Is it Okay for Homosexuals to adopt/have a baby?

[soccergirl]

My second cousin is a lesbian, and her partner is getting inseminated so that they can have a baby… I think it’s wrong, but am not sure. I feel like if they adopted it wouldn’t be wrong, but I feel like they are playing God by getting inseminated.

 

[Nec5]

It is wrong. Imagine if it was a brother/sister marriage or polygamists. Same deal.

 

[Boxie]

It is wrong for man and man or wioman and woman to be one they can never be. And children should have mom and dad, not mom and mom, that is not what God intended.

I know they are stoping them from adopting in alot of states but now if they get insiminated i am not sure, but it is still a child. What can be done about this?

 

[I_Fortuna]

My second cousin is a lesbian, and her partner is getting inseminated so that they can have a baby… I think it’s wrong, but am not sure. I feel like if they adopted it wouldn’t be wrong, but I feel like they are playing God by getting inseminated.

IMHO

I know you love and care for your cousin, but homosexuality is considered a sin in the church. I think you know this as a Catholic. Since your cousin and her partner cannot partake of the Sacrament of Marriage then it would be very wrong to have children.

The image of God in people is the image of a man and a woman joined in Holy Matrimony. Even if they practice celibacy, having this child out of wedlock would be a sin and possibly or not damaging to the child later.

I doubt that you can change their minds but if you can have someone intervene and speak lovingly to them about this issue it may help. As for your part, just continue to pray and love your cousin.

God be with you and your cousin.

 

[Newbie2]

My second cousin is a lesbian, and her partner is getting inseminated so that they can have a baby… I think it’s wrong, but am not sure. I feel like if they adopted it wouldn’t be wrong, but I feel like they are playing God by getting inseminated.

Yep, it’s definitely wrong on a numbe of levels. Such an action, methinks, is the ultimate in selfishness. I or we want a baby, not accepting children willingly from God, because that’s biologically impossible from two women. No thought, perhaps, of the fact that children need a balanced set of parents, not “Heather has two mommies”.

I could go on, but suffice it to say that your thoughts are correct, soccergirl.

 

[buffalo]

A child should not be deprived of a mother and a father.

 

[Cristiano]

My second cousin is a lesbian, and her partner is getting inseminated so that they can have a baby… I think it’s wrong, but am not sure. I feel like if they adopted it wouldn’t be wrong, but I feel like they are playing God by getting inseminated.

Artificial insemination would be wrong even if the partner were a mas. Homosexual behaviors are wrong too! To wrongs do not make a right.

 

[Rence]

My second cousin is a lesbian, and her partner is getting inseminated so that they can have a baby… I think it’s wrong, but am not sure. I feel like if they adopted it wouldn’t be wrong, but I feel like they are playing God by getting inseminated.

The Catholic Church forbids artificial insemination for everyone, not just gay couples. I don’t know what their laws specifically are regarding gay couples adopting children, but I know they don’t want it to happen. Currently Catholic orphanges restrict gay couples from adoptioning children, and are opting to close their doors rather than being forced by law to allow gay couples to adopt.

Personally, I’m not too sure what to make of it. It is no secret that many children are in orphanges, and get bounced around in foster care. I have friends who are a lesbian couple and they adopted a little girl from China who, according to statistics, would have wound up on the streets of China as a prostitute in a few years. Is she better off on the streets? Or being raised by a loving couple who is providing for her?

As to a child needing both parents, that is very very true. No one can deny this truth. However, one also can’t deny that being in a hetero home is most definitely not a guarantee due to death or divorce or abandoment, and even if there are both parents in the home, that’s not always optimal if there is abuse in the home. Growing up with my father scarred both my brother and myself for life. My mom really should have gotten her annulment when we were babies so that he wouldn’t have had the opportunity to terroize us (and her) throughout our childhood and teenage years, before I finally threw him out myself.

