Is it okay to use NFP on wedding night?

[helpme93]

Is it okay to use NFP to avoid pregnancy because you are just starting a new career and getting used to life with your partner and want to wait a few years? I believe this would fall under the emotional and financial reasons but are they serious reasons? We are not closed to children for forever, just want to wait for a few years until we have a stable foundation conducive to children.

Thanks and God Bless!!

 

[GEddie]

This is not a forum question, it’s a priest question.

The Church says NFP is allowable, but you still need to be “open to life”.

Ask your priest. God Bless and ICXC NIKA

 

[sw85]

I don’t see why it would be, so long as it wouldn’t be a complete and total catastrophe to have a child.If it would be (and if it would, it might be better to hold off on getting married!).

 

[danserr]

Is it okay to use NFP to avoid pregnancy because you are just starting a new career and getting used to life with your partner and want to wait a few years? I believe this would fall under the emotional and financial reasons but are they serious reasons? We are not closed to children for forever, just want to wait for a few years until we have a stable foundation conducive to children.

Thanks and God Bless!!

I agree with the idea to ask a priest if you are not sure, but I think it would probably be ok to use NFP to postpone pregnancy for a couple years. You want to be careful not to drag this waiting period on indefinitely, but married life is a substantial adjustment and as long as this “few years” doesn’t become indefinite, it would probably be ok to wait a little while.

 

[bgwaste]

My husband and I were married in May and practice NFP and are not trying to get pregnant right away. Like you I am building my career and we are building a savings account. We want to be financially sound when we do have kids. We understand that it is God’s will and not our own. While we are using it to delay pregnancy we are remaining open to life if God wants us to become parents sooner. I think the most important thing is to not circumvent God’s will by going on the pill or using other forms of contraception.

 

[achmafooma]

This is not a forum question, it’s a priest question.

This. We cannot judge whether your reasons are appropriate ones to use NFP. The best thing you can do is meet – you and your spouse-to-be – with a Priest and discuss the matter with him. He can judge whether NFP is appropriate in your situation, and you can trust in his judgement.

One thing to consider is that much of our society says it’s always good to wait – one, five, ten, twenty years – to have children, to make sure finances are fully in-order, etc., etc. I don’t believe this is really the best approach for most couples. I am not judging your situation (and it’s not my place to), but many people do tend to jump into a ‘wait’ attitude when it isn’t as necessary as they might think.

One of my friends, a non-Catholic who had an ‘accidental’ pregnancy very early in her marriage, told me she was surprised and amazed at how much less-difficult and less-expensive raising a child was than everybody had told her. Not that it’s easy; what I mean is that it just managed to fit into her life anyway, even though beforehand she would have told you she wasn’t ready and needed to wait (years!) before having a child. She did have to make sacrifices to make ends meet for a while, but she wouldn’t have given it up for the world. She was ready and just didn’t know it, despite everything else going on in her life.

Just something to think about. God bless you!

 

[JoyfulLife]

I don’t see why it would be, so long as it wouldn’t be a complete and total catastrophe to have a child.If it would be (and if it would, it might be better to hold off on getting married!).

Now that’s something to seriously consider.

 

[Aelred_Minor]

Others have already given the main points I would give, but I’ll say them anyway.

1. This is ultimately a question to discuss with a priest, and of course your fiancé.
2. If you really aren’t ready to have children, it may be wise to seriously think and pray over whether you are ready to marry in the first place. Of course, maybe you really are ready for both.

 

[Bookcat]

Compendium (issued by Pope Benedict XVI)

1. When is it moral to regulate births?

2368-2369
2399

The regulation of births, which is an aspect of responsible fatherhood and motherhood, is objectively morally acceptable when it is pursued by the spouses without external pressure; when it is practiced not out of selfishness but for serious reasons; and with methods that conform to the objective criteria of morality, that is, periodic continence and use of the infertile periods.

vatican.va/archive/compendium_ccc/documents/archive_2005_compendium-ccc_en.html

 

[x1980x]

Why, may I ask, would two people be getting married if they don’t want to have a child then? Shouldn’t they wait until they are ready for children?

 

[PatriceA]

Why, may I ask, would two people be getting married if they don’t want to have a child then? Shouldn’t they wait until they are ready for children?

