Is it okay if the wife is breadwinner and the husband stays home as care taker?

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I can tell you from experience that in some families the natural pull of the mother to take care of the family/home and for the father to provide for the family can make this arrangement of switching roles painful for both. I’m not saying it is bad, in general, to do this, but that it can be upsetting, especially if it is the only feasible option.
 
The pope the other day on twitter reminded young people not to be mediocre, if you have a talent and drive go for it! It sounds like you have a plan with freelancing, and a supportive family, all key ingredients. Your children will learn so much from a mother who loves her work, even if it means you are poor (hopefully only for a little while). Remember the holy family was poor. I think you can find a way to share the work between you and your husband, and you work part time freelancing yourself, enlist help of family too, stay close to them if possible, and your husband can pull a low wage on a full time job and you can both survive. Pray for the Holy Spirit to guide you! I will pray for you, how exciting that you will soon be starting a new life with your husband to be, you must love him to be ready to face all these difficulties with him.
Thank you so much. 🙂 This is very inspiring and really helps me feel better. I will always do what is needed for my family but if I can at least try this., Im praying my plan will work. I know God will give me the strength to do whatever I need to do for our family.<3
 
I can tell you from experience that in some families the natural pull of the mother to take care of the family/home and for the father to provide for the family can make this arrangement of switching roles painful for both. I’m not saying it is bad, in general, to do this, but that it can be upsetting, especially if it is the only feasible option.
Thank you yes this is what I was thinking. I have a strong desire to take the traditional wife role. Its also very hard to imagine my husband in that role. I mean I know he will make the best father! But he doesnt even know how to rinse his own dishes… and always leaves empty beer bottles out. I know he doesnt act like this in a way to take me for granted, its just its not natural for him to keep a clean environment… >_< I love cleaning so it works magically now, but I know in role reversal it may be very difficult… But not impossible… 🙂 As long as we are following God thats all we need. 🙂
 
Thank you everyone for your replies 🙂 It really helps me feel better to know that we would still be following God… and to know its worked well for some of you. I will still always respect my husband as head of family even if I got the outside income. Also, I found this article online a while ago. It says its catholic but I couldnt tell if the role descriptions were meant to be directives from the church?

catholicharboroffaithandmorals.com/Duties%20of%20Married%20People.html
 
Thank you yes this is what I was thinking. I have a strong desire to take the traditional wife role. Its also very hard to imagine my husband in that role. I mean I know he will make the best father! But he doesnt even know how to rinse his own dishes… and always leaves empty beer bottles out. I know he doesnt act like this in a way to take me for granted, its just its not natural for him to keep a clean environment… >_< I love cleaning so it works magically now, but I know in role reversal it may be very difficult… But not impossible… 🙂 As long as we are following God thats all we need. 🙂
I can tell you that we probably felt the same when we started this thing. I think having a baby and leaving them was extremely hard for my wife even though I was the one staying at home. And, I certainly am not the cleanest person, I have learned to keep a clean house. (well as clean as can be with 4 kids) I do laundry, dishes, pay bills etc. All of which I would not do as a single man or in a “traditional” role.

One thing, the beer has to go. When watching children, beer and being a stay at home parent do not mix.
 
I can tell you that we probably felt the same when we started this thing. I think having a baby and leaving them was extremely hard for my wife even though I was the one staying at home. And, I certainly am not the cleanest person, I have learned to keep a clean house. (well as clean as can be with 4 kids) I do laundry, dishes, pay bills etc. All of which I would not do as a single man or in a “traditional” role.

One thing, the beer has to go. When watching children, beer and being a stay at home parent do not mix.
You sound like a wonderful husband and father. 🙂 Yes I agree about the beer. But we dont have children yet, so Im trusting my husband will put that away if we did and he became the care taker.
 
Spouses leave and spouses die. Spouses can also become disabled or stricken with an illness or chronic disease. I didn’t really know these facts back when I was starting out the way I know them now. Back when I was young I didn’t really believe anything bad would ever happen to us, ya know?

