Is it sinful to affirm and aggrandize oneself?

[HomeschoolDad]

I realize that “affirmations” of various kinds are much in vogue today. But I do have to wonder whether this is consonant with the Mind of Christ, whether it detracts from the utter humility we should have, especially when comparing ourselves to the One Who alone is perfect and worthy of praise.

The other day, I was watching a morning show where a well-known entertainer was boasting of his daily affirmation, something along the lines of “we’re the best” (it’s not clear who the “we” are). I found this so repulsive that I had to turn it off — I only had it on for background noise to begin with. I have also noted women who regard themselves as “queens”, will wear apparel that asserts this, and there’s an expression, “queenin’ per usual”. It’s probably no more immodest than if I, for instance, were to refer to myself as the “king of making egg souffle” (which, by the way, I am ), but it still sounds prideful and a bit “off”. Would Our Lady have gone around saying “I’m the queen, I’m the best”? Not hardly.

I think it’s a little pathetic that someone would have to make such affirmations in the first place, but I have few if any self-esteem issues. I did have an abbot on retreat one time tell me that I was “dirt”, to which I bristled inwardly at first… but it’s true.

Thoughts?

 

[RN69]

I disagree that positive affirmations of one’s self are sinful. Not everyone has been raised in a home that reinforced their self worth. It can take a lifetime of constantly renewing a positive attitude to overcome the negativity experienced in their formative years. One way to affirm one’s own self worth is to realize that since Christ died on the cross for me then my life must be of worth. An older Irish Catholic priest used to tell his parishioners that God was madly in love with each and every one of them. While I know that I am dust and to dust I shall return, I’d much rather reflect on a loving message than be told that I am dirt.

 

[Lea101]

will wear apparel that asserts this,

Wait, like crowns and robes?

But in all seriousness, as a young woman, “Queens” is often a tongue-in-cheek expression to uplift each other. If we are all queens, there’s no hierarchy, I guess. I honestly can’t imagine Mary being light hearted in the first place, but then again I don’t think Mary would ever be insecure over anything as well. People use these affirmations to psych themselves into believing that they’re better.

That aside, true humility is knowing where you stand. I would imagine saying ‘I’m the best’ would suggest a lack of humility if one actually believes they’re the best.

I don’t know how sinful that is, though. I remember a priest telling me when I was a kid that I should start affirming myself by saying nonsense like “I am beautiful/I am glorious” and I had the same concerns. It felt really weird.

I did have an abbot on retreat one time tell me that I was “dirt”, to which I bristled inwardly at first

Ah…gotta love Catholics.

 

[bluerose]

Personally, as much as I dislike the “queen” (and “princess”, for little girls) titles, it’s a lot better than the ubiquitous use of the term “b****” to describe themselves and their friends.

 

[1Lord1Faith]

I don’t know if it’s sinful per se, but it’s a bad habit at least. It’s also annoying since it has become a significant part of US pop culture.

There are also some other things that people do which I think are related to the whole “I’m awesome” pop culture. Try watching Youtube videos that are geared toward young boys. They are the loudest most obnoxious creations ever made. They aren’t overtly self affirming but they seem to be the natural result of a self affirmation culture. Lots of attention calling for nothing of substance.

I think the tale of the boy who cried wolf is somewhat meaningful here. The result of the constant selling of oneself will lead most people to ignore the seller completely even when, eventually, they may have something important to say.

 

[TULIPed]

Dread it. Run from it. Destiny still arrives. Or should I say, I have.

(Please Note: This uploaded content is no longer available.)

 

[TULIPed]

I did have an abbot on retreat one time tell me that I was “dirt”, to which I bristled inwardly at first… but it’s true.

Now you’re talking! Something a true Calvinist can appreciate.

We go too far that way though if I’m honest. As usual, the truth is somewhere in between. We were “bought at a great cost” after all, no?

 

[HomeschoolDad]

I don’t know if it’s sinful per se, but it’s a bad habit at least. It’s also annoying since it has become a significant part of US pop culture.

There are also some other things that people do which I think are related to the whole “I’m awesome” pop culture. Try watching Youtube videos that are geared toward young boys. They are the loudest most obnoxious creations ever made. They aren’t overtly self affirming but they seem to be the natural result of a self affirmation culture. Lots of attention calling for nothing of substance.

You hit the nail right on the head. That is precisely what I’m talking about. (Though these kinds of “affirmations” seem more to be the province of females, because supposedly many of them “lack self-esteem”.)

Just the other day, I saw a sweet little girl at the store who was wearing a T-shirt that said “I am limitless”. Back in my day — and that was over a half-century ago — if a girl had worn a shirt like that, she’d have been snickered at by the other kids. (Such shirts didn’t exist.) If a boy had worn a shirt like that, he might have been tripped in the hallway or “accidentally” been struck by a ball in gym class. Not saying that’s right, just saying how it would have been received in those days. I was raised with more or less equal measures of “you can do anything you want to in life” and “you’re not all that”. As the Dutch tell their children (I am not Dutch), “just being normal is crazy enough”.

