Is it wrong for a parent to coax his/her child into religious life?

[whatevergirl]

I’ve also heard that seminaries no longer require or even teach classes on the mystic aspects of our Catholic heritage. If you strip the mystical out of the priestly life, what’s left to offer? Seriously, if you’re going to favor the rational aspects of the priesthood, why wouldn’t a man become a therapist or councilor instead of making the sacrifices necessary to enter the priesthood?

Check out this brief interview: zenit.org/english/visualizza.phtml?sid=107870

this…is a great post.

 

[whatevergirl]

Is it wrong for a parent to coax his/her child into religious life? it’s a crime NOT TO!

back in the 50’s it was honorable to be a religious or a priest. in other countries it’s still a very high honor, sometimes even higher than a doctor!

now it’s just a filthy shame how our society views them. it’s no coincidence our society is also being eaten alive and the family unit is being destroyed. our youth are lost, depressed, alone, and suicidal.

it’s every christian parent’s responsibility to instill in their children the love of God and the honor of serving Him. the Church teaches that we need to discern our vocation properly, whether it’s married, single, religious, or priesthood. if we don’t discern properly, we are selling ourselves short. too many people assume marriage is the only path. why? because no one taught them otherwise.

hm if you think about it, the above would probably be the most logical way for the devil to destroy God’s people.

i think it was Thomas Acquinas that said that in an ideal world, 80% of the population would be religious, while the remaining people would lead families. (ponder that for a while…) of course the opposite is true and only a fraction of one percent are religious.

alas i’m sure it’s all in God’s plan. it seems the youth are on their own, and the really devout males are discovering God on their own and entering religious life. maybe this is God’s way of ushering out the old, and a rebirth of the Church with the new generation like John Paul II imagined…

lol–it’s a crime not to? How about in the Bible where it speaks clearly that some will be called to marriage…some will be called to be unmarried…etc…?? Paul was the only one (I think?) who spoke about seeing no need to get married…(and that was largely due to the fact that he thought Christ was coming back…like very very soon, so why bother?)

I am not so sure all men are called to a celbate life…that doesn’t make sense why God created women then?

 

[SaraJones]

Hi, I’m Sara. I’m 15 and discerning my vocation as a religious, with a strong interest in Poor Clares. I’ve started another post on this subject.

I live at home with my mother and father (Dad is deployed in the Army), and my older brothers have left home. My mother’s sister/my aunt is a Franciscan and often stays with us.

I recently informed my mother of my vocation discernment and how seriously I was pursuing it. I’m hoping to attend a Poor Clares retreat, as I very much love the story of St Francis and St Clare.

My mother has been very supportive but wouldn’t say she has coaxed me. She is very proud of me that I would consider this. But she has been asking whether I’m giving enough of myself or mature enough to be a Poor Clare, which is a strict order. As I don’t know, my mother has been insistent that I start to prepare now for becoming a postulant, so I’m prepared. This has resulted in some big changes in my life.

My mother wants to homeschool me so that I am not deflected by high school diversions like boys. Also, she wants my aunt to move in and tutor me in my spirtitual development as a potential postulant, where I am weak unlike so many who post here.

At home, I now:

• attend daily and have daily prayer times
• practise daily mortifications
• do not watch any TV (have more chores to do!)
• have limited time on the internet (have to keep this short!)
• otherwise practice obedience/docility to my mother and aunt.

Also, in order to prepare for the PC habit, my bedroom only has a crucifix, desk, bed and book shelves. I have given almost all my fashionable clothes to thrift and goodwill stores. My clothes are now dark dresses, skirts, jumpers and white blouses. I have two pairs of brown roman sandals that I wear (and love!). My mother also cut my hair into a short bob. I’m better placed to discern when I have given away worldly things. My mother helped me with this but did not make me do it.

Sara

 

[johnnydigit]

lol–it’s a crime not to? How about in the Bible where it speaks clearly that some will be called to marriage…some will be called to be unmarried…etc…?? Paul was the only one (I think?) who spoke about seeing no need to get married…(and that was largely due to the fact that he thought Christ was coming back…like very very soon, so why bother?)

