Is it the be all and end all of life to not meet someone?

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anon98328916

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I am a practising Catholic in my late twenties/early thirties age group and I find it hard to meet a man who shares the same beliefs as me. I have went out with men before who are Catholic but aren’t practising and I always split up with them when I knew they wanted the relationship to take a different path than I did. It has always been a fear of been laughed and scoffed at if I told them my faith was important to me cause if I’m honest the majority of people my age group I know don’t care about being a Catholic and are either lapsed catholics or cafeteria catholics. On Facebook for example I see the majority of my age group have a boyfriend/girlfriend and are living together, have kids or are engaged and a few are married…it can be depressing at times and then I think am I meant to meet someone? I also worry that people I know will think I’m not able to meet someone etc. Is this the only way to meet someone nowadays? Maybe I’m being stupid but it can be depressing at times.
 
I’m fond of saying that while a spouse can be divorced, an ex is forever. Seriously, though, you are very wise to want to avoid an invalid marriage. I would not wish that on an enemy.

That does not mean I do not understand that it can be discouraging to have a desire to meet and marry someone special to join you as your spouse on your journey towards eternal life and yet not have that special person come along. You are never too old to meet him, but you don’t want that meeting to happen after you decided to settle and marry someone else. You have to be patient and persevere in your resolve to marry someone who will be a benefit to your soul and to the souls of your children.

You are not describing unreasonable reasons for passing over potential spouses, but a very good reason. Hang in there. You have to have the courage to accept that you may be choosing not to marry at all, rather than marrying badly. That is OK. God gives victories to the faithful, not the “successful.” Keep looking, not just for someone who could be courtship material, but also for companions who will give you the friendship and support you will need both now and after you marry. (One man can’t do it all, not even a really good one.)

Also, dare to ask God to help you to find this man and these companions you need. God cannot be ordered about, but you will never bring a true need to God in simple faith without receiving any consolation. What you will find many times is that you grow in your reliance in God, regardless of whether God’s answer is “yes” or “no, this instead.” When your prayer is granted, your gratitude for such a great blessing is bolstered, as well. In contrast, if you do not ask, you may easily thank yourself instead of God when you find someone.
 
anon98328916 said:
I am a practising Catholic in my late twenties/early thirties age group and I find it hard to meet a man who shares the same beliefs as me. I have went out with men before who are Catholic but aren’t practising and I always split up with them when I knew they wanted the relationship to take a different path than I did. It has always been a fear of been laughed and scoffed at if I told them my faith was important to me cause if I’m honest the majority of people my age group I know don’t care about being a Catholic and are either lapsed catholics or cafeteria catholics. On Facebook for example I see the majority of my age group have a boyfriend/girlfriend and are living together, have kids or are engaged and a few are married…it can be depressing at times and then I think am I meant to meet someone? I also worry that people I know will think I’m not able to meet someone etc. Is this the only way to meet someone nowadays? Maybe I’m being stupid but it can be depressing at times.
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I am a widow. I have been a widow since 1987. I did not expect to be a widow this long. I used to worry about the same things but now I realize that for whatever reason I cannot find anyone who finds me interesting enough to date, let alone marry. It used to hurt.

Now?

Hardly ever…
 
I feel ya. Though I find there are more practicing Catholics your age (which isn’t a lot) than my age, which stinks. I have no advice but prayers for you.Have you read the book of Tobit? God provides his son with a spouse through the guidance of the Archangel Raphael.
 
Not wanting to choose a husband over God is the only sane choice.
 
anon98328916 said:
I am a practising Catholic in my late twenties/early thirties age group and I find it hard to meet a man who shares the same beliefs as me. I have went out with men before who are Catholic but aren’t practising and I always split up with them when I knew they wanted the relationship to take a different path than I did. It has always been a fear of been laughed and scoffed at if I told them my faith was important to me cause if I’m honest the majority of people my age group I know don’t care about being a Catholic and are either lapsed catholics or cafeteria catholics. On Facebook for example I see the majority of my age group have a boyfriend/girlfriend and are living together, have kids or are engaged and a few are married…it can be depressing at times and then I think am I meant to meet someone? I also worry that people I know will think I’m not able to meet someone etc. Is this the only way to meet someone nowadays? Maybe I’m being stupid but it can be depressing at times.
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no, it is not the end of the world, I doubt I will be marrying either. though for me I don’t really feel called to it

like easter joy said, better not to marry then to marry badly. there are many of the wrong kind of people out there. but perhaps you will meet someone compatible with your faith
 
Therese ,

There Must be men out there with the same viewpoint as yourself,
Because young men have made the same post as yourself ,
Looking for a likeminded lady, maybe scroll through appropriate topics on C A ,
And you just might find one, have you tried Catholic Dateing sites ?
 
anon98328916 said:
I am a practising Catholic in my late twenties/early thirties age group and I find it hard to meet a man who shares the same beliefs as me. I have went out with men before who are Catholic but aren’t practising and I always split up with them when I knew they wanted the relationship to take a different path than I did. It has always been a fear of been laughed and scoffed at if I told them my faith was important to me cause if I’m honest the majority of people my age group I know don’t care about being a Catholic and are either lapsed catholics or cafeteria catholics. On Facebook for example I see the majority of my age group have a boyfriend/girlfriend and are living together, have kids or are engaged and a few are married…it can be depressing at times and then I think am I meant to meet someone? I also worry that people I know will think I’m not able to meet someone etc. Is this the only way to meet someone nowadays? Maybe I’m being stupid but it can be depressing at times.
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I can only address part of what you’re saying here. 1) age should be no barrier. 2) your standards are important, you may regret if you “take a chance” on someone, like trying to “change” somebody.

