Is it wrong or sinful to never get married?

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Domiy

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I’d like to dwell into this discussion.

My parents are very conservative and old fashioned. They come from an old culture where marriage is not nearly seen as half the prestigious event it is in the Western world, but more of what the church recognizes it as; a gateway to fulfilling ones ministry and advancing into life. Where they come from, marriage is quite normal and common before 21.

Now, here is my problem. I have mentioned the idea to my parents that I may never want to get married. I’m only 22, so I’m still quite young, but I don’t feel as if my feelings will change easily on this matter. I was previously in a 2 year relationship which was not only a pain to make work, but ultimately ended in bitter frustration and hatred. I guess the entire experience just put me off relationships and the concept of dating in general, and the sheer immaturity and and disrespect of most of the girls I know or come into contact with does not help either (I know that’s very judgmental of me).

My parents told me that a mans ministry in life is to either get married and have children to honor the sacraments etc, or on the contrary give up that ability and become a priest instead. Now, I’ve thought seriously about both of those (at one point did feel as if priesthood would be my ideal option, but never felt that ‘calling’ from God to go through with it). I’m still open to either one, and definitely if the right girl came along that could satisfy my developed expectations for maturity and spirituality, then I’d certainly be up for it, but for now, I’m having a very good time relationship-free. Living single has allowed me to get to know myself, and God, a lot better, and I feel I’m a much better person now. The concept of being alone forever always scared me but not anymore, living on my own and spending my spare time with friends and family has really helped me a lot.

I’m sure things will become clear in the future and I’l probably end up taking one of the paths, but hypothetically is it wrong for one to refuse to date and get married?

(note, this issue has nothing at all to do with my sexuality. I’m still attracted to women very much, but have just decided their social interaction is not ideal for me). What do you guys think?
 
Some people are called to single life. It is not a sin in and of itself to never get married or become a priest. However, keep in mind that if you choose not to date and get married, you have to remain as chaste as a priest would, or it is sinful.
 
I do not see how it would be sinful - unless you chose to be in a husband-wife relationship without being married. Of course, regardless of whether we are single or married, we are called to be chaste.

As for wrong, maybe yes and maybe not. It is truly a matter of discernment.

Regardless of what the modern world or society tells us, we know that marriage is a vocation. Perhaps it is not your vocation. Perhaps you may prefer to live in celibacy. Your age is truly not “too young”, as you may think.

Nowadays it makes sense to our parents that we go and have a career and marry a girl, but it can be very difficult to understand if we want to work as God’s ministers and if we fall in love with God and as an obvious consequence we want to remain in celibacy.

All I could say is that I’d be looking into discerning your vocation. Perhaps a spiritual retreat would benefit. God may have blessed you with a vocation for priesthood, or perhaps for religious life. There are also many lay orders (such as the Carmelite Third Order) in which one may profess a vow of chastity while remaining in the world. Asking your confessor or pastor for spiritual direction can also be very beneficial. It is also fully possible that your vocation is that of a married life but that it is just too early in your life…only the Lord knows.

Don’t be worried, though: what the Lord begun in you, He will bring to completion in due time.
 
Domiy said:
I’m sure things will become clear in the future and I’l probably end up taking one of the paths, but hypothetically is it wrong for one to refuse to date and get married?

(note, this issue has nothing at all to do with my sexuality. I’m still attracted to women very much, but have just decided their social interaction is not ideal for me). What do you guys think?
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No, it is not wrong to remain unmarried. In fact, the Church highly praises deliberate celibacy as the higher vocation of the two. Our Lord and Saint Paul recommend it for those who can handle it (Matt. 19:12 and 1 Corinthians 7:8).

So no, it’s not wrong for you to choose to remain unmarried; it’s just as holy and commendable a path as marriage.

Two more thoughts:

(A) Marriage and priesthood aren’t your only options. The religious life is very much an option as well: you could look into joining a religious order and becoming either a monk or a friar. Some monks and friars are also priests, but many are not. You don’t need to be a priest to be a religious. So don’t feel as though the Church offers you no celibate option besides diocesan priesthood. 🙂

(B) And also, don’t feel like you have to make a choice now and stick with it. You’re right; you are young. You may meet a wonderful girl sometime soon - or late! - who causes you to change your mind. 🙂

Just don’t feel pressured to decide quickly. Take your time, pray continually, and trust God. He will lead you where you will best serve Him and others.
 
never felt that ‘calling’ from God to go through with it.
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The idea that you have to have some feeling in order to become a priest or religious is a little silly to me. Sure, you have to want the life But I think all Catholics are created for the religious life just as all people are made for marriage. To say it simply, you are called. The only question is, What do you want to do?

