Is It Okay If I Only Want Catholic Friends?

[twf]

Better than being an atheist… which is what he was. Of course it would have been ideal had he converted to Catholicism, as Chesterton did, but he was still inspired to return to the Christianity of his childhood by Tolkien.

 

[amazingcatholic]

It is definitely OK. Personally, I have friends who are non-Catholics, but if I were to have a best friend, they would have to be Catholic.

 

[gingko]

I think it’s okay to only want to have Catholic friends, but bear in mind Catholics aren’t perfect. I’ve had minor disagreements with other Catholics because my husband and I don’t see eye-to-eye on a few things like whether Latin Mass attendance is a requirement or preferable, how families should structure themselves with gender roles, etc. The good friends you meet who are Catholic will be few and far between.

 

[nfinke]

I think it’s perfectly fine to only have Catholic friends. I think it’s a bit closed-minded to only want Catholic friends. To enjoy being with a person, feel able to confide in them, share all the same interests, but then be willing to just drop them if one day they answer “no” to “do you submit to the authority of the bishop of Rome?” Is pretty silly.

Jesus told multiple parables involving Samaratins, who most Jews hated at the time: most notably the parable of the good Samaratin, literally saying this Samaratin was more the man’s neighbor (and therefore deserving love through commandment) than the Jewish priest and Levite (two men that explicitly shared that man’s religion), who passed him by.

Also, what better way is there to possibly turn a non-catholic into a Catholic than showing them through intimate friendship how much joy your religion brings you? That’s how I see it.

 

[Bluebright]

It’s a good thing and a bad thing. It’s a good thing to limit your friends to those who aren’t going to damage you, or your spiritual life and will in fact make you grow spiritually. It’s a bad thing to limit yourself to one particular group of people. Let God chose your friends. Be open to his intervention, always.
If you want to proceed carefully in choosing friends that is very wise. Pick people with the same interests as you but let yourself be challenged too. If you want some good guidelines on how to chose friends then read ‘Introduction to a devout life - Frances de sales’ He deals specifically with picking friends in that book and oddly, things have not changed much in the hundreds on years between then and now and his advice is spot on. Also of course, look at how Jesus picked his friends, they were all sorts. He always gave them the benefit of the doubt first, that’s worth remembering. We aren’t Jesus for sure, but we have him in us and we ought to remember that. Lastly, remember what Jesus said in the beatitudes about what would happen if we were ‘bashed’ as you put it for our faith… he said we’d have a great reward in heaven (Matt 5;12), so don’t worry if this happens to you… just think that Jesus is happy with you defending your faith.

 

[Tis_Bearself]

We get to choose our good friends, so you can choose whom you like. It is impossible to be good friends with everyone we meet - people simply don’t have enough time or emotional resources - so choices are going to have to be made on some basis.

If you wish to only have Catholics, or Republicans, or fans of the Philadelphia Eagles, or runners, or unmarried people etc as your good friends, that’s your prerogative. Obviously if you made these choices you’d be doing it because you see a benefit to it: shared interests, less criticism of your own preferences, etc. You will also have to deal with the risks and costs of your choices, such as that you might miss out on a really cool person who didn’t fit your screening criteria, or that you might need to end a friendship when someone’s interests or preferences change.

The reality is we all make choices about friendships and we have all had friendships that came to an end, sometimes painfully for one or both persons, when the shared criteria on which the friendship was based wasn’t there anymore. This is part of life. It’s not anything bad. Those who insist we need to be good buddies with the whole world are ignoring the reality of a friendship being something special, not something you have with every human being.

However, you still need to be kind, generally friendly and socially inclusive to those who don’t fit your “close friends” criteria. If you have a party and your friend Jessica Catholic wants to bring her new boyfriend Joe Lutheran to the party, you wouldn’t tell her Joe couldn’t come because he’s not Catholic, or spend all evening treating him coldly because he’s not Catholic. If your next-door-neighbors are Muslim but otherwise friendly, you should still be neighborly with them although you might not be inviting them over for dinner. Of course, if any of these people act toxic by mocking your Catholicism or otherwise disrespecting you, then it’s perfectly okay to be more distant going forward.

 

[Tis_Bearself]

I think different people on this thread may have different definitions of “friend”.

Yes, to me “friend” implies a close relationship with sharing and some level of trust. I have relatively few friends, and an even smaller number of people I would call “good friends”.