NFP is for couples that have “grave reason” to avoid a pregnancy and to be honest, the reasons the OP gave do not sound grave but sound like its just not convenient at the moment to have children. When one takes their vows to be “open to life” I don’t think its suppose to mean there’s a time delay on that promise, that one will be open to life after the newlywed period is over. I’ve always understood “grave reason” to mean its an unexpected circumstance that takes place in the marriage, not something that you prepared for before you took your vows because it just didn’t seem like the right timing to get pregnant.

 

[lucky4075]

Wouldnt they still be open to life? Yes they dont plan on starting a family right away, but they arent using immoral means to do this. IMO- and thats all it is, an opinion , they arent being selfish- it sounds like they want time to get on their feet and discover how the gift of sex between them as a couple will change them/ help them grow closer to each other. It sounds like they want to be the best couple they can be before they welcome new life, and if God wills a new life its not like using nfp is going to stop that.

But as others have said, talk to a priest about it.

 

[PatriceA]

Wouldnt they still be open to life? Yes they dont plan on starting a family right away, but they arent using immoral means to do this. IMO- and thats all it is, an opinion , they arent being selfish- it sounds like they want time to get on their feet and discover how the gift of sex between them as a couple will change them/ help them grow closer to each other. It sounds like they want to be the best couple they can be before they welcome new life, and if God wills a new life its not like using nfp is going to stop that.

But as others have said, talk to a priest about it.

Shouldn’t you be the best couple you can be before you promise to be “open to life”? Why even make that vow if you’re going to delay it? What other vows do you agree to delay that you make during the wedding ceremony? The one will you say you will honor each other as man and wife for the rest of you life, but I’ll start that when its convenient for my career and when we’re financially set? EVERY vow is just as important as the other, you can’t put aside the one until its convenient that says “you will accept children lovingly fron God”.

 

[LaSainte]

You don’t need “grave reason” to use NFP, you need “serious reason”, and the Church has left it up to individual couples to prayerfully decide what those reasons might be without dictating them to us. We know that NFP is a legitimate means of spacing children within a marriage and is condoned by the Church. It might not be the most romantic thing, but if this couple has discerned that they are not ready for children immediately upon getting married, I don’t see why they can’t use NFP on their wedding night. It’s not ideal, but I wouldn’t think it is sinful either. Nobody is going to be standing outside he door to make sure you consummate the marriage within 15 minutes of your vows. That being said, I would of course try to consummate it as soon as you are able

 

[PatriceA]

You don’t need “grave reason” to use NFP, you need “serious reason”, and the Church has left it up to individual couples to prayerfully decide what those reasons might be without dictating them to us. We know that NFP is a legitimate means of spacing children within a marriage and is condoned by the Church. It might not be the most romantic thing, but if this couple has discerned that they are not ready for children immediately upon getting married, I don’t see why they can’t use NFP on their wedding night. It’s not ideal, but I wouldn’t think it is sinful either. Nobody is going to be standing outside he door to make sure you consummate the marriage within 15 minutes of your vows. That being said, I would of course try to consummate it as soon as you are able

How did I know you would show up in this thread.

 

[Corki]

Others have already given the main points I would give, but I’ll say them anyway.

1. This is ultimately a question to discuss with a priest, and of course your fiancé.
2. If you really aren’t ready to have children, it may be wise to seriously think and pray over whether you are ready to marry in the first place. Of course, maybe you really are ready for both.

This is a very good answer. Entering marriage with an already formed intent to delay being open to children is something that should be discussed with the couple’s priest. While using NFP is not a sinful way to delay the next pregnancy (for a serious reason), going into marriage with a predetermined time limit of a few years is something that needs careful consideration.

My own priest told me that the main criteria for a reason to use NFP is that it not be a selfish reason.

 

[LaSainte]

This is silly. Nowhere does the Church say you have to start popping out kids the second you get married. The Church DOES however, discourage long engagements so that people do not fall into sin. Some people may be ready for marriage but not kids. Some peoplenmight want to finish college, or may be starting a new job or may simply want to get to know their husband/wife on a more intimate level before adding kids into the mix. Is it really so hard to understand why a couple who has done no more than hand-holding and some light kissing might want to get used to the drastic changes that come with suddenly sleeping in the same bed, being sexually intimate, learning about the other person’s numerous idiosyncrasies, etc. before adding kids into the mix?

