Is it sinful to be aroused?

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My fiancé is visiting for the evening and during the time being together, my fiancé and I have shared some friendly embraces, many playful kisses on the cheeks, and loving gazes and touches on the face . My family is with us and we haven’t been left alone, thus all of these actions have been somewhat in the presence of others. None the less, being embraced and kissed multiple times by my loved one has left me feeling desire and mild arousal. OBVIOUSLY nothing has happened but I can’t help but feel slight guilt for these feelings and fears that I may have consented to sin in some regard…so is it a sin to be aroused? What are the churches teachings on such things? I know the big no no’s, like self abuse, fornication, passionate kissing out of marriage…but what about this? Might seem silly and trivial, but I just want to be pure!!
 
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I see no problem with what you are doing as long as you know your limits and stop once you feel aroused. If that becomes a problem, maybe refrain from those acts that cause arousal.
 
Here is a quick test
If you can pray to God during the feelings then they are likely ordered desires
Disordered Desire is turned inward. What do I get vs what can I give. Do I intend the highest and best for her?
Desiring her as an object - that’s the start of sin.
If you see that she is beautiful it’s because God made her so.
Her beauty, her body her soul will be shared on your wedding night. Oh la la.
She is worth the wait.

Also, ask God if your desires glorify Him.
Desire is a good thing, God Gave you desire. We all desire the good the true and the beautiful

Have caution as desire can leave you open to satans manipulations.
Pray always
 
Good evening Father @edward_george1 ! Could I trouble you for just a moment to read my post? I’m not particularly close with my parish priest, and I’d love to get a priestly opinion on this!
 
The question is a very general question about a specific set of facts.

The answer to the general question “is it sinful to be aroused” is probably yes. If you have let your thoughts wander to this degree then you may be sinning. There are so many different circumstances when men can become aroused that it probably is both willful and sinful.

In this particular situation you are probably also flirting with lustful thoughts which would be sinful.

If one is married to the woman then arousal is both natural and lawful, but it may or may not be appropriate to the circumstances, which should also be considered.

As I say, the question is very general and depends on a lot of things.
 
I’m going to take the opposite stance from people here. There is nothing wrong with your arousal. It is perfectly natural, and to be expected, and a good thing. You can even thank God for it.

Your duty is just to be careful that this good thing, that makes you feel good, and desire to be even closer to your fianceé doesn’t turn into something bad.

But it is good. Its there to continually encourage the two of you getting married at some point. Just keep guard, you’re already doing that, and don’t worry.

God bless the both of you.
 
Feeling aroused around your future spouse is a good thing, if you didn’t I’d say you have the wrong partner. It’s what brings man and woman together, without these feelings there wouldn’t be love. The two - love and arousal is very intimately connected.
 
Hawkeye916 said:
I just want to be pure!!
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@Hawkeye916 , you want to be pure , and there is nothing impure in what you are doing .

I wish you and your fiance much love .

The arousal is an alarm signal , though , as to what you may be led to when the two of you are alone . Take note of that alarm signal . It is sounding good advice .
 
Sleepdoc said:
Do I intend the highest and best for her?
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I find it interesting that you assume the poster is a man talking about a woman. The way I read it, this is a woman talking about a man. Not that that fundamentally changes the answer to the question, of course.
 
To answer your question, I for one am on the side of its not being sinful. If people didn’t get aroused by people they’re not yet married to there’d be a lot fewer marriages! And arousal isn’t something we choose to do. It’s an automatic response and perfectly natural. Likewise, it’s not sinful if you begin to salivate when you look at, smell, or even think about particularly delicious food, even if it’s Friday and you begin to salivate when you walk past a steakhouse!
 
If your actions are innocent enough to do in the presence of others, I see nothing wrong. If you were not aroused by your future spouse, I would wonder if you are truly attracted to each other and that would be concerning. I feel otherwise people are expecting you to have brotherly/sisterly feelings towards your future spouse. You should be sexually attracted to this person. No need to be puritanical about very chaste interaction.
 
Agreed. The title of the post says fiance, which is the man in the relationship. And that would make the poster a woman.
 
Either way. Man or woman
You can shift the pronouns
Good pick up though.
 
Just a quick point.
If I look and see someone and find them beautiful
I have not sinned.

If I look a second time I am about to step into sin.

If I fix my gaze and rest in the pleasure. Entertain thoughts of possession and permit fantasy I have begun to sin.

Self abuse and habituation can be mortal sin.

Mathew 5:28

The difference is that sexual desire , in its proper place and expression, is a vital and good part of our humanity. In lust , however, we fail to respect our own dignity and the dignity of our partner. Simply stated, lust is the excessive desire for one’s own sexual pleasure

So desire is a good in the proper context. Between two available adults with an intimate emotional connection, in a mature committed relationship.

Lust is strong desire between unavailable persons Or
Too much desire where it’s appropriate but the focus is
Set on my own pleasure and the using of the other for it.
Guy lust is usually images of the opposite sex- porn is everywhere
Girl porn can be the same but is often disguised as romance in a movie or book. The guy is used as a tool to pleasure the emotions. Still lust

I suggest this prayer.
Lord Jesus Christ, son of God, purify the desires of my heart. Repeat 1000,000 X

To be pure means to see and love as God loves.
 
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