Is it okay to be happy?

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JustinK

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I’ve never been good at making decisions. And this seems like one that shouldn’t even be an issue. Most people seem to be content with their lives, but I’ve always felt trapped in my own head. I over-analyze things to no end and most people say that I am black/white.

I remember a theology class starting with the lyrics, ‘If it makes you happy, it can’t be that bad.’ He turned it off and proceeded to tell us that, ‘Killing people could make someone happy.’

I’m not talking about killing people. I just want to feel comfortable in my own skin. Like it’s okay to be who I am and alright to be happy. I know I have a ways to go on my faith journey and that it’s a big part of my identity. But, I feel as though I haven’t really explored any sort of individual identity yet.

It’s scary but exciting to grow up. But what if I become complacent with happiness? It seems most people don’t stop to think about their actions much and I don’t want to be that way. Yet I am told that God wants us to be happy, I often feel like I don’t deserve it.

Currently, we are looking for a new apartment. It’s a big step and I see it as moving on from the past and growing as a person. But still, I feel like it’s something undeserved.

Yet I remember reading a Bible passage that said, ‘If you have the means, treat yourself well and enjoy life as best you can.’ It goes onto say how we don’t know when we’re going to die, and to not deprive ourselves of good things now. This leads me to think that it’s alright to want and like possessions, within reason.

Like today, we went to Taco Bell and I got a new power cord for a dvd player that had been broken for years. I also got a cd to play in my car on drives to work. It might not seem like much at all and it may be silly, but to me that was a good day. But why does it feel like I can’t have that all the time? I mean, okay, not ALL the time. I know suffering is good and polishes us to be more holy in the end, but I just want to feel like it’s okay to be happy with life.

To live and not just exist. To be one of those people who gets mad about something like a football call. To feel like my opinion matters, though they are often treated like a breeze in the wind if it doesn’t jive with someone else. I’m not sure what I want, and it seems selfish of me to ask for it or feel like I deserve something when I do.
 
You don’t deserve anything.

That being said, God has given you things and expects you to be grateful for them and to enjoy them. If you are always take, take, taking then fine, maybe cut back a bit. If you feel like you want to practice ascetism then find a good spiritual director first so they can guide you and protect you.

If you feel like you can give more, then you should give more. It’s not wrong to have things, but remember that you can’t take any of them, not even your friendships and loved ones, with you. So practice a detachment from things, but be careful not to take on more than you can chew. And whatever you do, don’t practice physical self-denial and then engage in the spiritual gluttonies of pride or bitterness. Better to eat like a King and be humble than live like a beggar and be proud of it.

Also, human respect is fine as long as it’s not your goal. If you do something good and people notice, awesome! If you start doing things so people will notice… Not so good. And remember that you never know what effect you have on people. You might not be as invisible as you think. Don’t get cocky about it though, it just means you have to always set good examples.

Sounds like a pretty good day. Enjoy it. And then thank God for giving it to you.
 
It is okay to be happy, in fact it’s wonderful!
Be happy that you have bought a replacement cord that makes it possible to play your cds, and also that you bought a new cd. There is nothing extravagant about that; and it adds to your enjoyment as you drive your car.

You are worthy of happiness, you are a son of the most high God, redeemed by His beloved Son.
You are incredibly valuable.
And it’s good thing to feel the joy of gratitude for what is good in your life.

People who show happiness in the way they live give something special to other people.
To be thankful and to show happiness in your life can be contagious, it can brighten other people’s day.
A warm smile from a happy heart to lift someone else.

I understand how it is to overthink things. Basically I’m an introvert, and in my early life was extremely quiet and lacking in self-confidence, much like you. I still am most comfortable in my own company, but I realized that it is really important to respond with empathy and genuine warmth to others. Without any deception, I tend to be spontaneous, warm, friendly in others’ company, empathetic, something which the young me never could have imagined. It means I’m able to give much more to others in my life than when I was a very shy self-doubting child and teen.

It’s not easy to overcome the degree of self-doubt you appear to have Justin, but it can happen.

Be happy when it’s easy to be happy, like after a good day like today,
but when the day isn’t so good, that’s when you can begin to learn that there’s happiness in being thankful for the little things, or even just one thing in that day that is good.
Gratitude, thankfulness, even when things are tough, is really important.
It is said that the sin of Adam and Ever was disobedience, and pride, but it was more than that, it was the sin of ingratitude.

They received so many gifts, and everything good was available to them except one thing, so instead of being grateful for everything else, they became obsessed with the one thing they couldn’t have.

