Is it wrong to not like being single?

[Lost_Wanderer]

I’ve always dreamed of finding that one special girl for me but I’m already in my second year in college and up till now I have never dated. There are times when I’m walking around campus and I see a lot of couples and I just can’t help but feel like a loser. (especially considering the fact that my hobbies totally qualify me as a geek)

Tell me, is it wrong for me to feel sorry for myself for still being single?

 

[Katie1723]

…Tell me, is it wrong for me to feel sorry for myself for still being single?

Personally, I don’t think it’s wrong. We all get thast way once in a while. I do still. When it’s wrong is when we become so preoccupied with it, that that’s all we focus on. When the time is right, the right person will come along. It will happen. And probably when you least expect it. That’s how it happened for me.

Kathy

 

[Belgarion]

Darn it, I hate being single.

Its so annoying.

Of course, I don’t hate it so much that I just go for whoever I can.
I usually try to wait for someone (that being before I was allowed to date) and now I’ve been waiting for someone for a year (since the day I was allowed to date! lol)

But I think there’s nothing wrong with not liking single life.
We each have a vocation, and if we’re truly not happy with being single, then I think God wouldn’t force us to remain that way.
It is very likely that your future spouse will just show up, out of nowhere or out of somewhere, who knows?

But gosh I always feel sorry for myself…lol
I don’t think its wrong, but getting over that feeling might help make things better

 

[Norseman82]

Absolutely not! What is wrong is for anyone to fault you for your discerning that you don’t like being single!

Not everyone can handle lifelong celibacy, and the CCC (paragraph 1603) states that the vocation to marriage (NOT singlehood) is placed in our very nature by the hand of God.

You are only acting within the God-given nature planted in each of us.

 

[Lady_Bug]

Lately it’s the in-thing to promote the heretical idea of the gift of singleness to people who know in their hearts that they don’t have the gift of celibacy. I think that if our great-grandparents and any generations beforehand heard of this false teaching spreading about, they would have laughed at it.

 

[1ke]

I’ve always dreamed of finding that one special girl for me but I’m already in my second year in college and up till now I have never dated.

You have a lot of years ahead of you. Don’t jump off the bridge in despair just yet.

Seriously, right now is the time to focus on your studies and on learning who you are, what it means to be a strong Catholic man, and preparing yourself for your future spouse.

There are times when I’m walking around campus and I see a lot of couples and I just can’t help but feel like a loser. (especially considering the fact that my hobbies totally qualify me as a geek)

Envy is not a virtue. Focus on stengthening yourself in virtue, and you will attract others to you. Focus on OTHERS, through charity endeavors. Be involved in many different things. “Geek” activities are fine, you have to be true to your likes and interests. Don’t try to be someone you aren’t.

Tell me, is it wrong for me to feel sorry for myself for still being single?

Yes, it is.

Get outside yourself and view every day of your singleness as a gift.

If you are looking for a girlfriend to fill up a hole in YOU, then you are looking for the wrong reasons. You have to be 100% content with who you are and your life before you can give to a relationship. A relationship doesn’t make everything magically better, it makes everything harder. Marriage is hard work, it’s a vocation to family, and it’s your job to get yourself, your spouse, and your kids to heaven. It’s wonderful to share your life with another, but it won’t be if you aren’t satisfied with yourself first.

 

[Norseman82]

If you are looking for a girlfriend to fill up a hole in YOU, then you are looking for the wrong reasons. You have to be 100% content with who you are and your life before you can give to a relationship. A relationship doesn’t make everything magically better, it makes everything harder. Marriage is hard work, it’s a vocation to family, and it’s your job to get yourself, your spouse, and your kids to heaven. It’s wonderful to share your life with another, but it won’t be if you aren’t satisfied with yourself first.

Says who? Lesbian feminazi career women at Cosmopolitan magazine? Bunch of rubbsh, if you ask me.

Is it possible to be 100% satisfied and content with one’s self in this life? I doubt it after hearing about what Mother Theresa wrote in her diaries - if she cannot achieve that 100% level of contention, is there any hope for us? Besides, if we could be content all by ourselves, that more than likely means that we could handle lifelong celibacy, and if I could handle lifelong celibacy there is a good chance I would be wearing a collar by now. Remember, ability to handle lifelong celibacy is one of the issues that candidiates for priesthood need to discern, and I think that this male aspect has been largely ignored in the past 30 or so years because many in church leadership don’t want to acknowledge the male viewpoint because they feel the need to bend over backwards to appease the dissenters pushing for women’s ordination.

