Is it wrong to feel lonely?

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GreyRabbit

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I know we’re supposed to find our way in God, to God, and for God.

But… I’ve been so depressed for the longest time… I’m always praying for help or just to thank Him for all the blessings I know and don’t know of. But I don’t hear Him at all, I don’t feel Him. Even after I go to confession, even after recieving communion, happiness doesn’t last long. Maybe it’s just a spiritual dry spell… but I’ve had it for so long.

I’m also just really really lonely. And that bugs me. Cuz if we have God then what else do we need right? I just…I just want some friends, who are Catholic, who are my age, who don’t ask anything more of me but friendship, whom I can confide in, hang with, hug and be hugged. Is that wrong? Is it wrong to feel so lonely in this world filled with people and a wonderful Creator?

I’ve got some internet friends, but its not the same. And there are some people who are trying to be friendly, but I can’t trust them because they like me, and I dont like them back, I mean, not in that way. I can’t help but be annoyed by their immaturity, but of course that’s mean of me, and I shouldn’t think that way. And I could never tell them that.

I feel absolutely wretched. There are people out there in worst situations than I am, and here I am complaining…

I live at the least an hour away from family, work and my college schedule (16 units-5 classes) doesn’t make time for virtually anything.

Plus, my brother is going through such hard times, I’m scared it’ll take toll on his marriage. It really hit my parents hard when this thing happened, and they’re barely able to cope. We’ve been praying, definately. But my brother won’t talk to me, maybe because he’s embarrassed. His wife wont either, and they also won’t talk to mom. If anything, they’ll talk to dad, but it hurts. We used to confide…at least…before he got married and moved away.

For the longest time, I knew what I wanted to do, what I wanted to go to school for, but now, I’m totally lost. I don’t know what I’m supposed to do anymore.

I pray, and I’ll never stop praying. But I don’t hear Him. I’ve got so much to be thankful for, I know that. At the same time though, there’s so much going on… I walk around campus and its so superficial…ah I don’t know what I’m saying anymore.

Geez I feel so pathetic. But if nothing else, I’m glad to have said this… shakes head with a wry grin It feels like a diary entry or something. I’ve never said any of this to anybody, and to say it to complete strangers…well…I guess its okay cuz no one really knows anyone here.

Anyways, no one need comment on this. I just, wanted to have somebody listen without judging.

Thanks alot, I really appreciate!

Cheers
GreyRabbit
 
I don’t have any great words of wisdom for you, but please be assured that I will pray for you tonight!
 
listened to you… 🙂

no judging … always there for you…
God bless…🙂
 
GreyRabbit,

I don’t think it’s wrong to feel lonely. I think it’s human. We were made by God with human emotions, and loneliness is one of them. It comes with the package. I think you’re experiencing guilt for having some bad emotions and wondering if feeling this way inherently means you don’t appreciate all the blessings you’ve been given by God.

I feel this way sometimes too. And I ask God for forgiveness, because I fear that maybe I’m indulging myself somehow by allowing myself to feel it, and by asking for help from above. Instead of living in a state of gratitude, which I know I should.

Forgive me if you truly did not want any comments at all… just wanted to let you know you’re not alone… you’re not the only one who has these feelings… and it will get better!

And when you get don’t answers, or you wonder if maybe you are, you’re just not hearing them… and it seems like so long since you’ve felt you were heard or comforted, I think maybe it’s just a a spiritual lesson in patience. For me it feels that way anyway. A strengthening of your resolve that will ultimately pay off, if you just hang in there.

He will show you joy once again… it may take time… it may be hard to understand and not question… but He will. And knowing and believing and having faith in that - is half the battle 🙂

Bless you GreyRabbit… we are here for you, and I will include you in my prayers!
 
you can try getting involved with your college. Groups like the Newman Center might be good for you. While there surely might still be immature people in the Newman Center and some Newman Centers might not have much better morals than the rest of the school, it still would be a good place to start or for that matter some sort of group involved with your church.
 
Dear GreyRabbit,

I know exactly how you feel.

I would dearly love to have Catholic friends, but having made effort after effort at joining groups at my parish, doing the donut Sunday thing, praying at Communion and in fact receiving what I perceived to be an immediate answer of “NO” to my prayer … seems like it ain’t gonna happen.

For some reason, Methodists like me just fine. Maybe I’m supposed to hang out with and be an example for them … but these Methodists sure don’t give me the same kind of support that a practicing Catholic loyal to the Pope and the Teachings of the Church would.