Be thankful for the good things, because God has opened them to us. Be happy, because we are meant for happiness in eternity. Our true selves are meant for happiness and peace.
In all good things, allow your happiness to be a gift for others, to bring light into their lives, to make them smile.
 
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I’m thinking of Adam with your reply.

Adam didn’t deserve any of what was given to him. In fact, the world came before him.

I don’t want to be take take take.

I also don’t want to have nothing.

I feel like somewhere in the middle would be nice, though.

I like what you say about giving more if we can. We can’t take anything with us. I feel like we are all on borrowed time and when we die, our possessions and our loved ones can’t fit with us in a casket.

It’s going to be interesting to have things but feel as though you don’t have them. Like a brand new tv that you got for sale that’s yours but not really but still is.

I also loved your advice about eating like a King and being humble. Not to say it’s something to be proud of, but one of my better qualities has always been to be okay with little. But there’s a difference between that and feeling undeserving of something given to me. Kind of like being in a dark room and praying for light, while ignoring the light switch, eh?

It’s interesting to think of how things open up when you actually open them up. But I guess that’s God giving you the opportunity to open the gifts He gives.

Thank you for your reply. Gave me plenty to reflect on.
 
I know it’s silly. But I don’t really do much for myself. I know it’s not like buying a sports car, but it felt really good.

You remind me of a quote I saw once. ‘Preach the Gospel at all times. If necessary, use words.’

I’m a comic. But most times, I can be a sad clown. Like giving joy to others because it feels like I can’t give joy to myself.

I am an introverted overthinker. It’s lonely and tiresome to have so many thoughts run through my mind. Yet something in me says that it’s a good quality because people don’t think about things. But it becomes an issue where it just leaves me stuck. I contemplate a decision to the point where the train leaves without me and I’m still looking at the destinations.

I like how you see joy in the little things or when it can be hard to. There was an episode of a show on last night. These two doctors had to transport a donor liver to a patient. They faced a great many trials and eventually got to the hospital. However, there was a complication and the patient couldn’t receive it. So they gave it to someone else. The one doctor was devastated. But the other one simply replied, ‘It was a good day. We saved a life. Just not his.’

I haven’t thought of the apple in that way. But I do know about wanting something that you can’t have.

I enjoy and appreciate your positive attitude. Thank you for your reply.
 
My mom has been talking to me about apartment shopping. I told her how we saw 3 of them today and I told her about them. She asked me which one he liked. I told her more about them and then she asked me which one I liked. Just that question reminded me of this kind of thinking. Like, it’s offered for the taking. For a reduced price even. But my mind still plays games and goes back and forth. It tells me ‘oh it’s TOO big’ ‘but you can have a better opportunity to sing without bothering anyone’ ‘oh but it’s much too big… you’ll just be confined to your room anyway with your computer and instruments.’

I think it’s not just about the apartment. It’s about moving on and feeling like it’s okay to be happy, right? Maybe this did happen for a reason and all I have to do is snag it.

Actually, there was a really good deal recently and had I had known what type of apartment it was, I probably would have gotten it right away. But I waited and when I called, it had already been signed for.

Maybe this is a lesson of sorts. Maybe all I have to do is just accept this or not accept it. But I keep overthinking it.
 
Not only is it ok, it is actually what God wants for you.

In Genesis 1: 29-31, it is written “And God said, “Behold, I have given you every plant yielding seed that is on the face of all the earth, and every tree with seed in its fruit. You shall have them for food. And to every beast of the earth and to every bird of the heavens and to everything that creeps on the earth, everything that has the breath of life, I have given every green plant for food.” And it was so. And God saw everything that he had made, and behold, it was very good.”

In Jeremiah 29: 10-14 it is written ,“For thus says the Lord: When seventy years are completed for Babylon, I will visit you, and I will fulfill to you my promise and bring you back to this place. For I know the plans I have for you, declares the Lord, plans for welfare and not for evil, to give you a future and a hope. Then you will call upon me and come and pray to me, and I will hear you. You will seek me and find me, when you seek me with all your heart. I will be found by you, declares the Lord, and I will restore your fortunes and gather you from all the nations and all the places where I have driven you, declares the Lord, and I will bring you back to the place from which I sent you into exile."

