Is It Okay Not To Have Kids?

[Lost_and_Sad]

I’m a 30-year-old woman. I’ve never been in a serious relationship and I’ve never been married. I used to want to but things never worked out that way and I’m quite happy about that. I really don’t know if I’ll ever get married and I’m really not certain if I will ever have kids. I’m not a perfect person and I never considered becoming a nun(not saying nuns are perfect though!). I really don’t know what life will bring but I am perfectly okay with not ever getting married or having kids. Is that okay or am I doing something wrong?

 

[Luna_Lovecraft]

I’m a 30-year-old woman. I’ve never been in a serious relationship and I’ve never been married. I used to want to but things never worked out that way and I’m quite happy about that. I really don’t know if I’ll ever get married and I’m really not certain if I will ever have kids. I’m not a perfect person and I never considered becoming a nun(not saying nuns are perfect though!). I really don’t know what life will bring but I am perfectly okay with not ever getting married or having kids. Is that okay or am I doing something wrong?

It’s fine. Not everyone is called to marriage and parenthood. Enjoy the life you have and be grateful for it!

 

[Xantippe]

I’d be most concerned right now by the fact that you think the best internet handle for you is “Lost and Sad.” Could you be depressed? Talk to your doctor.

As to your question, I think a lot of people only realize that they want to have children when they find the right person to have children with. So, it’s way too early right now to decide one way or another, even at 30.

 

[PaulfromIowa]

All are not called to marriage and parenthood, as St. Paul points out. I get the impression that you may perhaps have clinical depression. Please consider getting screened for it.

 

[TARRAT]

Please don’t be Lost or Sad. I think you think about it too much. What will happen happens most often when you aren’t looking.

I know a young lady who is smart and attractive. She rarely dated seriously. Found the right man at 39 yo and had her daughter at 41.

Count your blessings.

God Bless.

 

[Cricket2]

I’m a 30-year-old woman. I’ve never been in a serious relationship and I’ve never been married. I used to want to but things never worked out that way and I’m quite happy about that. I really don’t know if I’ll ever get married and I’m really not certain if I will ever have kids. I’m not a perfect person and I never considered becoming a nun(not saying nuns are perfect though!). I really don’t know what life will bring but I am perfectly okay with not ever getting married or having kids. Is that okay or am I doing something wrong?

You are doing nothing wrong by remaining single. The possibility of marriage never came to me either. There was one fella who wanted to marry me, but I simply was not in love, we had different faiths, and there were significant differences in our views of life that I knew I would never want to marry this person. I did look into religious life, but was deemed to not have the required health for such a life.

As a result I am single and now live with my sister and take care of her. There may be those that want to say being single is wrong, but I disagree. Many are single not by choice, but precisely because we put our faith first, or due to illness and not meeting someone. It just happens.

You might check out some religious communities if you think that’s a possibility for you, but otherwise do as you are doing. Single life is not easy, and yes there are times when it is lonely, but it can also be rewarding. I use my free time to help others, sew, and study. Right now though my time is taken up with caring for sick family members. That is a calling all it’s own. You might even look into some sort of missionary work as being single could free you to travel more than others.

The state of life we find our selves in is not “bad.” What we do or don’t do with that state of life is were we can be sinful or faithful.

 

[PaulGH]

I’m a 30-year-old woman. I’ve never been in a serious relationship and I’ve never been married. I used to want to but things never worked out that way and I’m quite happy about that. I really don’t know if I’ll ever get married and I’m really not certain if I will ever have kids. I’m not a perfect person and I never considered becoming a nun(not saying nuns are perfect though!). I really don’t know what life will bring but I am perfectly okay with not ever getting married or having kids. Is that okay or am I doing something wrong?

Not everyone is called to marriage. If you don’t feel that call, or if you just haven’t found the right man, that is fine. It doesn’t mean that you are doing anything wrong.

But the Catholic understanding of marriage does include being open to the possibility of children, so it would not be right to marry with the firm intention of never having children. (Though if you or your future husband turned out to be infertile, and you could not have children, in that case of course your marriage would still be completely valid.)

 

[SuperLuigi]

I’d be most concerned right now by the fact that you think the best internet handle for you is “Lost and Sad.” Could you be depressed? Talk to your doctor.

As to your question, I think a lot of people only realize that they want to have children when they find the right person to have children with. So, it’s way too early right now to decide one way or another, even at 30.