Though I am in no way associated with Opus Dei and would not wish to be, I often take comfort in their maxim “forget that you exist”. A far cry from crowing about my own excellence or anointing myself a monarch.

I disagree that positive affirmations of one’s self are sinful. Not everyone has been raised in a home that reinforced their self worth. It can take a lifetime of constantly renewing a positive attitude to overcome the negativity experienced in their formative years. One way to affirm one’s own self worth is to realize that since Christ died on the cross for me then my life must be of worth.

Some people might have this experience, and there is absolutely nothing wrong with reassuring yourself that you have dignity and worth. That’s not what I’m talking about. That’s not self-aggrandization. One of John Paul II’s greatest contributions to the Church and the world, was the assertion that we all have human dignity simply because we are men created in the image and likeness of God. He told us, in so many words, that your worth does not come from the money you make, or the value of your labor, but that it exists in you a priori. This, too, I take comfort in knowing.

To those who say “you have to give respect to get respect”, or “respect must be earned” — even though there is a kernel of truth to both of these maxims — I respond, "no, you are worthy of being respected simply because you are a human being, it’s nothing you have to ‘earn’ ".

 

[HomeschoolDad]

HomeschoolDad:

I did have an abbot on retreat one time tell me that I was “dirt”, to which I bristled inwardly at first

Ah…gotta love Catholics.

Yes, it’s kind of jarring to be told that, but let’s say you or I drop dead before the end of the day today. Your soul, or mine, will either be eternally saved or eternally damned. And as for your body… unless they embalm you, within a couple of days, yep, you’re going to start becoming organic. Just look at what happened to John Henry, Cardinal Newman:

http://news.bbc.co.uk/2/hi/uk_news/england/west_midlands/7652841.stm

Please forgive me, everyone, but I am stifling the urge to reflect upon a verse in a Louis Prima song, and not doing a very good job of it — “I… ain’t… got no body….”

 

[Tis_Bearself]

I think you’re overthinking some silly self-promotion you saw that was meant for entertainment on a TV show.

 

[Tis_Bearself]

I did have an abbot on retreat one time tell me that I was “dirt”, to which I bristled inwardly at first… but it’s true.

Every Ash Wednesday we get told “Remember that thou art dust, and to dust thou shalt return.”

My mother also reminded us of that every time she swept dust bunnies from under the furniture. She would say, “Hm, if to dust thou shalt return, I wonder who this is I just swept up.”

Maybe it’s helpful to call someone dirt if they’re having a pride problem. Since my problems tended to be the opposite, the priests were usually more focused on telling me I wasn’t garbage in God’s eyes.

 

[otjm]

Positive affirmation done correctly is a sign of humility. If I am a skilled surgeon, it is due to not just the graces but also the talents which God has given me. Having to go in and do a sophisticated surgery is absolutely the last place I want to have a surgeon who is self-debasing and thinking themself unworthy of the task.

If I am a skilled surgeon and acting as if I am God’s gift to the medical community and the peons I operate on, that is not a sign of humility. That is self-aggrandizing.

 

[HomeschoolDad]

I think you’re overthinking some silly self-promotion you saw that was meant for entertainment on a TV show.

I really don’t think so. Humbly affirming oneself, if there is a question of lacking appropriate self-esteem and needing to “give oneself a boost” from time to time, that is fine. Crowing to the world “look at me, I’m the best”, or whatever, I think that’s a problem, and I think traditional Catholic spiritual directors would agree with me. It’s really hard for me to imagine the legendary stars of the past, such as Bing Crosby, Lena Horne, or Audrey Hepburn, bragging on themselves in that fashion. With sweet Audrey, it’s positively unthinkable — that is 180 degrees opposite who and what she was.

Maybe it’s helpful to call someone dirt if they’re having a pride problem. Since my problems tended to be the opposite, the priests were usually more focused on telling me I wasn’t garbage in God’s eyes.

Again, after being a bit taken aback, I had to say to myself “you know, he’s right, I’m nothing, God is everything — soli Deo honor et gloria”. Nobody gets too good to need a kick in the pants now and then. I don’t know why he said that. Maybe it’s because I have a very grating, nasal voice (a very good reason why I need to concentrate on writing, and never attempt to do podcasts or anything like that). Maybe I sounded like I was claiming an expertise that I didn’t have. Or maybe he saw something in me that told him I needed to hear those words. No matter. I’m good with it. I’ve been called worse.

 

[Sarcelle]

Since my problems tended to be the opposite, the priests were usually more focused on telling me I wasn’t garbage in God’s eyes.

Same here.

I have a habit of calling myself stupid all the time.

If I’m not calling myself stupid, I’m calling myself ugly.