In Matthew 6: 25-33 it is written, “Therefore I tell you, do not be anxious about your life, what you will eat or what you will drink, nor about your body, what you will put on. Is not life more than food, and the body more than clothing? Look at the birds of the air: they neither sow nor reap nor gather into barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not of more value than they? And which of you by being anxious can add a single hour to his span of life? And why are you anxious about clothing? Consider the lilies of the field, how they grow: they neither toil nor spin, yet I tell you, even Solomon in all his glory was not arrayed like one of these. But if God so clothes the grass of the field, which today is alive and tomorrow is thrown into the oven, will he not much more clothe you, O you of little faith? Therefore do not be anxious, saying, ‘What shall we eat?’ or ‘What shall we drink?’ or ‘What shall we wear?’ For the Gentiles seek after all these things, and your heavenly Father knows that you need them all. But seek first the kingdom of God and his righteousness, and all these things will be added to you."

I could quote more, but I think you get the point. God never calls anyone to misery or ruin. He loves us as his children, and he absolutely wants us to be happy. He wants us to be happy here, and he wants us to be happy forever in Heaven. It doesn’t matter what we deserve or don’t deserve; God is merciful and generous. He only forbids things that will hurt us in the long run.
 
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BornInMarch, a truly wonderful response.
Justin may God continue to bless you.
I have great confidence in God’s love for you, and in His guidance and gifts to you,.
I praise and thank Him for the gift of you to yourself and to the lives of those who will share you life briefly or for your lifetime. I ask His grace that you will fulfill all that He desires of you, and through you, for others, and in love and gratitude to Him.
 
Friend,

You admit you are an “introverted overthinker.” Start here.

St. Paisios the Athonite says that Trust in God is a “continuous secret prayer.”

Working to establish this Trust is a good way to begin, I think. Don’t worry about “being happy.” God gives. You will feel joys and sorrows at different times. Accept what comes, and when you have to make a decision, pray with an open heart. The answer will come, and when it does you have to have the courage to accept it, whether it is a yes or a no.

May Our Lord bless you.
 
This prayer has helped me:

Lord, take from me everything that keeps me from being a saint"
 
BornInMarch,

Thank you for your post. I’ve seen the quote from Jeremiah before.

I am rather fond of the quote from Matthew, though. I remember having a devotional as a kid and going through it with my mom before bed. This was one of the highlighted ones. I especially like the ‘And which of you by being anxious can add a single hour to his span of life?’ Worrying doesn’t really add anything to your time here. But I’ve always had that problem. I used to have severe anxiety about people breaking in the house at night and it kept me awake. Even with this apartment, I still worry. Because it’s more than just an apartment for me. It’s a fresh start and one of my first BIG decisions as ‘being my own adult person.’ Change is scary. But I assume it’s necessary to progress at times. It doesn’t help me to worry, though.

My mom has a quote on a board leading into the kitchen saying ‘Fear not tomorrow, God is already there.’ I think it might be time to worry a little less and either make a choice or ‘Let go and Let God’ as they say.

Thank you again for posting. Helps me ponder things in a different light.
 
Trishie,

Thank you for your prayers.

I was contemplating a big decision with these two apartments and I kept going back and forth. I talked with my mom the other night. It was a long talk, but a good one. Basically it was about the apartment being more than an apartment for me which is why it was a hard decision. She told me that I deserve it because I’ve worked for it. But it seems so extravegant.

I’ve always been the kind of person that ‘can sleep anywhere’ or ‘am fine with anything’. So it’s scary to make a choice like this. It couldn’t be for anyone else and it had to be my own choice. On my break from work, I called my friend and asked if he was fine with the choice. Long story short, we’re signing for it tomorrow and I move in next month. But it still feels like I’m worrying about it.

My mom recently had a big choice as well. She had been teaching at a school and left due to issues that wouldn’t easily go away. She went from teaching in a Catholic School to teaching in a Private School. She told me how she misses praying with the kids. But how there’s upsides to teaching at the other one as well. She said the hardest part about making a decision is making one and sticking to it. I guess I just have to see where it leads.

It’s scary. Definitely scary. But it’s also optimistic. I’m excited to have a place that actually feels like home. I’m excited to be able to play music and sing. Or have people over to watch movies and such. I’m excited to try to figure out who I am and what I like to do. I doubt it’ll be a change overnight. And like she said, some of my issues won’t go away just because of this choice. But I feel like a lot will change. Part of me still feels bad. But part of me wants to see where it leads.

Anyway, I appreciate the support.
 
New,

Oh, man do I overthink. Not that I enjoy it, it could very well be a type of ‘cross to bear’.