 

[Elizabeth502]

Rence, yours is an argument for divorce or annulment, or even better: thorough marriage preparation prior to marriage (not merely a Catholic seminar, but abundant opportunities to see one’s potential spouse in a variety of interactions). Your story is not an argument for same-sex parenting as a superior alternative. Legitimizing a different evil (deprivation) for other, innocent children because the traditional arrangement for you resulted in your own personal suffering, is not an argument.

Question: Was your father such a terror that he was 100% an evil influence in your life? You received no benefit from his presence whatsoever? And be careful how you think about your answer, because let’s face it, take any suffering in our lives: We learn powerful things about ourselves and others when faced with adversity, injustice – yes, even terror. I’m talking more practically than the spiritual benefits we are told that result – learning to “carry our Crosses,” using difficult experiences as opportunities for union with God, etc. – if we learn that, achieve that. I have met many survivors of horrendous childhoods whose background enabled them to become strong individuals with character and fortitude; many have become leaders; others have become outstanding parents because they have learned not to duplicate bad parenting. Most bad parenting happens due to lack of awareness combined with lack of self-control (which can also be affected by substance abuse). Most of us need to work on self-control to some degree our whole lives, but heightened awareness prevents our fallen natures from completely dominating our behavior.

I survived my psychologically terrorizing mother, and to this day I am grateful beyond words for her imperfect mothering and my parents’ difficult, eventually broken marriage. I learned immensely from the lows and the highs of their marriage and their parenting, and I am acutely conscious of the value, in practical terms, that their gender differences produced in my life. I had a sweet, comforting, fulfilling relationship with my father, but would never have traded his marriage to my mother for a second “Dad” even in my darkest moments with my literally psychopathic mother who was unable to love, but whose love I desperately wanted.

I’ve read many of your posts. You strike me as a strong individual who is clear about who you are. Please do not assume that your troubled childhood had no positive effect on your formation.

 

[Rence]

Hey Elizabeth

Rence, yours is an argument for divorce or annulment, or even better: thorough marriage preparation prior to marriage (not merely a Catholic seminar, but abundant opportunities to see one’s potential spouse in a variety of interactions).

You are SO right. I completely agree that we need more thorough marriage preparation, and I think the classes should be standardized, and that there needs to be a way for the Bishops to ensure that the class is being taught according to standards.

Your story is not an argument for same-sex parenting as a superior alternative. Legitimizing a different evil (deprivation) for other, innocent children because the traditional arrangement for you resulted in your own personal suffering, is not an argument.

Again, you’re right, I wasn’t trying to support homosexuals adopting. If I was, I would have tried a lot harder and came up with a lot more Personal experiences really aren’t good tools for debating though sometimes they might come in handy depending on the situation I was just trying to express that having a father and a mother in a family doesn’t ensure the best circumstance for children. That’s all. And I’m sure everyone knows that. And if they don’t, they should consider themselves very lucky I wouldn’t wish my father on anyone.

Question: Was your father such a terror that he was 100% an evil influence in your life?

I can’t really think of anything that was positive, or anything positive he brought to the family. The last few minutes was interesting…It didn’t occur to me that I couldn’t think of one thing positive about him. But my paperwork to the diocese for my mother’s annulment was over 20 pages long, front and back.

You received no benefit from his presence whatsoever?

Nothing I can think of…

However, I can give you a list of benefits that came to me from spending the rest of my teenage and adult life having my ex-step-father in my life. Now, he abandoned my mother after she had a debilitating stroke…however, in retrospect, I wonder if he lost his mind in the process. That said, I can probably give you 20 pages of moral or good things I gleaned from him and that helped me grow out of the hole I was in when I kicked my father out.