Now that I have seen things happen to family and friends, I believe very strongly that each spouse has a responsibility to have a degree or some kind of job training certificate just in case the worst happens. I believe the degree or certificate needs to be in a stable field with good long term employment outlook and that any passion degrees be obtained after the practical one.

Considering your circumstances, especially with the immigration issue, I think you should go for a degree in a field you enjoy as much as possible but that is also stable and pays a good wage. Do the animation degree while working and freelance part time on the side until you build up a reputation and then switch to doing that once you are sure you can make a decent living at it long term.

My $.02 and what I would do, anyways. Good luck. I wish your husband speedy citizenship.
 
It is fine for you to be the bread winner, but I also think you should go after your dream. Working a job you don’t love will just make you miserable and just put more stress on everything. So follow your dream and if Hubby is ok in being a stay at home dad, that is fantastic. Unfortunately not many men can handle that. Good Luck and God Bless 🙂
 
Deep down I truly want to be the one to care for our children at home, especially before school years. When they start school I figure I can work part time.

…Honestly it breaks my heart to think Ill give birth to our babies and then a month later have to be in a suit working full time. I feel a nutural draw to be the caretaker but I dont know what we should do?
Let your husband be the breadwinner. He already proves his commitment to work by working 60 hrs per week despite his residency status. That’s very impressive.

Pursue your animator dream within your role as stay-at-home-mother and perhaps your experiences of motherhood could inspire your direction in that?

Your instincts to be hands on with your babies is natural and healthy and I think your hubby proves himself to be a trustworthy breadwinner by his work practices so far. I think you will regret forsaking the formative years with your kids for the sake of the ‘career’.

Make them both work for you, but put your babies first if it comes to it.
 
Very admirable! May I ask why you homeschool your kids?
Well, the decision was made early on when my first was going to be in K. We decided that we would pray about it and reevaluate each year with each child. It has proven to be an amazing decision. We use Seton, which is a Catholic curriculum, but we started with a public school curriculum and a distance education program. We abandoned that and now do Seton exclusively. My mother, sister, aunts and many friends are/were teachers. My mother and sister hate that I homeschool. But the benefits and the outcome with my children is hard to dispute so that has shut them up a little.😉

To me, it is just an extension of parenting.

Feel free to PM me with more questions. I don’t want to hijack this thread.
 
Well, the decision was made early on when my first was going to be in K. We decided that we would pray about it and reevaluate each year with each child. It has proven to be an amazing decision. We use Seton, which is a Catholic curriculum, but we started with a public school curriculum and a distance education program. We abandoned that and now do Seton exclusively. My mother, sister, aunts and many friends are/were teachers. My mother and sister hate that I homeschool. But the benefits and the outcome with my children is hard to dispute so that has shut them up a little.😉

To me, it is just an extension of parenting.

Feel free to PM me with more questions. I don’t want to hijack this thread.
I don’t understand how your mother and sister of all people dislike you homeschooling. I think it’s amazing to see fathers be able to take that kind of role. Aren’t fathers supposed to be instructors over their children in families? They should think of the long-lasting influence you will have over your children. There’s lots of empirical evidence to show the effects of fathers on their children, especially with instruction across all areas. But, if they are teachers who hate the idea of you teaching, I don’t think logic will explain it:rolleyes:
 
Do what you feel is best. I see nothing wrong with this.
Probably the best advice in this thread. We don’t live in the OP’s shoes or know her family life. She and her husband should do what is best for their family.
 
Let your husband be the breadwinner. He already proves his commitment to work by working 60 hrs per week despite his residency status. That’s very impressive.

Pursue your animator dream within your role as stay-at-home-mother and perhaps your experiences of motherhood could inspire your direction in that?

Your instincts to be hands on with your babies is natural and healthy and I think your hubby proves himself to be a trustworthy breadwinner by his work practices so far. I think you will regret forsaking the formative years with your kids for the sake of the ‘career’.

Make them both work for you, but put your babies first if it comes to it.
Thank you this brings peace for me.
 
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