Is it true that men are made to want multiple sex partners?

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I’m a 21 year old Catholic college student and I’ve heard time and time again from many, many people that it is not immoral for men to look at porn, masturbate, fantasize about other women, or even go to strip clubs because men are made to want multiple sex partners, they are made to want variety, and were created as visual creatures.

I’ve heard so many times that “men have needs.” And I know that their sexual needs are different than women’s. Maybe I don’t understand sex at all (I probably don’t.) I understand that women feel an immense emotional attachment and connection with their sexual partner BECAUSE of having sex. In my psychology course last semester I learned that men don’t feel that. I learned that they have the biological need to “spread their seed.”

Why would God create men that way if He intended us to be monogamous?
 
It’s nonsense baloney spewed by men who are trying desperately to rationalize their moral failures. ALL humans suffer the effects of Original Sin, which makes us attracted to evil (the word is concupicense). Every person is different and men and women are different, which sometimes results in those sinful inclinations take the form of predictable patterns.

But patterns of sin are the result of the fall, not the way God designed us. Any “scientists” who claim otherwise is the same sort of quack who brought us the Eugenics movement of the 1920’s (which reached its zenith with the Nazi party).
 
I would say that men seem to be more interested in sex. Is it nature or nurture? Perhaps a bit of both.

One thing to bear in mind is that this is not necessarily contradictory to monogamy. I find that my wife is quite capable of fulfilling my sexual desires. If she was all right with having sex more often, that would be quite fine with me! But alas, she does not want to have sex nearly as often as I do, but I make it work… for obvious reasons (I love her, and I’ve made a commitment to her.)

We discussed sex quite a bit while engaged, but we both learned something fascinating about it during Pre-Cana, and in our subsequent married life.

From her perspective: she would/does have a tough time wanting to have sex with me if she’s displeased or upset with me, or not at the moment feeling “close” to me. (Among like 500 other reasons - e.g. sick, stressed, etc.)

From my perspective: I will have sex with her almost any time, under almost any circumstance and as much as possible. The only two exceptions being when I have a serious illness or when the Jets game is on. But I told her: if I’m finished vomiting or if the Jets are losing by 17 points or more, then let’s go for it. I’m not making this up.

See, for me it was like… yes, I could be upset or angry with her, but I’ll still have sex with her because it’s slightly less of an “emotional” thing for me and I know that, even when I’m upset with her, there is still that underlying love that I have for her.

Perhaps male/female are compatible in this way: if it were all up to women, there would probably be a lot less sex, but if it were all up to men, we would spend our entire day doing it and never get anything accomplished. So there’s a bit of balance there. Of course this does come with its problems - rape being a horrific result, first and foremost among them, and adultery being up there, too.

In the final analysis, it is very important for men to understand a woman’s desire for emotional intimacy and it is also very important for women to understand a man’s desire for physical intimacy.

One final note: I made a lot of generalizations, but it’s crucial to recognize that there are many who break the mold. These people should not be discounted. Many women are more interested in physical intimacy than their male counterparts, and many men are less interested in physical intimacy than their female counterparts. So just because someone is a man, it does not mean that they value physical intimacy so highly and just because someone is a woman, it does not mean that they value physical intimacy so little.
 
Is it true that men are made to want multiple sex partners?
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If it were true all men would have natural immunity to social deseases and would make enough money to pay child support to mulitiple women that are raising his children. Otherwise there’s nothing “natural” about it…
 
So Rex Ryan has been good for your intimate life then, huh Veritas?

I could not resist.
 
If that were true, the thousands of generations of devoted married couples flies in the face of that. 😉

Women are just as capable of engaging in fornication as do men, however billions have maintained a monogamous relation with their husband…as do men.

This talk is just an excuse to trash Christian moral values, if humans were designed to be fornicating, then venereal diseases along with new diseases (AIDS) wouldn’t come about. Many want to say circumcision is unnatural, however studies show penile cancer, skin infections, HPV, UTI’s (and experimental studies have shown) HIV is lower among the circumcised.

What am I trying to say?

Truth is found in God, His Word, and His Church.
 
I think men have a more of a tendency to have their minds “wander” and have a stronger sex drive…on average…which can contribute towards a desire for promiscuity. I think that is more accurate than just saying “men want multiple sexual partners” because many don’t…even if they do have a stronger sex drive.

This should not be used as an excuse or immoral behavior, however.
If God did not want us to be gluttons, why would he give us an appetite?
If God did not want us to be materialistic, why did he make it so we enjoy nice things?