Woah, is it raining hard, round 2 of 6 inches of rain, insert some prayers here please before I have a new address by morning

And be careful how you think about your answer, because le
t’s face it, take any suffering in our lives: We learn powerful things about ourselves and others when faced with adversity, injustice – yes, even terror. I’m talking more practically than the spiritual benefits we are told that result – learning to “carry our Crosses,” using difficult experiences as opportunities for union with God, etc. – if we learn that, achieve that. I have met many survivors of horrendous childhoods whose background enabled them to become strong individuals with character and fortitude; many have become leaders; others have become outstanding parents because they have learned not to duplicate bad parenting. Most bad parenting happens due to lack of awareness combined with lack of self-control (which can also be affected by substance abuse). Most of us need to work on self-control to some degree our whole lives, but heightened awareness prevents our fallen natures from completely dominating our behavior.

I survived my psychologically terrorizing mother, and to this day I am grateful beyond words for her imperfect mothering and my parents’ difficult, eventually broken marriage. I learned immensely from the lows and the highs of their marriage and their parenting, and I am acutely conscious of the value, in practical terms, that their gender differences produced in my life. I had a sweet, comforting, fulfilling relationship with my father, but would never have traded his marriage to my mother for a second “Dad” even in my darkest moments with my literally psychopathic mother who was unable to love, but whose love I desperately wanted.

I’ve read many of your posts. You strike me as a strong individual who is clear about who you are. Please do not assume that your troubled childhood had no positive effect on your formation.

Thank you I do believe I am strong, well grounded and clear about who I am and will fight for what I believe. But I have my own problems resulting from the life I had with my father that I am still working on, some I didn’t know I had until recently, and some I didn’t recognize as a problem until recently. My father also all about destroyed my brother, and I feel worse for him because on top of his father working him over, something happened in school that turned him away from God and I so worry about him.

But on the positive side, which has nothing to do with my father, I also have a mother, and her parents, who were devoted Catholics and laid down a solid foundation for me. I was prepared to get into more detail, but it started getting long, and I didn’t want to hijack the thread. Plus, it started getting too personal about my life

And I need to go find the Ark now…

 

[Elizabeth502]

…
However, I can give you a list of benefits that came to me from spending the rest of my teenage and adult life having my ex-step-father in my life. Now, he abandoned my mother after she had a debilitating stroke…however, in retrospect, I wonder if he lost his mind in the process. That said, I can probably give you 20 pages of moral or good things I gleaned from him and that helped me grow out of the hole I was in when I kicked my father out.

…But I have my own problems resulting from the life I had with my father that I am still working on, some I didn’t know I had until recently, and some I didn’t recognize as a problem until recently. My father also all about destroyed my brother, and I feel worse for him because on top of his father working him over, something happened in school that turned him away from God and I so worry about him.

You needn’t respond, Rence, because I’m not trying to in any way expose your personal life (more than mine has already been exposed!), but God does work in mysterious ways, which is why I paste above the portions of two paragraphs. So this is said for general sharing for those who choose to read:

Sometimes God has us “work on things” in anticipation/prevention of what he knows that later in life we will be confronted with. (Again, character formation in advance. ) He does this also not for just our benefit, but for the benefit of others. You may, may not be even conscious of whom you may have helped in life, even indirectly, due to your own trials. I know for a fact, for example, that some of my own earlier trials (not yet referenced) prepared me to be an effective advocate later in my life, once I became aware – gradually – of the negative effects of certain aspects of my upbringing. Personal losses allow us to develop greater compassion and sensitivity.

Further, on the more immediate and practical level, your residing with your ex-stepfather had redemptive aspects for you and possibly for him. (repeating)…

I can probably give you 20 pages of moral or good things I gleaned from him and that helped me grow out of the hole I was in when I kicked my father out.

And the fact that you were able to take control of an uncontrolled situation with your father may have had and may still have usefulness for you and for others.

So bringing this back to the topic of the thread:
If we could train an animal to talk and provide effective guidance and training to children, I can’t imagine anyone seriously suggesting that a single father or single mother should appoint such an animal as co-parent in the household, due to divorce or death or supposedly inadequate/toxic parenting by one member of the legitimate human heterosexual couple. I’m not equating homosexuals with animals. (!) I’m drawing a parallel with the absurdity of anyone arguing that inappropriate unions are the answer to flawed or even dangerous parenting. The answer is to remove that particular toxic person from influence over the child, not to substitute wholesale a different (also inappropriate) marriage definition and arrangement.