If you practice your Catholic faith openly, perhaps our society’s cultural hostility towards Catholics is a factor. (Including the hostility of liberal Catholics towards those who follow the Pope.) You can be very very unpopular simply for loving Christ and that love happening to show as you go about your daily life. In which case, stay on the path, rejoice and be glad, for your reward will be great in Heaven.

~~ the phoenix
 
Growing up does hurt, this is normal, you feel a sense of
alienation from your family right now, but it will pass. You must also SLEEP. If you don’t get enough sleep, it is impossible for your brain to produce a chemical that makes the emotion “happiness” possible. You might as well get 8 hrs. a night for
the next week, and see if this doesn’t clear your thinking. You
can analyze something to death, but it’s hard to think clearly
under a lack of sleep.
 
GreyRabbit said:
I’m also just really really lonely. And that bugs me. Cuz if we have God then what else do we need right? I just…I just want some friends, who are Catholic, who are my age, who don’t ask anything more of me but friendship, whom I can confide in, hang with, hug and be hugged. Is that wrong? Is it wrong to feel so lonely in this world filled with people and a wonderful Creator?
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No, it’s not wrong to desire and find joy in friends. If it were, married people would be in a pinch. 🙂 Jesus cherished the friendship of Martha, Mary, and Lazarus. In fact, he wept at the death of Lazarus.

It takes awhile to find and build true friendship, for true friendship is built on mutual charity. And charity is willing to another his proper good. So it does take some time to find someone who truly loves you as you are and not just because of some emotional or other satisfaction such a one finds in you. In other words, friendship can’t be based on just liking you.
GreyRabbit said:
I can’t help but be annoyed by their immaturity, but of course that’s mean of me, and I shouldn’t think that way. And I could never tell them that.
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Just a thought… Perhaps you shouldn’t focus so much on finding friends specifically your age. I find that the people to whom I can most relate and find most satisfying to be with are typically older than I am (I’m 21). Their maturity level is higher and they are not so focused on how attractive or interesting I might be; in fact, they thoroughly enjoy a friendship with a younger person because it gives them a chance to give (in the sense of sacrifice) of themselves for another. Happiness comes in self-giving, and I think maturer people appreciate the giving aspect of friendship and not just the receiving aspect. 🙂
GreyRabbit said:
But my brother won’t talk to me, maybe because he’s embarrassed. His wife wont either, and they also won’t talk to mom. If anything, they’ll talk to dad, but it hurts. We used to confide…at least…before he got married and moved away.
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Too bad, really. Siblings ought always to be friends; of course, your brother’s first friend has to be his wife, but I see no reason why he should drop a brotherly friendship with you. Too bad…

Maria
 
May God’s peace, love and mercy be with you all!

We may feel lonely but we are never alone. I have read once that it is in these moments of desolation, difficulties that God is most closest to us. We just have to constantly and totally trust in Him knowing that He will never leave us.

In these moments of loneliness, let us reflect on the loneliness and agony that Our Good Lord Jesus suffered in the garden of Gethsemani, and unite and offer our very own sufferings to His sufferings on the Cross in that way our very own loneliness, difficulties, dryness, aridity becomes redemptive, meaningful, and with a purpose.

If you are having difficulty finding Catholic friends in your area, you can join the young adults group that your parish or other parishes offer. If there is none, you may want to approach the priest in your parish and have a young adult group/ ministry started since you and many other young adults are feeling the same way and wanting the same thing - true friendship built on the solid foundation of Christ, with fidelity to Him, His holy Catholic Church and its teachings. A selfless, chaste, pure and divine love for each other.

Maybe God is calling you to help start that young adult group so that you and others will have support and be strengthened in your journey to come closer to God. You can achieve this by incorporating the fun, wholesome activities with the sacramental life. Some have bowling, pizza, camping trips etc.

There are also young adult groups here in our diocese that have started the Theology on Tap. They invite a different speaker each time (usually a priest) to talk about different topics such as Theology of the Body etc. They do it while having dinner in a restaurant.

Pray about it…

Today, on this feast of the Divine Mercy, may we all take advantage of the great love and mercy that Our Good Lord Jesus bestows on us.

May we unceasingly glorify His endless love and mercy for us! God bless!

Blessed be Jesus and Mary!
 
