Is it right for another person to answer email intended for another person?

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Ma.Eugenia

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A friend of mine does not like that her brother-in-law was answering emails that her family was sending her sister.

You see, they were having family problems. Something like their family versus the brother-in-law’s family. Unfortunately, the sister lives with the family of the brother-in-law.

You see, it all started because of a bicycle and a dog. Her sister’s family relocated to far place and her sister’s mom decided to ask their son for the bicycle she gave him so the other kids in the family can enjoy it since the son couldn’t bring it along with him. The grandmother thought that since she bought that bike with hard earned money, she had the right to ask for it back since the grandson wasn’t bringing it with him.

The young son of her sister said yes, but the next week, without his knowledge the other family (the brother-in-law’s) decided to get the bike. The mother of my friend’s family insisted that it be returned, which the other side returned with bad feelings.

The next week, the maid in that household told the grandmother that the dog of her grandson still did not have a home to go (at that time the family had already left) and the maid was a temporary caretaker. Furthermore, the dog was thin and hungry because of the lack of food provided. Driven by pity, the grandmother decided to ask if she could give the dog to someone who could take care of the dog. The brother-in-law’s family refused because they were the one’s who gave the dog to the grandson, saying that they wanted the dog for themselves.

The grandmother backed off–but weeks later the same maid called and said that the dog was getting thinner still and that she was ordered by the brother-in-law’s family to just give the dog to anybody who wants the dog—they even said that they really didn’t want the dog in the first place (read between the lines: they just didn’t want the other side’s grandmother of to get the dog.)

Out of pity, the grandmother got the dog that her grandson loved so much, she gave it to her friend who she knew took good care of animals. A week later the family of the brother-in-law called the grandmother calling her names like “robber”, “stealer”, which pained the family of my friend, considering that the money to build the house they lived in came from the grandfather (father of the wife) because of a small lot he gave them.

That was his last property and despite poor health and lack of money for himself decided to give it to his child and his family. However, before giving it to his child, he borrowed money from the family of the brother-in-law to pay the mortgage on the property–but later paid it back in full. So, since they paid back the debt, and the property was still given to the sister…the opinion of the grandfather was that he was the one who gave it as inheritance to the sister.

Instead, when a family member of the brother-in-law called they said that they also had the right to the house because without the money the grandfather borrowed from them—the property would have been taken over by the bank.

The grandfather was shocked and angry because he paid the debt in full. How can the other side claim that they were the ones who gave the property to the sister’s family? This after all the sacrifices he made?

Suddenly, all emails that the family to the sister were being answered by the husband even if the emails were addressed to the sister by her family.

Eventually, the family of the guy decided to put up a firewall that screened out their emails. Besides, even if they wanted to re-establish contact with the sister by making new email addresses…they really do not want to because they don’t like that the brother-in-law answers their personal emails to the sister—and obviously, the sister was letting him. (They feel that the sister allows him to do that for peace in their family—but at the same time, she allowed her own mother who sacrificed so much for her to be called a “robber” and a “stealer” by her husband’s family —this is something that really, really hurt her mother).

My friend thinks its all a terrible mess.

Do you think its right that the brother-in-law answers emails not addressed to him? Also, how do you think this family can be helped to reconcile since there has already been an exchange of hurtful words from both sides?
 
Stay out of it. You can’t play in the sewer without some … getting on you.
 
The e-mail thing is the very least of the problems in this pile of muck.

I would say that I don’t have a problem with my husband answering e-mails to me or vice versa. I don’t see anything wrong with it in general. If the family wants to contact the woman directly, they should call her.
 
why are we getting involved in this?
why is op getting involved?
who cares?
 
Sounds like the making of a soap opera; maybe they could sell the rights to a TV producer and all live happily ever after on the residuals…

And people wonder why the extended family broke down and left us with only nuclear families…
 
I think that the only person who should read someone’s e-mails is that person.

I even felt uncomfortable when working as a private secretary, reading my boss’s e-mail, although I was always careful to make sure that he read the printouts, and that any responses were in his own words, even if not typed by him.
 
Hello and thanks for replying to my post.

You’re right–I shouldn’t get myself involved in this muck.

I guess, I just felt bad for my friend at what her family was going through because of her sister. In my country, extended families are a part of life and so is (supposedly) respect for elders.

That is why it disturbed me that the daughter (sister of my friend) could allow those things said to her her mother by her husband’s family. Apparently, they did get talk to the sister who was trying very hard to stay neutral while her husband (the brother-in-law) was heard saying the words “robber” and “stealer” in the background, just like the rest of his family.

Last time I saw the mom (the grandmother), she was distraught and had a bad case of the flu because she couldn’t get over what happened—all because of a bicylcle and a dog.

I think that the reaction of the brother-in-law’s family was very extreme considering that the dog was suffering from their neglect when the grandmother “rescued” him.

Besides, they told the housekeeper that they didn’t want the dog in the first place (the housekeeper wrote down what they told her in the town’s logbook as a permanent testament and proof that they didn’t care for the dog.) I really don’t see why they are making a big fuss over it.

To me, parents should always be respected. They are the ones who sacrificed and loved us when we were growing up…I think it is not right that we repay them by hurting them this way.

If the sister and the brother-in-law had problems with the grandmother getting the dog—then it was better for them to talk to her nicely about it. The brother-in-law, if he had respect for his wife should never have called his in-law’s those awful names—these are his wife’s parents!

Also, it disturbs me that a person would answer emails not addressed to them. Me—I type and download my dad’s emails for him. He doesn’t know how to use computer—so he asks me to send the messages he made to his friends—just like what **jmcrae **does.

I think it is different in the case of the brother-in-law because he reads the messages that are not addressed to him and he’s the one answering on his own. Something like-- talking to a person then someone butts in from nowhere without being asked. Its like my friend’s family couldn’t get though to the sister without going through him.

I know, I shouldn’t get myself deeper in this muck as I am an outsider and it isn’t my business.

I just think the parents deserve better from their children. …but Equus Pallidus is right, I better get out before I get “sewer” on me. Thanks for the advise, everyone.
 
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