Is It Wrong to Plan What You Will Say in Confession?

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Is it wrong to prepare in your mind what you will say at your next Confession? For example, is it wrong to consider how you confess your sins so that you go into the least amount of, especially embarrassing, detail possible while still listing the number and kind of sins committed.
 
nsper7 said:
Is it wrong to prepare in your mind what you will say at your next Confession? For example, is it wrong to consider how you confess your sins so that you go into the least amount of, especially embarrassing, detail possible while still listing the number and kind of sins committed.
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It is not wrong to prepare your confession and, in fact, you are encouraged to reflect on your sins. If, however, you are preparing your confession in order to avoid confessing, well, that is a problem, and begs the question of sincere contrition. You are encouraged to confess your sins in spite of their embarrassing details. The priest will often spare you the sordid details if he is convinced of your sorrow, but that is not your decision to make. Endure the suffering and enjoy the cleansing.
 
You should first examine your conscience - which is a condition of a good confession - so well, it is a way of preparing of what you are actually going to say in confession…
 
Let it all hang out. That is the whole purpose of it right? Holding back is sorta like being like Onan I think.
 
Is there anyway someone can give me an example of a good confession…maybe examples.

Such as would this be good or bad?

I have used bad language alot.
I have gotten angry for no reason alot.
I have been impatient alot.

Please, examples. Maybe like a made up scenario example.

Thanks.
 
dnar said:
Is there anyway someone can give me an example of a good confession…maybe examples.

Such as would this be good or bad?

I have used bad language alot.
I have gotten angry for no reason alot.
I have been impatient alot.

Please, examples. Maybe like a made up scenario example.

Thanks.
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This kind of confession might be ok for a 7 or 8 year old, but I believe it would be inadequate for an adult. If I were the priest I would want to know when and why you use bad language, why do you get angry for no reason (there is always a reason), and what makes you impatient? What do you do when you grow impatient? In other words, I would to make sure you are reflecting sincerely about your behavior and sins and that you are truly repentant.
Of course, each priest and penitent is different, but perhaps something like this: “I often use bad language when I am frustrated with work. Recently, I’ve been using bad language a lot. I don’t want to use bad language, but sometimes I don’t think before I speak and I know that I have often embarrassed my wife and kids. I know it’s something I have to pray about.”
 
I’ve let other things - like the computer - come before God and interfere with my prayer time.

I’ve lied to avoid taking responsibility for my actions.

I’ve been late for Mass with no excuse.

I missed Mass on Sunday because I overslept and then had other plans in the evening.

I have a lot of stress at work this time of year, and I have been impatient and frustrated with every one who has come between me and my paperwork.

I have been aggravated and impatient with my husband and children and I’m not even sure why.
 
The actual words really don’t matter; imagine all those new immigrants(Non-native speakers) trying to confess their sins. What if you were in a non-Eng. speaking country yet needed to confess?

What matters is your intention. If you intend to make a ‘good confession’ that is fine. If you use euphemisms to hide the seriousness of the act that is invalidating the sacrament.

Frankly I doubt if the priest really wants to hear explicit, nauseating details - he gets the picture pretty quickly.

Really the idea is to turn your life around; not repeating the same prattle every month.
 
nsper7 said:
Is it wrong to prepare in your mind what you will say at your next Confession? For example, is it wrong to consider how you confess your sins so that you go into the least amount of, especially embarrassing, detail possible while still listing the number and kind of sins committed.
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You should prepare for confession by examining your conscience. There are many aids to help you with that. You then need to confess your sins by kind and number. You don’t necessarily have to go into every gory detail, the priest will ask if he needs to know more.

That said “alot” is not a number. so "I’ve used bad language alot’ is not an adequate confession for an adult (and really not for a child either–considering that children who are going to confession are considered beyond the ‘age of reason’). Instead say something like. “I have taken the Lord’s name in vain daily this past month. I have sworn and cursed my friend during two different arguements we had.”

Number doesn’t have to be exact (23 times), but it does have to be enough to give the priest an idea of the frequency of your sin. Stealing a pack of gum one time is different from coming into work and stealing food from the break room fridge every day.
 
