Is it wrong to not give our child a sibling?

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mkipp

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We have a soon to be 4 year old daughter. My wife and I will be 35 this summer, and we are debating if we should have another child. We are regular middle class professionals, and have the space in our house. But, we always worry about the cost of a second child. Also, would it be good for our daughter to have sibling.
 
completely your decision… if you feel its right and it would bring another wonderful creation into this world go for it 🙂
 
As long as you are open to life (not using contraceptives), God decides whether or not you have more children. If he wants you child to have a sibling, your child will have a sibling. It is in God’s hands. 🙂
 
mkipp said:
We have a soon to be 4 year old daughter. My wife and I will be 35 this summer, and we are debating if we should have another child. We are regular middle class professionals, and have the space in our house. But, we always worry about the cost of a second child. Also, would it be good for our daughter to have sibling.
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This isn’t really a moral issue.

Have as many kids as you want.
 
mkipp said:
We have a soon to be 4 year old daughter. My wife and I will be 35 this summer, and we are debating if we should have another child. We are regular middle class professionals, and have the space in our house. But, we always worry about the cost of a second child. Also, would it be good for our daughter to have sibling.
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I really don’t see how the cost is anything that you sound like you need to worry about. You know that people with far less have more children than you have and do just fine.

I know that some people will defend an “only child” and say they grow up just fine. But someday, when you and your wife are no longer around, they will be alone and wishing they had someone that also shared their life experience with them. That is what family is about, after all. My opinion is that it would be good for your daughter to have a sibling. It will teach her family dynamics in a different way. She will grow up to not be the center of everything as well. She is at an age where she does not need the kind of care a baby does. She may even like the idea of a sibling. Have you ever indirectly asked her?

From your past posts, it might be good for all in your family to have more family. It would leave less money to be spent on things that are not needed. It may inspire you to work harder toward saving and less on spending.
 
Kids don’t need us to spend nearly as much money on them as we think we have to. I have two kids (one of which is special needs) and my wife is a stay-at-home-mom. We are doing just fine.

I think the gift of a sibling is a great gift to give a child. 👍 Not that that should be your only consideration of course.
 
" know that some people will defend an “only child” and say they grow up just fine. But someday, when you and your wife are no longer around, they will be alone and wishing they had someone that also shared their life experience with them. That is what family is about, after all. "

I am an only child and could not agree with you more. It was not that my parents didn’t want to have more children, they were both 39 when I was born. My mother suffered 4 miscarriages before having me at 7 1/2 months of pregnancy, so I was the center of their world. She wanted a big family, being one of 12 children herself, but it was not to be. Because my parents were much older than most parents when I was born in 1954, most of my cousins were much older than I was. I was my grandparents youngest grandchild and they doted on me. I had cousins in their 40’s when I was born, and we lived on my grandparents’ farm, so I was one spoiled little girl. I had the attention, the superior education, the material benfits and I turned out quite well and am very successful, but what I don’t have is someone who has shared my early family life and memories.

Now that my parents and most of my family is gone, it can be quite lonely at times. Even though I’ve been married for 33 yrs, my husband and I have no children of our own. I have always envied the companionship my mother had with all her siblings during her life. They remained close and that made all the difference as they aged together. They all lived into their late 90’s and I think that made all the difference to all of them. My mother and her older sister were the last two survivors. When Mom died, my aunt died within two months as well. None of them ever wanted to be the last one left. They truly missed each other and waited to be reunited in Heaven.

Now there are only a few cousins left of a very large and close family. Holidays are very different now than they were back in my grandparents’ farmhouse, with wall to wall family around. Being an only child has many advantages, but just as many disadvantages. If I were your only child, I would want siblings. No amount of toys and financial benefits can ever replace the support and love you get from a sibling.
 
mkipp said:
We have a soon to be 4 year old daughter. My wife and I will be 35 this summer, and we are debating if we should have another child. We are regular middle class professionals, and have the space in our house. But, we always worry about the cost of a second child. Also, would it be good for our daughter to have sibling.
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I think that a christian couple shouldn’t plan a number of children in advance.
We have a right and an obligation to postpone another child (with methods God allowed, of course) if there are circumstances in our lives that require it. But these circumstances may change - therefore the number of desired children may change.
Simply not wanting another child - in my opinion - isn’t a very “Godly” attitude.

P.S. giving your child a brother or a sister is a gift that can’t be replaced with good schools, travels, cars or clothes - it is a treasure that doesn’t rotten!
 
Irishmom2 said:
I know that some people will defend an “only child” and say they grow up just fine. But someday, when you and your wife are no longer around,** they will be alone and wishing they had someone that also shared their life experience with them. That is what family is about, after all.**
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Having siblings won’t guarantee that your child won’t have to deal with life without them.

I have a sibling. When our parents were very sick and dying, my sister didn’t show up until the day that our mother died and the day before the funeral for our dad. She was noticeably absent while they were sick.

My father’s siblings couldn’t be bother to even call while he was sick, nor when he died. My mother’s family was the same.

Having siblings won’t mean they will be around.
 
maryjk said:
Having siblings won’t guarantee that your child won’t have to deal with life without them.

I have a sibling. When our parents were very sick and dying, my sister didn’t show up until the day that our mother died and the day before the funeral for our dad. She was noticeably absent while they were sick.