 

[vera_dicere]

I really hate the way children have become nothing more than property in this society. Children are NOT a right. They’re an innocent human being who deserves a mother and a father and a stable relationship.

When a child is not wanted, they are slaughtered with full support of the law.

When a child is wanted by a couple who can’t ordinarily have children, either due to medical reason, or because they’re a same sex couple, they haul backside down to teh local IVF clinic and some doctor plays God.

To inflict a homosexual lifestyle on a child is sick beyond words. I have a friend who was raised by two guys and she said she loves both her dads but she said she really wished she had a mum. Those two men did a home insemination of a lesbian friend of theirs who agreed to carry their baby.

If nature/God intended for homosexuals to have children, then two eggs could merge, or two sperm could merge.

People need to grow up, and get over this materialistic ideal that a child is somehow their “right”.

 

[shondrea]

Although I oppose gay adoption, I feel that it’s a very weak argument to say they cannot adopt or have children because it’s depriving them of a mother or a father. Seriously, take a look at that argument, take a look at American families today, and now, wonder why secularism doesn’t accept that as an argument. Based on ONLY that logic, most kids in America should rightfully be in foster care

Now, I agree though. I grew up without a loving mother, and NO, I am NOT grateful for anything that lazy psychotic druggie did for my life. There is no learning that came from my suffering, only pain. I do NOOOT believe the bull about what doesn’t kill you makes you stronger. It’s a lie. it can kill you, strengthen you, or hurt you irreversibly for the rest of your entire life. I think bouncing around in foster homes does the same, or streetwalking in China.

Really, the only reason I don’t support homosexual parents is because the church says so. That’s it.

 

[vera_dicere]

Although I oppose gay adoption, I feel that it’s a very weak argument to say they cannot adopt or have children because it’s depriving them of a mother or a father. Seriously, take a look at that argument, take a look at American families today, and now, wonder why secularism doesn’t accept that as an argument. Based on ONLY that logic, most kids in America should rightfully be in foster care

But the thing is, those children in single parent homes, regardless of the circumstances of that single parent situation, are already here. These gay and lesbian individuals are creating a child to fit in their situation.

 

[Mortification]

Why do homosexuals feel a need to adopt children? That is my question.

They claim they are born that way and cannot change their sexual preference yet somehow still fill a need to be a parent, but the very fact that they prefer someone of the same gender is enough to show they do not possess paternal instincts, thus making them unqualified to be parents IMO.

If you’re hungry and starving to death, your instinct tells you to eat FOOD, so you eat food. It makes no sense if you’re starving to death and you eat a piece of clothing or a piece of glass. You can’t fool your basic, raw human instinct.

So if homosexuals feel a need to be parents, instincts tell them to procreate, but the only way to procreate is by having intercourse with the opposite gender of themself, yet they do not. Either it is some form of mental disorder (I’d feel uncomfortable watching children being raises by people with such a disorder) or a form of contraception (I’d feel uncomfortable watching children being raised by people who see them as merely something that is disposable and for their own entertainment), regardless of what homosexuality really is, they don’t really seem fit to be parents any way you slice it.

 

[Elizabeth502]

But the thing is, those children in single parent homes, regardless of the circumstances of that single parent situation, are already here. These gay and lesbian individuals are creating a child to fit in their situation.

Thank you. That is entirely the point. Deliberately creating a state of deprivation has nothing to recommend it.

Gender matters. It matters in ways that most people (in our country) have not thought through enough. It matters deeply and pervasively, and cannot be equated with roles. The biology of gender matters in the formation of the human person, and particularly the psyche/unconscious. To believe (or to claim) anything else is to believe, falsely, that the genders are essentially interchangeable. Such a claim is a product of contemporary propaganda. There may (and are) a variety of expressions of femaleness and maleness, but except in the rare cases of transsexualism or the intersexed, you are radically one gender or the other, no matter what role within that gender you are comfortable with, and no matter what title – accurate or false – you give to your mate.