More examples for dnar:

‘I’ve shown thoughtless disregard for the needs of others by my constant impatience at home, at work, and on the road.’

‘I’ve caused others, including those closest to me, to be hurt and confused by my (daily, weekly) displays of anger, rather than trying locate & resolve the causes of my anger.’ (Maybe too wordy but you get the point.)

‘I’ve been engaging in idle gossip at work in order to impress others with my wit (or gain a political advantage) at the expense of another person’s reputation.’

or

‘I engaged in gossip in order to manipulate a friendship.’

‘I’ve shown disrespect for my fellow human beings by my frequent use of vulgar language which offends.’ (If it potentially caused scandal – such as among inferiors at work, or in front of children, etc., mention that, because that has to do with your position & responsibility.)

So the pattern is, you’re looking at root causes, and effects on others. This is why it’s no longer very possible for me to “separate” sins into venial & mortal, or even commission & omission. An awful lot of hurt to others, and to oneself, can come from sins of omission. Ditto for “mere” thoughtlessness.

The root causes are invariably anything that makes us a god in opposition to God – a god among our group of co-workers, among friends or other social groups. And I mentioned the political angle above because the devil and his minions think politically: How can I gain an advantage? He is working through us when we we do things for personally “political” reasons (associated with power & status, at the expense of integrity, truth, & simplicity).
 
StrawberryJam said:
Let it all hang out. That is the whole purpose of it right? Holding back is sorta like being like Onan I think.
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I think one has to be careful about “letting it all hang out”". Since the poster is asking about “embarrasing” confessions he/she may be talking about sexual sins, impure thoughts, things of that nature. It is not necessary to go into the sordid details. On the contrary, one should never confess in such detail that they may cause problems for the priest…as in put inappropriate pictures in his mind. If you have been unfaithful, for example, confess that you have been unfaithful, perhaps stating whether this was a one-time thing or on-going but do not give the sexual details. Just tell the sin. If the priest needs to know more, he will ask.
 
Mrs_Sally said:
You should prepare for confession by examining your conscience. There are many aids to help you with that. You then need to confess your sins by kind and number. You don’t necessarily have to go into every gory detail, the priest will ask if he needs to know more.

That said “alot” is not a number. so "I’ve used bad language alot’ is not an adequate confession for an adult (and really not for a child either–considering that children who are going to confession are considered beyond the ‘age of reason’). Instead say something like. “I have taken the Lord’s name in vain daily this past month. I have sworn and cursed my friend during two different arguements we had.”

Number doesn’t have to be exact (23 times), but it does have to be enough to give the priest an idea of the frequency of your sin. Stealing a pack of gum one time is different from coming into work and stealing food from the break room fridge every day.
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this will be my first confession, I have absolutely no clue how many bad words I have used in 14 years. I was a protestant and I confessed my sins to the Lord, believing they were forgiven, trying to forget about them. This is will be an impossible task on the number issue.
 
dnar said:
this will be my first confession, I have absolutely no clue how many bad words I have used in 14 years. I was a protestant and I confessed my sins to the Lord, believing they were forgiven, trying to forget about them. This is will be an impossible task on the number issue.
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Don’t worry about it. No one expects you to remember the number of times you used bad language in 14 years. If you have trouble with your confession, the priest will help you.
 
dnar said:
this will be my first confession, I have absolutely no clue how many bad words I have used in 14 years. I was a protestant and I confessed my sins to the Lord, believing they were forgiven, trying to forget about them. This is will be an impossible task on the number issue.
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dnar, do not stress out over this. Be honest with yourself and do the best you can. If you were a person given to frequent profanity in years past tell the priest that. Putting a number on that would just be guessing and the point is that you realize you did it, you are aware that it is wrong and you want to confess it. I would suggest that you make an appointment so that you don’t feel rushed knowing there are people waiting after you. If you have questions and are not rushed and the priest knows it’s your first confession he can help you through it. It’s a good thing. 😉
 