Somewhere in scripture it says something about not being “yoked” with an unbeliever. You know, like two oxen pulling a load should be equally matched, that’s the imagery here. the last verses in the gospel of John say “There are also many other things that Jesus did, but if these were to be described individually, I do not think the whole world would contain the books that would be written.”

I think those books would be about what Jesus has done in your life and in my life, etc. What you’re doing is looking into others’ “books” (their lives) and you’re not seeing Jesus. That’s a very very important thing for your salvation and happiness. I wouldn’t feel bad or anxious about it AT ALL and keep looking. In a marriage, the goal is that each spouse should help the other to become a saint. (theology of the body)

Speaking from the guy standpoint, keep looking, don’t be discouraged.
 
anon98328916 said:
I am a practising Catholic in my late twenties/early thirties age group and I find it hard to meet a man who shares the same beliefs as me. I have went out with men before who are Catholic but aren’t practising and I always split up with them when I knew they wanted the relationship to take a different path than I did. It has always been a fear of been laughed and scoffed at if I told them my faith was important to me cause if I’m honest the majority of people my age group I know don’t care about being a Catholic and are either lapsed catholics or cafeteria catholics. On Facebook for example I see the majority of my age group have a boyfriend/girlfriend and are living together, have kids or are engaged and a few are married…it can be depressing at times and then I think am I meant to meet someone? I also worry that people I know will think I’m not able to meet someone etc. Is this the only way to meet someone nowadays? Maybe I’m being stupid but it can be depressing at times.
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No, I didn’t marry and I know exactly what you are talking about. I was freaked out about it until my mid-thirties. I did spend about 6 years in my 20s in one relationship, some shorter ones in my early-mid thirties. But never seriously thought about marriage (was not Catholic at any point in those). Even when the subject of marriage came up I didn’t want it. I spent a lot of time freaking out about being unmarried though as I got further into my 30s. Finally I just decided, if God wants me to marry I will - if he doesn’t I won’t. I came to a peace about it and eventually stopped thinking about it all together. When I was young, I fell for the wanting the perfect romance thing - and never found it. Agonizing over that cost me a lot. This is one area where the Church approach to marriage can really help secular culture. You are spot on wanting shared values and faith. Don’t settle for less. My advice would be, try not to worry about it, keep an open mind - if he comes along, great, don’t let it slip by (out of timidity or whatever) - but also realize your dignity and purpose in your life comes from God’s providence, whether you are on your own or not. Learn to find joy now. Life is a wonderful thing. 🙂 You’ll be fine either way.
 
Just looking at statistics the odds are against you due to how there is often a lack of younger adults, especially single. I haven’t met a single young Catholic man since I was at university.

It’s easier said than done but try to make the best of whatever life state you are in. Whether married or single you can still take part in the presence during mass. I really hope you find acceptance and support for your faith whatever your life state.
 
In answer to the question, is it the end all or be all?-no, not unless you make it that…if this is your primary focus, perhaps shift it and leave it in God’s hands. And trust Him.

As for meeting someone on the internet, this is one way of many ways. People meet at school, work, through friends and many other ways. When you ate dating someone who cares about you and the relationship is deep, they will respect you, not scoff at your beliefs.

If they do, they are not committed or care on the same level amd are immature.Dont be discouraged. With prayer and patience and focusing on being thankful and pleasing God, you will be at peace about it.

It is amazing to me that sometimes when I least expect good things to happen, they do. Opening yourself to making friends, not romance helps too. Perhaps a cafeteria catholic is looking for someone to help them restore thier faith, or something of that nature …Unless you talk and get to know someone, how would you know this?

Best wishes…
 
I felt a call to marriage even since I was a kid. To me it is the be and all end all.
 
Therese,

Have no worries. God has a plan for us all – even if we cannot see it at this moment. You are still young, my wife and I met on line – Catholicsingles web site. I was 47 she 42, and now we have a beautiful health 1.5 year old boy – who thinks he is in charge 🙂 .

So do now worry trust in God, and don’t rush into something that is not right for you.

I pray that God grants you peace and happiness.

Winter
 
I think there is catholicmatch.com and something about catholic singles … I would figure they made these websites so that like-minded catholics could find one another.
 
Marriage is not the secret to having a fulfilled life. There is a chapter in the Bible about this 🙂 Paul says we all have our own “gift” from God. Some people’s gift is serving God in singleness, others in marriage. Most Christians have an opportunity to do each in different seasons. But, think of singleness as a gift to cherished with an open hand, unless you are called to religious life. 1 Corinthians 7 might help you.

When the time comes, your commitment to Christ and habit of service will attract a spouse whose heart of devotion to Christ is comparable to yours. Don’t be mislead by worldly fairy tales. Marital love comes into people’s lives and usually in down to earth ways. Love at first sight is a fairy tale. Charm is deceitful beauty is vain. Love grows through character.

I met my wife at nearly thirty. The thing that made her stand out above the crowd for me was a conversation in which she showed she was more committed to obeying God than being right. Among saints, godliness is attractive.

First thing is, “be a Saint; what else is there?”
 
Is it the be all and end all of life to not meet someone?
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Yeah, and that someone is God. Otherwise, nothing is be all and end all.

Avoiding either marriage or some productive other vocation for selfish reasons would be wrong, but simply not managing to find ‘someone good’ (for brevity’s sake) is not crime, or sin. Christianity is about God, not about success. 😉
 
chevalier said:
Yeah, and that someone is God. Otherwise, nothing is be all and end all.

Avoiding either marriage or some productive other vocation for selfish reasons would be wrong, but simply not managing to find ‘someone good’ (for brevity’s sake) is not crime, or sin. Christianity is about God, not about success. 😉
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True.

As Mother Theresa one said, God does not require success but faithfulness.
 
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