Is it wrong to be engaged multiple times?

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Theoretically, no. Practically, the answer is probably yes. Of course, there’s the Book of Tobit where the lady is engaged multiple times only to have a demon kill her husband on their wedding night, so that’s a case where it isn’t wrong. And then we have to define what is meant by multiple?

If someone was engaged 10 times, yeah, I think most people would say he/she needs to work on discernment.
 
Of course not!

That is, unless you mean multiple times at the same time! :eek: 😉
 
I for one would be a little concerned. Especially if the number if times was more than 2 or 3 and if the engagements were back to back to back.
 
It’s infinitely better than being briefly married multiple times! Still, just like being briefly married, being engaged without being married is a situation that bears examination after the fact. Any landing you walk away from is a good one, but the wise would ask themselves how it was they found themselves on the tarmac but never let the plane take off. Good or bad, the answers to that kind of a question are extremely important!!

Unless a person willfully ignored prudence, hurt their fiance without cause, or something of that nature, it is not a sin to abort a planned marriage. Even if the person had done something wrong, it is highly unlikely that going through with the marriage would have done anything but compounded the error.
 
I would be quite suspicios of a man who had that kind of history. But on the other hand it is better than marrying and divorcing multiple times. So I can’t say it is wrong but it doesn’t exactly seem right either. Does this attempt of an answer make any sense at all? :o
 
Contra_Mundum said:
I would be quite suspicios of a man who had that kind of history. But on the other hand it is better than marrying and divorcing multiple times. So I can’t say it is wrong but it doesn’t exactly seem right either. Does this attempt of an answer make any sense at all? :o
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Yes, it does.

I think what everybody is saaying can be summed up as follows. There is nothing intrinsically wrong with being engaged multiple times. However, If someone has been engaged multiple times it could very easily be a sign that there is something wrong. Perhaps the person is not mature enough for marriage, or does not correctly understand what is entailed in a relationship etc.
 
It’s hard to say.

It seems like you would have to look at the people involved in each relationship.

Some people don’t have a strong compass when it comes to choosing good people in their life. Multiple engagements for a person who habitually makes a wrong choice would be good because then the person wouldn’t be stuck in a bad situation.

Some people have been struck by tragedy multiple times.

Some people get scared of the lifelong commitment they marriage entails.

It is impossible to condemn or condone multiple engagements because you have to look at each relationship on a case by case basis.

I don’t condemn or congratulate someone who ends up getting engaged more than a couple times. I pray that in any situation, respect for the sacredness of the marriage sacrament is taken into account.
 
thewanderer said:
Yes, it does.

I think what everybody is saaying can be summed up as follows. There is nothing intrinsically wrong with being engaged multiple times. However, If someone has been engaged multiple times it could very easily be a sign that there is something wrong. Perhaps the person is not mature enough for marriage, or does not correctly understand what is entailed in a relationship etc.
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Or…
Perhaps the person has a big secret and waits until after the engagement to tell it. :eek:
 
smiddle said:
Whether you are a man/woman.
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Yes, I would say a person is not using discernment to get to the point of engagement and then not go through with marriage. Something is wrong. It might need counseling if a person cannot finally commit, or it might need spiritual direction if a person is taking engagement too casually. Hard to tell without more information. Dating does not necessarily lead to engagement unless discernment has been quite intense. Families should also be involved.
 
MtnDwellar said:
Or…
Perhaps the person has a big secret and waits until after the engagement to tell it. :eek:
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Yes, there are all sorts of reasons why engagements end. Which is why its never proof of an underlying problem, bu it can be an indicator. 🙂
 
thewanderer said:
Yes, there are all sorts of reasons why engagements end. Which is why its never proof of an underlying problem, bu it can be an indicator. 🙂
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Still, it is a far less serious indicator than a series of brief unsuccessful marriages.
 
This is something that I worry about a lot. I am young and engaged for the second time. Both times I was in love, fully committed, and ready to share my life with my future husband. However, the first time around my fiance came out as gay. Because I’m so young I worry that I may be seen as someone who can’t commit and just rushes in to things. But both relationships lasted several years, my family was supportive of both, and both men were wonderful people. But I do feel a sense of shame and often go so far as to hide or even lie about the first one.
 
BlueEyedLady said:
This is something that I worry about a lot. I am young and engaged for the second time. Both times I was in love, fully committed, and ready to share my life with my future husband. However, the first time around my fiance came out as gay. Because I’m so young I worry that I may be seen as someone who can’t commit and just rushes in to things. But both relationships lasted several years, my family was supportive of both, and both men were wonderful people. But I do feel a sense of shame and often go so far as to hide or even lie about the first one.
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Anyone who thinks less of you for that is being ridiculously judgemental. Two engagements is not enough for it to look bad, especially if both relationships lasted several years and only one of them failed. When an engagement is called off it is all too often only because of one of the people involved. Which is why it should take more than one failed engagement to make someone wary. I could maybe see people wondering about it if your current engagement were to fall through (not that I think it will), but anybody can go through one failed engagement without having done anything wrong. I am sorry that you are so worried about being judged because of this. I would like to think that its such an obvious matter that no one would judge you the worse for it… but knowing humanity I just can’t quite convince myself that its true. 😦
 
thewanderer said:
Anyone who thinks less of you for that is being ridiculously judgemental. Two engagements is not enough for it to look bad, especially if both relationships lasted several years and only one of them failed. When an engagement is called off it is all too often only because of one of the people involved. Which is why it should take more than one failed engagement to make someone wary. I could maybe see people wondering about it if your current engagement were to fall through (not that I think it will), but anybody can go through one failed engagement without having done anything wrong. I am sorry that you are so worried about being judged because of this. I would like to think that its such an obvious matter that no one would judge you the worse for it… but knowing humanity I just can’t quite convince myself that its true. 😦
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:amen:
 
EasterJoy said:
Still, it is a far less serious indicator than a series of brief unsuccessful marriages.
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Yeah, but first of all a series of marriages almost certainly means unavailability, as in, already married, off limits. This is something people should remember before they allow themselves to become infatuated.
 
It all depends why the engagement ends. Maybe someone just has bad luck and their fiance is dies in a car accident.

With that being said however, I have always preferred men who have been single most of their lives to approach me as opposed to men who have had a lot of girlfriends. Someone who just can’t be single makes me feel used. Like he just wants a girlfriend for status.

CM
 
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