Is it wrong that I don't like anyone using my stuff?

[dje101]

I know it might sound like a stupid question, but its something I’d like your opinion about.

My family sometimes accuses me of being selfish because (in this particular circumstance) I don’t like my family members using my laptop, whether I’m home or not and whether or not they ask for permission. I don’t like them using it because I got the computer for a graduation present in '07 and it continues to work well. My family on the other hand, has gone through 3 or 4 in that time. I feel that they don’t treat their things very well and so I don’t like them using my things. Is this wrong? Should I just suck it up and let them use my computer?

 

[Tietjen]

I know it might sound like a stupid question, but its something I’d like your opinion about.

My family sometimes accuses me of being selfish because (in this particular circumstance) I don’t like my family members using my laptop, whether I’m home or not and whether or not they ask for permission. I don’t like them using it because I got the computer for a graduation present in '07 and it continues to work well. My family on the other hand, has gone through 3 or 4 in that time. I feel that they don’t treat their things very well and so I don’t like them using my things. Is this wrong? Should I just suck it up and let them use my computer?

IMHO, it depends on who the borrower is. Parents or a spouse won’t bother me in the slightest. Siblings, if they were responsible, would be okay with me too. All other would have to have a $500 deposit in hand.

 

[Ms_Manners]

I think you’re not being selfish without reason.
I am particular about my things, and I am cautious with people who do not value their things enough to be careful with them and keep doing the same things to destroy their property.

But you may be a little too cautious if you never even let them touch it.
Can you agree on some things they will not do, some sites they will not visit or things they cannot download? (For example illegal downloads from suspicious sites, phishing, or pornography, if you think it may be an issue.)
There are settings to control some things on computers, so maybe you can use them to make sure your computer stays safe, or you can ask someone to help you with that.
You can make an additional account for them, not admin, which will limit their use to what you agree.
There are many things you can try before you completely forbid them to touch your computer.

If all else really fails, you can use passwords and programs to keep them out of your computer when you are not around.

 

[Trishie]

I do think that a person should ask permission before using someone else’s property.
We always do so in our family, and take extra care of someone else’s property…and respect their rules regarding it. Those are reasonable requirements I think.
As it was a gift and as the family may be less than careful, I can understand the sense of injustice that you feel.
I don’t see why you should allow others to use your computer for trivial reasons, for games and entertainment, nor should they, I think, download anything onto your computer that causes any risk. If there was an urgent assignment and no other computer was available, then it isn’t unreasonable for a family member to ask to use yours, but not without supervision if they cannot be trusted to stick to your reasonable rules.

As the words in the Catechism are sobering in this case, you might have to hope that family will acquire a good computer.

You’ll have to assess for yourself how you interpret these words in the Catechism of the Catholic Church in relation to your family. :

2403 The right to private property, acquired or received in a just way, does not do away with the original gift of the earth to the whole of mankind. The universal destination of goods remains primordial, even if the promotion of the common good requires respect for the right to private property and its exercise.

2404 "In his use of things man should regard the external goods he legitimately owns not merely as exclusive to himself but common to others also, in the sense that they can benefit others as well as himself."188 The ownership of any property makes its holder a steward of Providence, with the task of making it fruitful and communicating its benefits to others, first of all his family. "

vatican.va/archive/ccc_css/archive/catechism/p3s2c2a7.htm

Respect for the goods of others

2408 The seventh commandment forbids theft, that is, usurping another’s property against the reasonable will of the owner. There is no theft if consent can be presumed or if refusal is contrary to reason and the universal destination of goods. This is the case in obvious and urgent necessity when the only way to provide for immediate, essential needs (food, shelter, clothing . . .) is to put at one’s disposal and use the property of others.191 "

 

[TheRealJuliane]

I know it might sound like a stupid question, but its something I’d like your opinion about.

My family sometimes accuses me of being selfish because (in this particular circumstance) I don’t like my family members using my laptop, whether I’m home or not and whether or not they ask for permission. I don’t like them using it because I got the computer for a graduation present in '07 and it continues to work well. My family on the other hand, has gone through 3 or 4 in that time. I feel that they don’t treat their things very well and so I don’t like them using my things. Is this wrong? Should I just suck it up and let them use my computer?

I think your family members are being extremely rude to appropriate your computer, especially if they don’t ask you or if you aren’t present to give permission. That is your property and they are in effect, trespassing. It was a gift and therefore, it belongs to you. I’d put a password on it and lock everything down.

 

[runningdude]

Put passwords on all the accounts, and leave it in your room when you’re out so they’re not tripping over it. If you’ve graduated high school, you’re an adult now, and don’t have to let them abuse your computer.

 

[garn9173]

I think your family members are being extremely rude to appropriate your computer, especially if they don’t ask you or if you aren’t present to give permission. That is your property and they are in effect, trespassing. It was a gift and therefore, it belongs to you. I’d put a password on it and lock everything down.

Agreed.

 

[NiceMimi]

Your family has already proven that they can’t take care of things. Don’t allow them to use it. As someone said, put in a password and lock down your computer.

 

[Julia_Mae]

I know it might sound like a stupid question, but its something I’d like your opinion about.