I’ve been working on it. My mom told me to pray about my current roommate situation as well as a relationship issue. When I didn’t know what to pray for, she told me that I should ask for the words to tell them. They never seemed to come in a way that I wanted and confrontation has always been hard for me. But even so, it seems things have kind of improved or maybe I have just gotten a little better at standing up for myself. Either way, lessons have been learned.

Perhaps I have to accept this. When I told a coworker that I got a new apartment, he said ‘the answer was within you all along.’

Do you have any advice on knowing when the answers arrive? I seem to have an idea. With my roommate, it was ongoing and then eventually I just knew I needed out. With my relationship, that was hard. It took my brother telling me that a two week break would be best. That two weeks has turned into almost 8 months and I know going back would be a bad idea. I remember saying what I needed to but feeling like it was better to be over with. Yet I still miss it and haven’t fully moved on.

Thanks for the advice.
 
It does, I agree. Feels like stuck in a dark room. I’d rather be playing outside like everyone else!

Simple post with a simple message. Thanks for that.
 
Lady,

Quite easy to get distracted with too much stuff. You don’t need a lot to love, I suppose.

Thank you for sharing that prayer.
 
I’ve been reading some bible verses related to this and they caused me to reflect a bit more.

Ecclesiastes 3:12–13 So I concluded there is nothing better than to be happy and enjoy ourselves as long as we can. And people should eat and drink and enjoy the fruits of their labor, for these are gifts from God.

Luke 12:13-15 One of the people said to Jesus, “Teacher, tell my brother to divide the riches that our father left us.” Jesus said to him, “Friend, who has told Me to say who should get what?” Then Jesus said to them all, “Watch yourselves! Keep from wanting all kinds of things you should not have. A man’s life is not made up of things, even if he has many riches.”

Hebrews 13:5 Keep your lives free from the love of money and be content with what you have, because God has said, “Never will I leave you; never will I forsake you.”

I don’t understand why I still feel guilty or selfish for moving into a home that feels like a home. Maybe it’s because I know that I’m not supposed to be ‘truly happy’ in this world because then I might get too comfortable or complacent.

But apparently God wants us to be happy. (Continued below)
 
Few interesting things happened today. I watched a football game with my dad. All of the sudden, I hear that Aaron Rodgers broke his collarbone and will be most likely out for the season. My dad cheered because he’s a Bear’s fan. But I thought of Aaron on a more personal level. How that will affect him and his family. The phone call he’ll make to her about it. If he’ll get better soon. I don’t want to be that complacent with things so as to cheer for a sporting event, yet neglect a situation like that.

My mom came home and asked me to smile because it’s been a while since she’s seen it. I thought of how I could fake a smile, but then it’d be hypocritical of me to do so.

I thought of how everything that we do is just something to do until we die. I’ve had this thought for a while: ‘I have to wait until I die to be happy.’ That’s not a fun thought to have.

I went upstairs and saw my old tiny tv and dvd player that I got the cord for. I thought of how nobody really uses dvd players anymore, but it’d work perfectly for me. Plus it’d have the added benefit of not feeling ‘too extravagant’, I guess. I looked at my floor and saw a gift my brother gave me for my birthday. It’s a combination griddle/grill/kebab machine thing. I was confused at this gift, but soon started looking at recipies and imagined the idea of cooking eggs for breakfast or grilling chicken for dinner when I came home from work. It excited me. And even that seems too much for me. But I like the way my brother lives. He has people over for board games and such. He cooks breakfast and enjoys nature walks. His house is a little big but it feels like a home.

My coworker brought up how this new place will have the space as an option if we choose to entertain. That seems fun and exciting. And I don’t want to feel bad for that. But if I feel content with the house and get used to the space, I’m afraid I’ll get attached to having the space. And hey, if I can feel okay with this maybe I can feel okay with other things, too.

I don’t know. My mom tells me I overthink. She tells me I have trouble understanding people and social situations. Maybe it’s a result of my premature birth. She tells me that for some reason, I have this block in my mind preventing me from being happy. Maybe I have to chill out and stop thinking so much. But, I don’t want to become complacent. I have to stop thinking I have the answers when I don’t know the question.

Maybe I should fake a smile for a bit until it starts becoming permanent. I hear that just the act of smiling makes you happier. Maybe then I can shine for others and it’ll become an epidemic.

I have so many hopes and dreams. But they all feel so far away or that someone else can take them.

Sorry for the long post. Had to get that out. The curse of being a writer. I remember a teacher telling me once that writer’s are inherently selfish because we think we have something meaningful to say. But I suppose everybody does now and then.

Anyway, thanks for reading.
 
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