And as far as the whole “looking for someone else to fill up the hole in you” being wrong, please reread Genesis 2:

The LORD God said: "It is not good for the man to be alone. I will make a suitable partner for him." Do the LORD God formed out of the ground various wild animals and various birds of teh air, and he brought them to the man to see what he would call them; whatever the man called each of them would be its name. The man gave names to all the cattle, all the birds of the air, and all the wild animals; but none of them proved to be the suitable partner for the man.

So the LORD God cast a deep sleep on the man, and while he was asleep, he took out one of his ribs and closed up its place with flesh. The LORD God then built up into a woman the rib that he had taken from the man.When he brought her to the man, the man said:

“This one, at last, is bone of my bones and flesh of my flesh; This one shall be called ‘woman,’ for out of ‘her man’ this one has been taken.”

Genesis 2:18-23

Sounds to me like looking to a spouse to fill a hole is a very biblical concept.

 

[1ke]

Says who? Lesbian feminazi career women at Cosmopolitan magazine? Bunch of rubbsh, if you ask me.

Actually no, they favor sex without commitment.

Is it possible to be 100% satisfied and content with one’s self in this life? I doubt it after hearing about what Mother Theresa wrote in her diaries - if she cannot achieve that 100% level of contention, is there any hope for us?

Marriage is about self-giving and serving the other. A person who is looking to get instead of give will encounter difficulty. A person who is discontent, depressed, or otherwise needing someone else to make them feel better is not able to give in a sacrificial manner.

Besides, if we could be content all by ourselves, that more than likely means that we could handle lifelong celibacy, and if I could handle lifelong celibacy there is a good chance I would be wearing a collar by now.

I think you misunderstand me.

And as far as the whole “looking for someone else to fill up the hole in you” being wrong, please reread Genesis 2:

Yes, Genesis 2 is a wonderful passage. Casti Connubii is a great encyclical that really delves into the sacrificial nature of marriage.

Man and woman are meant to complement each other and be companions to each other.

If one is called to the vocation of marriage, then certainly that desire will be in their heart and they will meet their spouse in due time. That’s not the same as desising the state of life that you are currently in. God knows what is best for us. If we are single for a time, then we should use our gifts that God has given us to advance the Kingdom, not wallow in pity over what we do not have.

Sounds to me like looking to a spouse to fill a hole is a very biblical concept.

I disagree.

 

[Dtmccameron]

You have a lot of years ahead of you. Don’t jump off the bridge in despair just yet.

Seriously, right now is the time to focus on your studies and on learning who you are, what it means to be a strong Catholic man, and preparing yourself for your future spouse.

Envy is not a virtue. Focus on stengthening yourself in virtue, and you will attract others to you. * Focus on OTHERS, through charity endeavors.* Be involved in many different things. “Geek” activities are fine, you have to be true to your likes and interests. Don’t try to be someone you aren’t.

Yes, it is.

Get outside yourself and view every day of your singleness as a gift.

If you are looking for a girlfriend to fill up a hole in YOU, then you are looking for the wrong reasons. You have to be 100% content with who you are and your life before you can give to a relationship. A relationship doesn’t make everything magically better, it makes everything harder. Marriage is hard work, it’s a vocation to family, and it’s your job to get yourself, your spouse, and your kids to heaven. It’s wonderful to share your life with another, but it won’t be if you aren’t satisfied with yourself first.

(To the ‘OP’)I’d firstly like to say that, in my personal opinion, it’s wrong to ever feel sorry for yourself, for any reason. But that’s just me.

Secondly, I realize that in modern society, we get off at a slower start than previous generations, but if you haven’t the slightest idea of who/what and why you are by his ripe old age, you’ve been wasting a great deal of your time.

This is nit-picking on my part, but, focus on God, and let is Love flow through you to others.

Rather than simply being who he is, whoever he is; it would be my advice for him to ‘become the man God had made him’. Y’know, that inner saint in all of us that never sees the light of day? Yeah, now that’s a goal to achieve.

I’m pretty sure no one is ever 100% content with themselves and their lives. But, seeing as how I haven’t made it to the top, I wouldn’t no (CURSES! See what I mean?) for sure.

 

[EmJovial]

I don’t think anyone here is trying to say that there’s something wrong in a desire for a relationship or marriage. The desire is actually given to us by God; that desire is really us desiring God. The desire is only wrong when our attitude is such that we think a relationship or marriage will be our ultimate fulfillment.
Have you ever read up on Theology of the Body? If you haven’t, it’s good stuff!
Christopher West has some free resources on his website.