Thank you everyone, thank you so very much. I don’t know what else to say. Thank you.
 
MTD said:
Just a thought… Perhaps you shouldn’t focus so much on finding friends specifically your age. I find that the people to whom I can most relate and find most satisfying to be with are typically older than I am (I’m 21). Their maturity level is higher and they are not so focused on how attractive or interesting I might be; in fact, they thoroughly enjoy a friendship with a younger person because it gives them a chance to give (in the sense of sacrifice) of themselves for another. Happiness comes in self-giving, and I think maturer people appreciate the giving aspect of friendship and not just the receiving aspect. 🙂
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i am this way too… i tend to gravitate toward older people and actually right now, all my good friends are older than me by many years… they have so much to give and help me grow so much…
 
“Lonliness is God’s invitation to be intimate with Him.”
~St. Augustine
🙂
 
Ovenbird03 said:
“Lonliness is God’s invitation to be intimate with Him.” ~St. Augustine:)
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How true it is! I have never heard of this quote before but I have certainly experienced this quote.

I have been with my current Parish over 20 years. As we all know, Catholics attend Mass for worship, not for socializing. Every Sunday, our family goes to church and go home. Other than shaking hands for peace greetings, we don’t talk to anyone, no one took initiative talking to us either. For years I was so lonely on my spiritual journey. I prayed for a spiritual friend in my daily life but God’s answer is “NO”.

Without any friend sharing my faith, the extreme spiritual loneliness pushed me to seek spirituality with various readings, and frequent prayers. There was a long period of time I finish one new book every week. I listen to tapes and I pray whenever I can.

Looking back, I am grateful how the Holy Spirit has drawn me close to Him and guided me for developing an intimate relationship with God. Now, being in solitude with God becomes my favorite thing.

Interesting enough is after the development of intimacy with God, I started to know many people in my Church and become less lonely than before. I am still lack of a good spiritual friend in my daily life, but at least I have people to say “Hi” to and I can now chat with them briefly in church.
 
It’s not wrong to feel lonely. I think Jesus felt lonely on the cross or how else do we interpret, “My God, My God, why have you left Me?” Despair is wrong, however, so we shouldn’t despair. We shouldn’t doubt God’s mercy.

Will pray for you in a moment.
 
***I know we’re supposed to find our way in God, to God, and for God.

But… I’ve been so depressed for the longest time… I’m always praying for help or just to thank Him for all the blessings I know and don’t know of. But I don’t hear Him at all, I don’t feel Him. Even after I go to confession, even after recieving communion, happiness doesn’t last long. Maybe it’s just a spiritual dry spell… but I’ve had it for so long.

I’m also just really really lonely. And that bugs me. Cuz if we have God then what else do we need right? I just…I just want some friends, who are Catholic, who are my age, who don’t ask anything more of me but friendship, whom I can confide in, hang with, hug and be hugged. Is that wrong? Is it wrong to feel so lonely in this world filled with people and a wonderful Creator?

I’ve got some internet friends, but its not the same. And there are some people who are trying to be friendly, but I can’t trust them because they like me, and I dont like them back, I mean, not in that way. I can’t help but be annoyed by their immaturity, but of course that’s mean of me, and I shouldn’t think that way. And I could never tell them that.

I feel absolutely wretched. There are people out there in worst situations than I am, and here I am complaining.***

i know you brother I’ve been there over thirty years, same feelings same rottenness same nothingness all the same and yet love God to the max.
I would love to write but you have said you only want people to read, Kool, no problems. If you would let me write, then I would love to. Love you brother
God bless
littleone
 
MTD said:
Just a thought… Perhaps you shouldn’t focus so much on finding friends specifically your age. I find that the people to whom I can most relate and find most satisfying to be with are typically older than I am (I’m 21). Their maturity level is higher and they are not so focused on how attractive or interesting I might be; in fact, they thoroughly enjoy a friendship with a younger person because it gives them a chance to give (in the sense of sacrifice) of themselves for another. Happiness comes in self-giving, and I think maturer people appreciate the giving aspect of friendship and not just the receiving aspect. 🙂
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Ditto, I’m 17 and I enjoy the company of people significantly older and younger than me more than those my age. i feel like I’m being judged around kids my age. I’ve felt that way my whole life! I’m praying for you.
 