That aside, What you say about relationships tells me that you have a few issues that you need to work through for your own good. I speak from experience here, I am 25 and have been through a three year relationship that ended in deep frustration. I didn’t know it at the time, but she had hurt me very badly. I had to work thorough that and… it takes time.

I know the experience of being around immature girls. I have found that I am far more comfortable and happy around women who are just a little bit older. The women who are 27-30 (IN GENERAL) are more respectful, patient and kind.

As to whether being single is a sin, I would say not implicitly. Don’t worry so much about the future. You are in a good place right now. If you don’t think marriage is the appropriate way to go in life, then don’t. If you don’t think that religious life is the appropriate way to go in life, then don’t. What you should do is love God with all your heart, mind, soul, and strength and love your neighbor as yourself. If you do that every day of your life you will certainly not be in sin.
 
From the Catechism:*2349 “People should cultivate [chastity] in the way that is suited to their state of life. Some profess virginity or consecrated celibacy which enables them to give themselves to God alone with an undivided heart in a remarkable manner. Others live in the way prescribed for all by the moral law, whether they are married or single.” Married people are called to live conjugal chastity; others practice chastity in continence:

There are three forms of the virtue of chastity: the first is that of spouses, the second that of widows, and the third that of virgins. We do not praise any one of them to the exclusion of the others. . . . This is what makes for the richness of the discipline of the Church.*According to Church teaching, it would seem this paragraph is saying that single state is a valid form of living, and it is not better or worse than any other state if a person should follow that calling. Most people are probably either called to married or religious life (although off-hand I don’t know of a magisterial text that asserts that - just my anecdotal observation), but that doesn’t mean the single life is not a valid calling for some. Ultimately, you will serve God best by following that state to which you are called.

As well, it is possible that God could call you in this sort of way: “Domiy, you will please Me if you follow either married, religious, or single life.”
 
Compendium issued by Pope Benedict XVI

342. Are all obliged to get married?

1618-1620

Matrimony is not an obligation for everyone, especially since God calls some men and women to follow the Lord Jesus in a life of virginity or of celibacy for the sake of the Kingdom of Heaven. These renounce the great good of Matrimony to concentrate on the things of the Lord and seek to please him. They become a sign of the absolute supremacy of Christ’s love and of the ardent expectation of his glorious return.

vatican.va/archive/compendium_ccc/documents/archive_2005_compendium-ccc_en.html
 
Be continue be open the the various ways of living the Christian life …and even get to know some solid Catholic girls as friends.
 
Bookcat said:
Compendium issued by Pope Benedict XVI

342. Are all obliged to get married?

1618-1620

Matrimony is not an obligation for everyone, especially since God calls some men and women to follow the Lord Jesus in a life of virginity or of celibacy for the sake of the Kingdom of Heaven. These renounce the great good of Matrimony to concentrate on the things of the Lord and seek to please him. They become a sign of the absolute supremacy of Christ’s love and of the ardent expectation of his glorious return.

vatican.va/archive/compendium_ccc/documents/archive_2005_compendium-ccc_en.html
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Ooo, a much better reference! 😃
 
Fone_Bone_2001 said:
No, it is not wrong to remain unmarried. I

(A) Marriage and priesthood aren’t your only options. The religious life is very much an option as well: you could look into joining a religious order and becoming either a monk or a friar.
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There are also other paths which encourage a celibate life for Lay people. The first and most obvious example would be “The Prelature of the Holy Cross and Opus Dei”
They have both celibate and married members. - all of whom live in the world - and strive to sanctify ordinary life.

As the person who quoted from the Catechism pointed out:
Chastity and Celibacy are not the same thing.
Celibacy is the state of being unmarried. A vow of Celibacy requires you to remain in that state permanently.
“Continence” in the language of the church is avoiding sexual contact. both with other people and also self-stimulation. it is possible to be Married and Continent - as St. Joseph and Mary did.
Chastity is the Virtue of maintaining a mind and body which are in keeping with Gods plan for Sexuality. A married man and woman are not being unchaste when they consummate their marriage… but a courting couple who ask the question “how far can we go without sinning” are not living this virtue.

All Christians are called to the Virtue of Chastity. - it is primarily a virtue of the mind. It is the opposite of the “Cardinal Vice” of Luse - also a state of the mind.
 
No, it is not a sin to never get married, but if man is inclined to commit sins by not marrying then he should marry; as God has given man the option. But if one does not marry he should remain chaste, which the Catechism of the Catholic Church spells out.

Genesis 2:18-25 shows where God created woman for man as his wife.