 

[Tis_Bearself]

Crowing to the world “look at me, I’m the best”, or whatever, I think that’s a problem, and I think traditional Catholic spiritual directors would agree with me

Okay then, if you’re sure you’re right, why did you seek the thoughts of others?

A lot of people are struggling to just get through the day. They don’t all have the luxury of spiritual directors. If a healthy affirmation gets them through the next day or hour, then I can’t see God objecting. It’s better than relying on alcohol, drugs or some other unhealthy crutch. If they are able to affirm themselves and also give glory to God in the same breath, that’s the best, but some of them may be just taking baby steps in the direction of keeping themselves going/alive.

However, if you’ve already decided that what they’re doing is bad and wrong and you’ve further decided spiritual directors all agree with you, I don’t see a point in having a discussion.

 

[Irishmom2]

Okay then, if you’re sure you’re right, why did you seek the thoughts of others?

Ooh! You win best to the point post today!

(If I am allowed to tell you that, that is. )

 

[RolandThompsonGunner]

There’s humility and there’s performative self-abasement. At some point, it becomes a little silly and theatrical. If Lebron James went around insisting he was a terrible basketball player, it wouldn’t be genuine humility. It would just be a silly exercise in virtue signaling.

 

[HomeschoolDad]

HomeschoolDad:

Crowing to the world “look at me, I’m the best”, or whatever, I think that’s a problem, and I think traditional Catholic spiritual directors would agree with me

Okay then, if you’re sure you’re right, why did you seek the thoughts of others?

A lot of people are struggling to just get through the day. They don’t all have the luxury of spiritual directors. If a healthy affirmation gets them through the next day or hour, then I can’t see God objecting. It’s better than relying on alcohol, drugs or some other unhealthy crutch. If they are able to affirm themselves and also give glory to God in the same breath, that’s the best, but some of them may be just taking baby steps in the direction of keeping themselves going/alive.

However, if you’ve already decided that what they’re doing is bad and wrong and you’ve further decided spiritual directors all agree with you, I don’t see a point in having a discussion.

Because I’m not sure I’m right.

Sometimes I get “tunnel vision” and become so wedded to my own ideas that I lose sight of the bigger picture, and I welcome other people’s opinions. I noted this particular behavior and I thought, well, it is instinctively noxious to me, but that’s just it, “to me”, and perhaps other people of faith and good will could provide perspectives that haven’t occurred to me. And while I would think that my objection is just part of a larger sensus catholicus, something that any confessor or spiritual director would just echo and take for granted, again, I could be wrong.

“Healthy affirmations” are fine. Some people need them more than others, and some people need more of them than others do. But tooting your own horn, calling constant attention to your own self-perceived excellence, asserting your superiority over others — if I say “I’m the best”, what else could that be but asserting superiority, after all, if I’m “the best”, doesn’t that imply that nobody else is quite as good as I am? — no, I don’t find that to be “fine”. Like the old song goes, “it’s hard to be humble when I’m perfect in every way”.

 

[blackforest]

Thoughts?

Here is my own, non-priestly take on it: Self-affirmation = not sinful. Self-aggrandizement = sinful.

I would argue that you cross the line when you start to think and act in a way that puts yourself and your pride above God.

If Lebron James went around insisting he was a terrible basketball player, it wouldn’t be genuine humility. It would just be a silly exercise in virtue signaling.

To quote Golda Meier, “Don’t be so humble. You’re not that great.”

 

[Tis_Bearself]

But tooting your own horn, calling constant attention to your own self-perceived excellence, asserting your superiority over others — if I say “I’m the best”, what else could that be but asserting superiority, after all, if I’m “the best”, doesn’t that imply that nobody else is quite as good as I am? — no, I don’t find that to be “fine”.

The only place I regularly see people “tooting their own horn” is on this forum when some people (I’m not referring to you or anyone in this thread, it’s a general comment) make posts suggesting they’re holier than others here because they engage in some particular practices that others do not, or have a concern for some moral/ spiritual issue that they have decided is very important while most other posters do not share that view.

Most people I meet in real life do not go around “tooting their own horn” unless it is some kind of hype or promotion expected as part of their job. Nobody wants or expects to see a sports team or a salesman making a pitch being all self-effacing; we expect to see them at their pep rally, pregame, or sales pitch saying, “We’re Number 1! We’re gonna win on Sunday!” or “We’re the best at what we do, so hire us!” These people are well aware that they could lose the game or that the customer might hire the competition instead. Pumping themselves up is part of how they do their job and stay resilient in the face of bad days.

Regarding people’s actual personal sentiments, not the hype as part of their job, I agree with blackforest that the line is crossed when a person actually thinks they accomplish everything on their own and don’t need God. But this attitude often doesn’t have much relation to whether the person is being a self-promoter or not. It’s an internal mindset, and you can’t tell if someone has it by whether they’re wearing a “I’m the Queen” T-shirt that might just be a joke, a way of cheering themself up, or a manner of presenting themself that’s expected for their job.