Is it okay to use a confessor as your spiritual guide?

[Errham]

Is confession strictly revelant only to sin, or can the confessional be used for general spiritual counseling as well? For instance, say I’m having trouble with my prayer rule. Is it acceptable to discuss it in the confessional and gain advice for it?

Obviously, I understand that for general (or specific) spiritual counseling it’s much better to have as confessor a priest that you know face to face. But say that someone travels a lot so he ends up changing parishes every day. In such a case, would it be OK?

 

[Neofight]

It would be ideal, I think.

Sometimes its not practical, because not all spiritual directors or guides are priests.

 

[pianistclare]

It is ideal. Sometimes, confessors have a long line, or don’t really know you personally, (especially if you are not face to face) and then it’s hard to make that personal connection.
But if your priest sees you often at Mass, and knows a bit about you outside of the confessional, they are usually more than willing to give a little more leeway and talk more in the confessional beyond the “nuts and bolts”. They may suggest a meeting away from the box though, as to not hold up people who are waiting.
Just make an effort to get to know your priest. Small talk, coffee out, whatever. You might get around to asking him to be your Spiritual Director and then see where that takes you.

 

[paduard]

It would be ideal, I think.

Sometimes its not practical, because not all spiritual directors or guides are priests.

I agree. Not easy to find a suitable director because as you say not all ‘spiritual directors’ are priests.
paduard

 

[Bookcat]

Yes one can ask such a question of ones confessor. Sure.

 

[Neofight]

It is ideal. Sometimes, confessors have a long line, or don’t really know you personally, (especially if you are not face to face) and then it’s hard to make that personal connection.
But if your priest sees you often at Mass, and knows a bit about you outside of the confessional, they are usually more than willing to give a little more leeway and talk more in the confessional beyond the “nuts and bolts”. They may suggest a meeting away from the box though, as to not hold up people who are waiting.
Just make an effort to get to know your priest. Small talk, coffee out, whatever. You might get around to asking him to be your Spiritual Director and then see where that takes you.

This!

My confessor/spiritual guide sometimes knows better than me when its time for a chat…its usually at an after-Mass greeting when he says, “Give me a call this week, will you?”, and it inevitably turns into an appointment for some much needed discussion/counseling. He’s a busy man, and its nice to have an appointment outside the confessional, whether in his office or out for coffee, as Clare notes, where we have each other’s undivided attention.

Peace and all good!

 

[SuscipeMeDomine]

Is confession strictly revelant only to sin, or can the confessional be used for general spiritual counseling as well? For instance, say I’m having trouble with my prayer rule. Is it acceptable to discuss it in the confessional and gain advice for it?

Confession and spiritual direction are two different things. Keep your time in the confessional for confession, especially if other people are waiting. Make an appointment with your priest (or with someone else) for spiritual direction so that you’ll have the time available for a discussion.

Your spiritual director may be your confessor (assuming the director is a priest) but the two things could be done by different people.

 

[babochka]

Confession and spiritual direction are two different things. ** Keep your time in the confessional for confession,** especially if other people are waiting. Make an appointment with your priest (or with someone else) for spiritual direction so that you’ll have the time available for a discussion.

Your spiritual director may be your confessor (assuming the director is a priest) but the two things could be done by different people.

The Church and a good number of saints don’t seem to agree with you. While they are separate, they are closely linked and the time spent in confesssion is an entirely appropriate opportunity for spiritual direction. The Church links them very closely together. Either one can be done without the other, but it is completely appropriate to have both together.

This whole document is worth reading.

clerus.org/clerus/dati/2011-08/08-13/sussidio_per_confessori_en.pdf

The ordinary form of confession, that is, individual confession, (even when preceded by a communal preparation),** is an excellent opportunity to call people to a life of holiness, and, consequently, for spiritual direction **(with the same or another confessor). Thanks, then, to its individual character, the first form of the sacrament makes it possible to link the sacrament of Penance with something which is different, but readily linked with it: I am referring to spritual direction.

In the same document we find:

Along with the Sacrament of Reconciliation, the priest must also exercise the ministry of spiritual direction. The rediscovery and extention of this practice,** also in moments outside the administration of Penance**, is greatly beneficial for the Church in these times.

It seems to me that the Church encourages spiritual direction both inside and outside of the confessional. While your preference might be to receive it outside the confessional, it certainly doesn’t make it wrong that someone else might seek it within the sacrament.

Then there is this article, which discusses the perspective of none other than the patron saint of confessors, St. Alphonsus Ligouri:

newtheologicalmovement.blogspot.com/2011/08/is-confession-time-for-spiritual.html

People did not flock to holy priests such as St. John Vianney and Padre Pio so that they could receive only absoution. That could be had from their parish priest. People sought out these holy confessors because of the advice (direction) they received in confession, because such good advice helps us to grow in holiness.

 

[pianistclare]

Well, I see it on both sides.
Our pastor laments that so few people even go to confession…he rather relishes the opportunity to chat with his flock and help them.
On the other hand, I’ve heard him say on occasion that the line was backed up, and it was running to close to be able for him to prepare for Mass, and he felt bad about rushing people. So, I think people should just use common sense and be considerate of their confessors.