Learning to be a good husband or wife is a lifelong process, but I think it’s prudent to want to do SOME of that learning when it’s just the two of you. You have your whole life to have children and the years of fertility are numerous and LONG. I am 34 and pregnant with my 2nd. If I had one child every 2 years until the end of my fertility, I would probably end up with around 8-10 children. There is lots of time n

Don’t let anyone on this site tell you that you need to start busting out kids right away. The Church itself allows us to prayerfully discern this on our own. It’s nobody’s business but yours, your spouse’s and God’s.

Again, ideally, you will be able to consummate your marriage right away!!! But if not, it will be less than a month until you can either way

 

[Mary_Gail_36]

The Catechism of the Catholic Church summarizes the teaching when it says: “For just reasons (de iustis causis), spouses may wish to space the births of their children. It is their duty to make certain that their desire is not motivated by selfishness but is in conformity with the generosity appropriate to responsible parenthood. Moreover, they should conform their behavior to the objective criteria of morality” (No. 2368). That objective criterion excludes as legitimate the alternative to impede procreation through choosing to contracept. What constitutes a just cause?

Neither the Sacred Penitentiary, Pius XII, Paul VI, nor John Paul II specify concretely what constitutes a “iusta causa.” “Humanae Vitae” gets nearest. It teaches that “with regard to physical, economic, psychological and social conditions, responsible parenthood is exercised by those who prudently and generously decide to have more children, and by those who, for serious reasons and with due respect to moral precepts, decide not to have additional children for either a certain or an indefinite period of time” (No. 10; see also No. 16).

The text itemizes four areas of life from which such reasons might arise: physical and mental health, and economic and social conditions. This is still very general, but together with the prior statements, it provides us with enough information to formulate the following moral norm (note: this is my formulation): “If a couple has serious reasons, arising from the physical or mental condition of themselves, their children, or another for whom they have responsibility, or from the family’s economic or wider social situation, they may defer having children temporarily, or, if the situation is serious enough, indefinitely, providing they use morally legitimate means. Recourse to natural fertility cycles to space births (NFP) under such circumstances is an example of a morally legitimate means. Contraception is not.”

ewtn.com/library/PROLIFE/zjustcause.HTM

So Christian family planning means assessing prudently and prayerfully the family size God wants us to have, which means the size that is as compatible as possible with our resources (spiritual, emotional, physical, material and relational). A few concrete examples of “iustae causae” for deferring pregnancy might include:

1. Physical or mental illness of one of the spouses;

1. Serious financial instability (e.g., during a period of unemployment);

1. Needs arising from caring for “high-needs” children;

1. The instability of transitional periods such as spouses in graduate school;

1. Debilitating stress that can arise from having a large family in societies where large families are no longer valued (see “Gaudium et Spes,” No. 50).

ewtn.com/library/PROLIFE/zpostpreg.HTM

I just posted excerpts, both articles are good reads, and might help the OP discern.

 

[Nate13]

A serious reason would be if through prayer you have discerned that you believe God is telling you to wait on children. It’s up to your conscience to determine whether you truly believe that it’s God will that you don’t have a child yet, or whether your using NFP because YOU want time to get settled in your career and YOU need time to get to know your husband. It is no easy thing to discern the difference between our desires and God’s will in these decisions but that is what we are called to do. Note that the question should be “Does God wish for me not to have a child at this time” as opposed to "God should I have a child at this time?. It would be wrong to assume that we can use NFP in good faith as long as God doesn’t come along and bop us on the head and tell us to have kids. We already know God wants us to be fruitful and multiply, so the question that is discernible is whether there is a good reason to go against this idea.

 

[GEddie]

A serious reason would be if through prayer you have discerned that you believe God is telling you to wait on children. It’s up to your conscience to determine whether you truly believe that it’s God will that you don’t have a child yet, or whether your using NFP because YOU want time to get settled in your career and YOU need time to get to know your husband. It is no easy thing to discern the difference between our desires and God’s will in these decisions but that is what we are called to do. Note that the question should be “Does God wish for me not to have a child at this time” as opposed to "God should I have a child at this time?. It would be wrong to assume that we can use NFP in good faith as long as God doesn’t come along and bop us on the head and tell us to have kids. We already know God wants us to be fruitful and multiply, so the question that is discernible is whether there is a good reason to go against this idea.

All the more reason for sound spiritual direction. It helps immeasurably for someone OUTSIDE your life to help you in discerning the will of God.

God Bless and ICXC NIKA