I am not so sure all men are called to a celbate life…that doesn’t make sense why God created women then?

discerning your vocation has nothing to do with suppressing marriage. discerning your vocation is taking the proper steps to decide God’s will - your vocation - whether it be single, consecrated, or married. not discerning your vocaiton properly as a Catholic is rejecting the other 2 possibilities God has for you, and just going along with the world and it’s notion that marriage is the only path.

all men are called to celibate life, at least until they are adults. then they discern their vocation and choose. even in marriage you have to practice some celibacy (and control yourself). i’m just pointing out that “not being able to stay celibate” should never be the reason to get married.

often people might view the possible vocations as either “celibate” or “not celibate”. “well i can’t possibly be celibate so it’s marriage for me!” that is a very degrading view of God’s plans. celibacy is something any person can achieve with God’s help so it should rarely ever be a deciding factor. it would be better to view the vocations as, for example,

1. a life dedicated to prayer and work (consecrated)
2. a life dedicated to living in the world (single)
3. a life dedicated to your wife and raising children for God (married).

as you can see, celibacy is not a selling “feature” in the options. it seems important to most because society has placed such an importance on sex.

====================

in my ideal world, after thinking about what Thomas Acquinas had said, say in a town with 100 adults, there would be about:

20 priests taking care of the churches and teaching.
20 brothers taking care of hard labor jobs and helping the church.
20 nuns taking care of other jobs and helping the church.
10-15 single, consecrated people doing different jobs throughout the city.
10-15 families with at least 6-10 kids each! the parents would also be doing various jobs throughout the city.

what a happy city that would be! but there is no way to get that many priests, nuns, or brothers unless families start to emphasize God, the Church, and the help needed to make it happen. there will always be people who are called to marriage. that is not the problem, you only need a few of them to make more people.

---

it’s kind of like a factory. imagine if everyone was taught about making money and everyone wanted to be the treasurer. who would work all the machines? who will be president? salesmen?
what we need to do is teach everyone the importance of doing labor and working the machines. we need a lot of those. out of the group of laborers, we would choose whoever is best to become the president, the treasurer, the salesmen, and whatever else positions we need.
the way it is today, almost no one wants to fill the labor spots. they think they are unworthy. everyone wants to be a board member. the only difference is, all the positions are equally important in the eyes of God.

Hi, I’m Sara. I’m 15 and discerning my vocation as a religious, with a strong interest in Poor Clares. I’ve started another post on this subject.

Sara

that’s so awesome. you’re very lucky to have what i consider, an ideal catholic family situation. my parents could never offer what yours do (i still love them either way). mine could not afford to have one at home school me, they don’t speak english well enough to, and they aren’t as devoted to the faith to do so.

i pray your discernment goes well. even if you aren’t called to the consecrated or single life, you would be a prize to any catholic man. i could only dream of finding a girl like you here in the big city!

 

[drifting_away]

In the Middle Ages they used to send very young boys to be educated and groomed in monestaries. Girls were sent to convents and they had no choice in the matter. This is a historical fact. Yes, times have changed, but I see nothing wrong with trying to steer a child into a career that we think might suit him or her.

 

[Convert_in_99]

Encourage them, expose them to it, educate them, pray for them, but NEVER make them feel guilty to choose marriage.

Some families I know go SO overboard with vocation pushing, that their children feel GUILTY about dating/courting, marriage, and even sex in their marriage. They have such a complex…that they can’t see that marriage is ALSO a very beautiful and ACCEPTABLE option in God’s eyes. Marriage is not the “well I didn’t make it in the big leagues…I guess I have to go to the rejects team” option. :nope: It’s a beautiful life-giving AWESOME Sacrament. :yup:

Balance is key. Plant both types of seeds, those for the priestly/religious life, and those for the married state. Stop there. God will do the gardening!

 

[johnnydigit]

Encourage them, expose them to it, educate them, pray for them, but NEVER make them feel guilty to choose marriage.

