Is it wrong to not want more kids?

[Curious]

I’m sure this topic has been beat to death but I’m really curious if not wanting more kids is so bad. Are you really supposed to have “grave reasons” for not wanting a slew of children? I do not use artificial contraception, nor do I use NFP. I use a modifiied form of the rhythm method called the Standard Days method that’s supposed to be effective. I might use it forever to not have more kids. I just don’t think a bunch of kids is for everyone. I don’t think it’s for me. I don’t know if I want to be “open” to more children.

To tell you the truth, I don’t exactly love the Church’s teaching on the subject. However, I dropped the birth control pills while I was in RCIA and to my dying breath I will say the Roman Catholic Church has the final word on the subject. Why be Catholic if you’re not going to do it right? That’s what I said to myself all through RICA. It was very difficult for me to give up the pills and I still don’t see why I can’t just say, “I don’t want any more kids.”

Curiously yours,
Curious

 

[fermat]

The decision of how many kids to have (or not to have) is left up the couple. So long as you are open to the possibilty, you are find. My wife and I have four children and certainly don’t want any more and there is nothing wrong with that.

I wish I could remember the exact source of this, but I am currently holding my 10 month old and I can’t get up to look for it…

 

[kage_ar]

The Catechism says “just reasons”. You, your DH and your Priest should decide what reasons are just.

BTW, the Standard Days is the old fashioned Rythmn Method - you are likely to conceive going by the calendar alone, unless you are a rare rare woman who ovulates on the same day each month.

 

[lil_flower_luv]

Hi Curious!

Why be Catholic if you’re not going to do it right?

:clapping::tiphat: How true!!!

In regards to your question: pray about it. That’s the only way you see not your will, but God’s Will for your life. I know that I first think of what* I* would do when something comes about that I am sure I can’t handle (which is usually curl up in a ball and hide)…then I realize, “Wait, it isn’t about me. All I must do is follow God’s directions…He’ll take care of me.” So don’t worry. Just pray…and He’ll tell you what it is you must do. Especially if you are bent on getting your way. Bless you.

http://bestsmileys.com/flowers/2.gif Therese

 

[sherimarie]

Wow! what an act of faith to throw away the pills. Good for you! Janet Smith says a better understanding of the reason to wait to have more kids is “unselfish”. I think you must be a very faithful person to follow the church on an issue you are so nervous about, so i am sure your reasons for not wanting more kids is founded in othercenteredness.
nfpandmore.org/ This is a link to NFP and more, this method is just as effective as the pill in preventing pregnancy, (without the harmful side effects) seeing you are so sure kids are not a good idea right now you should probably practice a method that you can count on.
I will be praying that you are able to continue to trust God in your life.

 

[cdodge]

Yes, you actually must have “grave” reasons for not having more children. Some examples of just reasons include spacing children so you don’t have too many young children at once, financial instability, emotional or psychological instability, or serious medical issues. Just “not feeling” like having more children, isn’t acceptable. Our responsibility is to be as generous as we possibly can, and trust that God’s Will is far superior to our own desires.

 

[jmcrae]

God is never going to create anyone by accident. Honest - I promise!

 

[Curious]

God is never going to create anyone by accident. Honest - I promise!

Thanks. I kind of like that. Scary though…
I have stuff to think about.

 

[kage_ar]

Yes, you actually must have “grave” reasons for not having more children. Some examples of just reasons include spacing children so you don’t have too many young children at once, financial instability, emotional or psychological instability, or serious medical issues. Just “not feeling” like having more children, isn’t acceptable. Our responsibility is to be as generous as we possibly can, and trust that God’s Will is far superior to our own desires.

For the bajillionth time, here is what the Catechism says…

scborromeo.org/ccc/p3s2c2a6.htm#2368

2368 A particular aspect of this responsibility concerns the regulation of procreation. For just reasons, spouses may wish to space the births of their children. It is their duty to make certain that their desire is not motivated by selfishness but is in conformity with the generosity appropriate to responsible parenthood. Moreover, they should conform their behavior to the objective criteria of morality:
When it is a question of harmonizing married love with the responsible transmission of life, the morality of the behavior does not depend on sincere intention and evaluation of motives alone; but it must be determined by objective criteria, criteria drawn from the nature of the person and his acts, criteria that respect the total meaning of mutual self-giving and human procreation in the context of true love; this is possible only if the virtue of married chastity is practiced with sincerity of heart.156

 

[Curious]

Wonder what “grave reasons” are. Wonder what would constitute a “grave” enough physical or mental reason. Wonder if there’s a list. I’m just wondering right now and haven’t looked it up anywhere yet before someone comes along and yells at me for not doing my own research.

 

[lil_flower_luv]

Wonder what “grave reasons” are. Wonder what would constitute a “grave” enough physical or mental reason. Wonder if there’s a list. I’m just wondering right now and haven’t looked it up anywhere yet before someone comes along and yells at me for not doing my own research.

If you and your spouse are physically not able to have children, for one.

