Is it okay for a priest to have a crush on someone?

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julianwu

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And by crush, I mean, the common thing that adolescent boys and girls usually feel.

I know a priest who claims that he has a crush on this certain local actress. Another priest has a crush on a friend because he finds her smart and funny. Both of these priests, however, never really ‘made a move’ on the people they’re crushing on. They just love to talk about them. On both cases, however, I wasn’t really sure on what to feel.

Also, what’s your advise for priests who develop such a feeling? I know they’re still normal people, but I really find this situation weird.

Thanks!
 
They might be half joking. Obviously, priests feel desire and interest just like anyone else, they just don’t act on it. However, in the situations you’re describing, I doubt the priests meant for their remarks to be taken taken seriously.
 
A crush as you describe is simply being human. To act on such would be where lines would get crossed.
 
julianwu said:
Also, what’s your advise for priests who develop such a feeling?
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I don’t think I would have any advice. It’s outside my pay grade. If there is anything here that would go beyond a a simple crush, he would have to talk to his own confessor.
 
A romantic crush may not exactly be the most healthy thing, as they are married to the Church - Christ being the Bridegroom. You could always ask for clarification, if it bothers you.
 
I think they may just be using the word “crush” in a joking way. Often times, I will say something to my husband like, “Oh I have to tune into XYZ news today because my latest news anchor crush is going to be on”. Or I may say, “I have a new crush at the grocery store. The guy bagging my groceries took the time to put the ice cream in a freezer bag”.
 
I guess there’s a lot of differences between a priest and a bookmaker, one of which is a priest shouldn’t have favourites. 😉
 
Seeing as how you can’t control developing a crush on someone, the answer is yes. Seeing as how priests are grown men who can controls their actions they won’t act on the crush and it will simply go away.
 
The priest probably is using the word loosely to mean he finds the person witty or attractive but not in the sexual sense.

If I were a priest I would not use the word “crush” due to possible misinterpretation, but I think the context, the age of the priest, the way he uses the English language in general, whether English is his second language, etc need to be taken into account.
 
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julianwu said:
Also, what’s your advise for priests who develop such a feeling?
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I would say for them to keep it up. That’s an idiom of course, but also a serious suggestion. It’s good when priests connect with people on a base level, and a priest speaking colloquially like this to people is a good sign IMO.
 
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I would take the comments as you’ve quoted them to be jokes. It’s a common figure of speech where I am: a man might say he has a crush on someone — male or female — because he admires the person or thinks similarly or what have you. But it doesn’t necessarily mean that he actually wants to date that person.

As for the other part of your question, real crushes are generally involuntary. So they can’t be sinful. A priest with a crush on someone would only sin by acting on the crush (asking the person on a date or what have you).

Given the holy calling and generally pious nature o the vast majority of Catholic priests, I’d say that the best clue you have that the priest is joking about the crush is the fact that the priest is talking about it. A Catholic priest with an actual crush on someone wouldn’t willingly talk about it in public; he would suffer in silence until the crush dissipated.
 
Godfollower said:
A Catholic priest with an actual crush on someone wouldn’t willingly talk about it in public; he would suffer in silence until the crush dissipated.
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I think you’re somewhat right on the first part, but the second thing here is not necessarily true. It would be prudent for a priest who finds himself attracted to someone to not talk about it seriously in a public setting, as it would potentially cause people to get the wrong idea (as evidence, I submit some of the speculation on this thread and others like it). However, it isn’t necessarily a thing of suffering. Priests are still ordinary people, and we still have the same emotions, attractions, and desires that we had before we were priests. Part of the “affective maturity” that St. John Paul II speaks of in his exhortation Pastores Dabo Vobis about priestly formation is the recognition that we do not have to choose to act upon our attractions and desires. This isn’t necessarily always a painful experience, but quite the opposite–it can be a very liberating thing to reach that point and to say “I see my attractions for what they are, and I don’t have to act upon them.” Great peace comes from this, and God gives us the grace to live out the celibate charism in peace.

-Fr ACEGC
 
I think I have a crush on someone at work, I didn’t ask for it, nor do I want it but I keep thinking about them and like very much to be around them.
 
Think of that person as your sister and every time a thought that isn’t along that line comes along say to your self "stop.’
God bless.
 
Right you are; I just used “suffer” in this context to mean the entire spectrum of reactions to having an unrequited crush on someone. Sorry if I offended.
 
edward_george1 said:
it can be a very liberating thing to reach that point and to say “I see my attractions for what they are, and I don’t have to act upon them.” Great peace comes from this, and God gives us the grace to live out the celibate charism in peace.
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I think this is a good attitude for married people as well, especially, perhaps, those who are presently unhappy in their marriage and find themselves attracted to another…
 
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