Some families I know go SO overboard with vocation pushing, that their children feel GUILTY about dating/courting, marriage, and even sex in their marriage. They have such a complex…that they can’t see that marriage is ALSO a very beautiful and ACCEPTABLE option in God’s eyes. Marriage is not the “well I didn’t make it in the big leagues…I guess I have to go to the rejects team” option. :nope: It’s a beautiful life-giving AWESOME Sacrament. :yup:

Balance is key. Plant both types of seeds, those for the priestly/religious life, and those for the married state. Stop there. God will do the gardening!

i guess everyone will always have their crosses. with me it’s the opposite. my family would love for me to bring around a special lady. smiles, food, laughter… oh she’s the same race as us and speaks our language? WONDERFUL welcome to the family!
but no, i say i’m going to visit a monastery for the weekend, “…”. maybe a, “where’d you get the money for that?” or “it’s good, but don’t go overboard with that.”

you’re right, balance. and the proper balance is found in proper discernment. a spiritual director can help a lot. so can retreats - like vocation retreats, engagement encounters, marriage encounters, seminars, talks, conferences, etc. plus lots of prayer, alone time, and support.

needless to say there’s enough pressure about marriage from society, but we need the correct information on christian marriage from qualified people, and not Desperate Housewives…

 

[Convert_in_99]

i guess everyone will always have their crosses. with me it’s the opposite. my family would love for me to bring around a special lady. smiles, food, laughter… oh she’s the same race as us and speaks our language? WONDERFUL welcome to the family!
but no, i say i’m going to visit a monastery for the weekend, “…”. maybe a, “where’d you get the money for that?” or “it’s good, but don’t go overboard with that.”

you’re right, balance. and the proper balance is found in proper discernment. a spiritual director can help a lot. so can retreats - like vocation retreats, engagement encounters, marriage encounters, seminars, talks, conferences, etc. plus lots of prayer, alone time, and support.

needless to say there’s enough pressure about marriage from society, but we need the correct information on christian marriage from qualified people, and not Desperate Housewives…

I am sorry you are going through this…I will pray for you.

Yes, correct info on marriage IS necessary. T.V. marriages are NOT marriages. Long gone are the days of sitcoms with a mom/dad who have stayed together for decades and are actually happy (well maybe a little too cheesy happy) to be together. Like this.

Again, balance in anything is key. A too peachy-keen-comfy-cozy-rosy-rosy example of marriage is not an accurate exposure either. There are joys and blessings, crosses and struggles in both ways of life. They need to see this too. :yup:

Give them lots of good well-balanced experiences in both waters. God will let the person know where to go. Encourage whatever they feel God is letting them do. It took me four years of discernment (two in a novitiate) to realize that my vocation was NOT to the religious life. But I tested both waters because both seeds were well planted.

 

[Andy_K]

Encourage them, expose them to it, educate them, pray for them, but NEVER make them feel guilty to choose marriage.

Some families I know go SO overboard with vocation pushing, that their children feel GUILTY about dating/courting, marriage, and even sex in their marriage. They have such a complex…that they can’t see that marriage is ALSO a very beautiful and ACCEPTABLE option in God’s eyes.

if this is the kind of “coaxing” the OP is referring to, then I really can’t imagine how such a thing wouldn’t be sinful, possibly even gravely so.

Let’s put it this way: very few if any parents would seriously consider forcing their children to pursue a certain occupation. Daddy shouldn’t be forcing little Jimmy to be a Doctor if Jimmy doesn’t desire to enter the medical profession, right?

Pressuring a child to pursue religious life, however, is even more seriously wrong, as the priesthood is far more than an occupation; it’s a vocation, meaning that God must call them to it. It is not something the parents choose for the child.

It is, however, extremely important that all parents stress the importance of being open to God’s call…whether it be to marriage, religious life, the priesthood, or single life. Far too often these days kids simply dismiss the mere possibility that God could be calling them to something besides marriage. In some cases parents openly discourage it, and sometimes the children are just sucked into the culture of sex w/o consequences to really discern.

It is the duty of both the child and the parents of the child to be open to whatever God calls the child to do.