It doesn’t take a huge amount of effort to observe (or even ask) what days or times for confession are lighter than others. Or, make an appointment for confession. That way, a block of time is allotted and it’s not encroaching on anyone else.

 

[babochka]

It doesn’t take a huge amount of effort to observe (or even ask) what days or times for confession are lighter than others. Or, make an appointment for confession. That way, a block of time is allotted and it’s not encroaching on anyone else.

That’s what works for me. Our parish offers confession before Sunday Divine Liturgy, before Vespers, and by appointment. If I’m hoping for a little more time, a litle more help and advice, I don’t go on Sunday morning. Father has a lot to do and usually several confessions to hear. There is rarely a line before Vespers, and I can always make an appointment if I think it will take a really long time. That way, I don’t feel rushed and Father doesn’t feel rushed.

 

[pianistclare]

That’s what works for me. Our parish offers confession before Sunday Divine Liturgy, before Vespers, and by appointment. If I’m hoping for a little more time, a litle more help and advice, I don’t go on Sunday morning. Father has a lot to do and usually several confessions to hear. There is rarely a line before Vespers, and I can always make an appointment if I think it will take a really long time. That way, I don’t feel rushed and Father doesn’t feel rushed.

Yeah. I feel like a lot of the questions here on the forums could be resolved if more people would take the time to get to know their priest. If you can have a casual conversation with your local priest, you certainly can approach him with bigger issues.
They don’t bite! LOL

 

[babochka]

Yeah. I feel like a lot of the questions here on the forums could be resolved if more people would take the time to get to know their priest. If you can have a casual conversation with your local priest, you certainly can approach him with bigger issues.
They don’t bite! LOL

Yes, but it can be harder than it ought to be in a parish with thousands of families. It easy in my parish of 20 families, but I’ve been in parishes with thousands of families, too. I taught CCD. The priest occasionally came into my classroom to talk to the kids. He said hello to me every Sunday after Mass for nearly 3 years. When I went to discuss my wedding, he held out his hand and introduced himself to me as if it were our first time meeting. When you’re dealing with 2 introverts, it can happen like that. We had interacted, but we hadn’t really had a conversation. I wasn’t offended, but it did help me to realize that it is worth the effort to get to know the priest.

 

[SuscipeMeDomine]

The Church and a good number of saints don’t seem to agree with you. While they are separate, they are closely linked and the time spent in confesssion is an entirely appropriate opportunity for spiritual direction. The Church links them very closely together. Either one can be done without the other, but it is completely appropriate to have both together.

I’ve seen enough threads around CAF saying “I wanted to go to confession but waited in line so long that Mass was starting and the priest had to leave” that I think it ends up being inconsiderate to take more time than needed in the confessional.

It doesn’t matter to me personally. I don’t wait in the confession line, I go when I already have an appointment to meet for spiritual direction. But two things would bother me about trying to get spiritual direction at normally scheduled confession times: 1) I don’t want to feel rushed knowing that other people are waiting and 2) I don’t want to prevent someone else from confessing.

You may feel differently.

 

[babochka]

I’ve seen enough threads around CAF saying “I wanted to go to confession but waited in line so long that Mass was starting and the priest had to leave” that I think it ends up being inconsiderate to take more time than needed in the confessional.

It doesn’t matter to me personally. I don’t wait in the confession line, I go when I already have an appointment to meet for spiritual direction. But two things would bother me about trying to get spiritual direction at normally scheduled confession times: 1) I don’t want to feel rushed knowing that other people are waiting and 2) I don’t want to prevent someone else from confessing.

You may feel differently.

Actually, I tend to make an appointment for confession (during which I get spiritual direction as well), or go at a time when I’m reasonably certain others won’t be waiting. I just don’t want anybody to get the idea that confession is an inappropriate time to seek or receive spiritual direction.

Certainly it is an issue if others’ confessions are not being heard regularly, but consider the words of the patron saint of confessors:

“But some will say, ‘If we treat sinners in this manner a great deal of our time will be taken up, and others who are waiting cannot be heard.’ But in answer I say, that it is better to hear one confession well than to hear a great number imperfectly. But the most appropriate answer is, that the confessor has not to give an account to God of the persons who are waiting, but only of the person whose confession he has begun to hear.”

It seems to me that Saint Alphonsus Ligouri believed that confession is meant to be more than just a rattling off of sins and the priest giving absolution, if he thought that there was something to give an account to God about.

 

[Joannm]

I usually go to confession at the end of my meeting with my SD. Good spiritual direction takes time. Our meetings last at least 45 minutes to over an hour depending on what I need to discuss. If you are using the confessional for some quick advice I would say that is OK, but if you need to get into in depth discussion then make an appointment for spiritual direction. I would also say the spiritual direction in the confessional is more like quick spiritual advice rather than direction. In direction the director needs to really get to know you, inside out so to speak. It takes time and regular meetings.