I second that!

 

[SuperLuigi]

I’m a 30-year-old woman. I’ve never been in a serious relationship and I’ve never been married. I used to want to but things never worked out that way and I’m quite happy about that. I really don’t know if I’ll ever get married and I’m really not certain if I will ever have kids. I’m not a perfect person and I never considered becoming a nun(not saying nuns are perfect though!). I really don’t know what life will bring but I am perfectly okay with not ever getting married or having kids. Is that okay or am I doing something wrong?

On one side, you can’t force a marriage just to have kid or go against the grain so much you are miserable.

On the other side, it would not be wise to just give up just because its’ the defeated/easy thing to do.

What you are talking about here isn’t trivial; it’s discerning God’s plan for your life. Someone on here already said she had a kid almost 11 years later in life than were you are now.

If you’ve done your discernment properly, who can argue against that?

I’m just not convinced that’s the case. :nope:

 

[Iron_Donkey]

I’m a 30-year-old woman. I’ve never been in a serious relationship and I’ve never been married. I used to want to but things never worked out that way and I’m quite happy about that. I really don’t know if I’ll ever get married and I’m really not certain if I will ever have kids. I’m not a perfect person and I never considered becoming a nun(not saying nuns are perfect though!). I really don’t know what life will bring but I am perfectly okay with not ever getting married or having kids. Is that okay or am I doing something wrong?

There is no rule that says every woman must be a mother or a nun. Going through life being ready to accept whatever God puts in our path, whether it be marriage or not, is not only just ok, but is a good way to do things.

 

[AnneElizabeth]

All are not called to marriage and parenthood, as St. Paul points out. I get the impression that you may perhaps have clinical depression. Please consider getting screened for it.

Nothing wrong with being sad if you are lost… its quite a normal human reaction.

Taking a pill is not going to solve being lost, if it were, then who would actually need another human being let alone a church to help them find God, so that they aren’t lost, and therefore, sad?

 

[Captain_America]

I’m a 30-year-old woman. I’ve never been in a serious relationship and I’ve never been married. I used to want to but things never worked out that way and I’m quite happy about that. I really don’t know if I’ll ever get married and I’m really not certain if I will ever have kids. I’m not a perfect person and I never considered becoming a nun(not saying nuns are perfect though!). I really don’t know what life will bring but I am perfectly okay with not ever getting married or having kids. Is that okay or am I doing something wrong?

I didn’t get married until 35; grew up not particularly thinking I’d ever get married. But having a kid is really good for your heart, for your growth, for your understanding of love. At least it’s been in my book.

I remember a female friend of mine obsessing about not being “perfect” and not being “able” to be a “perfect mother.” Well heck, I said, no one’s ever going to reach perfection. . . and your parents weren’t perfect, were they? they did an okay job, I think, raising you. I think she ended up married, kids, etc. Don’t worry so much about what the Parenting Gurus mediawave.

 

[Jon_S_1]

I’m a 30-year-old woman. I’ve never been in a serious relationship and I’ve never been married. I used to want to but things never worked out that way and I’m quite happy about that. I really don’t know if I’ll ever get married and I’m really not certain if I will ever have kids. I’m not a perfect person and I never considered becoming a nun(not saying nuns are perfect though!). I really don’t know what life will bring but I am perfectly okay with not ever getting married or having kids. Is that okay or am I doing something wrong?

Nothing wrong with it!

 

[EasterJoy]

I’d be most concerned right now by the fact that you think the best internet handle for you is “Lost and Sad.” Could you be depressed? Talk to your doctor.

As to your question, I think a lot of people only realize that they want to have children when they find the right person to have children with. So, it’s way too early right now to decide one way or another, even at 30.

Yes.

 

[LongingSoul]

I’m a 30-year-old woman. I’ve never been in a serious relationship and I’ve never been married. I used to want to but things never worked out that way and I’m quite happy about that. I really don’t know if I’ll ever get married and I’m really not certain if I will ever have kids. I’m not a perfect person and I never considered becoming a nun(not saying nuns are perfect though!). I really don’t know what life will bring but I am perfectly okay with not ever getting married or having kids. Is that okay or am I doing something wrong?

I think it’s fine to be at peace with your life and it is possible to be at peace and also be open to the possibilities that may arise in the future. That is being adaptable to Gods plan for you whatever it is. :harp:

 

[Luna_Lovecraft]

Nothing wrong with being sad if you are lost… its quite a normal human reaction.