Though man is not called to be alone all his life - there will be times when he will be called to solitude. God will call us to solitude sometimes because He needs to reveal something to us, and it can only be done in solitude. But solitude is only temporary. God knows the desires in our hearts to be with others because that is how He created us! Being in solitude is hard (trust me, I know!!) but we should embrace those times especially because God just loves us so much that He wants to keep you all to Himself for the time being!

I personally know how you feel though. I’m 19 and about to enter my second year of college - and I have never had a boyfriend. Actually by my senior year of high school I had no close friends and was confiding most of my problems to my mom! (I’ve also never been asked to prom). I used to be so ashamed of all this; I felt like I was missing out. But then I realized that I was only ashamed because that’s what the world wanted me to feel like. So next time you see those couples around campus and start to feel distress - give it to God. Being in distress about it is how the Devil WANTS you to feel. What God wants for us to have in a relationship/marriage is so much more fulfilling than what the world wants us to have. God’s plan just takes more time and patience but it’s worth the wait.
What helps me is, the way I think of my situation is that God has someone absolutely amazing in store for me - but I just have to wait a little bit longer than most people. But in God’s time it will happen and when it finally does I’ll experience more Love than what most people of the World ever will. (There’s also nothing wrong with praying for your future girlfriend/spouse). My advice is to learn more about and be comfortable with who you are (remember there is no shame in how God made you) and most importantly - put all of your focus onto God. When we focus on God then everything will fall into place, I promise!

 

[Norseman82]

A person who is discontent, depressed, or otherwise needing someone else to make them feel better is not able to give in a sacrificial manner.

Speak for yourself. You do not know every person in the world.

Marriage is about self-giving and serving the other. A person who is looking to get instead of give will encounter difficulty. A person who is discontent, depressed, or otherwise needing someone else to make them feel better is not able to give in a sacrificial manner.

“Self-giving” and “sacrificial love” is a two-way street. “Giving” without “getting” sounds very dysfunctional to me. “Needy” people need love, too, and I wonder if your post is an indication of elitism where peole are unwilling to do sacrificial love for that “needy” person.

Additionally, as I indicated previously, I doubt it is possible to be 100% whole while on this earth. If Mother Theresa couldn’t do it, is there much hope for the rest of us? So maybe we should not raise the bar to mariage so impossibly high that only an elite few can attain it.

If one is called to the vocation of marriage, then certainly that desire will be in their heart and they will meet their spouse in due time. That’s not the same as desising the state of life that you are currently in. God knows what is best for us. If we are single for a time, then we should use our gifts that God has given us to advance the Kingdom, not wallow in pity over what we do not have.

First, the vocation to marriage, according to CCC 1603, is the one written into our very nature by God, so the only discernment needed is whether we have a vocation other than marriage (i.e., virginity for the sake of the kingsom, which the CCC qualifies as priestly ministry or consecrated life).

Second, this whole “in due time” and “God knows what is best for us” is a classic manipulation tool.

Third, as I recall, when the blind man cried out to Jesus to have “pity” on him, Jesus had pity on him; yet, here you are criticizing people for wallowing in pity? Maybe you should reflect upon that some more in your next examination of conscience.

Fourth, some people have legitimate reasons for being in distress over this. You would have a different attitude if you were robbed of a family early in life, so perhaps you should walk in another person’s shoes for a bit.

 

[BamaRider]

Tell me, is it wrong for me to feel sorry for myself for still being single?

Yes, feeling sorry for yourself and wallowing in self pity, are not very attractive qualities, and if anything, young ladies are attracted to confidence, a sense of humor, decisiveness, and fun to be around, before they are looks.

Dress neatly, dump the pocket protector, and high water pants, and get out in the world. Look around in your classes, any young ladies look like they might want company? I can’t imagine in such a target rich enviorment as a college campus you’re having problems??

Get off the puter, and go do something. What about the Catholic community on campus, do y’all have some kind of club?

The average girl is NOT looking for the Tom Brady on campus, but just a nice, confident guy, that’s fun to be around, and as long as you’re sittin around feeling sorry for yourself, playin video games, that ain’t gonna be YOU.

 

[marietta]

Norseman82:

Joy. Contentment. Peace of mind. Serenity.

What in the world has happened to strip you of these? Is the yoke of Catholicism chafing a bit? Or are you just a chronic malcontent?