The full and healthy human person is an integration of male and female “sides,” within a single gender in both cases. To attain that integration one must have the opportunity to relate intimately to both genders on an ongoing (virtually daily) basis. The developing person unconsciously patterns the emerging self from the direct models he or she experiences as the most meaningful and constant models in his or her life.

 

[Newbie2]

Why do homosexuals feel a need to adopt children? That is my question.
They claim they are born that way and cannot change their sexual preference yet somehow still fill a need to be a parent, but the very fact that they prefer someone of the same gender is enough to show they do not possess paternal instincts, thus making them unqualified to be parents IMO.

If you’re hungry and starving to death, your instinct tells you to eat FOOD, so you eat food. It makes no sense if you’re starving to death and you eat a piece of clothing or a piece of glass. You can’t fool your basic, raw human instinct.

So if homosexuals feel a need to be parents, instincts tell them to procreate, but the only way to procreate is by having intercourse with the opposite gender of themself, yet they do not. Either it is some form of mental disorder (I’d feel uncomfortable watching children being raises by people with such a disorder) or a form of contraception (I’d feel uncomfortable watching children being raised by people who see them as merely something that is disposable and for their own entertainment), regardless of what homosexuality really is, they don’t really seem fit to be parents any way you slice it.

Answer: Selfishness. *** I*** want a baby, so I’m going to get one. Never mind what’s the best for the baby.

Such folks should buy a puppy.

 

[Boxie]

Boy what a mess: I have read all of your statements and i hurt for you all. I also hurt for those who are not born yet and will find some day they to are in the same situation you all went through but with gay parents. I feel they want all the rights that we all have as heterosexual’s just to show that they have rights to. It is the same about church they want to drink from the same cup we drink from, but they drink from the cup of indignation and they make a mockery pout of the laws Psalms 91. I to had a very undesirable mother and that is all i can say.All these people will some day answer to God for their unconcern for their children they bought into the world. But can’t you really see what is really going on here? satan is using every way he can to sneak what is wrong little by little into our lives so we will except any thing that comes along because what is right to do is not working any more, not like it should be. satan has destroyed family values and he will stop at nothing to destroy your church your life and every thing God has put for our own good here.
What voice are we listening to? What looks right is not often the right thing to do.satan has a way of covering up his mistakes and using children Gods greatest gift to humankind for getting what he wants to destroy what God loves the most. Think of what God loves and wants and you will get your answers, we may not always agree with God but he knows best and if we are to walk in His spirit we must ask for guidance to be able to discern these things and where they are coming from. Do not let your past rule your future or the future of our children it is hard because i come from the worst past ever and i try very hard to keep my composure and it is very difficult for me. Now i ask that you pray for me to be strong as i pray for us all and thank God we all have a life and a chance to show the adversary he is wrong. Lets do it. Glory to God in the Highest!

 

[soccergirl]

So adoption isn’t right? I don’t think adoption is the same as inseminating… Is that selfish to adopt if you are a gay couple?

 

[Elizabeth502]

soccergirl, The Church disapproves of gay adoption and has had to close its adoption agencies in states which have required it to meet secular laws allowing that. The reason for church disapproval is that it legitimizes a morally illegitimate pattern and a morally illegitimate understanding & definition of family.

On a personal basis, we must love everyone, and paritcularly people who find themselves in environments not of their own choosing (the product of insemination, of non-traditional adoption, whatever). One is required to love individuals but not to approve of their decisions if their decisions are immoral. When we are in a position to influence decisions before they happen, we have an obligation to try to direct those individuals to moral choices. (I did that once: redirected a close friend who was literally on her way to a sperm bank; instead I found a husband for her in pretty short order.) But when we’re not in such positions – and most of the time we’re not – we can’t reject or hurt individuals after they’ve made bad decisions.

Does that answer your question?