 

[whatevergirl]

i guess everyone will always have their crosses. with me it’s the opposite. my family would love for me to bring around a special lady. smiles, food, laughter… oh she’s the same race as us and speaks our language? WONDERFUL welcome to the family!
but no, i say i’m going to visit a monastery for the weekend, “…”. maybe a, “where’d you get the money for that?” or “it’s good, but don’t go overboard with that.”

you’re right, balance. and the proper balance is found in proper discernment. a spiritual director can help a lot. so can retreats - like vocation retreats, engagement encounters, marriage encounters, seminars, talks, conferences, etc. plus lots of prayer, alone time, and support.

needless to say there’s enough pressure about marriage from society, but we need the correct information on christian marriage from qualified people, and not Desperate Housewives…

aw…i’m sorry you’re going through that. i wonder why there is a negative stigma about men joining the priesthood?

 

[johnnydigit]

Pressuring a child to pursue religious life, however, is even more seriously wrong, as the priesthood is far more than an occupation; it’s a vocation, meaning that God must call them to it. It is not something the parents choose for the child.

what’s funny is the seminaries and orders do thorough evaluations of the candidates. if they don’t want to be there or were not meant to be there, they will not admit them. it’s the pure will of the person to want to be there, so a parent can force a child until they cry, but it would prove useless because of the child’s true feelings.

aw…i’m sorry you’re going through that. i wonder why there is a negative stigma about men joining the priesthood?

why? honestly because their faith and knowledge of God and the Church has not matured. they don’t understand the true significance of the priest/religious beyond just helping people like any other missionary. they don’t yet see the deep spirituality and mystical part of our salvation. they are more concerned with having grandchildren and continuing the family line. the call to the priesthood, the laying on of hands from Jesus himself, the mystical prayers of the religious, are all pretty unknown to them, and so they want the best for you, which is as they understand it, a family.

it is much beyond their current understanding and i don’t blame them for it, as we all were once there. fortunately they do ultimately want you to be happy, and will be proud in the end. hopefully even the protestants in the family…

 

[whatevergirl]

what’s funny is the seminaries and orders do thorough evaluations of the candidates. if they don’t want to be there or were not meant to be there, they will not admit them. it’s the pure will of the person to want to be there, so a parent can force a child until they cry, but it would prove useless because of the child’s true feelings.

why? honestly because their faith and knowledge of God and the Church has not matured. they don’t understand the true significance of the priest/religious beyond just helping people like any other missionary. they don’t yet see the deep spirituality and mystical part of our salvation. they are more concerned with having grandchildren and continuing the family line. the call to the priesthood, the laying on of hands from Jesus himself, the mystical prayers of the religious, are all pretty unknown to them, and so they want the best for you, which is as they understand it, a family.

it is much beyond their current understanding and i don’t blame them for it, as we all were once there. fortunately they do ultimately want you to be happy, and will be proud in the end. hopefully even the protestants in the family…

but could it also be that this stigma has been created by a very non Catholic media? thx for your reply, by the way.

 

[johnnydigit]

but could it also be that this stigma has been created by a very non Catholic media? thx for your reply, by the way.

without a doubt. there was a time when a catholic archbishop had one of the most popular shows on tv, won an Emmy Award for it, and he even talked about faith! Archbishop Fulton J. Sheen. i wasn’t into him and didn’t even understand much at first, but now i realize he was an amazing speaker.

*During the 1950s, Catholic clergyman Fulton Sheen (1895-1979) hosted “Life is Worth Living”, a popular television show for which he earned an Emmy Award, and on which he presented his views on religious topics, everyday life, and politics.

 

[whatevergirl]

without a doubt. there was a time when a catholic archbishop had one of the most popular shows on tv, won an Emmy Award for it, and he even talked about faith! Archbishop Fulton J. Sheen. i wasn’t into him and didn’t even understand much at first, but now i realize he was an amazing speaker.

*During the 1950s, Catholic clergyman Fulton Sheen (1895-1979) hosted “Life is Worth Living”, a popular television show for which he earned an Emmy Award, and on which he presented his views on religious topics, everyday life, and politics.

Yes…I have watched it on EWTN, in its rerun form…outstanding – a true classic. I did a book review for Canticle magazine (for those who follow Abundant Life/Johnette Benkovic…that’s her mag now) on a book written by him. He’s pretty marvelous…I mean…he wrote like some 500 books??