Is it possible to make this wrong a right?

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mareian

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Hello,

A 26 yr old woman had a affair/relationship with a much older married man (20 + years her senior). She ended up getting pregnant and the child is now 3 years old. The married man left his wife and I heard the married man has already proposed for a divorce, but the wife is not cooperating. I know that if they got married in a Roman Catholic church they would still be “married” in the eyes of God, unless they get an annulment.

To make the long story short, the married man and the 26 year old woman has already bought a house together are now living together. The woman’s family have condoned the “situation” because of their grandchild. They did not want the child not to have a father and the married man himself promised to take care of their daughter and grandchild (I think this is a lie and I wouldn’t trust the married man). The man is always excluded when there are family functions or gatherings.

Is it a sin for me to think that the woman should have left the married guy because it is wrong to continually be with him (even though they have a child). He is still married. How should she deal with the situation? She seems to love the married guy (the father of her child)?

Your (name removed by moderator)ut is greatly appreciated.
 
Just another note: the woman is a protestant and the married man is a catholic (not practising).

Since protestants do not believe in confessions, is she absolved from her sins if she is truly sorry for them??
 
Some grave sins have most certainly been committed, of that there can be no doubt, even among this married man and his young mistress.

While it is certainly right to think that these people have committed grave sins, we must stop short of judging the state of their souls.

I would refer you to Ezekiel 3:17-21. usccb.org/nab/bible/ezekiel/ezekiel3.htm

My heart and prayers go out to the poor wife left behind and the home.and family this man and his mistress selfishly and egregiously destroyed. You are right not to trust him.
 
Hi rpp:wave:
Ok this is a sticky wicket isn’t it?😃
The only way that the church will recognise this whole business is through an anullment. Since it appears the ex is fighting it presumanbly for the sake of her marriage albeit I’m not totally certain why she wants him at this point except security unless there’s any minor children still at home. I’m guessing there aren’t any since you didn’t mention any.
Protestant +catholic in marriage=rough if not disasterous marriage.I’m the child of one of those marriages. My first communion was at 16 because my parents would just avoid the topic so they wouldn’t fight. Since this guy is non-practicing he’s not going to be willing to seek an annulment and will the protestant mistress allow him to do it if he does? Also marriage for the sake of a child is no longer a valid excuse for an annulment or for consecrating a marriage. If it ever really even was. Also there is question here at least in your mind if not in fact that hubby there will actually stick around for junior’s baptism let alone high school graduation. Sadly junior’s the one who will suffer the most from this mess. A step mom who will resent him or her and parents who will not take proper care for his/her moral and spiritual upbringing.Even getting the child baptised presents a bit of a problem. Will the parents show up for the classes and do their best to raise the child catholic? Also required for the annulment in this case as well as i understand canon law.
Really the best i can tell you is pray for the whole lot of them. That the ex learn to forgive her former husband. That God will convict the heart of the guy and give him a desire to return to the faith and also that the girlfriend will also repent and might even want to seek the catholic church inspite of some cases of obvious bad example give her here.😦
It will only be by God’s grace which requires your prayers that this mess will ever turn into a family. As far as God’s forgiveness for protestants that comes through their repentance and also willingness to change since they don’t have the usual means of grace avaible to them that is confession.
 
***We can never ‘take back’ or ‘undo’ our sins, but we can begin anew each day…following Christ…taking up our crosses…repenting. I will say this, relationships/marriages that start from affairs are always doomed. The couple who had the affair will never ever ever have the blessing of God. No matter if the man receives an annulment or not. I say this because God will never bless a marriage that started from an affair. God never tells us to do something that goes against His word. He would never tell a married man to cheat on his wife, so ‘he can find his soulmate.’ Nope, that is not God.

So, I warn anyone (I warned my sister who dated a married man recently, and she found out the hard way) that developing a romantic relationship with a married man is doomed.

