Yes, I know I can have friends, and as I said before, I don’t think chastitiy is the problem. The problem is, I cannot be in a relationship. I cannot live with somebody. THAT is what I’m concerned about.
And…I guess I’m just going to have to stay concerned, because it’s not going to happen.
And once again, priests choose to be chaste. I didn’t. I’d much rather live a normal life with a woman than be chaste. But it just wouldn’t work.
Any good priest will tell you that he did not choose to become a priest. God chose him.
I think as a person with same-sex attractions, you’re forced realize something about vocations that most people take a long time to figure out. It’s not about what we want. It’s about accepting what God has called us to do.
I went through a time of discernment last year. My friend invited me to come to a Project Andrew meeting at our church, which was a one-night discernment event for entering the priesthood. Before that I never even considered becoming a priest, and when I first seriously considered it as a possibility, I was a bit frightened. I felt that first tugging at my soul to give priesthood a chance, to see that as a future for myself.
I did some reflecting during the days before the meeting. I was trying to argue in my mind that the priesthood was not for me, even though the real reason was I didn’t want to sacrifice the worldly, married life I had always envisioned for myself. The thought crossed my mind, “This must be like the struggle gay people must have knowing they can’t get married…” I’m not making this up. That’s what I thought, and it’s ironic that you are expressing a similar sentiment.
During the Project Andrew meeting I found myself becoming more attracted to the idea of a religious life, but I was still scared and wanted to struggle against the idea because it was not what I had planned for myself. Near the end of the night all the discerning men and the 10 priests or so sat around a circle and talked about the priests’ experiences with the priesthood. It was a fascinating conversation, listening to each priest’s unique experience of discerning their vocation, their reflections on what the priesthood means, and just their love for God and their mission in the world. It was a very humorous and light atmosphere, and I guess it disarmed my ego to the point where I sincerely accepted in my heart that I would join the priesthood if that’s what God wanted me to do.
But at that same moment that I offered God permission to make me a priest, I felt an answer that the priesthood was not for me, but that I was called to marriage. I was a bit confused however, because it was my understanding at the time that everyone was supposed to be single for the sake of the kingdom if at all possible, and I felt that I could. I struggled with this in my mind in the hour after the retreat was over, split between feeling a call to marriage and thinking that if I didn’t become a priest I was settling with second-best in the eyes of God. In the midst this emotional and mental struggle I heard a voice in my mind that said, “Do you not think that I can do great things with marriage?”
I was startled, because it honestly didn’t feel like this thought had come from myself. It was like it came out of nowhere. If there is any feeling of God speaking to a person, this must have been it. I read the vocational story of Fr. Benedict Groeschel recently, and it was amazing to me that he heard a similar voice in his head when he was a young boy, praying in a church, telling him that he was supposed to be a priest.
The point of this story is that even though marriage is the vocation that God has called me to and the one I wanted, up to that point I had made it
my vocation, not God’s. I felt like Abraham when God told him to sacrifice his son Isaac. It was not in God’s plan to have Isaac killed, but God did it to test Abraham, to make sure that Abraham was following God’s will and not his own. Likewise, God wasn’t tugging at my soul to consider the priesthood because that was my vocation, but because he wanted to make me realize that I have to go where he wants me, not because I want to go there.
So I offer the perspective to you that your same-sex attractions are a gift from almighty God. He presented you with the challenge, in no unclear way, to submit to His plan for your life. This is a sign of his love for you. You see, not all people are capable of this same test. It saddens me to know of so many people who think they need a “soul-mate” to fulfill all their desires and make their lives complete and happy, so they’re perpetually dating someone or looking for the next girlfriend/boyfriend when who they’re really searching for is Jesus. God knows that you, however, are capable of being directly confronted with this knowledge, that we don’t need romantic, sexual love to be fulfilled and happy. So very many holy people throughout history have realized this truth. Some people take a whole lifetime to learn it, and some never learn it at all.
The bottom line is, every single one of us has to be completely willing to be celibate and single for the rest of our lives. Nobody chooses what challenges, what
gifts, God gives them in this life, but we all must live according to God’s will, not our own.
The morality of the sexual acts is “easy” for us to comment on because the Church clearly lays out the teaching on that matter. What you’re asking hasn’t really been spoken on.