God Bless you!

 

[kage_ar]

Wonder what “grave reasons” are. Wonder what would constitute a “grave” enough physical or mental reason. Wonder if there’s a list. I’m just wondering right now and haven’t looked it up anywhere yet before someone comes along and yells at me for not doing my own research.

The Church does not say grave reasons. She says “Just reasons” - I posted the Catechism for you on that.

Ask your priest if your reason is just. What is just for one person is not just for the next.

 

[Lost_Found]

Hi Curious, and welcome home You asked the key question about “just reasons”

It’s like the above posters said, talk about it with a priest…you probably won’t be happy unless you cover all the angles…

I have Christopher West’s books Theology of the Body for Beginners and Good News About Love and Marriage. GNALM has Q&A.Chapter 6 Question 12 asks “So what would be JUST REASONS for a married couple to use NFP to avoid pregnancy?” In his answer, West talks about the disposition a couple has toward children…how our culture sees children as a burden to be resisted, rather than a gift to be welcomed…
Then he refers to the Second Vatican Council document “Gaudium et Spes”.
vatican.va/archive/hist_councils/ii_vatican_council/documents/vat-ii_cons_19651207_gaudium-et-spes_en.html
If you check it out you’ll see from numbers 47 to 52 marriage and family are discussed, and in particular, West refers to number 50 which says “…[spouses]thoughtfully take into account both their own welfare and that of their children, those already born, and those that the furture may bring. For this accounting they need to reckon with both the material and the spiritual conditions of the times as well as their state in life…they should consult the interests of the family group, of temporal society, and of the Church herself. The parents themselves and no one else should ultimately make this judgment in the sight of God.” (it’s dated 1965 so don’t worry about the writing style)
Probably worth purchasing if you don’t have the West books, they were selling them here as a set a few years back. And don’t forget to pray a lot on it, that would be pleasing to our Lord.

 

[Brendan]

The Church does not say grave reasons. She says “Just reasons” - I posted the Catechism for you on that.

Ask your priest if your reason is just. What is just for one person is not just for the next.

Kage, One other thing to keep in mind is that Humane Vitae list the reasons as being ‘serious’. The CCC is a ‘primer’ on the teachings of the Church, an overview. The real depth in a particular matter comes in the relevent Encyclicals or Council documents. Basically, HV helps us interpret what the CCC means when it uses the term ‘just reasons’, namely that they have to not be inappropriate or selfish reasons, but they cannot be trivial either.

With regard to physical, economic, psychological and social conditions, responsible parenthood is exercised by those who prudently and generously decide to have more children, and by those who,** for serious reasons **and with due respect to moral precepts, decide not to have additional children for either a certain or an indefinite period of time.

• Humane Vitae 10

 

[kage_ar]

Kage, One other thing to keep in mind is that Humane Vitae list the reasons as being ‘serious’. The CCC is a ‘primer’ on the teachings of the Church, an overview. The real depth in a particular matter comes in the relevent Encyclicals or Council documents.

• Humane Vitae 10

And neither say “grave”.

Serious and just are similar words - grave leads people to think you must be in danger of death to TTA.

 

[Brendan]

And neither say “grave”.

Serious and just are similar words - grave leads people to think you must be in danger of death to TTA.

Sort of, ‘just’ and ‘serious’ are two qualifiers to the reasons. Namely they must be ‘just’ as in not contrary to Justice, selfish, vain, etc. They reasons must also not be trivial in nature, for example a financial hardship must be real and not “well we can’t go out to eat every week anymore”

But you are correct in that it doesn’t mean “life or death” either

 

[Curious]

Thanks all to for the replies. I’ve been mulling them over. I’ve seen a couple of suggestions to hash it out with my priest. I think I have a problem with that. I just don’t like the idea of a priest telling me if my reasons for not wanting more kids are valid or not. I think I should be able to determine that for myself. It’s my life.

Curious

 

[Lost_Found]

Hello Curious; no one says the priest has the final say, but since you were asking us, and without the specific and personal details it’s impossible to determine along what lines you’re thinking.
At least you’d get perspective from someone who deals with this frequently, since you are struggling with the question… Don’t forget the priest hears reasons every day such as “but I want to buy more toys” so don’t pre-judge how the conversation will unfold. You’d just listen to his opinion (or another priest)/ideas and reflect on it but like it said in Gaudium et Spes “The parents themselves and no one else should ultimately make this judgment in the sight of God”. Notice on this thread no one is judging you. You’re doing great, just continue doing your best, pray, and have faith the good Lord will guide you.

 

[Curious]

Hey thanks Lost n Found…no I don’t feel judged or anything. I still wonder if I should or should not have another kid but it doesn’t occupy the majority my thinking. When I do think about it though, I wonder what God thinks, and wonder what would really be right in the eyes of the Church.

 

[crazzeto]

I think as long as you are open to the possibility, even if you don’t want kids then you’re OK. I’d suggest sticking to NFP, remain open to God and his plan.