If you are single, do not date married people. Find someone who is available to marry–that is my advice to anyone reading this who might know someone who is in similiar straits. Do not marry a man or woman who would abandon their spouse for you–there is nothing …LET ME REPEAT NOTHING…noble about that type of an action. And rest assure, that person will do it to you, most likely. A person who abandons his/her spouse for another, is not a spouse you should want for yourself. :o It’s not flattering, it’s not noble, it’s not romantic…it’s sad. And it will never be ‘made right.’ I learned this from seeing many a family member devestated over things like this. :mad:

I will pray for all involved in your opening question, mereian. :(***
 
Since protestants do not believe in confessions, is she absolved from her sins if she is truly sorry for them??
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Well, how sorry is she if she wants to be absolved from her sins but she continues to live in sin with a married man? Being sorry and wanting to be absolved means that she stops committing the sin. To continue to live in sin makes a mockery of asking for absolution, confession or not.
 
Not to mention that her child will grow up believing that sex outside of marriage is OK; that leaving a marriage is OK if one “falls out of love”; that dating someone who is married to someone else is OK; and that marriage is merely temporary no matter what the vows say.

No, there’s no way to make this wrong a right. The two biggest wrongs are against marriage (adultery), and against the child (conceiving a child out of wedlock). To “right” one is to further “wrong” the other.

The only thing they can do is to reconcile themselves to God with true repentance and confession.

Praying for them,

Ruthie
 
My opinion: The father still should be financially responsible for the child and have a good relationship with him/her, spending time with the child, etc.

But as far as the man/woman relationship, they should focus on being good co-parents only. Hopefully the man can reconcile with his wife, and cease any additional romantic relationship with his co-adultery partner.

Like someone else said, we can never undo our sins, but in this case a beautiful innocent child was created, and that child deserves a good relationship with both parents.

Editing to add: this way, the child can have perhaps the best possible parental relationships while the couple are no longer objectively living in a state of sin. What a heavy cross for the man’s wife.
 
Ruthie said:
Not to mention that her child will grow up believing that sex outside of marriage is OK; that leaving a marriage is OK if one “falls out of love”; that dating someone who is married to someone else is OK; and that marriage is merely temporary no matter what the vows say.

No, there’s no way to make this wrong a right. The two biggest wrongs are against marriage (adultery), and against the child (conceiving a child out of wedlock). To “right” one is to further “wrong” the other.

The only thing they can do is to reconcile themselves to God with true repentance and confession.

Praying for them,

Ruthie
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I don’t quite understand your statements saying that their child will grow up believing that sex outside of marriage is OK. What makes you say that child would grow up believing that? As far as the kid is concerned, Mom and Dad are there and taking care of him/her. That child doesn’t know mom and dad aren’t married or how he/she was conceived and
he/she doesn’t need to know about it either.

And I am not supporting anyone here but at least the man is trying to make what he has done right. He is going about it the wrong way by leaving his first wife but i bet in his mind he is doign what is right. However, the woman needs to understand that if he can cheat on his first wife, it’s only a matter of time until he cheats on her too.
 
I feel horrible about this scenario, because I recently discovered that man’s daughter (from original marriage) is my cousin’s friend from highschool. So, now when I see the woman, I often wonder (asking myself how on earth could she have entered into a relationship with a married man (a much older man who is almost her father’s age?). How could she possibly continue a relationship with a married man, knowing it is a sin. As I mentioned before, she is a non practising protestant. I know she believes in God.

I confronted the brother of woman and I told him that the woman and the man could be parents to the child without being together. But what the brother told me is that they don’t want the child to blame “them” (the woman’s family) for not allowing the child to have parents when mother and father would like to be together. I guess the woman’s family is not really “condoning” the situation, they are just going along with the flow even though they do not agree with the relationship. If they fight for what is right, they are afraid to lose their daughter. The family just excludes the man from any family functions and I don’t really know how well that will go with child when he gets older.

It’s hard situation to witness and I can easily get upset over this topic and say harsh things to the brother of the woman. I almost put the blame on him/them (family) and I have no right.

If you can add anything else, that would be appreciated. Sorry for any typos …i’m typing in a rush.
 
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