My family sometimes accuses me of being selfish because (in this particular circumstance) I don’t like my family members using my laptop, whether I’m home or not and whether or not they ask for permission. I don’t like them using it because I got the computer for a graduation present in '07 and it continues to work well. My family on the other hand, has gone through 3 or 4 in that time. I feel that they don’t treat their things very well and so I don’t like them using my things. Is this wrong? Should I just suck it up and let them use my computer?

I wouldn’t. There’s a difference between selfish and sensibly protecting your stuff. Speaking of which: BACK UP.

srsly

 

[Delaine75]

If it’s just for socializing or leisure activity, I don’t see why there would be a problem with you telling them not to use it. However, if it’s for school or business or something productive, perhaps you could offer to look something up for them or have them use your laptop while you’re sitting there beside them.

Personally, I wouldn’t care because material things like that are replaceable. Granted, not cheaply, but maybe they’d be more careful with your things than with their own.

 

[Catholic1954]

If they can’t take care of their own computers, there is no reason for you to turn yours over to them for the same treatment.

 

[Cristiano]

Who is the family? If it is your parents then you let them use it as long as you live with them. It is called courtesy and willing to make sacrifices for others, even if they are bad with their own computers, just keep a backup handy. They are already doing a lot for you.
If it is your siblings then, unless it is an emergency, you should not let them use your machine because they need to learn how to be responsible with their own stuff, just remember that negligence and poor management on their side does not make things an emergency.

 

[dje101]

I think your family members are being extremely rude to appropriate your computer, especially if they don’t ask you or if you aren’t present to give permission. That is your property and they are in effect, trespassing. It was a gift and therefore, it belongs to you. I’d put a password on it and lock everything down.

I kind of did put a password on it. Since I am the only user, I only had my account on it, which meant admin abilities and all. I changed my account password and opened up the guest profile so they can’t do anything that requires admin permission.

 

[dje101]

Who is the family? If it is your parents then you let them use it as long as you live with them. It is called courtesy and willing to make sacrifices for others, even if they are bad with their own computers, just keep a backup handy. They are already doing a lot for you.
If it is your siblings then, unless it is an emergency, you should not let them use your machine because they need to learn how to be responsible with their own stuff, just remember that negligence and poor management on their side does not make things an emergency.

Yeah, it pretty much is just my parents, although I know that my brother-in-law is getting on it when they come over for a little bit. I know they are doing a lot to help me. I just don’t like them using my computer because, like I said, they’ve already thrown through four. I’ve been trying my best to just kind of suck it up. The frustrating thing is when my mom will say “oh its just going to be for 15 or 20 minutes”, and I come out like 60-90 minutes later and she’s still on it, and the fact that I know they’ve been using it without telling me while I’m at work.

 

[dje101]

If it’s just for socializing or leisure activity, I don’t see why there would be a problem with you telling them not to use it. However, if it’s for school or business or something productive, perhaps you could offer to look something up for them or have them use your laptop while you’re sitting there beside them.

Personally, I wouldn’t care because material things like that are replaceable. Granted, not cheaply, but maybe they’d be more careful with your things than with their own.

Its a mix of things. My mom is trying to do a little side business thing with arts and crafts, so every night she has new photos that she just HAS to upload right then. And then there’s facebook.

 

[Cristiano]

Yeah, it pretty much is just my parents, although I know that my brother-in-law is getting on it when they come over for a little bit. I know they are doing a lot to help me. I just don’t like them using my computer because, like I said, they’ve already thrown through four. I’ve been trying my best to just kind of suck it up. The frustrating thing is when my mom will say “oh its just going to be for 15 or 20 minutes”, and I come out like 60-90 minutes later and she’s still on it, and the fact that I know they’ve been using it without telling me while I’m at work.

I think that you are really stuck with that. Your only solution is for you become skilled in managing computers. You can setup different accounts and limit what guests can do with their own accounts. You can set up your computer with two completely different operating systems. There is a lot that can be easily done instead of denying access to the computer. If you feel that you can manage computers let us know and we will try to help you. However, that will not solve the poor manners of some people, you have to talk to them and to address the issue face to face because this is a non technical problem. Is your laptop necessary for your work? if the answer is yes than you have a pretty darn good reason to keep everybody off.

 

[runningdude]

Its a mix of things. My mom is trying to do a little side business thing with arts and crafts, so every night she has new photos that she just HAS to upload right then. And then there’s facebook.

Pickup a $300 “family” computer at Walmart, and keep your laptop physically out of reach.

 

[Catholic80]

I know it might sound like a stupid question, but its something I’d like your opinion about.

My family sometimes accuses me of being selfish because (in this particular circumstance) I don’t like my family members using my laptop, whether I’m home or not and whether or not they ask for permission. I don’t like them using it because I got the computer for a graduation present in '07 and it continues to work well. My family on the other hand, has gone through 3 or 4 in that time. I feel that they don’t treat their things very well and so I don’t like them using my things. Is this wrong? Should I just suck it up and let them use my computer?

There is nothing wrong with wanting your things treated with respect.

In a religious community, everything is shared by the community, but everyone is expected to treat objects carefully. That’s actually a way of living out poverty. If one is poor, they cannot just go and buy another 3 or 4 laptops!

I think it’s admirable that you take care of your things. If you know that one of your siblings is irresponsible and will not take care of it, then there is nothing wrong with not letting them use it and telling them why you won’t let them use it. (Don’t do this in a rude way, because that would be wrong) But, use this as a teaching opportunity to help them learn to respect their things as well as others’ possessions.