Is it possible to love a person who has a personality disorder?

[Contra_Mundum_1]

I am in regular ongoing counseling, therapy, and am on several medications. I am learning to grow in ways I never dreamed of when I was dealing with this lifelong cross on my own (or before that with my family.)

I think the major key for us is my WILLINGNESS to go to counseling, therapy and be on several strong medications. That and our shared belief and love of God and prayer.

This is a very different scenario. It is great that your condition is under control and that you have been willing to seek treatment. It is comforting to know that such things can be helped.
I’m so glad you are happily married. What a blessing.

Sadly, so many people do not seek help because they don’t think there is something wrong with them. They think their abusive and manipulative behaviour is completely normal and that people around them deserve such treatment.

 

[Christy_Beth]

This is a very different scenario. It is great that your condition is under control and that you have been willing to seek treatment. It is comforting to know that such things can be helped.
I’m so glad you are happily married. What a blessing.

Sadly, so many people do not seek help because they don’t think there is something wrong with them. They think their abusive and manipulative behaviour is completely normal and that people around them deserve such treatment.

Some don’t see that their behavior can be abusive and manipulative. I spent years trying to be what everyone else wanted me to be. Most of this stuff was “stuffed.” Even after I got my diagnosis, I didn’t see my behavior as being a problem. I mean, I could see other people’s behavior as a problem, especially when directed at me. I was constantly told I wasn’t good enough. To this day my mom can’t say I’m good at anything. She sees no problem with putting me down and all that. And even my dad’s abusive ways were excused. I have done my best to work on what I have and learning to make friends and build long term relationships. It was a bit hard to do that growing up when we moved several times.

As far as needing things “my way,” my main problem is needing stability. If something changes, even if someone else thinks it’s a small matter, it can throw me off. So when I 'throw a fit" it’s more likely to be caused by some change somewhere. I do better with a regular schedule, even if my day isn’t strickly regimented. If a bus is a couple of minutes late, I start stressing despite knowing that I will still probably catch my transfer. My behavior can deteriorate if the bus is really late. I like to be to places on time. Actually, I prefer to be early. If I’m not there at the time I want to be there, it’s really upsetting. Some will call my behavior into question at times like that, but it isn’t something I do on purpose. This is where medication and counseling come in. I’m learning that it isn’t necessarily the end of the world if I’m a couple minutes late. Stuff like that.

 

[EasterJoy]

This is a very different scenario. It is great that your condition is under control and that you have been willing to seek treatment. It is comforting to know that such things can be helped.
I’m so glad you are happily married. What a blessing.

Sadly, so many people do not seek help because they don’t think there is something wrong with them. They think their abusive and manipulative behaviour is completely normal and that people around them deserve such treatment.

The biggest thing standing between a manipulative personality and useful treatment is that few want to be “treated”. They don’t want to give up the crowbar of manipulative tactics. They don’t want to give up the “advantages” of being a believable liar. They do not want to do the work and exert the self-control that is necessary in order to become dependable. If a person does not want to do what it takes to avoid hurting others, that makes them a poor prospect for human relationships.

 

[EasterJoy]

As far as needing things “my way,” my main problem is needing stability. If something changes, even if someone else thinks it’s a small matter, it can throw me off. So when I 'throw a fit" it’s more likely to be caused by some change somewhere. I do better with a regular schedule, even if my day isn’t strickly regimented. If a bus is a couple of minutes late, I start stressing despite knowing that I will still probably catch my transfer. My behavior can deteriorate if the bus is really late. I like to be to places on time. Actually, I prefer to be early. If I’m not there at the time I want to be there, it’s really upsetting. Some will call my behavior into question at times like that, but it isn’t something I do on purpose. This is where medication and counseling come in. I’m learning that it isn’t necessarily the end of the world if I’m a couple minutes late. Stuff like that.

Some people are not “difficult” in the sense that they want to impose on other people. They are simply made very uncomfortable by a larger range of conditions than other people are. For instance, while it is controlling to want the lights at the level you happen to want them just because you want things the way you want things, that is self-centered. If you only want the light levels kept low because you get migraine headaches if you are in anything like bright light, that is something else again. If you want the noise level low because noisy places give you anxiety attacks, that is something else again. Your issues are somewhere in the middle of the continuum–that is, someone with migraines cannot necessarily “learn to tolerate” the conditions that bring on a headache–but I’d say that what you have is not all your fault.