That doesn’t mean I can’t be friendly and kind with my office mates, my neighbors, people who might be in need of help whom I meet. We might even be able to have fun at some large social event, like the company picnic. But I don’t consider them my “friends”, let alone my “good friends” or my “close friends”. If you’re my “friend”, then I reckon we talk on a regular basis including over social media, and we have some knowledge of and interest in each others’ personal lives beyond stuff that I would share with a group.

 

[ez3714]

Hi, sorry if I offended anyone, I was asking this question because I have had people from a evangelical church try to be friends with me and tried to invite me to their church, and I felt like I was compromising my Catholicity by participating in their group.

I think your reasoning is sound and laudable. “Friend” is a special title with a lot of responsibilities. It’s not my understanding that you want to isolate yourself from the rest of the world. I also agree with your reasoning with avoiding their church. Stand your ground. Be ready to joyfully explain why you can’t be anything other than Catholic. If all they want to do is convert you or pick a fight, then it’s ok to consider cutting them off.

 

[signit]

Hi, sorry if I offended anyone, I was asking this question because I have had people from a evangelical church try to be friends with me and tried to invite me to their church, and I felt like I was compromising my Catholicity by participating in their group.

That’s a special case.

If they really want to be friends with you, that’s one thing; if they’re just being nice to you to get you to join their church; that’s another.

 

[masuwerte1]

In my limited experience, the Catholics who try to live in a bubble are the first ones to be offended when they find themselves excluded by others.

 

[JanR]

I believe twf did acknowledge that friendship is not the only way to evangelize. It’s one way to do it. Why avoid friendship as one of those ways?

 

[thistle]

It’s perfectly fine to only have catholic friends.

However that is not normal and probably highly unlikely to achieve. Frankly, it is not a good idea to try to restrict who you are friends with, apart from bad guys of course.

I have good friends who are atheists, non-Catholic Christians, Hindus, Muslims, Buddhists.

I also have Catholic friends who I know are in a state of mortal sin and no interest for now of changing their life.

 

[MockSock]

All my friends and most of my family are Catholic, but my dad is the only person I know (other than a few old ladies at Mass) who practices.

I find this very difficult at times. If I want to discuss some aspect of the Faith, or make my friends underdstand why I do not wish to join in with things. This can be difficult and this forum is very helpful. If the choice presents itself (Catholic vs non-Catholic friends) I would say go with Catholic friends. But there’s nothing wrong with having both.

 

[JoeShlabotnik]

Make friends with whomever you want.
But I would never make a friend based solely on that person’s religious persuasion.
There needs to be a dialogue between Christians and those who practice other religious. How can there be a dialogue without making friends with non-Catholics?
We need to understand and embrace our all brothers and sisters on this earth. Not just with those who believe as we believe.

 

[Jovian90]

I guess I was wrong for excluding people who are not Catholic, I will accept everyone: Jews, Muslims, Protestants, Orthodox, and Atheist/Agnostics, but I will not be friends with fundamentalist, only because they are very anti-catholic.

 

[Joe_5859]

It’s interesting to see the variety in people’s experiences here.

For me, I’d say all my close friends are Catholic. Heck, most everyone I know and interact with on a daily basis is Catholic. It’s not really ever been a deliberate choice, but mostly just the byproduct of my major life choices: getting involved at a Newman Center in college, getting a theology degree, working for the Church, etc.

I think things naturally play out differently for others depending on a whole host of factors. The key is to (1) pray and grow in your spiritual life; (2) love as Christ loves; and (3) know yourself.

If you are hanging out with people who are always running down your faith and sowing seeds of doubt and confusion, find better friends.

Having strong Catholic friends who help you grow in faith is a precious thing. So seeking out good Catholic friendships is a good and worthwhile thing to do. That said, you don’t need to check everyone’s Baptismal certificate before you strike up a conversation with them either.

However, some people are more prone to adopting the worldview of the people they hang out with than others are. If you are one of those people, then you do want to make a concerted effort to befriend people who share your Catholic faith.

 

[VanitasVanitatum]

It’s one way to do it. Why avoid friendship as one of those ways?

There’s no obligation to do one particular form.

Frankly, it is not a good idea to try to restrict who you are friends with, apart from bad guys of course.

That really depends on the individual and the circumstances.

How can there be a dialogue without making friends with non-Catholics?

This is a personal decision so presumably others will do that. And from what I hear that should already be happening to some degree.