Taking a pill is not going to solve being lost, if it were, then who would actually need another human being let alone a church to help them find God, so that they aren’t lost, and therefore, sad?

A depression screening doesn’t involve taking pills. On the other hand, depressive disorders can be greatly helped with psychotropics, along with physical activity, therapy, a good diet, a strong social support system, and an active spiritual life. Oftentimes, though, if what’s going on is organic in nature, the brain chemistry problems have to be adequately addressed before someone can even start to engage in the other parts of their life. That’s the way it’s been most of my adult life with my own depression.

(I’m not suggesting the OP has depression, BTW.)

 

[ToTheHeights]

I’m a 30-year-old woman. I’ve never been in a serious relationship and I’ve never been married. I used to want to but things never worked out that way and I’m quite happy about that. I really don’t know if I’ll ever get married and I’m really not certain if I will ever have kids. I’m not a perfect person and I never considered becoming a nun(not saying nuns are perfect though!). I really don’t know what life will bring but I am perfectly okay with not ever getting married or having kids. Is that okay or am I doing something wrong?

The superior vocation is whatever God is calling you to, singlehood included. Each vocation has it’s own difficulties (in the case of being single, loneliness is the big one). Just be open to God’s will. He has a way of surprising us.

 

[Cricket2]

Nothing wrong with being sad if you are lost… its quite a normal human reaction.

Taking a pill is not going to solve being lost, if it were, then who would actually need another human being let alone a church to help them find God, so that they aren’t lost, and therefore, sad?

Good answer. We are “pill happy” in this country. For verified depression this is fine, but we all go through times of sadness and loneliness. Better to go find something to do, like volunteer, go on a hike or walk, take up a hoppy…to fill our time. This can turn things around for us.

If, over a long period of time one remains sad, dejected and disinterested, then it may be time for professional help, but trying to solve this with other avenues first seems better than automatically jumping on the “take a pill” wagon.

 

[Vico]

I’m a 30-year-old woman. I’ve never been in a serious relationship and I’ve never been married. I used to want to but things never worked out that way and I’m quite happy about that. I really don’t know if I’ll ever get married and I’m really not certain if I will ever have kids. I’m not a perfect person and I never considered becoming a nun(not saying nuns are perfect though!). I really don’t know what life will bring but I am perfectly okay with not ever getting married or having kids. Is that okay or am I doing something wrong?

Have you read Matthew 19?10 His disciples say unto him: If the case of a man with his wife be so, it is not expedient to marry. ** 11** Who said to them: All men take not this word, but they to whom it is given.** 12 **For there are eunuchs, who were born so from their mother’s womb: and there are eunuchs, who were made so by men: and there are eunuchs, who have made themselves eunuchs for the kingdom of heaven. He that can take, let him take it.
and 1 Corinthians 7?7 For I would that all men were even as myself: but every one hath his proper gift from God; one after this manner, and another after that. 8 But I say to the unmarried, and to the widows: It is good for them if they so continue, even as I.
…

32 But I would have you to be without solicitude. He that is without a wife, is solicitous for the things that belong to the Lord, how he may please God. **33 But he that is with a wife, is solicitous for the things of the world, how he may please his wife: and he is divided 34 **And the unmarried woman and the virgin thinketh on the things of the Lord, that she may be holy both in body and in spirit. But she that is married thinketh on the things of the world, how she may please her husband.35 And this I speak for your profit: not to cast a snare upon you; but for that which is decent, and which may give you power to attend upon the Lord, without impediment.

 

[shelby_sun]

Good answer. We are “pill happy” in this country. For verified depression this is fine, but we all go through times of sadness and loneliness. Better to go find something to do, like volunteer, go on a hike or walk, take up a hoppy…to fill our time. This can turn things around for us.

If, over a long period of time one remains sad, dejected and disinterested, then it may be time for professional help, but trying to solve this with other avenues first seems better than automatically jumping on the “take a pill” wagon.

I agree to a point. I am not young but it took me a long time to realize I need medicine to help me think clearly and help me see God’s plan for me. I would recommend speaking to a good doctor to help find the best medicine for you.

I admire those who know they are not right for having kids, not everyone is and there are many that have them that should not. Know yourself as best you can and trust where, Gd not people here, is leading you. Both God and you know your heart, go with that.!!!