Though some may be called to not marry, as in 1 Corinthians 7:8-9 states: “But I say to the unmarried and to widows that it is good for them if they remain even as I. But if they do not have self-control, let them marry; for it is better to marry than to burn with passion.”
 
If you’ve discerned through prayer and with a spiritual director that God’s will is for you to remain single and never marry, how would that ever be considered a sin?
 
As the others have said, it is not wrong or sinful to never get married. Some are called to the married life. Some are called to the priesthood or religious life, Some are called to the single life. However, the most important part to determine what YOU are called to. And one way to discover this is to discern.

This is where I have problems myself. How do I know what I am called to do? There have been times when I have felt called to the married life (and I contemplated it this last year when I was in a somewhat serious relationship). There have also been times when I felt called to the religious life. But sometimes it’s so easy to forget that there is that third option: remaining single. Like you, I have found living the single life as a time to find myself (part of the reason for my username :cool:) and to try to become a better person. But I have also found living the single life as a great time to discern whether I am called to be married, to be religious, or to be single.

But no matter what you are called to, I wish you good luck. 👍

Prayer of Vocations (from the Diocese of Lacrosse, WI)
Heavenly Father,
Bless your church with an abundance of holy and zealous priests, deacons, brothers, and sisters.
Give those you have called to the married state and those you have chosen to live as single persons in the world, the special graces that their lives require.
Form us all in the likeness of your Son, so that in Him, with Him, and through Him we may love you more deeply and serve you more faithfully, always and everywhere.
With Mary we ask this through Christ our Lord. Amen.

God Bless,
Stacey
 
sllhouette said:
The idea that you have to have some feeling in order to become a priest or religious is a little silly to me. Sure, you have to want the life But I think all Catholics are created for the religious life just as all people are made for marriage. To say it simply, you are called. The only question is, What do you want to do?

That aside, What you say about relationships tells me that you have a few issues that you need to work through for your own good. I speak from experience here, I am 25 and have been through a three year relationship that ended in deep frustration. I didn’t know it at the time, but she had hurt me very badly. I had to work thorough that and… it takes time.

I know the experience of being around immature girls. I have found that I am far more comfortable and happy around women who are just a little bit older. The women who are 27-30 (IN GENERAL) are more respectful, patient and kind.

As to whether being single is a sin, I would say not implicitly. Don’t worry so much about the future. You are in a good place right now. If you don’t think marriage is the appropriate way to go in life, then don’t. If you don’t think that religious life is the appropriate way to go in life, then don’t. What you should do is love God with all your heart, mind, soul, and strength and love your neighbor as yourself. If you do that every day of your life you will certainly not be in sin.
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Me, personally (and I’d stress this very heavily having spoken/researched/discerned a lot on the matter, but no expert of course), I believe that to become an ordained priest, that person setting a standard for so many people, transforming bread into Christ’s living flesh on your own bare hands, giving advice to people on such deep troubling issues & being solely concerned with God and the church without any temptation or ability for worldly desire or wealth is a HUGE responsibility. In that, living that way with such a view on life should not be a burden to whoever decides to do it, which is exactly why I feel that it takes a special calling from God’s great will to take up the role so fully. It takes an unprecedented amount of discipline and spiritual closeness, one which (I dare say) most people lack (no offense, but none of us are perfect). I’ve heard of priests who have gone mind-crazy and ended up in institutions (God bless them) from their lifestyle demands. Most priests I talk to, however, will always hint or reveal a very deep sense of challenge or emotional experience from their past which called them to take the path of priesthood, which all supports that it is likely in no way a decision, but a blessing of ability and/or calling from God. That’s my view, at least (and that of my entire parish and community).

And I’d agree with your comments on my emotional health. I admit I am in no way as healthy as I used to be. More spiritually aware and experienced, no doubt, but definitely my overall wellbeing both physically and emotionally is inferior compared to about a year or so ago when my life was (seemingly) more simple and without worry, guilt or shame (all of which have taken a heavy load on my shoulders ever since I went through my whole frustrating breakup/discernment/crisis period). I’d say I have probably hit a mini mid-life crisis, the worst of which is probably over. Although it was my own choice to end my long-term relationship with my ex-girlfriend (which did eventually lead to so much anguish/guilt on my side), I feel the whole experience did change me, and I’m still in the process of gradually making good of the situation (sometimes God lets us suffer to strengthen us, I guess). Or, while were on the issue, my radical alteraion of views and opinions and dating could indeed be a gateway to a message from God. I don’t know, as I said I’m still in the very gradual process of establishing and piecing together everything (as you also mentioned), but yeah you are right, I’d say it probably is an issue since I’m quite amazed at myself that truly when I think about it, the concept of marriage and dating is just not at all a desire of my own. God Bless.
 
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