Is it okay to date a man who's been separated for almost 2 years, when his wife walked out and filed for divorce?

[SheriAngel]

They have been living separately and she left because she said she can’t love him the way he deserves to be loved. He fell out of love with her and we started dating 3 months ago. He was told this is wrong because he is still technically married and broke it off with me. I am devastated. He spoke of me being a step-mom to his teenage kids, etc… Would like some (name removed by moderator)ut.

 

[KCT]

It doesn’t matter who left whom. If he’s married, he’s married.

Frankly, if says he “fell out of love” with his wife, I’d question his definition of love. If he can fall out of love with her, what’s to keeping him from falling out of love with you?

 

[1ke]

He is not “technically” still married, he is in fact still married.

And even once divorced civilly, he is still married and not free to date or marry you.

Focus on dating men who are free to be in a dating relationship and to marry.

 

[SheriAngel]

Thank you. You are right. He said when the divorce is final he’ll start the annulment process, which I am currently doing myself. But now because he was dating me, his wife seems to want him now. He said she’s going in the wrong direction as far as God goes and his path is going toward God. He said he fell out of love with her during these past 2 years of separation. At first he was devastated and tried everything in his power to get her back. Now that that has changed, and he started dating me, he suddenly became something his wife wants again. Said he is no longer physically or mentally attracted to her and not in love with her anymore. But feels marriage is forever, which I also believed, and that she deserves another chance. We were high school sweethearts for almost 2 years, 30 years ago too. I broke his heart when I broke up with him when we both went our separate ways to college. Said it took him a long time to forgive me and get over me.

 

[Polycarp1]

It doesn’t matter who left whom. If he’s married, he’s married.

Frankly, if says he “fell out of love” with his wife, I’d question his definition of love. If he can fall out of love with her, what’s to keeping him from falling out of love with you?

So true, you can’t fall out of love, you can only decide not to love.

 

[juno24]

But feels marriage is forever, which I also believed, and that she deserves another chance.

I am sorry for your heartache. it must be so painful.
The above quoted piece is the crux of the matter. Leave him alone to work things out with his wife. Neither one of you is free to date and marry, and he realizes this. He wishes to follow the path to God. For him, this includes being with his wife and giving everything he can to making his marriage work.

 

[SaintCephas]

No.

 

[runningdude]

They have been living separately and she left because she said she can’t love him the way he deserves to be loved. He fell out of love with her and we started dating 3 months ago. He was told this is wrong because he is still technically married and broke it off with me. I am devastated. He spoke of me being a step-mom to his teenage kids, etc… Would like some (name removed by moderator)ut.

As painful as this is, our relationship with God must come first. This means honoring the sacrament of marriage. He may feel devastated too. Let this man heal.

 

[Hmgbrd]

Thank you. You are right. He said when the divorce is final he’ll start the annulment process, **which I am currently doing myself. ** But now because he was dating me, his wife seems to want him now. He said she’s going in the wrong direction as far as God goes and his path is going toward God. He said he fell out of love with her during these past 2 years of separation. At first he was devastated and tried everything in his power to get her back. Now that that has changed, and he started dating me, he suddenly became something his wife wants again. Said he is no longer physically or mentally attracted to her and not in love with her anymore. But feels marriage is forever, which I also believed, and that she deserves another chance. We were high school sweethearts for almost 2 years, 30 years ago too. I broke his heart when I broke up with him when we both went our separate ways to college. Said it took him a long time to forgive me and get over me.

He is not free to date or to marry you. He is already married. And from what you wrote above you are also not free to date or marry anyone because you are also still married if you do not have an annulment. So sorry for this heartache in your life. Concentrate on your annulment and then you will be free to marry someone else.

 

[Irishmom2]

But feels marriage is forever, which I also believed, and that she deserves another chance. We were high school sweethearts for almost 2 years, 30 years ago too. I broke his heart when I broke up with him when we both went our separate ways to college. Said it took him a long time to forgive me and get over me.

Whoa, whoa, whoa here… So you broke up with him 30 years ago and now when you are both having marriage "issues’ you think you belong back together?

No. Let him try and repair his marraige with his wife. Everything he said about her is only what he says. This might be their time to heal, or their time to split permanently, but you should not be a part of the process.

If you are getting an annulment, that’s all well and good for you. But leave this guy alone and let things go through their own course. Right now, neither one of you are free to be dating anyway.