I’m a loner by nature. I sometimes get lonely, but I try to get over it. I’d love to join some social groups at Church, but they seem to get taken over by apparition chasers. Maybe I should have been an anchoress;)
 
Dear GreyRabit,

Loneliness is one of the most common situations in our lives. Sometimes we desire more friends, a romantic relationship, more time with family… We weren’t “designed” to spend our lives alone, but there are moments and situations that come and we don’t know what to do with them.

There is nothing wrong in your desires. Don’t feel guilty about what you want, what you feel and how you think things could be better, and be sure that God isn’t mad at you at all because of your feelings and desires. He understands. He experimented loneliness himself in the cross, the most painful moments in his 33-years life. It is good to talk about your feelings and situations with someone you trust, isn’t there a person like that in your life right now? Also, have you opened your heart to God, with all your fears, your feelings, even if there is a hint of resenment there? Remember the Psalms: David even asked God to kill his enemies!! He didn’t keep anything for himself, he opened his heart and mind to God just as they were and God himself transformed his mind, feelings and life.

Sometimes we can think that saying some things that are in our heart and mind to God is inappropriate and He won’t like us anymore. God knows how we are made of. And if you don’t put before Him all you think feel, want, fear, expect and hope for He can’t transform your heart and mind first, and then your life. It is good to read the Psalms and see how David’s prayer changes during the prayer, he begins with angst and rage and then he finishes with peace in his heart and worshiping the Lord!

Talk to Him about your loneliness, and how much it bothers you now. Try to build a strong relationship with Him, and with time He will provide friends, spiritual advisors, or any company you need and that will be helpful for you. Don’t ask for a great amount of “friends”, but for friends that really are there for you and are willing to help you grow in your path with the Lord, even if they are just a few. Maybe you could find youth groups in your parish or school, and that way you can get to know more people, but remember, even those people we admire the most, sometimes they won’t act as we could have expected, and they can dissapoint us, even if they don’t want to. People are not perfect, but God is.

I understand perfectly how you feel, and now I can say my life is different; He made the job, and that’s why I worship Him. Be not afraid, and offer your loneliness to the Lord, He’ll know what to do with it, but when you offer it to Him, and offer your mind and heart as they are right now, He can transform all of them for your sake and the sake of others around you. Amen!

I wish you the best!!
Isa.
 
Isa1983 said:
Dear GreyRabit,

Loneliness is one of the most common situations in our lives. Sometimes we desire more friends, a romantic relationship, more time with family… We weren’t “designed” to spend our lives alone, but there are moments and situations that come and we don’t know what to do with them.

There is nothing wrong in your desires. Don’t feel guilty about what you want, what you feel and how you think things could be better, and be sure that God isn’t mad at you at all because of your feelings and desires. He understands. He experimented loneliness himself in the cross, the most painful moments in his 33-years life. It is good to talk about your feelings and situations with someone you trust, isn’t there a person like that in your life right now? Also, have you opened your heart to God, with all your fears, your feelings, even if there is a hint of resenment there? Remember the Psalms: David even asked God to kill his enemies!! He didn’t keep anything for himself, he opened his heart and mind to God just as they were and God himself transformed his mind, feelings and life.

Sometimes we can think that saying some things that are in our heart and mind to God is inappropriate and He won’t like us anymore. God knows how we are made of. And if you don’t put before Him all you think feel, want, fear, expect and hope for He can’t transform your heart and mind first, and then your life. It is good to read the Psalms and see how David’s prayer changes during the prayer, he begins with angst and rage and then he finishes with peace in his heart and worshiping the Lord!

Talk to Him about your loneliness, and how much it bothers you now. Try to build a strong relationship with Him, and with time He will provide friends, spiritual advisors, or any company you need and that will be helpful for you. Don’t ask for a great amount of “friends”, but for friends that really are there for you and are willing to help you grow in your path with the Lord, even if they are just a few. Maybe you could find youth groups in your parish or school, and that way you can get to know more people, but remember, even those people we admire the most, sometimes they won’t act as we could have expected, and they can dissapoint us, even if they don’t want to. People are not perfect, but God is.

I understand perfectly how you feel, and now I can say my life is different; He made the job, and that’s why I worship Him. Be not afraid, and offer your loneliness to the Lord, He’ll know what to do with it, but when you offer it to Him, and offer your mind and heart as they are right now, He can transform all of them for your sake and the sake of others around you. Amen!

I wish you the best!!
Isa.
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Great post! Welcome to the forums
 
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