*And another thing *. . . “pity” and “self-pity” are not the same thing.

marietta

 

[Lost_Wanderer]

Look around in your classes, any young ladies look like they might want company? I can’t imagine in such a target rich enviorment as a college campus you’re having problems??

Get off the puter, and go do something. What about the Catholic community on campus, do y’all have some kind of club?

The average girl is NOT looking for the Tom Brady on campus, but just a nice, confident guy, that’s fun to be around, and as long as you’re sittin around feeling sorry for yourself, playin video games, that ain’t gonna be YOU.

Okay I think it’s been established that I need a little bit more self-confidence. About looking around for ladies, that’s where I have a lot of problems. Not many of the girls out there seem to be what I’m looking for.

 

[1ke]

Okay I think it’s been established that I need a little bit more self-confidence. About looking around for ladies, that’s where I have a lot of problems. Not many of the girls out there seem to be what I’m looking for.

Yes, you may find it difficult to find a devout Catholic woman on your college campus. Although, you list your location as the Phillipines, so that is rather surprising since the Phillipines is still a very Catholic country.

Finding someone of like mind regarding religion, family, and marriage can be difficult. But, it’s not impossible. The best way is to become involved in Catholic activities and devotions. Is there a Catholic center at your campus or a parish most of the college students attend? Get involved with a rosary group, ministry to the poor, etc.

You will find the devout women at Church and involved in activities there.

But, again, don’t rush it. Everyone’s call in life is holiness-- whether married or single. Focus on striving for holiness. Pray that God will reveal to you his designs for you life.

You don’t know when you will meet your future spouse. It might be in college, but then again it might be in the city/town you move to after college when you take a job.

Don’t be in such a rush to find a girlfriend that you try to force a relationship. Sometimes when we want something very badly we will grab onto the first person who shows interest.

Pray, pray, pray for discernment and for peace. Pray to be at peace with your current state of life, and pray that God brings your future spouse to you when the time is right.

 

[Salonika]

Think the following comment of Katie 1723 is spot on “Personally, I don’t think it’s wrong … When it’s wrong is when we become so preoccupied with it, that that’s all we focus on.”

1KE’s “If you are looking for a girlfriend to fill up a hole in YOU, then you are looking for the wrong reasons. You have to be 100%content with who you are and your life before you can give to a relationship” also resonates with me. However, I wouldn’t put 100% because I think that’s impossible.

 

[ladylinguist]

I’ve always dreamed of finding that one special girl for me but I’m already in my second year in college and up till now I have never dated. There are times when I’m walking around campus and I see a lot of couples and I just can’t help but feel like a loser. (especially considering the fact that my hobbies totally qualify me as a geek)

Tell me, is it wrong for me to feel sorry for myself for still being single?

First off: geeks rock! There should definitely be more of us in the world.
Secondly, while you shouldn’t wallow in self-pity, there’s nothing wrong with wanting to leave behind your single state. I understand very well how frustrating it is to see all the couples running around and being left with the feeling that you are the only one who doesn’t have a significant other. I’m twenty three and I’ve only had two serious boyfriends, while many of my friends have no problem finding one as soon as they break up with the last (not that I have any desire to be a serial dater). The last I broke up with four years ago. It’s hard finding practicing, single Catholic men (I imagine you feel similarly about finding a single Catholic woman)!
Be yourself, be friendly, and, chances are, you’ll find someone who finds your particular brand of geekiness attractive (oh, but to meet a man who’s as quirky as myself!). I have seen some very glaring examples of “There really is someone for everyone”.
The important thing, I think, is not to let your singleness cause a decline in your sense of self-worth. Perhaps you want to get married, but not doing so does not make you any less loved or worthwhile to God.

 

[chevalier]

I’ve always dreamed of finding that one special girl for me but I’m already in my second year in college and up till now I have never dated. There are times when I’m walking around campus and I see a lot of couples and I just can’t help but feel like a loser. (especially considering the fact that my hobbies totally qualify me as a geek)

Tell me, is it wrong for me to feel sorry for myself for still being single?

When I was your age, you could sign all that with my name. Right now I’m no longer second year, no longer have never dated (going with your now ex-girlfriend to a cafe generally interrupts a period of never dating). Feeling like a loser can be dealt with, though.

Just realise it’s a feeling, not a fact of reality. If you feel like a loser as a feeling, it’s different from feeling like a loser as an attitude. Don’t let the feeling become an attitude and you’ll be fine.

Geeks make great catches with time, by the way.