strong relationship with Jesus, might insist over time that his branch of Christianity assume leadership in the home, and then what? If I cannot agree with a non-Catholic on the very first sacrament of all, Baptism (in terms of it being necessary for salvation and not just a symbol), then we are going to have a very difficult time reconciling on the other sacraments, some of which non-Catholics reject. I already have a difficult and unenjoyable time discussing things with my friend about faith because it often ends up in a lecture on her part and I end up feeling like a deer caught in the headlights. I am very lonely for someone who I can freely talk about my faith with, and not feel like I have to compromise by remaining quiet all the time. Believing in Jesus as the Son of God is not enough of a common bond for me, whether it should be or not. Because immediately after that, I feel that all the other issues fall apart because we would differ on how salvation is attained. It just feels hopeless to me.

Someone who I encountered online has seen my comments written in a certain marriage/singleness blog, and emailed me about potential matchmaking prospects with potential men at this Bible church. I had to decline saying that I simply do not feel like I can date/marry an Evangelical because I cannot reconcile the differences between Catholicism and Evangelicalism. I think he was not angry with me but tried to tell me that the differences between the two were minor and that he knows many Catholics who are not relying on their works to get them into Heaven, etc. His response did not comfort me, even though that was his intent.

What if my desire to marry a Catholic means I never marry? Do I have to go through life with hopeless and despair because of this?
I know some of you may suggest online matchmaking services. I respect and appreciate your effort to suggest this but I have huge reservations for my own self. I am repelled by the idea of putting a picture online for all the men to see, receiving possible emails from potential men who I have no idea whether they are predators or not, giving out my location, name, etc., for all the world to see.

I do not feel comfortable giving out my picture, my name, and my location to a bunch of prospective strangers. Is this is legitimate concern, or am I barking up a tree? Not only that, I don’t really want to have to rely so heavily on either a computer or phone to build a relationship. I would rather build one in person, and of course have access to a phone so we could call each other when we are not meeting each other in person. But I for one don’t want a relationship with a keyboard, monitor, and cell phone (that is, a long-distance relationship). I want a relationship in person. But I am weary of giving out any personal information online for potential dates in my local area either.I don’t know if that would be more creepy, knowing that there are potential predators in my local area, who know that I live in the same town.

Sorry if this is too long, or too controversial or anything. My intent is not to start anything. After all, I still have feelings for this Protestant man (he never returned them) so I know that it is possible to fall in love with someone you don’t share their complete faith with. But sometimes we have to get the tough issues out on the table.

 

[ack]

Given that though, it’s getting to the point where I don’t feel that I can accept the idea of marriage to a non-Catholic. I am not necessarily one of the people who think it is better to marry a devout Protestant than a nominal Catholic; it would feel unwise for me to pursue either.

Don’t worry – there are many man and women who share your viewpoint. (In fact, being so committed to marrying a good Catholic will make you more attractive in the eyes of many men.) Finding them can be difficult, but they are out there (and they tend to congregate in the same places, so once you meet one Catholic, you’ll usually meet many more.)

 

[lifeisbeautiful]

Don’t worry – there are many man and women who share your viewpoint. (In fact, being so committed to marrying a good Catholic will make you more attractive in the eyes of many men.) Finding them can be difficult, but they are out there (and they tend to congregate in the same places, so once you meet one Catholic, you’ll usually meet many more.)

I agree with the above. I think its a good idea to want to marry a Catholic (lol, I may be biased, since both my husband and I had decided that before meeting each other). My reasoning was that I wanted to do the best I could in marriage and I wanted my partner to be on board with me. I wanted us to battle together in our Faith, not against each other. Before we married we both agreed that we would always defer to whatever the teachings of the Church are. Its such a relief to know we won’t be battling about birth control, many aspects of raising our kids, etc since all we have to do is look into what the Church has to say and do our best to follow it. We also have the same views on marriage, everything from its sacramental value to it being a non-dissoluble bond, which is really helpful in giving our marriage strength.
People tried to discourage my dh from being so “picky” in wanting a Catholic wife, but I’m glad he didn’t listen.

 

[1ke]

Yes, that’s me… Ms Anti-Mixed-Marriage.

But, long ago I decided that I would rather remain single than compromise my faith and enter into a relationship that would lead to a divided household.

And, I did not meet my DH until 11 years after becoming a Catholic, we did not marry until I was in my late 30s and he in his early 40s. He, a cradle Catholic, felt the same way I did-- Catholic or bust.

Neither one of us was willing to raise children in a divided household and neither one of us was willing to compromise our faith for something temporal and temporary-- on judgment day we both want to hear “well done my good and faithful servant.”

My suggestion is to put your faith into practice, pray and discern what your vocation may be, and if it is marriage-- pray for a good Catholic spouse and leave the rest to God.

 

[Joe_Kelley]

It adds a lot of problems to the marriage. I think it may be near impossible if both are strong in their respective beliefs. One of my nephews had to break up with a fine Baptist girl because they found their differnces ran too deep.

My grand parents on both sides were mixed marriages. On one side the non-Catholic was essentially non-religious; so there were no conflicting beliefs. In later life he converted and regretted that his failure to do so sooner probably injured the faith of a couple of my uncles. On the other side my grandmother was a Baptist, but converted just before the wedding. She was one of the most dedicated Catholics you will ever find. A year after the wedding, my grandfather’s entire family, except for his father, left the Church, but my grandmother held fast, and thus so did my grandfather.

 

[chevalier]

I too have made the decision to stick with Catholics. Also the decision to stick with Catholics who believe Catholic. I don’t feel comfortable naming people nominal Catholics, but being Catholic while supporting abortion, contraception and some more, wouldn’t cut it for me.

I’m not ruling out non-Catholics in the sense I wouldn’t even talk to them, nor am I ruling out “nominal” Catholics in the sense I wouldn’t even talk to them, but barring exceptional circumstances, I’m not ready for it and I want to stick with practicing Catholics who believe in line with the Church.

If this means I’ll never marry… who knows? Certainly I don’t. Maybe I will, maybe I will not. Maybe one day I’ll hear I should be a priest. Or maybe nothing will ever come out in the way of marriage, while it will ultimately have been better that way? However, I still pray for the poor girl who’ll end up with me, hehe.

 

[KCT]

Do what God wants first. The rest will come. —KCT

 

[LSK]

I promise you that if you follow God’s call into His Church, whatever your vocation turns out to be will make you happy and fullfilled. It won’t mean that there won’t be times you are lonely or tired or angry or whatever - that will happen no matter WHAT your vocation is, married, single or religious. But my experience has been that if I try my best to live my life within the arms of the Holy Mother Church I will be happy, joyous and free.