We are who we are, and we were made a certain way for a reason. That does not give us the right to abuse those gifts though.
 
Just thought I would throw in a quote from a letter by Tolkien to his son on marital advice:
They have, of course, still to be more careful in sexual relations, for all the contraceptives. Mistakes are damaging physically and socially (and matrimonially). But they are instinctively, when uncorrupt, monogamous. Men are not. … No good pretending. Men just ain’t, not by their animal nature. Monogamy (although it has long been fundamental to our inherited ideas) is for us men a piece of ‘revealed’ ethic, according to faith and not to the flesh. Each of us could healthily beget, in our 30 odd years of full manhood, a few hundred children, and enjoy the process. Brigham Young (I believe) was a healthy and happy man. It is a fallen world, and there is no consonance between our bodies, minds, and souls.
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Source: glim.ru/personal/jrr_tolkien_42-45.html
 
This is a much better and I think more pertinent quote from that link…
The dislocation of sex-instinct is one of the chief symptoms of the Fall
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Gash said:
I’m a 21 year old Catholic college student and I’ve heard time and time again from many, many people that it is not immoral for men to look at porn, masturbate, fantasize about other women, or even go to strip clubs because men are made to want multiple sex partners, they are made to want variety, and were created as visual creatures.

I’ve heard so many times that “men have needs.” And I know that their sexual needs are different than women’s. Maybe I don’t understand sex at all (I probably don’t.) I understand that women feel an immense emotional attachment and connection with their sexual partner BECAUSE of having sex. In my psychology course last semester I learned that men don’t feel that. I learned that they have the biological need to “spread their seed.”

Why would God create men that way if He intended us to be monogamous?
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It’s all nonsense. The male sex drive is constantly hyper-exaggerated. Unless he’s taking a lot of testosterone, a man will not be helplessly pre-occupied with sex all of the time. Now certainly men are perpetually bombarded with deliberately hyper-sexual imagery, visual and audial, and certainly this is meant to distract and entice him; however, he is perfectly capable of consiously resisting and dimissing it. The problem is too many young men are raised today without being trained to keep custody of their eyes or mind. Consequently they erroneously imagine that the day-dreaming or fantasizing, when it is prompted or just seems to spontaneously happen, is somehow irresistible or legitimate as being innocuous and natural. This is not the case, and it is proven by the fact that no man would, e.g., start pleasuring himself in the middle of a classroom, street or other public space - the case of an extreme mental illness notwithstanding. Clearly, then, men are perfectly capable of ignoring and suppressing their sexual appetite, and once the habit starts it is discovered to be easy, especially when consciously done.

Not too long ago the social stereotypes was that it was women, not men, who were the helplessly lustful creatures. I don’t know when, why or how it came to be that forefeiting control of yourself was considered masculine; on the contrary, keeping control of yourself and resisting the lower appetites was, for the longest time, considered an eminently masculine virtue.
 
I think one of the reasons this gets thrown around is that sexual interest is usually very closely tied to fertility. A woman may be interested in sex when she is naturally infertile, but it won’t be to the same degree that it is when she is fertile. Men are fertile all of their adult life (theoretically), so it seems that men are overall more interested in sex (if you were to graph it, it’d be more like a straight line, whereas women have peaks and valleys depending on their cycle, and - in general - it tends to go down after menopause. Men experience a gradual decline in fertility but don’t go through a time in their life when their fertility will cease.)

Hormonal contraceptives also have a tendency to lower female sex drive, partially because they eliminate female fertility. Also, when taken long enough, sometimes the sex drive may never come back. 😦 I was on hormonal contraceptives for several years and even after I came off them, it took about six months to a year for me to feel “normal” again.

With this kind of picture, it becomes easier for men to justify the “need” for multiple sexual partners.
 
Scottgun said:
Just thought I would throw in a quote from a letter by Tolkien to his son on marital advice:

Source: glim.ru/personal/jrr_tolkien_42-45.html
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With all due respect to Mr. Tolkien, this is nonsense. It’s man’s hubris that drives his desire for sexual conquests or to proliferate himself through children. I’m obviously not arguing that men don’t also have an innate sexual drive that desires satisfaction for its own sake; I’m only saying that its force or profundity has been ridiculously exaggerated. We’re talking mostly about pride and hubris when we’re dealing with a man who is obsessed with being promiscuous: notice, also, that his pre-occupation is usually not with extending the amount of time he spends in coitus, but simply the number of women he has coitus with. This reveals pride or hubris more than simple lust. Now there are exceptions to any rule, but from my own experience the reason for male promiscuity is not simple lust, but a number of other things: a childish fear of commitment being, e.g., one of them.
 