My father’s siblings couldn’t be bother to even call while he was sick, nor when he died. My mother’s family was the same.

Having siblings won’t mean they will be around.
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This. My sister is a textbook example of this. She disappears on a regular basis and treats her girlfriends more like her sisters then she would me. She is my only sister as well.

To the OP…

I don’t think the cost is nearly what people make it out to be. My husband and I have one income and we’re doing just fine with what we have.
We’re pregnant with number two right now.
Money is something I don’t worry about because God always provides.

While I know that siblings don’t always turn out to be life long friends…I do know that my childhood would have been a whole lot lonelier if I was an only child.

It was wonderful having a built in playmate and be able to have adventures with. Yes, I had other friends…but my sister was my constant companion and it made life that much more fun.
 
mkipp said:
We have a soon to be 4 year old daughter. My wife and I will be 35 this summer, and we are debating if we should have another child. We are regular middle class professionals, and have the space in our house. But, we always worry about the cost of a second child. Also, would it be good for our daughter to have sibling.
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It would be good for that second child to have life;)
 
I have to jump in here. My husband and I had our first child when I was 35. My husband thought one would be fine…and at first I agreed. But while I was still in the hospital resting from childbirth, I was already thinking of having another.😛

I couldn’t imagine my life without my brother. We were so close and had so much fun playing together as kids, I just knew I had to give my child a sibling. I ended up getting pregnant again at 36…and then again at 38. SOOOOOOO happy I have them!!! They play together so wonderfully! I would highly suggest having another child, what a amazing gift to give to your child!
 
First, it s sounds like financially there is no problem so I don’t see why you would be concerned about having another child. As a Catholic, the bottom line is, the only acceptable method to avoid pregnancy is NFP and God takes care of family size.

As for ensuring your daughter will not be alone. Again, God is in the driver’s seat and will put the people she needs in her life, family or not.

When I think of all the siblings that no longer speak to each other or all the people who die at an early age, it is ridiculous to assume having 2 kids ensures they will always have each other

Angie
 
You write as if a pregnancy at 35 is yours to ask for! Obviously, anyone on this side of menopause can expect that pregnancy is possible, but it is never guaranteed. The chances begin to decline very much faster after 35. There are many people who postponed pregnancy who learned this too late.

One of the fundamental reasons for marriage is to welcome and rear children. If you are able, be open to children; do not avoid children in the least unless necessity requires you to do so. Then let God decide if the child you already have is to have a sibling.

Does an only child miss having a sibling? The only children I know missed having a sibling very much, but especially when their parents were in their declining years. The burden on them was very heavy, and they spoke often about how they wished they had siblings, as their spouses did. To have even one person with whom to share those decisions and responsibilities makes a huge difference. So yes, if you can, do it!
 
If you want one, have one. If not, don’t. All I can say is Thank God for my sister. While lives a thousand miles away, we talk every day. I had four children and they’re best friends. It really is fulfilling to watch your children’s relationships grow and mature.
 
I was raised as an only child and hated it.
So I had two children, I didn’t want an only child.
My boys live in two different states and haven’t talked for years.
They rarely talked when they lived 5 miles apart.
So even though they were raised together about 30 months apart, and they defended each other like crazy when they were kids and all that, they are not friends now.
I really hope some day that they might become friends. But I live 2000+ miles from each of them and they probably live 700 miles apart now.
So, no promises from anywhere that they will be close their entire lives.
 
Other only children besides me have already made the points I would in this thread. The few siblinged people with bad experiences to report I feel for, but I don’t think their arguments are enough to sway toward actually trying not to have another child. I am not only an only child myself, but never married and never was a mother, and am past my fertile days for good.

Several of my cousins have died early deaths, and both my parents are gone. Though my mother was in a nursing home after my dad died, there was still plenty of caregiving role for me, which I did not resent but it was a struggle. I visited her every day barring sickness or bad weather, etc., and am so glad I did. There were many difficulties in the estate which had multiple causes and it was quite stressful. My parents might have planned better but also they were trying to help me out in times of need so it just was hard to make it work.

And now with them gone, and I’m not close to my remaining cousins - I’d like to be but they are more in contact with each other and I’m out of the loop - it’s pretty much just me in the world. Due to my only status, I have actually been the one to be most interested in things like genealogy - trying to feel connected. I have family heirlooms and no heirs to pass them onto when I die. 😦 Nor is there anyone to ever share with about growing up in my household with my parents because no one else did. I’m it. (btw it was due to health reasons not to choice that my mom didn’t have a second kid. She and my dad had hoped to.)

But enough about me, didn’t mean to digress so much. Just please don’t let materalistic concerns make you deprive your child of a very potentially life-enriching relationship.
 
I honestly think the best gift you could give your child is a sibling. Every only child I know wishes they had one!
 
mkipp said:
We have a soon to be 4 year old daughter. My wife and I will be 35 this summer, and we are debating if we should have another child. We are regular middle class professionals, and have the space in our house. But, we always worry about the cost of a second child. Also, would it be good for our daughter to have sibling.
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This isn’t really a moral “right or wrong” issue. However, if cost is your main concern, I can tell you that providing your girl with less clothes, toys, and things would be an easy price to pay for a sibling. I’ve fought with all of my siblings and had some hard times as a kid, but I certainly wouldn’t have traded even the most annoying of them for more stuff or a bigger house.
 
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