BSHoop96 said:
dnar, do not stress out over this. Be honest with yourself and do the best you can. If you were a person given to frequent profanity in years past tell the priest that. Putting a number on that would just be guessing and the point is that you realize you did it, you are aware that it is wrong and you want to confess it. I would suggest that you make an appointment so that you don’t feel rushed knowing there are people waiting after you. If you have questions and are not rushed and the priest knows it’s your first confession he can help you through it. It’s a good thing. 😉
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I think I will like anonymous confession, so making an appointment can’t happen. I will just have to do the best I can. I don’t think it will take that long if I just confess mortal sins. The only thing I am having a problem with is what exactly should one say. The replies have been very helpful I have to say. But I am still thinking, should I say the sin I committed or how I committed it. There is difference in saying I had impure thoughts and telling exactly what impure thought you had. Because I am going to have to say I had impure thoughts quite frequently throughout my teenage years, less frequently through my adult years, but I am not going to be able to recall what I thought about.
I appreciate everyone trying to help, it means alot.
 
It is perfectly FINE to say “I had impure thoughts on a daily basis as a teenager, and now less frequently as an adult.” The priest will know what you mean, and you don’t need to give him the specific visual images. You don’t want to give HIM impure thoughts! Don’t go into specifics here. If he needs more info, he’ll ask, but in my experience, that’s pretty unlikely.
 
acadian;:
you don’t need to give him the specific visual images. You don’t want to give HIM impure thoughts!
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If the Priest was properly trained, he won’t get impure thoughts from listening to a confession, no matter how graphic it is.

jonathon
 
jblake said:
If the Priest was properly trained, he won’t get impure thoughts from listening to a confession, no matter how graphic it is.

jonathon
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That’s true, but I think the point of the poster was to respect the priest’s state and his own humanness.🙂

The important thing in any case, is that the details are not relevant to the sin. The category is important (thought/word/deed). Approximate frequency can be important. The temptation to that can be important (would be helpful to mention if the temptation is external, such as viewing pornography) as far as receiving some direction, and acknowledging putting oneself in an occasion of sin, if that was true. But that’s about it. Describing particular acts does not shed any further light on the nature of the sin and thus does not further promote the reception of grace.

That’s not unique to sins against the Sixth Commandment. If you told a serious lie that hurt a person’s reputation, or rose to the level of perjury, the priest doesn’t need to know the contents of the lie. Ditto for the contents of seriously hurtful gossip or the contents of angry words spoken at one’s children, for example. In the latter case, he would need to know if the angry words rose to the level of abuse of power – that kind of thing.
 
That’s great your going to your first confession!

I wouldn’t be so nervous about it. I was also nervous at my first confession, but the priest was really helpful. I just sat down and told him I never did this before and I was nervous. All he did was to go through the ten commandments, and I told him if I had violated or not, gave some details if necessary, and that was all.

I usually don’t give too many details, unless I have a question if something is a sin or not, or is grave or not. I’m blind, so I have no idea if I’ve been going anonymously or not all this time, but it doesn’t matter all that much.

Let us know how it goes, please. 🙂
 
dnar said:
I think I will like anonymous confession, so making an appointment can’t happen. I will just have to do the best I can. I don’t think it will take that long if I just confess mortal sins. The only thing I am having a problem with is what exactly should one say. The replies have been very helpful I have to say. But I am still thinking, should I say the sin I committed or how I committed it. There is difference in saying I had impure thoughts and telling exactly what impure thought you had. Because I am going to have to say I had impure thoughts quite frequently throughout my teenage years, less frequently through my adult years, but I am not going to be able to recall what I thought about.
I appreciate everyone trying to help, it means alot.
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Say the sin. You don’t have to explain the details of how you did it. I repeat…you don’t want to put the priest in a situation to envision all the details you are expounding on to where he ends up with pictures in his mind that he doesn’t want. He will understand. After all, teenagers have impure thoughts. IMHO, if one has a particular problem one is struggling with you might want to state it, without the sordid details. For example, someone struggling with same sex attraction might state they have trouble with it and impure thoughts concerning it but they shouldn’t be explicit. If one has a problem with pornography they might state they are on the computer all the time watching whatever type, and can’t tear themselves away but they don’t have to give the intimate details of what they are watching. Give enough info so he knows what you are dealing with and can help you or guide you. If he needs more he will ask. Hope this makes sense.
 
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