Yes. Absolutely. There is not a biologist or anthropologist out there who would say otherwise. Humans are not naturally monogamous and biologically men want to have sex and produce as many offspring as they can.

However, in our modern world I would say that when man biologically want and what men really want is different. Even if on a most basic level a man’s body wants to spread his seed as far as it would go I think that most men have the presence of mind to realize that while that would temporarily feel good what they really want is companionship, friendship, a family, etc. They know intellectually that just because it would feel good physically it would harm them, their lives, and their partners so that’s not something that they want to do.
 
Gash said:
I’m a 21 year old Catholic college student and I’ve heard time and time again from many, many people that it is not immoral for men to look at porn, masturbate, fantasize about other women, or even go to strip clubs because men are made to want multiple sex partners, they are made to want variety, and were created as visual creatures.

I’ve heard so many times that “men have needs.” And I know that their sexual needs are different than women’s. Maybe I don’t understand sex at all (I probably don’t.) I understand that women feel an immense emotional attachment and connection with their sexual partner BECAUSE of having sex. In my psychology course last semester I learned that men don’t feel that. I learned that they have the biological need to “spread their seed.”

Why would God create men that way if He intended us to be monogamous?
Click to expand...
It’s totally not true. I hear that all the time too. Women have just as many “needs” as men, but it’s never discussed in our culture. And as for women always having an emotional attachment with men via sex…not always true. Women use men for sex too, a lot. In my observations, men tend to fall in love more quickly than women do. They become attached to one women quite easily. But our culture never portrays men this way and actually labels such characteristics as " not masculine". That’s why guys buy this media stuff and start acting this way, because what man wants to be thought of as not masculine?

huffingtonpost.co.uk/2011/10/28/men-fall-in-love-quicker-than-women-reveals-study_n_1063728.html

dating.about.com/b/2012/08/28/do-men-fall-in-love-faster-than-women.htm
 
Marie1234 said:
It’s totally not true. I hear that all the time too. Women have just as many “needs” as men, but it’s never discussed in our culture. And as for women always having an emotional attachment with men via sex…not always true. Women use men for sex too, a lot. In my observations, men tend to fall in love more quickly than women do. They become attached to one women quite easily. But our culture never portrays men this way and actually labels such characteristics as " not masculine". That’s why guys buy this media stuff and start acting this way, because what man wants to be thought of as not masculine?

huffingtonpost.co.uk/2011/10/28/men-fall-in-love-quicker-than-women-reveals-study_n_1063728.html

dating.about.com/b/2012/08/28/do-men-fall-in-love-faster-than-women.htm
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I agree. I think we do tend to think of males as sex crazed and detached while women are innocent creatures seeking emotional fulfillment. Often, when a women commits a sexual sin the man gets blamed no matter how willing or how much the woman pushed for sex. Its rare to hear a woman come out and say she commited a sexual sin and at the same time not mention the man involved. Men tend to be able to admit to it without blaming the women.

It is true even for marriage. A man that cheats gets reamed for cheating while the perfect, loving wife is at home for him. If the woman cheats, normally either the man she cheated with is blamed or the husband for some fault that he has. Rarely do women take heat for cheating on a loving husband. Men are also sort of expected to forgive the women and overlook her sexual sins.

I think its bad when we downplay the sex drive and desires of a woman. It almost assumes that women cant control themselves and are bound to fall if the man doesnt protect her virtue. A noble concept but it always takes two to tango.

Women masturbate and watch porn just as much. Many just dont care to admit it because its not seen as womenly to do those things. Its seen as normally masculine so more men are able to admit to it without feeling embarassed.
 
JoeofCupertino said:
I agree. I think we do tend to think of males as sex crazed and detached while women are innocent creatures seeking emotional fulfillment. Often, when a women commits a sexual sin the man gets blamed no matter how willing or how much the woman pushed for sex. Its rare to hear a woman come out and say she commited a sexual sin and at the same time not mention the man involved. Men tend to be able to admit to it without blaming the women.

It is true even for marriage. A man that cheats gets reamed for cheating while the perfect, loving wife is at home for him. If the woman cheats, normally either the man she cheated with is blamed or the husband for some fault that he has. Rarely do women take heat for cheating on a loving husband. Men are also sort of expected to forgive the women and overlook her sexual sins.

I think its bad when we downplay the sex drive and desires of a woman. It almost assumes that women cant control themselves and are bound to fall if the man doesnt protect her virtue. A noble concept but it always takes two to tango.

Women masturbate and watch porn just as much. Many just dont care to admit it because its not seen as womenly to do those things. Its seen as normally masculine so more men are able to admit to it without feeling embarassed.
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I agree with what you say about society viewing men as sex-crazed jerks and women as more innocent and uninterested in anything sex-related. But I have to say, I don’t really see where you are coming from on the whole “women get away with sexual sins thing.” Yes, the topic of the female sex drive is quite hush-hush in our culture, but that’s all the more reason why women get blamed SO much more when they do partake in adultery, premarital sex, or any other sexual taboo.

If a guy and girl have sex, the guy is praised and thought of as a “stud” while the girl is labeled a slut and a seductress that lead him to sin.

They did the same act, same sin, TOGETHER. Yet, one is looked up to, while the other is scorned. Why? Because women are thought to be innocent and pure little creatures who have no interest in sex. That’s why when a girl partakes in sex like this, it’s considered “unnatural” for her to want to do this. She’s supposed to be the one who wants to wait. She’s the one who “lead him to sin”. Do you see where I’m coming from?

So yeah, it’s hard to be a girl now. Even when you are as chaste as you can be, people will blame for things you didn’t do or for leading others to sin.

As for the women and porn thing…nah I doubt that. Women are not visual creatures like men, they don’t get aroused by that kind of stuff. I am very chaste and don’t do stuff like that, so I can’t really speak in part for other women though, I suppose.
 
Marie1234 said:
As for the women and porn thing…nah I doubt that. Women are not visual creatures like men, they don’t get aroused by that kind of stuff. I am very chaste and don’t do stuff like that, so I can’t really speak in part for other women though, I suppose.
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I think you’d be surprised. Shocked even that women do watch porn. Many watch it with their partners before sex as a form of foreplay…but others watch it because they are aroused by it.

I had a slight problem with watching porn for a while. I liked watching the soft core porn and the kind that was marketed to women (yes it is marketed to women) which show a relationship develop and the sex being mutual and, seemingly, loving. I did find it to be easy to give up though. Once I found out it was wrong of me to do so…I quit. Simple as that. I haven’t watched any in almost a year. I have no desire to either.

I don’t think women have the same problem with porn that men do. I don’t think they are dependent upon it and they don’t have the same problems with addiction that men do.
 
Gash said:
I’m a 21 year old Catholic college student and I’ve heard time and time again from many, many people that it is not immoral for men to look at porn, masturbate, fantasize about other women, or even go to strip clubs because men are made to want multiple sex partners, they are made to want variety, and were created as visual creatures.

I’ve heard so many times that “men have needs.” And I know that their sexual needs are different than women’s. Maybe I don’t understand sex at all (I probably don’t.) I understand that women feel an immense emotional attachment and connection with their sexual partner BECAUSE of having sex. In my psychology course last semester I learned that men don’t feel that. I learned that they have the biological need to “spread their seed.”

Why would God create men that way if He intended us to be monogamous?
Click to expand...
Do not accept such excuses. Men know (some burried very deep down) that women deserve more respect than this. And as a young woman, you should demand more respect than this.

When people try to pass off the poor behaviour of men as nothing more than natural urges, ask them whether they think the same argument justifies domestic abuse. After all, it’s only natural that men (and yes, women too) lash out physically when they don’t get their way. The animal kingdom is full of males physically dominating females (and soemtimes the other way around). Do we want to live in a world in which people’s natural urges control their behaviours?

If anyone things I’ve taken this too far, I would suggest it’s all part of the same problem - lack of respect for women. In terms of using them as objects for male gratification (via casual sex, pronography, etc) or in terms of violence against women (domastic abuse, rape).
 
underacloud said:
Do not accept such excuses. Men know (some burried very deep down) that women deserve more respect than this. And as a young woman, you should demand more respect than this.

When people try to pass off the poor behaviour of men as nothing more than natural urges, ask them whether they think the same argument justifies domestic abuse. After all, it’s only natural that men (and yes, women too) lash out physically when they don’t get their way. The animal kingdom is full of males physically dominating females (and soemtimes the other way around). Do we want to live in a world in which people’s natural urges control their behaviours?

If anyone things I’ve taken this too far, I would suggest it’s all part of the same problem - lack of respect for women. In terms of using them as objects for male gratification (via casual sex, pronography, etc) or in terms of violence against women (domastic abuse, rape).
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I don’t think you took this too far, I completely agree. We need to rise above our “animal urges”. They aren’t an excuse for bad behavior and they don’t justify the degradation and mistreatment of women.

Good for you for posting this!
 
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